What does it mean?

My Favorite Things

(This is first of a series of posts that describe my favorite things. It will appear here whenever I am so moved.)

I appreciate information that is well-researched.

I also appreciate finding new information in my fields of interest.

If that new information has been well-researched, then I am in nirvana!

I assume that is due to my love of history, especially accurate history, as well as my history major.

So it is always a pleasure when Zagria posts something new at A Gender Variance Who's Who.

Zagria started her blog about a month after I started Femulate. And she posts something new about twice a week every week during the ensuing 247 weeks --- usually about a trans person, who I never knew existed.

Her trans biographies are well-researched. It amazes me where she finds this information.

If you have not already visited Zagria's website, I urge you to do so at least once. You will probably get hooked like I did and visit her site regularly thereafter.

More Miss Andrej

Today is simply a referral to Juan's wonderful spread at New Male Fashion featuring photos of the beautiful Miss Andrej that appeared in the latest issue of Candy.

Enjoy!

Transdom (trans random) Items

Brazilian transsexual model Lea T appears on the December cover of the her native country's edition of Elle.

Did I miss something? Is Pippa Middleton trans? I do not understand the media's fascination with this plain looking woman. I figure that there must be a catch; maybe she is a transwoman, which would explain all the attention she gets, as well as her mustache. (Sorry about that --- I was just expressing my catty side.)

Congressman Barney Frank announced that he is not running for re-election and that has generated conflicting blogs in the trans community. Rebecca Juro thanks the congressman, while Valerie Keefe puts him down.

I noticed this past week that ABC began advertising its new situation comedy, Work It, which debuts in January. The show is about "two unrepentant guy's guys who, unable to find work, dress as women to get jobs." The snippets of the show that appear in the ads are as bad as you can imagine.

On a related note, Katina Solomon at Zencollegelife.com informed me about an article on their website, 10 Worst Movies Involving Men Dressed As Women.

Finally, Meg of Call Me Meg fame, was the first person to mention that she noticed the revised blog header (above). Actually, Meg's virtual kick to my dupa moved me to make the revision. Thanks, Girlfriend!

Got DES?

Mom had a miscarriage in 1950.

From about 1940 to 1970, Diethylstilbestrol (DES) was given to pregnant women in the mistaken belief it would reduce the risk of pregnancy complications and losses. - from Wikipedia

I was born in 1951.

Recent research on DES sons [males who were prenatally exposed to DES] has explored the hypothesis that the range of effects of prenatal exposure to DES in males might include behavioral or neurological change, and also intersexuality.

Dr. Scott Kerlin of the DES Sons International Research Network has documented for the past 15 years "the high prevalence of individuals with confirmed or strongly suspected prenatal DES exposure who self-identify as male-to-female transsexual, transgender, and intersexed, and many individuals who have reported experiencing difficulties with gender dysphoria.

Various neurological changes occur after prenatal exposure of embryonic males to DES and other estrogenic endocrine disrupters. Animals that exhibited these structural neurological changes were also shown to demonstrate various gender-related behavioral changes (so called "feminisation of males").

Several published studies in the medical literature on psycho-neuro-endocrinology have examined the hypothesis that prenatal exposure to estrogens (including DES) may cause significant developmental impact on sexual differentiation of the brain, and on subsequent behavioral and gender identity development in exposed males and females.There is significant evidence linking prenatal hormonal influences on gender identity and transsexual development. - from Wikipedia

I don't know if Mom ever took DES. My parents and Mom's doctor are deceased, so I can't ask them.

---

For your consideration:

Prenatal Exposure to Diethylstilbestrol (DES) in Males and Gender-Related Disorders: Results from a 5-Year Study

Any Questions?

Yesterday, I wrote about my Wednesday morning out en femme. Today, I pick up where I left off, that is, going to Southern Connecticut State University to participate in Q&A in two Human Sexuality classes.

Each class had approximately 35 students with a 10-to-1 female-to-male ratio. In addition to myself, three transsexuals, two male-to-female and one female-to-male, joined me in the Q&A. In the second class, a female-to-male transsexual, who is a student at the University, joined us.

At the beginning of each class, we each presented a short (5-minute or so) biography.

After the bios, Professor Schildroth usually sends half the class to another classroom and divides us speakers in a logical way so that half the class concentrates on, for example, the transitioned/transitioning transsexuals, while the other half concentrates on the non-transitioning transsexuals. Half way through the period, the speakers switch classrooms so that all the students get a chance to quiz all the speakers.

Yesterday, a second classroom was not available, so all the students quizzed all the speakers simultaneously.

Most of the questions were oriented at the transitioned/transitioning transsexuals, that is, all the other speakers except me. I was a little bored, but I did get asked one question that I was never asked before, that is, what is my nationality?

My answer was "Polish." After the class, I asked the woman who asked that question why she asked. Her reason was that she was curious about my accent. I realized then that my "Polish" answer was not very helpful because I was born and raised 20 miles from New Haven, not 20 kilometers from Warsaw.

During the first class, we were asked about aging and I mentioned that I was 60 years old. That revelation was met with gasps from a number of students, who I guess thought I was younger or older than 60. After the class, about a half dozen students came up to me and gushed over the way I looked. One comment that stuck in my mind was "stunning."

Professor Schildroth informed us that the second class was shyer than the first class and that we were likely to get fewer questions in the second class. Her prediction came true and I received even fewer questions in the second class than the first class.

By the way, I think Professor Schildroth sympathized with my lack of questioning because in each class, she specifically asked me a question during lulls in the Q&A. Thanks, Anna!

After class, we went to a nearby diner. It was nearly empty --- two other tables had customers. I guess diners don't get a lot of traffic at 4 PM on Tuesdays. I ordered breakfast food (an omelette, toast, home fries, and coffee) because I like diner breakfast food, but seldom eat at a diner for breakfast.

Most of the conversation revolved around the classes and the students' written comments, which are always revealing.

We broke up after 5 PM and I had a miserable drive home. Rain began early in the afternoon and it was pouring the proverbial cats and dogs most of my way home.

Despite the weather and the dearth of questions, it was a very good day because (1) I had an opportunity to go out en femme and (2) I had an opportunity to participate in the education of some civilians about us trans-folks. However, in retrospect, I need to change my biography.

When I started doing outreach nearly six years ago, I billed myself as a "plain vanilla crossdresser." I stopped using that term over two years ago and changed my biography to better reflect myself as a "woman who found herself in a male body."

But not all the students get it. Reading their comments, many still classify me as a a "plain vanilla crossdresser."

Why?

When they compare me with the other presenters like the ones I presented with on Tuesday, all who take hormones and two out of three who had surgery, maybe they figure I am not in their league because I don't desire hormones or surgery. Or because I don't live 24/7 as a women --- although I always mention that I would if I could.

Anyways, I'm working on it.    

Two Outfits

I tried on two outfits (photo above) Wednesday morning before going out: (1) the one-third houndstooth two-thirds black dress with black patent open-toe slingback heels and (2) the all houndstooth dress with off-white quilted high heel pumps.

I had a difficult time deciding which outfit to wear.

I chose the first outfit mainly because of the longer hemline.

Viewing the photos now, maybe I should have selected the dress with the shorter hemline.

My Expensive Watch Batteries

Yesterday, I planned to dress en femme, meet my friend Diana (of Little Corner in the Nutmeg State fame) at the Meriden (CT) mall, carpool to Southern Connecticut State University (it was my turn to drive), participate in Q&A in two Human Sexuality classes, and optionally, dine after class.

I wore my new houndstooth dress, nude pantyhose, black patent open toe slingbacks, black bag, and black sweater coat. A watch, ring and earrings were my only jewelry. It was so warm yesterday that I didn't need the sweater coat until the evening.

On my way to the mall, I passed a tractor trailer on the Interstate and the driver beeped (I assume) in appreciation of my leg show. Seated in the Subaru, my knee-length hem had migrated to mid-thigh. That was a first for me and I waved in appreciation after I passed.

I arrived at the mall about an hour before I was supposed to meet Diana. She planed to get a new battery for her watch and since I had two watches with the same needs, I brought them along and visited the watch kiosk after entering the mall. The young man in the watch kiosk said to come back for the watches in 20 to 30 minutes, so I window-shopped in the meantime.

First stop was Payless. I have bought a lot of shoes lately and really did  not need another pair, but Payless had just sent me a 30% off coupon, so I just had to visit their store.

They had a nice selection in my size, but the only pair that demanded my attention were a pair of khaki peep toe "bootines." I had my doubts that they would fit because they looked too small, but when I tried them on, they fit perfectly and were very comfortable to boot. (The online reviews claim that the bootines are very comfortable and all-day-wearable.)

I bought the bootines and with my coupon, the $39.99 pair cost me $27.99.

I liked them so much that I wanted to wear them out of the store, but the saleswoman and I agreed that although they were very cute, the color did not go with my outfit. (In retrospect, I should have bought a pair in black, too.)

Directly across the mall from Payless is Torrid. I seldom visit their store because they gear their clothing toward an age group that no longer accepts me as a member. But occasionally I find something there that I can wear at my advanced age, so I went in.

I did not find anything until I toured the clearance rack, where a pretty ivory floral taffeta party dress with an empire waist and bubble hem was calling my name. I tried it on and it was a perfect fit.

Since the dress is a clearance item, it is no longer on the Torrid website. The only image I have to illustrate it is this out-of-focus photo I took in the dressing room, but I think it is adequate to show you how darling the dress is and why I could not resist buying it. 

The saleswoman mentioned that I could save 15% off the $49.99 clearance price if I signed up for a credit card. I am always willing to save 15%, so I agreed and she entered my Social Security number into the system to process my credit card application.

During the process, she double-checked my personal data and when she got to my name, she said, "Stanley?" with a big question mark.

I said, "Yes, but I am not 'Stanley' today."

She smiled and continued with the transaction, handed me a temporary credit card, and I was out the door.

The watch batteries were starting to get very expensive, so I decided to head back to the watch kiosk and retrieve my timepieces. The watches were ready and the man rang me up.

I assumed it was about time for Diana to show up for her watch battery replacement, so I found a seat near the kiosk and hung back waiting for Diana.

Ten minutes or so passed and no Diana. With about ten minutes left before our scheduled rendezvous, I decided to wait in my car because either I had missed Diana in the mall or she was running late.

I waited in the car for ten minutes, then I cruised the parking lots in case there was any misinterpretation of our rendezvous point, but no Diana nor Diana's Prius.

I now regretted leaving the cell phone at home.

Time was running out, so I gave up on Diana and drove to New Haven.

Diana showed up at the University about 15 minutes after I arrived. Turns out that she had taken a nap, overslept, and awoke just about the time we were supposed to meet.

That was yesterday morning; my next post describes yesterday afternoon.

Making Sense

I am out en femme today living my life in the way that is most comfortable for me.

Don't get me wrong. I am not uncomfortable living my life en homme. I am a very easy-going and adaptable person and manage to get along in just about every situation in which I find myself.

But my natural inclinations are on the "feminine" side. No doubt about that. The boys did not call me a "sissy" for nothing. Mom did not suggest that I should have been a girl for no reason.

Consider what little boys are made of?

Frogs and snails and puppy-dogs' tails.

Then consider what little girls are made of?

Sugar and spice and everything nice.

I definitely fit the latter profile rather than the former.

And I am so feminine that I never tried to "man up" and shake the "pansy" appellation. Fitting into society's expectations of what a man should be was unattractive and completely foreign to me. So I followed my own life path. The fact that that path was considered feminine made little difference to me.

The dress, wig, makeup and heels is just drag to provide a better fit for the person I am.

Once upon a time, I thought it was all about emulating a woman or as I called it "femulating." I adored trying to look and act like a woman, but I assumed it was just another diversion that I enjoyed.

But the more I femulated, even living days at a time as a woman, I realized that it was more than the act of femulation; it was more than an enjoyable diversion. It was just too comfortable a fit to be a diversion.

I finally realized that what I feared was actually my reality. I was not the "plain vanilla crossdresser" that I purported to be for so many years. Instead, I really am trans; I really am a woman who happens to have the body of a male.

And it turned out that that was OK by me; being trans was nothing to fear.

Instead, I embraced the fact that I am trans because now it all makes sense to me.

Like New Shoes

Way back in August 2010, I wrote here about buying this gorgeous pair of $65 shoes for $19.99 online from Spiegel.

I never mentioned the shoes again because when I received them, they did not fit.

They almost fit. I could slip my feet into the shoes, but I could not close the zippers on the back of the heels.

The shoes were so gorgeous and so inexpensive that I did not return them. Instead, I put them in shoe stretchers for a few weeks, but to no avail.

They still did not fit, so I relegated them to the back of the closet and forgot about them.

Saturday, during my outfit tryouts, I rediscovered the shoes and tried them on again.

I was very surprised when I was able to close the zippers with little effort.

The shoes surely did not get bigger sitting in the dark in the back of the closet, so I assume that the 12 pounds I lost this year shrank my feet just enough to make a difference.

Nice!

Wearing Out

I had some free time Saturday afternoon, so I decided to try on the outfits I planned to wear when I go out en femme the next two Tuesdays.

During the tryouts, I discovered that the shoes I planned to wear with both outfits did not look as good in reality as they did in my mind and that other shoes were a better match.

I discovered that a different pair of shoes matched up with a different outfit and looked better than both of the original outfits I had planned to wear.

My wardrobe discoveries continued like this for about an hour, when I finally decided to quit after completely confusing myself about what I will wear.

Nuts!

Occupying DC's Police Department

"Occupy Wall Street has exposed discontent with global economic inequalities and inspired conversations about oppression across the country and around the world. Hundreds of U.S cities now house occupations in public parks and plazas. Occupy the Hood has taken the conversation into neighborhoods and highlighted issues of racial minorities. People are now calling for an occupation of the classroom and university campuses to highlight inequalities in education. Perhaps in Washington, D.C., residents need to occupy the Metro Police Department (MPD) to publicize the department's bigoted policing policies toward the city's transgender residents."

Read the rest of Emily Brooks' and Heather Kangas' article "Occupying DC's Metropolitan Police Department" on The Huffington Post.

Coming Up

The next two Tuesdays have me doing outreach at a university in New Haven on the 29th and attending the Avon representative Christmas party on December 6th.

I have my Christmas party outfit picked out, but I am not sure what I am going to wear to outreach. It depends on the weather.

Despite the Halloween weekend blizzard, the weather in November has been unseasonably warm around here. We may break a record today with temperatures predicted to be in the mid-60s.

And the warm weather is supposed to stick around through Tuesday, so I may wear something that is more suitable for early autumn, rather than late autumn.

Needless to say, I'm looking forward to the two days out en femme.

New Male Fashion 1666

"A man of fashion at the time of Charles II wearing the costume introduced by the King in 1666 of a long vest or sleeved waistcoat after the Persian or Turkish coat."

I found this interesting image while surfing the net last night. Prints are available from Amazon and other print peddlars.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Transgender Thanksgiving Trivia

Did you know that Provincetown Harbor is where the Pilgrims initially anchored the Mayflower in 1620 after their ocean voyage from England? (Provincetown is the site of Fantasia Fair, the longest-running transgender event of its kind in the New World.)

Caveat Emptor: This is a Femulate rerun from last year.

A Fitting Wednesday

On Thanksgiving Eve, USPS and UPS delivered.

USPS delivered the houndstooth dress I ordered from Ideeli. The dress fit like a glove! I will probably wear it to the Avon representatives Christmas party next month.

UPS delivered a new pair of shoes from ShoeDazzle. This pair replaces the pair I returned a few weeks ago (they were too small). The new shoes fit like a sock!

This is not a pair of shoes I will wear everyday; they are special occasion shoes. I will probably wear them with the black, white, and sequins colorblock tunic sweater I bought at Macy's.

ShoeDazzle describes the shoe thusly:

Sexy satin d’Orsay peep-toe platform pump with ankle strap and rhinestone-dotted platform and heel, 

1" platform*

4" heel*

* measurements are approximate and may vary by size.

I'll say! In my size (11), the heel is 6 inches!!!!!!

To Be Gorgeous

Miss Mexico

But besides the feeling of sisterhood it provides the women with, and the mentoring she is able to give to many of the contestants, Samala also believes that for many competing in the pageant, there is great appeal in being able to live out a commonly shared childhood dream. "I think in early development in life, even when they are young boys, looking at the beauty pageants, [thinking] 'I wish I could be like that, I want to look that pretty.' It's always transgenders [wanting] to be the best they can be and to look the best, to be gorgeous. Our lives are built on getting ourselves beautiful. Because that's the image that women give us and the beauty pageant is a really good platform for us."

From "Queen of the Universe 2011" by Brody Brown in today's edition of The Huffington Post

Read the entire article here.

Vacation in Name Only

I am on "vacation" this week.

Saturday was dedicated to bringing my sister home from the rehab center, where she had been recovering from her Halloween hip-replacement operation.

Sunday at 4 AM, the phone rang. My mother-in-law had a stroke and dealing with that took up most of the day. It looks like she will recover fully, but who knew that at 4 AM.

Monday was catch-up day, that is, doing the stuff that normally gets done on Saturday and/or Sunday. Primarily, it involved grocery shopping and since we are hosting Thanksgiving Day dinner at our home this year, it required a little extra effort.

I also spent some time Tuesday fixing a hole where the oil gets out of the oil pan of my daughter's wheels.

Today is another catch-up day, i.e., dealing with 7,978,432 leaves now resting on my lawn. Since rain is in the forecast to start at 3 PM, I am going to attack the leaves as soon as I finish writing this post and drinking my second cup of coffee.

Needless to say, the blog has taken a back seat the last few days, but stick around; I will be back on track as soon as life gets out of my way.

Sing Along

Sunday night, here I am catching up on e-mails and working on the blog, while iTunes is playing my "1960's Girl Groups" playlist in the background.

I can hear my wife in the next room singing along.

I know the lyrics to most of the songs.

Sometimes I feel a little self-conscious singing along to girl group songs.

("I met him on a Monday and my heart stood still, Da do ron-ron-ron, da do run-ron")

But, most times, I do not.

("Do lang, do lang, do lang, he'e so fine.")

Transgender Day or Remembrance

Transgender Day or Remembrance is Sunday. The Day memorializes our trans brothers and sisters who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice.

There are events all over the world commemorating the day; a list of worldwide events appears here.

Attend a nearby event to:

• Raise public awareness of hate crimes against transgender people, an action that current media doesn’t perform.

• Publicly mourn and honor the lives of transgenders who might otherwise be forgotten.

• Express your love and respect for our people in the face of national indifference and hatred.

• Remind non-transgender people that we are their sons, daughters, parents, friends and lovers.

• Give our allies a chance to step forward with us and stand in vigil, memorializing those of us who’ve died by anti-transgender violence.

Femulator on the Out Cover

One of our favorite femulators, Andrej Pejic, is Out magazine’s “stylemaker of the year.”

Congratulations!