Transgender Health and Law Conference

Transgender Lives, The Intersection of Health and Law Conference, takes place this Saturday, April 30, at the UConn Health Center in Farmington, CT.

Check out the line-up of presentations; they are all about the important things that affect each one of us. So, if you are in the area, you should attend the conference and if you are not in the area, you should think about making an effort to attend.

The conference site is strategically located on I-84 exactly halfway between Boston and New York City (110 miles either way).   

I volunteered to help out and will be working the registration desk throughout the day. If you attend the conference, please say "Hello" if you see me.

Many Happy Returns

Reviewing my day out shopping en femme on Thursday, I mentioned I was having buyer's remorse over the first dress I purchased that day: a long-sleeved A-line black and white that I purchased at Kohl's.

Truth be told, I bought that dress because I was a little desperate. After trying on a bunch of dresses at Kohl's, it was the best of the batch of the dresses that fit properly. I bought the dress just in case I was unable to find anything else that day.

As it turned out, I bought seven other dresses that day and they were all better than the one I bought at Kohl's, so I returned the dress for a refund today.

I also revisited my other purchases.

I loved the two dresses I bought at JCPenney, i.e., the little black empire dress and the black and white print sheath, which I wore out Thursday evening, as seen in the accompanying photo.

The JCPenney dresses were keepers, but I took a long hard look at my Dress Barn purchases.

I began to hate the way I looked in one dress (the belted white sateen shirt dress) and the thrill was gone with another dress (the black and white speckled print A-line), so I returned both for a refund today.

So I now have five new dresses instead of eight and $112 in my purse to spend on new shoes next time I am out shopping en femme.

Transition Wisely

I received an e-mail this morning with the subject "Transition Wisely."

At first blush, I was surprised to find an e-mail on that subject in my male e-mail in-box, then I realized it was an advertisement from Bluefly, a clothing retailer.

I was very amused!

I hope everyone has a great holiday!

Love, Stana

Dinner and Cocktails

After my morning and afternoon shopping en femme, I returned to my motel room to pick out a dress from my purchases to wear to dinner and cocktails Thursday evening.

When I was trying on the sleeveless A-line black and white print at JCPenney, I thought then that it would be the dress to wear to dinner. But I tried on all my purchases anyway, modeled them for my photographer (Mr. Canon Self-Timer), and decided that my initial choice was correct.

I rested awhile, touched up my face with my electric razor, and freshened my makeup laying on a few extra layers all around for a more glamorous evening look. The accompanying photo shows the results.

My editor, Miss K, has wanted to attend the Real Art Ways Creative Cocktail Hour for awhile, so we made plans to go together. I suggested that we dine out beforehand.

At 5 PM, we met at a Mexican restaurant. Over dinner, Miss K revealed to me that nearly everyone at the organization I freelance for knows about me being transgender. I dunno if one of the three people I outed myself to let the cat out of the bag or whether my en femme appearance at the Dayton convention last year got back to the organization headquarters and spread throughout the building.

Either way, I do not mind at all.

Coincidentally, I was early getting to the restaurant and while I was waiting for Miss K, I thought about driving over to the organization's headquarters which is nearby and introducing the staff to Stana. If I knew that most of the staff already knew, I would have definitely made an appearance.

I also discovered that Miss K was under the impression that the Creative Cocktail Hour was a transgender event. I did mention early on that usually a dozen or so transgenders show up; I guess she misinterpreted that comment.

After dinner, I led our two-car convoy to the site of the cocktail party. The party was well underway with the parking lot already half full and the attendees filling up at the bar. (FYI, Miss K and I had one drink each.)

As luck would have it, there was a dearth of transgenders while we were there. I counted four girls that I knew; if there were others, I missed them or they passed.

We strolled around the complex checking out the eclectic collection of art and attendees. While we were viewing one of the exhibits, I had the rare experience of a male trying to engage me in conversation. He was middle-aged, but probably younger than me. We chatted for a few minutes about the exhibit and that was the end of it.

I was tired, so I sat the remainder of time and chatted with Miss K and my transgender friends. I had the longest conversation with Miss J, a post-op male-to-female transwoman. It was enlightening to me because I mentioned how trans is on my mind all the time, whereas it was not the same for Miss J.

I always assumed that being trans was always on a transgenders' mind before transitioning; that transitioning was a relief and permitted them to move on. Does that mean that if I transitioned, I would continue to dwell on the the subject, not be relieved, and not move on? It is something to think about (as if I needed something else to think about).

Miss K asked me if I was happy and I told her that when I am en femme, I am happier than I am at any other time. She then said to me that when she looks at me, she sees a woman, whereas that is not necessarily the case when she looks at other transwomen.

"Wow!" I thought to myself.

Miss K called it quits about 8 PM and I did the same about 8:30. I said my goodbyes and drove off into the sunset thinking about another great day en femme.

Yesterday, All My Dresses Seemed So Far Away

I had a big day out en femme yesterday!

My plans were to do some shopping, dine and attend the monthly cocktail party at Real Art Ways.

Since the venue for my plans were all in the Hartford area, I decided to stay in an inexpensive motel in the area rather than drive back and forth to my home. The money I saved on gas almost paid for the room.

It was windy and unseasonably cool yesterday. I wore my Victoria's Secret lightweight sweater dress, black tights, black heels, and black sweater coat.

I was out the door about 10 AM.

My shopping goal was to buy new dresses for my trip to Dayton and other womanly outings during the upcoming months. I am a little embarrassed to admit that I bought eight new dresses!

Seven Dresses of April (click on the image to enlarge it)

My first stop was Kohl's. I was interested in some of the cute dresses they have been showing in their recent ads. I found some of the advertised dresses, but none in my size. However, I did find some in my size that had potential.

After three trips to the changing room, I bought a long-sleeved A-line dress with a black and white print (first dress on the left in the photo). I love black and white prints, but I am having buyer's remorse over this dress.

I left Kohl's and drove to the mall, where I intended to peruse the dress racks at JCPenney. I parked my car at the mall and walked into JCPenney. As I headed to the dress racks, a 30-something male store employee checked me out and as I walked away from him, he began singing "I'm in love."

That was nice!

I found a half dozen dresses of interest and hauled them all to the changing room. They were all the same size, but only two fit: a Vee-neck empire "little black dress" (second dress in the photo) and a sleeveless A-line black and white print. I bought both, exited the mall, and drove across the street to Dress Barn.

When shopping at Kohl's or JCPenney, you are on your own, but at Dress Barn, the staff is more attentive (my guess is that they work on commission). They help you find what you need, set up your own personal changing room, fetch another size if the item you are trying on is the wrong size, etc., etc.

I found four dresses of interest, carried them to my personal changing room and was very disappointed --- they were all too small.

This has been my experience at Dress Barn lately. Whereas, their size Misses 16 usually fit me in the past, now their Misses 16 no longer fit. I have not gained any weight, so the store must have adjusted their sizing.

As I headed to the Woman Size side of the store, I asked the saleswoman about it and she acknowledged that my suspicions were correct.

She then helped me find some dresses on the Woman Size side, I found a few myself, and hauled eight dresses to my changing room. They all fit and I liked five enough to purchase (the five dresses on the right in the photo).

• Belted white sateen shirt dress (third dress in the photo)

• Navy menswear ruffle color dress (fourth dress)

• Black jacquard sheath dress (fifth dress)

• Black and white speckled print A-line dress (sixth dress)

• Two tone (navy blue and white) graphic print shift with a boat neck and spliced short sleeves (seventh dress )

After over four hours of shopping, I was tired, so I returned to the motel to rest awhile before going out for dinner. I brought my purchases to my room to try them on again and decide what to wear for dinner and cocktail partying.

In my room, I realized I was very thirsty, so I left my room to go find the vending machines. When I got to the vending room, I discovered that I needed my electronic room key to access the vending room and then it hit me that I had left the key in my room.

I asked a cleaning woman if she could let me into my room, but she said I had to go to the front desk to get a new key.

Nuts! I was in boy mode when I checked in and now I was in girl mode, so the situation was not giving me the warm fuzzies. I hoped that someone new was working the front desk, but lo and behold, the same woman who had checked me in was working the desk.

I explained my situation to her and I could tell that she did not recognize me. She asked for my room number and last name and  looked quizzical when I responded. I told her I looked different now and she literally lit up when she finally recognized me. As she handed me my new key, she said, "You look very pretty!"

I thanked her profusely, bought an iced tea in the vending area, and returned to my room to model my dresses and pick one to wear for the evening.

Out Yesterday

I had a wonderful day and evening out en femme yesterday and I will have a fill report here shortly.

In the meantime, I leave you with a photo from yesterday morning minutes before I went out.

Out of Here!

Yay! I am finally going out en femme on Thursday. Shopping, dining, etc., etc.

A full report and photos will follow.

Not So Fast

In my most recent posts here, I evidently gave some people the impression that I was transitioning real soon now.

I wish that were true, but it is not. I am ready to transition, have been for some time now, but my circumstances are such that I don't see it happening in the near future unless something changes.

I am sorry if I misled anyone.

My Circumstances

In response to yesterday's post, I received e-mails wondering about how my wife feels about being married to a feminine man.

I have always been feminine. I was a feminine boy, a feminine teenager, and a feminine adult (and I have the scars to prove it).

My wife fell in love with me, a feminine man. She never tried to change me while we were dating, nor during our 30 years of marriage.

Early in our relationship, she encouraged my dressing en femme. She bought me "pink" gifts and suggested I find and join a support group. I flourished as a woman because of my wife.

My wife has a debilitating disease. The disease inflicted her years before we met and I was aware of it going into our marriage.

Over the years, the disease has taken a toll on my wife. As her condition worsened, she became less supportive of my dressing en femme; as her health issues become more burdensome, she wanted to be free of the burden of my transgender issues.

Today, she accepts my need to express my transgenderness by dressing en femme, but she is not happy about it. As a result, I do not dress en femme as often as I would like. I do the best that I can under the circumstances.

I often wonder where I'd be today if her support and encouragement had continued.

On a related note concerning yesterday's post, my desire to "transition" is nothing new. I have felt that way for a few years now, that is, the desire to live 24/7 as a woman.

And my version of "transition" does not involve hormones or surgery; electrolysis would be the only intrusion I would allow to make my body more feminine.

My transition would simply be a matter of replacing my male wardrobe with a female wardrobe and living my life as the woman I was meant to be.

And so it goes. 

In the Meantime

I am ready. I want to transition and start living 24/7 as a woman tomorrow morning. But circumstances prevent this from happening... at least for now.

In the meantime, I will relish every opportunity that comes my way to be en femme.

But what do I do during the time I cannot be en femme? The answer: Be a feminine guy.

I am already feminine in many ways. I often say that I am the most feminine guy most people I know know. But I wondered how I could step it up, that is, be more feminine.

So I searched for an answer and Miss Google revealed a webpage that describes "How to Be a Feminine Guy."

I already follow most of its recommendations to one degree or another. And here are some things that I do that are not on the list:

- Speak softly and carry a big purse

- Wear jewelry: necklaces, bracelets, earrings, etc.

- Paint nails with a clear lacquer

- Wear feminine underwear, that is, panties and camis, or if need be, shapewear (girdles, bras, etc.)

- Use feminized mannerisms, specifically, carriage, posture, and hand and arm placement

- Wear female footwear; flats will do, but something with a little heel is even better

- Curl eyelashes and thin eyebrows

- Wear feminine hosiery; knee-highs, tights, and pantyhose (depending on how much leg will show)

So in the meantime, girls, be the most feminine male you can be!

Updates

Today, I updated the Womanless Archive and the New York City page of My Ephemera.

Transitioning Smart

Calie of Calie's Chronicles fame has an excellent post about using your head if and when you transition.

I highly recommend it and urge you to read her wise words.

Miss S

Affirmation is a wonderful thing!

Earlier today, I e-mailed a friend of mine. In the e-mail, I called her "Miss K."

In her responding e-mail, she called me "Miss S."

It was just a little gesture, but it made my day!

I've known this friend, a genetic female, for nearly ten years. For most of that time, she knew me only in male mode.

I came out to her about a year ago and she has been very supportive.

We have plans to go out to dinner soon (both of us en femme). Dinner is on me.

Booth Babe Wear

I am looking for one or two new outfits to wear when I am working the booth at the Dayton, Ohio, Hamvention next month.

I touched upon this last week, but was unable to resolve anything because I caught something and felt too ill to go out to shop en femme.

I am not sure if I had a cold, an allergy attack, or a combination of the two. Whatever it was, it is still with me; it's not as bad as last week, but still annoying and very tiring.

So I want to look professional for my presentation at the booth.

I don't look good in suits. In my opinion, I think I look frumpy when I wear suits.

On the other hand, I think dresses look good on me. So my search begins in the dress racks, sizes 14 and 16.

Wish me luck!

Pink Toenails

(updated below)

Currently, there is a brouhaha concerning a J. Crew advertisement that depicts a Mom painting her son's toenails pink (because it is his favorite color).

One hockey puck claims that the advertisement is "blatant propaganda celebrating transgendered children."

The puck continues, "Propaganda pushing the celebration of gender-confused boys wanting to dress and act like girls is a growing trend, seeping into mainstream culture."

Another hockey puck warns, "Put some money aside for psychotherapy for the kid—and maybe a little for others who’ll be affected by your 'innocent' pleasure."

I cheer the celebration of transgender children!

If there was a celebration of T-kids when I was young, maybe my generation of trangender brothers and sisters would not be so fouled up as some of us are (present company included). And maybe my T-generation would not have to fear for our lives whenever we attempt to live the genders we were born to be, not the genders we were forced to be.

I jeer the proposition that painting a boy's toenails pink will cause that boy to become transgender.

If a boy wants to wear pink nail polish because it is his favorite color, then that's one thing. End of story.

If a boy is a "boy," painting his nails, putting a ribbon in his hair, or putting him in a dress will not convince him to be a girl. He will just be one unhappy boy.

On the other hand, if a boy wants to wear pink nail polish because he feels it is a girlish thing to do, then there is a chance that he really is a girl. Painting his nails, putting a ribbon in his hair, or putting him in a dress will help make "her" complete. Denying "her" will result in one frustrated unhappy child.

UPDATE: My friend Patty e-mailed me about this matter; I asked her if I could post her e-mail and here it is.

Seriously?

Do we have nothing better to set our tails on fire with than an innocent advertisement for clothing!

Dr. Albow needs to spend some of the $$$ he's stolen -- oops I mean $$$ he's earned practicing as a licensed clinician, spewing his Dr. Phil unvalidated psycho-babble on well needed psychotherapy for HIMSELF -- can you say latent homo/transphobic???

I, as a women, as a consumer and as someone not only in the helping profession, but also as someone specializing in gender and sexual expressions, identity and orientation am outraged that we continue to allow these "professionals" to speak out to the public, let alone practice individual therapy!  Now that's propaganda. 

Sharp-Dressed Men

Spring is in the air and it seems that males everywhere are donning pretty frocks to participate in womanless events, according to the many stories coming in on the mojo wire this week.

For example, Aunty Marlena revealed womanless beauty pageants in North Carolina, Mississippi, Tennessee, Texas, and again in Texas.

Meanwhile, Miss Google mentioned womanless pageants in Connecticut, Tennessee, and yet another in Tennessee.

Clive pointed out a viral video from Thailand.

And Aunty Marlena came back with a ton of Ednas (of Hairpspray fame) popping up in Alberta, California, Georgia, Michigan, New York, Texas, Some Place, and Some Place Else.

So, put on your favorite sundress and enjoy the femulating festivities!

So Now I'm Her Secretary

My Weekend

My health was up and down all week long last week. Home Friday after work and whatever I had notched it up a lot and I felt terrible; flu-like symptoms, but not quite the flu.

I felt terrible all day Saturday.

I feel a lot better today; not 100%, but a big improvement over Friday and Saturday.

I was not online much during the past two days, so I have some catching up to do.

Standby for the forthcoming catch-up.

Womanless Pageant Next Door!

Is there anything as rare as a womanless pageant north of the Mason-Dixon Line?

That rare event will actually take place a mere 20 miles from home: at the Warner Theater in Torrington, CT on April 27.

Shannon clued me in about the event and I found this related article.

Dubbed the "Woah-Man Beauty Pageant," it is a fund-raiser for a local food bank with 43 local "girls" competing for the crown. A bridal shop will provide the dresses and gowns and hair salons will provide wigs and makeup.

I hope this is a trend and there will be more womanless pageants in this neck of the woods; maybe one that is so local that I will be able to participate.

High Heel Hangover

6 Steps to Getting Back on Your Feet Fast

By Neal M. Blitz, D.P.M., F.A.C.F.A.S., Chief of Foot Surgery and Associate Chairman of Orthopaedics, Bronx-Lebanon Hospital in New York

"It is no secret that high heels are 'bad' for your feet and over time they can cause all sorts of foot problems, but it's the day after wearing high heels that women can have major foot pain or discomfort. This day-after foot pain from wearing high heels is the called the 'High Heel Hangover'."

Read the rest of the story here on The Huffington Post.