Overdressing vs. Passing

Dear Stana.

Even though I pass very well and I get flattering comments from both guys and other T-girls, this is only when I am at a T-girl club. Outside of the club, I always 'know' that I am not a natural female and this reflects in my looking nervous; in turn, the lack of confidence then makes me more easy to read!
 
I also go for a glamorous look, which once again, is great at a T-girl club, but natural girls don't wear heels and a glamorous dress to buy a quart of milk. But without the glamorous additions, I feel less female and more drab and therefore, more easily read. I also hate looking dowdy as a girl as the fun (to me anyway) is dressing up and looking 'sparkly' and glamorous. Else wise, I might as well stay a boy!
 
I know this is all due to confidence, but it would be lovely to just be Emma and go out to lunch without all the worry. If you have any ideas to reduce the anxiety then that would be great.

Regards,

Emma

***

Dear Emma,

Been there, done that, and still doing that!

I don't dress glamouously unless the occasion calls for it, but I do dress very nicely (heels, dress, jewelry, makeup, etc.) when I go out. As a result, I sometimes am overdressed for the venue in which I find myself.

Like you, I worried that overdressing was a dead giveaway that I was a tran. So I avoided going places when I was overdressed, which in effect, kept me out of a lot of places.

Six years ago, I was dressed to the nines (very sparkly) to attend a Christmas party. On the way to the party, I realized that I forgot to buy munchies for the party (all the attendees were supposed to bring some food or drink to share).

There was a Stop & Shop in the neighborhood where I could buy something. I was way overdressed for Stop & Shop, but I convinced myself that I had a perfect excuse for being overdressed. Also, I recalled in the past seeing other overdressed women in Stop & Shop while (I assumed) they were on their way to or from a wedding or graduation or some other dressy event (or maybe they were trans, too).

Although my confidence was shaky, my mind was set and I went into Stop & Shop, picked out some baked goods, paid the cashier, and was out the door without an issue. No one paid any special attention to me, no one pointed at me, no one laughed at me. It was all so anti-climactic.

That episode did wonders for my confidence. After that I stopped worrying about being "overdressed." I go where I please and if I think about it, I just tell myself that I am an appropriately dressed office girl running an errand for the boss or somesuch excuse.

You say, "you pass very well," so that just makes it easier.

So just do it --- after a few forays out in the real world, you will be amazed how confident and comfortable you will feel.

You go, girl!

Stana

***
Need advice concerning femulation, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is stana-stana at sbcglobal.net.

Thought for the Day

In my next life, I want to come back as Blake Lively’s only child.

Do You Wear Panties Under Shapewear?

Dear Stana,

You have a fabulous figure and I recall you mentioning in the past that you wear shapewear to achieve those curves.

Recently, I have been thinking about adding shapewear to my femulation repertoire and I wonder "Do you wear panties under your shapewear?"

Love Your Blog,

Daisy

***

Dear Daisy,

I wear panties under my shapewear, although the shapewear manufacturers' claim that panties are not necessary "because they all make shapewear with a cotton crotch or an accessible crotch."

That being said, I wear panties to help manage my boy parts down under. I tuck and the panties help keep the tucked parts in place.

I have had less success maintaining tucks wearing shapewear without panties, although your mileage may vary.

I hope that helps!

Stana

***

Need advice concerning femulation, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is stana-stana at sbcglobal.net.

Riff Raff's Big 7-0

Let me say up front that I am not a fan of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I watched the film once on television long ago and found that it was not my cup of tea (pun intended).

As a result, when Zagria featured its creator on her blog, I did not pay much attention to it. "Richard O'Brien --- who's he?" I thought to myself and moved on.

As a result, I missed the fact that the creator of The Rocky Horror Picture Show is transgender. “There is a continuum between male and female. Some are hard-wired one way or another, I’m in between,” O’Brien revealed in an interview.

Also, I did not realize that O’Brien had a role in the Rocky Horror film.

Mea culpa.

Anyway, Richard O'Brien will be celebrating his 70th birthday next month and Penny, one of my readers in New Zealand, kindly informed me that there will be a big birthday bash for Richard in Hamilton, NZ on March 17 and attendees are encouraged to "dress delightfully."

Why Hamilton?

According to Penny, “Richard O'Brien spent his formative years in Hamilton,and says he based The Rocky Horror Picture Show  on the movies he watched in one of our old cinemas when he was a impressionable teenager.”

Here is a link to a pertinent webpage and Facebook page.

I wish I could attend, but it is a bit of a drive.

Trans Femme Invisibility

Alexis Meade (Rebecca Romijn) of TV's Ugly Betty

Megan Evans wrote on The Huffington Post about suffering from "femme invisibility."

Megan is a "femme," which is a term for a feminine-looking lesbian.

If you are a "femme," the world assumes you are heterosexual because you do not match the stereotypical image of a lesbian, i.e., "short hair, no makeup, wearing baggy jeans and a t-shirt." The problem is two-pronged: it is difficult to attract other lesbians and you have to ward off heterosexual males because other lesbians and heterosexual males assume you are heterosexual.

The crux of her post is how to overcome femme invisibility?

She suggests that some relief has come from the fact that "the representation of lesbians has risen on TV. In particular, there has been an influx of femme lesbian characters." Additional relief has come from femme celebrities, who have come out as gay like "Portia de Rossi, up-and-coming actress Amber Heard, Miss California hopeful Mollie Thomas, and country singer Chely Wright."

Also, she launched a Femme Visibility campaign on her "blog, What Wegan Did Next, with the simple plan of inviting femme lesbians to send in their photos and together take a step toward shattering stereotypes and pulling off our invisibility cloak."

After reading Megan's post, I realized that femme lesbian transwoman also suffer from "femme invisibility." We are unable to attract other lesbians and we have to ward off heterosexual males because other lesbians and heterosexual males assume we are heterosexual.

If you are a happily married femme transwoman (like I am), the inability to attract other lesbians is a good thing, but we still have to deal with heterosexual males who are on the make.

Television is not much help. TV transwomen come in two flavors: the men in dresses (à la Work It) and the drag queens (à la Ru Paul's Drag Race). The handful of trans femmes on TV have been so short-lived (the average trans femme character lasts one episode of a TV show) that they have not made much of an impact on the public's image of a transwoman. They still think we are either men in dresses or drag queens.

I don't have a solution. More femme transwomen characters on TV and in film might help. And more femme transwomen coming out as lesbians might help, too, but who knows?

We have enough trouble coming out as transwomen; coming out as lesbian transwomen might be pushing the envelope too much too soon. Maybe one step at a time is the way to go; first step: gender, second step: sexuality.  

By the way, when a guy comes on to me, I usually manage to dissuade him off by pointing at my wedding ring.

2006 Miss Eng'g Womanless Pageant

Lots of links and photos for the 2006 edition of the pageant:

Candidates (1)

Candidates (2)

Candidates (3) 

Preliminaries (1) 

Preliminaries (2) 

Preliminaries (3)  

Preliminaries (4) 

Pageant (1) 

Pageant (2)

Again, our thanks go out to Femulate reader Oak for the links.

'Tis the Season (More or Less)

Me at banquet, 2004

Around these parts, all the T-girls start making plans to attend the T-gal gala event of the year: the annual banquet of the Connecticut Outreach Society (COS).

Two months from now (more or less), on March 31, yours truly will be tripping the light fantastic at the Four Points Sheraton in the "Silver City," Meriden, CT with about 75 other ladies of the trans persuasion.

Between the usual dinner and dancing, there will be an awards presentation and stand-up comedian Tammy TwoTone will perform.

I always have a great time attending the banquet and I am sure that this year will be no different and maybe even better!

For more information and a downloadable registration form, visit the COS website and click on the big red link.

Tea for T

After my shopping spree on Wednesday, I met the girls (Angela, Diana, Maryann, and Robin) for afternoon tea at a Tea Roses Tea Room in downtown Cromwell.

I have never been in a tea room in my life and I am not much of a tea drinker, but I looked forward to the experience.

It was a very feminine adventure. All of the customers and all of the staff were female and the room was beautifully appointed in a most feminine manner. You can get a glimpse of the room in the accompanying photo as well as in the photos on the tea room's website.

It was also very relaxing; we spent two hours doing our afternoon tea. Each of us had an individual large pot of tea (I had "Cheeky Peach"), and we had munchies to eat including delicious scones, delicate tea sandwiches, and yummy mini-desserts.

I arrived on an empty stomach and when I looked at the spread of food, I had my doubts that my appetite would be sated, but it was.

I had a very enjoyable time and I would love to do it again.

***

Wednesday was another day of affirmation of my womanhood.

When I parked my car at the mall at the start of the day, I had that usual moment of hesitation. But after a minute or two, I gathered myself emotionally, swung open the car door, exited the car, and walked to the mall entrance. Listening to my high heels clicking on the pavement affirmed what I was doing and there was no stopping me.

Everyone treated me respectfully. I'll never know if they read me or not, but no one indicated that they did and no one disrespected me.

I smiled at other women passing by in the mall and always returned the smile and sometimes they initiated the exchange of smiles.

I noticed one woman checking out my bootines and another spent an inordinate amount of time checking me out while she browsed the racks near me at Macy's. When I caught her eye, I smiled and that seemed to disarm her --- she smiled back and stopped checking me out.

It was wonderful and I am already planning my next time out en femme.

It is Mine

This is a photo of the evening gown I bought today for $55 ($144 off list price)

"Bead detail along the round neckline frames this black Alex Evenings mesh gown with elegant sophistication. A criss-cross ruched empire waist softens the fit and elongates the look."

Isn't it beautiful? I can't wait to wear it!

Shopping Spree

(updated below)

I was out all day en femme yesterday.

I wore my Victoria's Secret kelly green sweater dress, Payless tan bootines, Kohl's animal print scarf, and Fashion Bug white fake fur jacket.

I hit the first mall (West Farms Mall) at 10:30 AM and headed straight to the dress department of JCPenney to search out the dress I saw on their website. I quickly found a rack of that very dress and there was one in my size. I also found two other dresses to take into the fitting room.

After I stripped down and prepared to try on my finds, I noticed that the dress that brought me to JCPenney in the first place had a huge brown stain near its hem. It looked as if someone had stepped on the hem with muddy shoes while they were trying on the dress. I was disappointed as it was the only one in my size, but I tried it on anyway to see if it fit, and if it did, I could try another JCPenney store or order it online.

I had a hard time pulling up the zipper with my long nails  and with the dresses low back, I was not sure if I had zipped it up completely or had a ways to go. I just assumed it fit and planned to try another JCPenne later.

I tried on the other two dresses, as well as three more that I shagged during my second search through the racks, but they were so unimpressive that I cannot recall a single one.

Only one hour into my day out and the balls of my feet already hurting. I assumed that the 4-inch stiletto heels of my bootines were the source of my pain, but whatever the source, my feet were not going to take me to the opposite end of the mall to Sephora. Also, I wanted to shed my fake fur. It was too hot wearing it in the mall and I could tolerate the mid-40 temperature outdoors without outerwear for the short time out between my car and a mall entrance. So, I went back to my car, shed my jacket, and drove to the other end of the mall.

I had a shopping list for Sephora. I needed to replenish my powder foundation, translucent powder, makeup setting spray, and I had to replace the wig comb that I lost or misplaced. A Sephora sales rep greeted me and helped me find everything on my shopping list.

While shopping at Sephora, I encountered the sales rep who did my makeover over five years ago. She greeted me as if we were old friends, but just to make sure, I asked her if she remembered me. She said she did and when she described that encounter way back when, I knew that she really did remember me.

I thanked her for the words of wisdom she gave me during that makeover ("You only have one life to live and you should live it like you want. If someone has a problem, then it is their problem, not yours.") I have lived by those words ever since that day and I have been very happy doing so.

Paying for my purchases, the cashier complimented my perfume (Chanel No. 19) and informed me I had enough Sephora points to qualify for a free gift. I chose a tube of makeup primer, paid for my purchases, and headed for the exit.

Since I had parked at a Macy's entrance, I made a quick trip through their dress racks, found a couple of potential items, tried them on, but rejected them all. So I left the mall and drove to another mall (Westfield Mall) to try my luck at JCPenney.

Twenty-five minutes later, I arrived at the mall, but before heading inside, I decided to switch footwear to the flats I had recently purchased from Avon. Initially, they seemed comfortable, although they were a little tight. The "seemed" comfort lost out to the "little" tightness in short order.

In JCPenney, I found a rack of the dress of my quest. There were fewer dresses on this rack than at the other JCPenney and I thought that my odds of finding my size were not good. Lucky me: after checking the sizes of all the dresses on the rack, the very last dress I checked was in my size.

I grabbed two other dresses with potential and headed to the fitting room where I encountered the same zipper problem I had encountered with the soiled dress. Had I zipped it up all the way or not?

I managed to slip my arms out of the sleeves and revolve the dress 180 degrees to see what was what with the zipper. Turned out it had about five inches to go; there was no way I could zip it up all the way without removing some ribs.

Going in, I figured that the dress would fit because I had another dress that size  in the same brand (Allen B.) that fit perfectly. And when I tried the dress on, it looked great on me. So I was very disappointed; so much so that I did not even consider the two other dresses that I had dragged into the fitting room. I exited JCPenney and walked around the mall.

I visited Torrid and found their "optical illusion" dress to be interesting. I took a size 14 and 16 into the dressing room. To my surprise, the 14 fit and looked great, but I was not ready to spend $75 on a dress that did not outshine the $35 JCPenney dress.

My feet were not liking my tight shoes, so I visited Payless, which was just across the way from Torrid. They had a bunch of shoes in my size on sale, plus they were having a Buy One Get One (“BOGO”) at half price sale, so I tried on nearly everything they had in my size.

I purchased the two most comfortable pairs: a cute pair of black Mary Jane flats and a pair of black open toe sling backs with a 4-inch heel. Despite their heel height, I wore the slingbacks the rest of the day without a problem. By the way, between the sale and BOGO, the two pairs of shoes cost a mere $24.99.

The saleswoman at Payless was one I had dealt with a few times in the past at different Payless stores. On those previous occasions, I was always in boy mode, but I tried on girl shoes in the store, so the she knew I was a girly-boy. Now she was seeing me for the first time en femme. I mentioned that fact to her and she knew immediately who I was and was happy to see me in my preferred gender.

My last stop was Macy's. They had a much better selection of cocktail and formal dresses, both new and clearance, than the other Macy's. I tried on a half-dozen dresses. They were all very nice and of very high quality, so I was willing to pay more.

I narrowed down the selections and bought a "short sleeve, tiered floral lace scalloped hem cocktail dress." But overnight, I got a bad case of buyer's remorse and regretted not buying a long black formal dress with a pearl-embedded halter neckline that was on clearance.

The cocktail dress is very nice and it looks good on me, but I have plenty of good-looking cocktail dresses, while I own nothing like that formal. So, I plan to stop at Macy's today and if that dress is still on the clearance rack, it will be mine.

UPDATE: I went to Macy’s during my noon break and the dress was still on the rack. I grabbed it and took it to the cash register. The sales woman, who rang me up said it was the last one she had and gushed over how beautiful it was.

I told her I tried it on yesterday while I was en femme and it did look beautiful on me. She asked if I performed and we got into a conversation about drag.

When she rang up the dress, I was surprised. Its list price was $199, but it cost me only $55.

Girl's Day Out

This girl goes out on Wednesday.

The weather girl promises that it will be a sunny day with temperatures in the low 40s --- that's pretty, pretty good for late January in this part of the world, so it should be a nice day out.

My plans for the day include meeting the girls at a local tea room mid-afternoon for tea and more. I am not big on tea, but I've never visited a tea room before, so I am looking forward to a new experience.

Also, I want to visit the mall because I saw a dress on the JCPenney website that will be perfect for my law school reunion. I want to try it on and purchase it if it meets my expectations.

On Monday, I did buy a new dress (see photo) online at Ideeli that is more suitable for the office than the reunion. It is so retro (just like me), but it does not ship until mid-February, so I won't know if it fits until then.

Best Brows for You

Brows can either make or break your entire look. But with so many options--thick, thin, arched, straight--how do you know which brow shape is right for you?

Daily Makeover has the answer.

Blond or Brunette?

I am having fun playing with Perfect365; I performed the following makeovers during lunch today.

New Makeover

In the past, I have used software (both online and installed in my computer) that allowed me to do hair and cosmetic makeovers. As time marched on and technology moved forward, newer makeover software became available that was better than the older makeover software, as you would expect.

Patio e-mailed me about new makeover software, Perfect365,  that is even better because it is even newer (it was released in November). It is available for the Mac, iPad, iPhone, and Windows. The Mac and Windows versions are free. The iPad and iPhone versions cost $4.99 and $1.99 respectively. There is also a $39.99 "full version" for the Mac and a free online version that you can use with your web browser.

Like other makeover software, Perfect365 allows you to experiment with a variety of options to achieve a new look or you can let Perfect365 do all the work by selecting its one-click option.

The software is intuitive and easy to use.

After trying out the software for an hour or so, I preferred to use the one-click option and then adjust individual parameters. For example, I might choose the "Glam" one-click option and after Perfect365 performs a “Glam” makeover automatically, I can change the color of the eyeshadow, change the shape of the eyeliner, etc.

Perfect365 does not do hair, so if you are making over a male into a female, you will have to add a wig using Photoshop or similar application.

The accompanying photos are examples of my handiwork, before and after using Perfect365.

2004 & 2005 Miss Eng'g Womanless Pageants

Last Saturday, I presented the first of many webpage links sent to me by Femulate reader Oak featuring photos from the Miss Eng'g (Engineering) womanless beauty pageant at the College of Engineering, University of Philippines-Diliman.

In response to that posting, some of you sent me additional Miss Eng'g links - thank-you. I will collate those links with Oak's links and post them here as I reveal the Miss Eng'g links in a yearly fashion.

Last week's post referenced photos from the 2001 pageant. This week, I proffer photos from the 2004 and 2005 editions of the pageant.

Kickstarting The Joneses

(Updated Below) The Joneses is a short film about a family along their courageous pursuit of love.  Trevor is a 34 year old virgin, Brad was born with brain damage, and Jheri Rae Jones was formerly their father. Now, as three single adults living under one trailer park roof in small town Mississippi, they are each ready to embark on a journey to find love outside this reunited, close-knit family unit.


Kickstarter, the world's largest funding platform for creative projects, is now accepting pledges to fund taking this short film and making it into a full-length documentary. This project will only be funded if at least $27,500 is pledged by Sunday Jan 22, 12:55pm EST. $22,521 has been pledged as of Friday Jan. 20, 7:30 pm EST.

If you would like to help fund this project, please visit to the Kickstarter website ASAP.

UPDATE:  When I posted the above last night, the Kickstarter website indicated that $22,521 had been pledged to this project. This morning, the pledge total was only $14,688. I don't get it!

UPDATE #2:  The project reached its goal!

New Heights

Dayita sent me a link to an interesting article that discusses the meaning of the "statistical" differences between men and women (and transpeople). As it turns out, height is a pretty bad predictor.

Nevertheless, Andee Werthma and Carlos Chavez added a slew of Famous Females of Height to my collection.

5' 9" - Lily Aldridge - model - Victoria's Secret - source Andee

5' 9" - Stephanie March - actress - television, "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"

5' 9" - Michaela McManus - actress - television, "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"

5' 9" - Tamara Tunie - actress - television, "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"

5' 10" - Sutton Foster - singer, dancer, actress - Broadway, "Anything Goes"

5' 10" - Savannah Guthrie - host - television, "Today" - source: Carlos

5' 10" - Chanel Iman - model - Victoria's Secret - source Andee 

5'10" - Diane Neal - actress - television, "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"

5' 10" - Behati Prinsloo - model - Victoria's Secret - source Andee

5' 11" - Lindsay Ellingson (photo above) - model - Victoria's Secret - source Andee

5' 11" - Erin Heatherton - model - Victoria's Secret - source Andee

Flattering Flats

This girl bought a new pair of flats from Avon. A "Cushion Walk Exotic Print Loafer" in faux snakeskin with patent leather-like trim, wave-molded footbed, and skid-resistant sole. It is available in sizes 6 to 11, half sizes up to size 10. The shoes are on sale now for $24.99, but they will be $29.99 in the near future.

They are a comfortable fit and are very nice looking, too! It is not often that I buy flats, but I could not resist these.

She-Boying in Sheboygan

The January 2, 1939 issue of Life contained an article about Boy Scout Troop No. 1 of the Grace Episcopal Church in Sheboygan, Wisconsin. The troop performed in a womanless burlesque version of Romeo and Juliet by Episcopal minister, Father William Elwell, who rewrote Shakespeare’s prose using modern slang.

The play "began with a chorus dancing the Big Apple. From then on, taking all the female parts themselves, the boys interrupted the tragic drama at every possible point to dance the can-can or the Lambeth Walk, or croon the newest song hits."

The all-male cast (aged between 9 and 17) raised money for local charities.

As was typical in a Life story, there were a lot of photos including the following.

Boy Scout "Romeo" embraces and kisses Boy Scout "Juliet."

High-kicking Boy Scout can-can dancers flaunt their petticoats to the delight of the audience.

Zooey & Co.

One reason I watched the Golden Globes awards show Sunday night was to see the ladies dressed to the nines.

By far, my favorite dressed-to-the-nines lady was Zooey Deschanel. I also liked (in alphabetical order) Angelina Jolie, Stacy Keibler, Maria Menounos, Emma Stone, Reese Witherspoon and Evan Rachel Wood, but I thought Zooey was to die for.

On the other hand, there also were ladies on the red carpet who lacked fashion sense, for example, Lee Michele, Emily Watson, Kyle Richards, and Julianna Margulies. But hands down, the worst of the lot was Kelly Osbourne, who looked like she was carrying a 1959 Cadillac on her back.

By the way, The Huffington Post has a slideshow of 97 dressed-to-the-nines ladies from the Golden Globes.