It’s Complicated

Final Fashion Notes

Comfortable heels!

I carried flats to the Hamvention each day, but I never wore them. My black patent mid-heel pumps with white piping were very comfortable. I wore them all day both days, only slipping them off for a few minutes while I took breaks in the back of our booth.

Lasting Nails

Although I took three sets of Kiss brand stick-on nails with me, I only used one pair. I put them on Thursday morning and took them off Saturday night no worse for wear. (I could have kept them on if I had kept on being en femme.) 

In Summary

I had a excellent time attending the Dayton Hamvention en femme last weekend. In addition to enjoying the Hamvention experience, I also received an education and now I understand how men can be "pigs" from a woman's perspective.

I did not have to live as a woman to figure out that men can be pigs. Living as a man amongst men, I discovered that fact a long time ago. Not all men are pigs, of course, but sadly, porkers constitute a lot of the male population.

Being a pig was not a good fit for me. I rejected the pig's life and lived my life my way, that is, the way that came natural to me. Turns out that "my way" was considered a feminine way of life by those who were keeping score. So be it.

During my early explorations out en femme, I avoided encounters with males whenever possible. But as I became more comfortable being out en femme, I began to accept encounters with males whenever they occurred.

Working a booth at an event like the Hamvention where approximately 85% of the attendees are male, it is impossible to avoid encounters with males. (I can count on one hand my encounters with females while working the booth this year and last.) It was a test of fire for this trans booth babe.

I guess I passed the test because now the only males I make a point of avoiding are guys I've known in my past life, who I am not ready to come out to yet. And even then, I probably don't have to avoid them because they will not recognize me as my close encounter with an old friend in the elevator Saturday night proved (I guess I pass in more than one way).

Now that I encounter males without trepidation, I understand how men can be considered "pigs" by the distaff side of the population.

Throughout the weekend, I constantly noticed men checking me out. Some were surreptitious, while most just flat out stared.

At this stage in my life as a woman, I find that flattering and affirming. But I imagine that the ogling can get old after a few encounters like I had with the fellow staring at me nose-to-nose in the elevator Saturday night.

On the other hand, I also encountered "gentlemen" at the Hamvention, who know how to treat a woman with respect --- well at least they treated me with respect. And that works for me!

I Guess I Passed

I attended the Dayton Hamvention this past weekend and I was en femme the whole time. This post describes my weekend picking up where I left off in the previous post.

Saturday Evening

Saturday evening, the Contest Dinner was at the Crowne Plaza Hotel downtown about four miles from my hotel. I drove downtown and parked  in a parking ramp that is connected to the hotel and convention center by skywalks.

There was an "international festival" at the convention center, so after I parked my car, I found myself walking in a throng of people (mostly young adults and children) all dressed casually while I was in my LBD and heels.

As I walked the skywalk, a woman passed by and turned momentarily to check me out. My trans-radar blipped briefly, but I considered it an anomaly.

At the end of the skywalk, the woman held the door open for other people and as I passed by, she said (in a very deep, manly voice), "You have a lot of courage."

I turned back and asked, "What did you say?"

She repeated, "You have a lot of courage."

Huh?

At that point, most of the throng turned left to go to the international festival, while I turned right to enter the Crowne Plaza Hotel.

My trans-radar was correct, but what did she mean by "You must have a lot of courage" statement.

She was dressed casually in a top and khaki slacks. She did not attend the Contest Dinner, so I assumed she went to the international festival. If she assumed I was attending the international festival, too, then her comment made sense because I would have been way overdressed for that event and would have stuck out like the proverbial sore thumb.

Fashion Note: Saturday evening, I wore my Vee-neck empire "little black dress," nude hosiery, black patent 3-inch heel Mary-Janes, and black and silver disc earrings and necklace (see photo).

The Contest Dinner was similar to last year's because like last year, me and my dress were ogled by a lot by men (and a few women). Big difference this year was that I smiled a lot, made eye contact with the oglers, and found myself responding to an occasional "hello" even though I did not know a soul (although I did recognize some call signs).
I found a table with empty seats as close to the dais as possible; asked the five gents already seated there if I could join them. They were ok with my request, so I sat down and they ignored me.

After five or ten minutes, I introduced myself and they introduced themselves and then continued to ignore me.

Turned out that they were a group of expatriates from the same motherland and although they spoke English, they chatted amongst themselves in their native tongue. Two more expatriates joined them and the one who sat next to me was LOUD!

Actually, they were all loud and very rude talking so loudly during the speeches and presentations on the dais that people at other tables looked at our table wondering when they would shut up. They also ignored me the whole time.

I should have moved to another table, but I did not want to be rude! The meal and presentations were excellent, but I did not enjoy the company of that bunch.

The only positive thing related to that bunch was when a woman came over to our table and asked one of the guys where they were from. When he revealed the name of their motherland, she was impressed and wanted to know everyone's call sign. As the guy rattled off each call sign, he eventually got to me and said, "The lady is WA1---; she is not from our country."

Thank you for the "lady."

A Ride In An Elevator

After the Contest Dinner, I decided to check out the lounge on the roof of the hotel.

The elevator was full on the way up. I was standing with my back to the rear wall of the elevator. A man older than me stood right in front of me at a 90 degree angle. He turned his head and stared at me, then turned away and looked straight ahead. Then, he turned his head and stared at me again and again turned away and looked straight ahead. This happened three or four times.

Our faces were probably two feet apart and I was very uncomfortable, so I stared away from him until he got off one floor below the lounge.

I did not know what to make of him.

The lounge was quiet and I sat there about ten minutes without waitstaff coming around to take my order, so I left.

As I waited for the elevator with six other people, a man I know joined us. I go back over 35 years with this fellow. He used to sell ham radios locally and I bought one from him eons ago. We were also officers of the same radio club back then and I even attended a Rochester, NY ham radio convention with him riding in his van with three or four others. That was way back in the mid-1970s.

Since then, I have had one other encounter with him; about ten years ago at another ham radio convention.

We both know a lot of the same people in my neck of the woods and I am not prepared to be outed to them yet, so I worried that he would recognize me.

As the elevator ride began, he asked what floor I wanted and I told him in my best feminine voice, "Mezzanine." A couple of floors down, everyone got off except he and I. He did not say a word the rest of the way, but I could feel his eyes checking me out from head to toe.

He got off one floor above my floor without saying a word. I breathed a sigh of relief because I was sure he had not figured me out. (Knowing him, if he had recognized me, he would have said something, so I guess I passed.)

Best Looking Ham Here

I attended the Dayton Hamvention this past weekend and I was en femme the whole time. This post describes my weekend picking up where I left off in my previous post.

Saturday Daytime

I worked our booth off and on most of the day and made a few forays around the convention floor.

Fashion Note: Saturday daytime, I wore my navy blue and white graphic print shift with a boat neck and spliced short sleeves, black tights, black patent mid-heel pumps with white piping, and black and silver disc earrings and necklace (see photo).

***

While walking around the convention Saturday, a man walked towards me and said, "You are so pretty."

I thought that was very forward of him, so I assumed that I must know the gent. I asked him, "Do I know you?"

Turned out that we were complete strangers, but he was so impressed with my appearance that he had to tell me.

Later, he showed up at our booth and asked if I was trans. I dunno if he suspected that when he made the "pretty" comment or if he figured it out during our conversation. In either case, that was very, very, very forward of him and I should have asked if he was an ass.

When I returned home, I found an e-mail from the fellow and he wrote, "You are very hot."

I wonder if he was a “tranny chaser?”

***

A ham walked by our booth Saturday afternoon, while I was on the front line and said to me, "You're the best looking ham here."

All I could say was “Thank-you!'”

***

While I was working the booth, nine other trans hams stopped by to say hello and chat. (You know who you are!) They are all readers of this blog, so they were looking for me and found me.

By the way, one wore a denim skirt; the rest were en homme.

Accepted And Treated As A Lady

I attended the Dayton Hamvention this past weekend and I was en femme the whole time. This post describes my weekend picking up where I left off in my previous post.

Friday Evening

I attended the TAPR-AMSAT Dinner.

Fashion Note: Friday evening, I wore my black and white print A-line dress, black tights, black patent mid-heel pumps with white piping, and black and silver disc earrings (see photo).

I glammed up my daytime makeup and I thought I looked very nice. The dinner was at a banquet hall about a half hour drive from our hotel and I rode with two fellows from my group. One of the fellows said that I looked "spiffy."

At the banquet hall, I saved some seats at a table for friends and we were joined by others who claimed the empty seats at our table. Two fellows from Long Island sat next to me and we had enjoyable conversations throughout the evening.

The meal and after-dinner presentations were very good and I had a pleasant evening. It was uneventful because it seemed that I was accepted as a lady and treated as one.

Hello, Stana

I attended the Dayton Hamvention this past weekend and I was en femme the whole time.

I began recounting events from the weekend in sequential order with this post  and this post, but then I lost Internet access at my hotel, so summarizing each day became impossible.

Those two posts summarized the highlights of Thursday afternoon and evening. I will attempt to summarize the rest of my Hamvention experiences in this and in following posts.

By the way, I am withholding all names and call signs to protect the innocent.

Friday Daytime

I worked our booth most of the day, but I did attend a forum late in the morning. This was a forum related to a niche in ham radio in which I am active. In fact, I wrote three books about that niche and actually moderated the same forum at past Hamventions.

One reason I attended this forum was to reintroduce myself to any old friends that showed up. I did see a few in the crowd of over 400 people, but managed to only talk to one fellow I have known for years. The others got lost as the crowd dispersed when the forum ended.

Fashion Note: Friday daytime, I wore my black jacquard sheath, black tights, black patent mid-heel pumps with white piping, and pearl jewelry (see photo).

Whereas, last year, I was shy about introducing the "new" me to old friends and acquaintances, this year, I made a point of reintroducing myself especially since my editor revealed that most people at ARRL Headquarters knew about me even though I only came out to three people there.

The fact that the word got out did not bother me in the least. It just felt odd that I have been dealing with a lot of these people for the past year assuming that they did not know; not that I would have done anything different if I knew they knew, but it would have been nice to know that they knew (know what I mean?).

So, I made the rounds looking for people I avoided last year.

Almost everyone I met up with was fine with my reintroduction. Only one person had a different reaction; he worked at ARRL Headquarters and I assumed he knew, but it turned out that he did not know.

When I met up with him, he was very, very surprised and I left him unsure what his reaction was beyond the initial shock. (I e-mailed him and apologized for the ambush, but so far, I have not received a response.)

I go back a very long time with the head man at the ARRL, so I wanted to meet up with him, too. Being the head man, every time I saw him during the Hamvention, he was surrounded by people. So, I waited for a better opportunity.

Saturday morning, before the doors opened, he came walking down the aisle where our booth was located and I waved him over to our booth. Without saying a word, he stuck out his hand to shake mine and said, "Hello, Stana."

What a classy guy! And he even pronounced Stana correctly!

Is This Picture Worth A Thousand Words?

The words will take awhile to compose, but cropping and resizing photos is easy. So, while I compose the words about my trip to the Hamvention, I leave you with this photo. (That's me wearing my new LBD before going out to the Contest Dinner on Saturday evening.)

Back Home

After 12 hours on the road today, I am back home with lots of stories and lot of photos to share with you in the next few days.

For now, I am going to get some sleep.

A Woman's Gotta Know Her Limitations

A woman's got to know her limitations; free time and Internet access this weekend are definitely limitations!

I have lots to say, but it will have to wait until I have time to key it all into my Mac and have reliable Internet access to post it on the blog.

But, in a nutshell, it has been a very positive experience.

Internet Access and Lack Thereof

(I wrote the following this morning. I finally got Internet access this afternoon --- thank you ARRL.)

Internet access from my hotel in Dayton was brief --- about an hour Thursday afternoon.

I hoped to get access at the Hara Arena, but no luck so far.

Last night went well. The spouse of one of the other board members was present. I have known her for years having met her at other ham radio events, but she had not met the new version of me. I am sure her husband had prepared her, but I did not know what to expect.

When she saw me, she greeted me with a big hug and we chatted throughout the evening, so I guess she is ok with the new me.

By the way, here is the requisite fashion "news:" Yesterday, I wore my gray sleeveless sweater dress, gold scarf, black tights, and flats. Today, I wore my black jacquard sheath, black tights, pearls, and black patent mid-heel pumps with white piping. I also brought a pair of flats, but have not switched footwear, yet.

Chivalry Lives!

I arrived in Dayton at 1:30 PM after four hours on the road. Checked into my hotel and found that the Internet was initially off, but it finally came up about 15 minutes ago and it is very slow.

The wifi signal was so weak in my room that I thought that might be the problem, so I took my iBook down to the lobby. The signal was not much better there, but the Internet was accessible.

Two gents (guests, not hotel employees) came by to ask if I was having trouble; they were happy to inform me that the Internet had just come up. So, chivalry is not dead --- you just have to dress en femme to find it!

I think I am going to crash for awhile before dinner and the board of directors meeting.

8 Hours

After eight hours on the road, I am ensconced on the Pennsylvania-Ohio state line for the night. Four more hours on the road tomorrow and I will be in Dayton.

On My Way

I will be out the door and on my way to Ohio shortly after publishing this post.

Bon voyage en femme!

You're Going the Wrong Way!

Before embarking on an extended time out en femme (like my trip to Hamvention this week), there is always some trepidation.

This morning, I awoke at 4 AM and could not fall back to sleep because I was thinking about all that could go wrong during my trip. By the time I got out of bed nearly two hours later, I was so agitated that I seriously considered cancelling my plans.

Mind you, all of my past extended times out en femme have been wonderful positive and affirming experiences with nary a problem.

So why do I worry?

It is my nature to worry. Always has been. And my biggest worry is that since I have never had any problems in the past, I am way overdue to have a problem.

That's the half-empty glass perspective; I need to concentrate on the half-full glass perspective, which is that since I never had a problem, I must be doing things right and if I continue to do things right, my track record should continue unblemished.

Now, that should be my mantra!

En Femme En Dayton

In case anyone is curious, here is my schedule for the femulating portion of this week.

Wednesday
• Drive from Connecticut to Western Pennsylvania.
• Stay overnight in Western Pennsylvania.

Thursday
• Drive from Western Pennsylvania to Dayton, Ohio.
• Check-in to my hotel.
• Attend my board of director's meeting.

Friday
• Attend Hamvention (work booth, attend presentations, visit other booths).
• Attend our annual Hamvention banquet dinner.

Saturday
• Attend Hamvention (work booth, attend presentations, visit other booths).
• Attend another Hamvention banquet dinner

Sunday
• Drive from Dayton to Connecticut
• Sleep

Sounds exciting?

Considering that I will spend most of that schedule en femme is exciting to me. The opportunity to be my female self 24/7 for a few days more than makes up for the 1500-mile roadtrip between here and there and back, which is a drag. Maybe next year I will fly.

My life as a man in a skirt

I've worn women's clothing and cosmetics since the age of 16 -- but that doesn't mean what you might expect

Yesterday, Salon posted this article, which "is an adapted excerpt from Jon-Jon Goulian's memoir The Man in the Gray Flannel Skirt, available from Random House on May 17."

I read the article and identified with some of the things the author wrote, but not everything.

And so it goes.

Shimmering With Pride

I was also shimmering with pride after I read this story in The Barrie Examiner about Kyle Rehling, a transgendered youth, who "holds the distinction of being Barrie's first transgender student mayor."

Read the all about it here.

It's Alive!

"Femulate" is this week's "Word of the Week" over at the always informative and entertaining Jessica Who? blog. (Thank you, Jessica!)

Coincidentally, I was Googling something trans-related yesterday and I ended up on a forum where some girls were discussing something or other that was trans-related, and one of the girls used the word "femulate" in her forum posting. She was not referring to this blog, but was using femulate as a verb.

And that was not the first time I have seen the word used in that way.

What have I done?

As Henry Frankenstein once remarked, "It's alive!"

Technical Difficulties at Blogger

(updated below)
Blogger has been experiencing some technical difficulties that affected some of the blogs it hosts including this one.
Early last evening, I could not view this blog at all.
Later last evening, I could view this blog, but I could not log in to manage it (e.g., post new posts, moderate comments, etc.). The problem persisted until early this afternoon.
UPDATE:  Due to the technical difficulties mentioned above, Blogger lost unmoderated comments. I have four in my e-mail in-box awaiting moderation, but Blogger does not recognize them now. The four are from Anonymous,  Adriana, JohnH, and Meg; so don't think I am rejecting your comments, folks, Blogger has lost them!

En Femme 24/7 Four Days Next Week

2010 Dayton Hamvention

By this time next week, I will be well on my way driving 730 miles to Dayton, Ohio to attend Hamvention en femme.

I have attended Hamvention 22 times in the past 33 years, but last year was the first time I attended en femme. (You can read about that experience here).

Last year's attendance en femme was an affirming experience. As I concluded last year, "Overall, the weekend worked out great. Everyone I encountered accepted me one way or another.

"All my friends and acquaintances were very ok with the new me.

"The strangers who engaged me throughout the weekend, hams and civilians alike, accepted me as a woman, trans or otherwise.

"I could not ask for anything more."

Truth be told, I could ask for more... from me.

Last year, I had prepared ahead of time. I came out to the people I would encounter frequently throughout the weekend, like my editor and the guys, who would be staffing my organization's booth alongside me. They expected me to be en femme, so I had no problems facing them en femme.

On the other hand, I shyed away from other people I knew at Hamvention, who were not in the know. I was unsure how they would react, so I did not bother waking up the sleeping dogs and did not confront them with a new version of me.

This year, I plan to be more outgoing and show my pretty face (!) to everyone I know at Hamvention. I expect that most folks will just shrug their shoulders and be ok with it, but I will be prepared for worse reactions.

I'll let you know how it goes.

She Won't Mind