Gender Stereotypes as an Affirmation

Celina Jacobson alerted me to a new article titled "10 Gender Stereotypes That Science Supports" that appears on the web site she works with.

The premise of the article is that "While on a whole, men and women are very similar both in their brains and in their abilities, there are some stereotypes that have held strong for a reason– because they are very often true. With new research, now there may even be modern medical science to back them up."

The article is an interesting read and I recommend it.

What I discovered personally interesting was that I found myself on the female side of seven of the gender stereotypes. Regarding the three remaining stereotypes, I could fall on either side of the driving skills and pain tolerance stereotypes, whereas I definitely fall on the male side of the drinking prowess stereotype, but I think that has more to do with my size than anything else (I am a big woman).

It all just affirms my belief that I am a woman.

One Thing Leads to Another

Changes

Mother Knows Best

Online with Fantasia Fair

Since I will presenting a workshop at Fantasia Fair next month, a description of my presentation appears here and my bio appears here.

By the way, the workshop description should read:

This workshop describes the care and feeding of a ridiculously popular transgender blog (www.femulate.org) that was once dubbed the "center of the blog universe." Stana, the woman behind the curtain, will reveal the secrets and strategies that made Femulate so successful that it averages nearly 6,000 hits per day. If you want to learn how to blog successfully or just want to hear the amusing trials and tribulations of a successful transgender blogger, be sure to attend this workshop.

I sent the revised description to the Fantasia Fair folks late last week, but due to the holiday weekend, they have not updated the web site yet.

By the way, during the past week, the blog had well over 6,000 hits on two days and one day, the hit count broke the 7,000 mark for a new high!

The success of the blog amazes and humbles me! All I can say is "Thank-you."

Happy Labor Day!

Click on the image to enlarge it.

Stana's Makeup — Part 5

In this last installment, I will describe how I do my lips and the final steps to achieve and maintain my "feminine best" look.

My Lips

To do my lips, I use a lip liner to define the outer edges of my lips, then I fill inside the lip lines with a lip color using a lipstick brush.

Lip color is like eye color, that is, some colors suit me that may not suit you and vice versa, so experiment to see what looks best. Whatever color you choose, the color of your lip liner should be just a few shades darker than your lip color unless you are going for a drag queen look, in which case your lip liner should be many, many shades darker than your lip color. (Yucko!)

Most of the lip liners and lip colors I use are from Avon. I have two shades of a lipstick that Avon discontinued that I love and usually wear these days because the results have a glossy finish without using lip gloss.

1) I use a well-sharpened lip liner pencil to apply lip liner to my upper and lower lips. In either case, I start the line at the middle of the lip and work outwards to the end of the lip line following the curve of my natural lip line.

If you have thin lips like I do, you can make them look bigger by applying the lip liner slightly outside the natural lip line, but don't go overboard because you can end up with clown-like lips (I lost count on how many times I have redone my lips in the past to avoid joining Barnum & Bailey.)

2) To apply lip color, I use a lipstick brush to fill in my lips between the lip liner. A brush provides better coverage where you want the color and avoids putting color where you don't want it, which can occur if you apply lip color directly from a lipstick tube.

3) I close my mouth on a piece of tissue paper to remove any excess.

4) I apply a light coat of translucent powder on my lips. This will hold the color you reapply for a longer period of time.

5) I usually reapply or touch up my lip liner.

6) I reapply my lip color.

7) Sometimes I apply a clear lip gloss over the lip color, but usually, I do not.

The Big Finish

I double check my makeup to make sure I look absolutely gorgeous and make any necessary corrections.

After fixing everything that needs fixing, I use my big powder brush to apply a light coat of translucent loose powder everywhere except on my eye and lip makeup.

Next, I close my eyes and spray a light coat of Makeup For Ever Mist & Fix on my face. Mist & Fix sets and seals the makeup, so you won't have to keep fixing your face the rest of the day.

Finally, I apply Chanel Eau de Cologne No. 22 to each of my pulse points: my wrists, between my breasts, behind my knees, behind my ears, and in the bends of my elbows.

From start to finish, it takes me about 40 minutes to do my makeup, but that is after decades of practice, so your mileage may vary.

No one ever said that being a femulator is easy? But the effort to look your feminine best is worth it!

Stana's Makeup — Part 4

In the previous installments of this series, I described prepping and shaving my face and the first half of my makeup application.

In my hurry to post the previous installment, I left out a step. Please refer to the update in the previous post so you won't miss anything.

In this installment, I will describe how I do my eyes, but before I begin, it is time to talk about tools.

I highly recommend using makeup brushes. The pros only use brushes. To achieve a professional look, you should use brushes, too, so throw away those foam applicators that came with your makeup and buy a good set of brushes (I bought mine from Avon).

While you are acquiring brushes, also buy a pencil sharpener to keep your makeup pencils sharp. (I use this one from Avon.) Always sharpen a pencil before using it to get the best results.

When I do my eyes and lips, I work from the top down (eyebrows, eyes, lips) so that any makeup that falls from the part I am working on will not land on a part of my face that I finished making-up.

My Eyebrows

Over time, I have thinned out my eyebrows to achieve a more feminine look. I used an Avon brow tweezer to remove all the strays above and below my eyebrows. (Avon discontinued the tweezer I use, but you can find eyebrow tweezers in the cosmetic department of any store.) Then I carefully removed more brow hair to achieve a feminine arch. This is tricky business, so take your time and go back and forth between your left and right brows so that they will look alike.

By the way, I found an excellent book on the subject titled Beautiful Brows: The Ultimate Guide to Styling, Shaping, and Maintaining Your Eyebrows by Nancy Parker and Nancy Kalish. You might want to consult that book before your tweezing gets out of hand!

I also use an Avon Electronic Brow Trimmer to trim the lengths of my brow hairs. (Avon also discontinued this product, but similar trimmers are for sale elsewhere.) Since some brow hairs grow back and brow hairs I did not tweeze keep on growing, I use the trimmer and tweezer regularly to maintain my eyebrows.

To color and define my brows, I use Anastasia Perfect Brow Pencil (Ultimate Brown is my color). Using the brush on the other end of the pencil, I comb out my brow hairs so they are lined up horizontally and pointing away from my nose.

Next, I sharpen the pencil to a very fine point and draw a line that defines the upper edge of my eyebrow. I start drawing the line above the inner corner of my eye (point A in the accompanying figure), angling upwards to the peak of the arch which is above the outer edge of the pupil of my eye (point B), then drawing the brow out to a point that lines up with my nose and the outer corner of my eye (point C). All the while I draw the line as close as possible to my existing brow hair.

After I define the tops of my eyebrows, I use the pencil to fill in the area below the line where the hair is thin or missing. Then I use the brush on the other end of the pencil to brush and even out the color I just applied.

My Eyes

I am always playing around with different techniques and colors to do my eyes. In order to play this way, I purchased a large collection of colors that allows me to try various color combinations.

Some colors suit me that may not suit you and vice versa; you will have to experiment to see what looks best on you. (By the way, my eye color is green.) Whatever colors you choose, be sure to use a different brush for each color you apply.

1) With a wide eyeshadow brush, I apply a very light beige shade of eye color to my lids, the crease of my eye, and the area below my brows.

2) I use an eyeliner brush to line my eyes by applying a very dark color (black or dark brown) along the upper and lower lash lines of each eye as close to the base of my lashes as possible.

Some girls prefer to use an eyeliner pencil, which is my second choice, and some girls prefer a liquid liner, which is my last choice. I prefer using a brush with a powder eye color because it achieves the look I desire — it defines my eyes, but it does so subtly.

3) After lining my eyes, I use a Q-tip to smudge the lines below my lower lashes to make the liner look even more subtle.

4) With a narrow eyeshadow brush, I apply a darker color (medium brown or violet, in my case) to the crease of my eye. I pick up the eye color with my brush, dab the center of the crease with the color, then I go back and forth with the brush using a windshield wiper-like motion to apply and blend the color throughout the crease.

5) You can use the same color or a darker color (dark brown or dark violet, in my case) to finish the eye shadowing. I pick up the eye color with my brush, dab the outer corners of my lids with the color to cover about one-third of the lids, then I sweep the color out towards my ears. I also blend the color towards the center of my lids so there is a gradual color change and no clear line of demarcation.

6) I reuse these same brushes and colors to blend, blend, and blend some more.

7) I curl my eyelashes with an eyelash curler, clamping the upper lashes of each eye for about 30 seconds each.

8) I use a metallic eyelash comb to separate all my lashes.

9) I apply black mascara. I have used many different mascaras over the years; some are better than others and I am always looking for something even better. Recently I received a free sample of Lancome Hypnose Drama Instant Full Body Volume Mascara. I like it a lot and it is my current mascara of choice.

When I remove the mascara wand from its container, there is usually a glob of mascara on the end of the brush. That glob can really mess things up, so either remove it with a tissue, or put the glob back into the container from whence it came.

I do my upper lashes, both tops and bottoms, by bringing the wand close to the base of my lashes, then sweeping the wand out while wiggling it slightly back and forth to get better lash coverage with the mascara. With my bottom lashes, I just do the tops of the lashes by touching the tip of the wand to the lashes.

10) I wait a few minutes for the mascara to dry, then I use the metallic eyelash brush to separate any lashes that are stuck together and to remove any globs of mascara.

11) I repeat the previous two steps at least once, usually twice and occasionally thrice.

12) I use a Q-tip to clean up any stray eye makeup that may have gone where no eye makeup should go.

In the final installment, I will describe how I do my lips and the final steps to achieve and maintain my "feminine best" look.

Stana's Makeup — Part 3

(Updated Below) After waiting 10 to 15 minute to let my skin absorb the moisturizers and skin care products I applied (as described here), I begin applying makeup.

Old lady that I am, I have bags under my eyes. To "hide" the bags, I apply a concealer in the shadows beneath the bags to lighten the shadows, thus making the bags less noticeable. I use Amazing Concealer, which goes a long way; a dime-size squirt of Amazing Concealer is enough to do both eyes.

Male woman that I am, I have a beard that I shave closely (as described here), but shaving is not enough. The whiskers below the skin are visible to one degree or another, so I apply a beard cover to the parts of my face where the whiskers show through, that is, between my mouth and nose, between my mouth and chin, and along the chin line below my cheeks. I use is BC-2, an orange-colored product of The Research Council of Makeup Artists, Inc. (RCMA) that I purchased from Alcone.

Old lady that I am, my beard has turned silver gray, so the whiskers under the skin are not as noticeable as they were before they turned gray. As a result, I don't have to use as much beard cover as I had in the past, just a little in the mustache area, if any. Often I go without. The below--the-skin whiskers are such a non-issue these days that a few people have complimented me on my electrolysis (I have never had electrolysis).

I use a powder foundation (Laura Mercier Foundation Powder shade #3) and I apply it with a brush. In the past, I used liquid foundations, but I was turned onto powder foundations during a makeover by a Sephora consultant. Powder foundations look more natural than liquid foundations. When I wore a liquid foundation, it looked like I was wearing a foundation, whereas when I wear a powder foundation, it looks like I am wearing nothing!

I apply the foundation to my face, ears, neck, and anything else below the neck that will show when I dress en femme. Everything should be the same color, otherwise it is obvious that you are wearing a foundation, not to mention that it looks odd.

Sometimes I use a sculpter and highlighter, sometimes I do not. It depends on the time of day and the event I am attending. The later in the day and the more glam the event, the more likely I will sculpt and highlight.

When I do, I use Laura Geller Shade-n-Sculpt, which includes the darker sculpter and lighter highlighter in one compact package along with a brush.

On her Web site, Laura describes how to use this product along with a blush, so why reinvent the wheel "Using my angled Sculpting Brush for both shades, remember to carefully tap off the first shade before using the second. Find the natural bone structure by feeling for the hollow of your cheeks. Starting at the center of your ear, stroke the sculpting shade along that hollow, ending in the apple of your cheek. Brush the lighter, highlighting shade directly above your cheekbone. Apply blush on top of the sculpting and highlighting shades, blending all of them together.

"To achieve a well sculpted jaw line, apply the sculpting shade right along your jawbone, and feather it downward, fading it out. For the illusion of a less full chin, apply the sculpting powder, under the chin and down the throat.

"To create the illusion of a straight, sculpted nose, lightly apply the sculpting shade along the sides of the nose. Always remember your light highlighting shade will be in the opposite areas of your sculpting powder. Apply the highlighter along the center of your forehead and down the center of your nose.

The blush I use during sculpting and highlighting is Makeup For Ever Sculpting Blush in 14 - Raspberry Brown.

In the next installments, I will describe how I do my eyes and lips to complete my "feminine best" look.

UPDATE: In my hurry to post this installment, I left out the following step:

After applying foundation, sculpter, highlighter, and blush, I use a large makeup brush to apply translucent loose powder all over my face and neck.

Stana's Makeup — Part 2

Before I discuss my makeup regime, I want to mention shaving.

Obviously, you want to be as beardless as possible before you begin becoming beautiful.

I have tried various methods to achieve the best beardless state including using hot shaving cream, a shaving lubricant in place of a shaving cream, cold shaving (icing the face, then using ice cold water to rinse the blade as you shave), dry shaving (no shaving cream or lubricant), etc. Some people swear by these methods, but I did not find that the results were any better than the old tried and true method, that is, using a shaving cream or gel, razor, and hot water.

The products I use for shaving are more important than how I use them. I use a shaving gel (like Edge or its copycats) instead of a shaving cream because I found that I get a better shave with a gel.

Also, I use Gillette's Fusion razor (the manual version, not the powered version). Fusion is the best razor I have ever used, by far, however, if you are prepping for an outing en femme, I recommend using a new blade or at a minimum, a blade you have used only once or twice, to get the best shave.

I shave in the shower. The steamy environment of the shower softens your whiskers, so they are easier to remove. Also, when you are done, it is easier to shower away all the shaved whiskers. By the way, I shave in the shower without a mirror and never nick myself; it takes practice, but not much.

After shaving and drying thoroughly, I apply eyelash serum (Avon ANEW Lash-Transforming Mascara + Serum), eye cream (Avon Solutions Plus+ Ageless Results Eye Cream), and moisturizers on my neck and face (Avon Solutions a.m. Ageless Results Day Cream SPF 15 on my neck and Philosophy When Hope Is Not Enough Replenishing Cream on my face).

Then I take a 10 to 15 minute break to let my skin absorb all the products I just applied before I proceed with my makeup regime.

A Pisces’ September

September could be an interesting month for Pisces (like me).

Pisces — February 20-March 20

Early in the month, confidence and career opportunities once again fall at your feet. The 21st ushers in a chance to attract others with your charisma, leading them to finally be on the same page as you. At month's end, a vacation has a destined feel, but it is what you don't plan that can revolutionize your life.

(Horoscope from Harper's Bazaar)

Stana's Makeup — Part 1

I received another request to describe how I apply my makeup. It has been awhile since the last time I wrote on that subject here, so "The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things."

Every morning, I maintain my face whether I am going out as a boy or a girl. Maintenance is very important if you want to look your feminine best.

For years, I never did any maintenance. When I went out en femme, I'd apply makeup to my unmaintained face and I looked good for a guy in drag, but I never achieved that "feminine best" look that I saw on other women.

Being an Avon lady, I occasionally receive free samples. About five years ago, I received a free sample of a product to deal with wrinkles around the eyes. Looking in the mirror at the wrinkles developing around my eyes, I decided to try the free sample.

After a week or so, the wrinkles were less noticeable. After a few weeks, I had to examine my eyes closely to find the wrinkles. So, I was sold on the eye cream and decided to experiment with other skin care products, primarily moisturizers

After five years of using skin care products, my wrinkles are hardly noticeable and my skin is smoother, more supple, and healthier-looking. My makeup goes on easier and looks better. Professional makeup consultants have complimented me on my complexion. And now I can achieve that "feminine best" look.

I cannot emphasize enough the need to maintain your skin on a daily basis. You cannot look your feminine best when you go out en femme unless you take care of your face everyday.

Every morning, after I shave, shower, and dry myself off, I maintain my face with the following products.

(I use a lot of Avon products because I am an Avon lady, so I get the stuff at cost (or free) and can experiment with different products inexpensively. These products work for me, but your mileage may vary, so try other products if you don't like what I use.)

Avon ANEW Lash-Transforming Mascara + Serum — I use the eyelash serum part of this two-part product to increase the length and fullness of my eyelashes. You apply it like liquid eyeliner, that is, along the lash line above your upper lashes and below your lower lashes, and not directly on your lashes.

Avon Solutions Plus+ Ageless Results Eye Cream — I apply the eye cream under my eyes to deal with wrinkles. It does not eliminate the wrinkles, but it does make them much less noticeable.

Avon Solutions a.m. Ageless Results Day Cream SPF 15 — I apply the day cream to my neck to deal with the redness that resulted from too much sun and not enough protection. It gets out the redness and softens the skin on my neck.

Philosophy When Hope Is Not Enough Replenishing Cream — This non-Avon product is a "night cream" that I use as a daytime moisturizer. I apply it all over my face except where I applied the eye serum and eye cream. I love this product; after I put it on, my face has a feminine glow and feels wonderful, too.

Every evening after dinner, I cleanse my face with an Avon facial cleansing product that is no longer available. When Avon discontinued it, I stocked up on the product and probably have a year's supply. There are lots of other facial cleansers on the market that you can use that will do the job; just don't use hand soap to cleanse your face!

After cleansing, I reapply the Avon eyelash serum.

Occasionally, I apply a night cream (Avon Solutions Maximum Moisture Night Cream) before I go to bed, but usually I don't because I forget or am so tired that I just want to go to sleep!

By the way, I never smoked and seldom drink alcoholic beverages. Both can have a negative effect on your skin.

That's all the maintenance I do. In the next installment, I will write about applying the actual makeup.

Back to Provincetown

Two years ago, I attended to Fantasia Fair. After attending the event, I wrote, "I had a wonderful time at Fantasia Fair and I am sure I would have a good time if I attended again, but weighing the cost versus the potential of growing more as a woman, I think my money would be better invested elsewhere."

Since writing those words, I have grown more as a woman... a lot more. I no longer think twice about going out en femme. I realize now that I really am a woman and that going out en femme affirms my being as a woman.

Growth as a woman is no longer a goal; it is time to experience life as a woman.

Provincetown is my kind of town and I want to experience it as a woman, rather than a transwoman trying to find herself. Also, I want to renew acquaintances with the folks I met the first time I attended the event.

So, I am attending Fantasia Fair this year for a half-week, from Sunday, October 17 through Wednesday, October 20.

In addition to attending, I will be presenting a workshop in which I describe the care and feeding of a ridiculously popular transgender blog that was once dubbed the "center of the blog universe."

I hope to see you in Provincetown.

Amazing Womanless Beauty Pageant Femulation

Aunty Marlena e-mailed me links to some Web sites documenting recent womanless beauty pageants. The best of the batch was a March 27 pageant at American Legion Wright Brothers Post 210 in Montgomery, AL.

There were a few above average femulations at that pageant; see for yourself here.

But this pageant also featured one of the best femulations I've ever seen in any womanless pageant. A tall, leggy blond named Tammy (photos above) stole the show and was crowned Miss-ter Post 210 for 2010.

My Story - Part 3

Click on the image to enlarge it.

New Shoes

Being a fashionista who buys online, I receive a dozen e-mails everyday advertising specials from the various online merchants I have bought from in the past. I usually look at the specials from my favorite online merchants like Spiegel, Newport-News, and Jessica London, but I seldom buy anything.

Today, I received an exclusive invitation (ooh-la-la!) to Spiegel's end-of-season private sale!

Perusing the sale, I fell in love with a pair of two-toned patent cutout 4-inch stiletto high-heeled sandals (photo above right). They cost a mere $19.99 (original price was $65) and they had my size, so I ordered a pair.

Nice deal!

More Males Modeling Female Attire

(Updated Below) Two years ago, I wondered here how many female models were actually males.

"Urban legend says that some of the fashion models wearing female finery on the catwalks of the fashion world are actually males... Trying to determine which female fashion models, if any, are actually male has been a futile endeavor."

Since writing that post, I have mentioned the few male female models I have learned about, for example, Terri Toye, Martin Cohn, Phillipe Blond, etc.

Yesterday, An Admirer commented on that two-year-old blog post. Unless you happened to be reading that two-year-old post, most of you likely missed the comment, so I am mentioning it here. An Admirer wrote, "I've noticed recently that transgendered girls are all over Model Mayhem ...What's even more interesting is that some admit they are male up front. Wow!"

An Admirer then lists some of the models who admit to being male in their profile.

AlexMariaBez (photo above) is one of those male female models; actually he is an "aspiring" model. Dunno how many of the male models on Model Mayhem are aspiring or actually working models. Regardless, the times they are a changing and more males are likely to join the Martin Cohns and Phillipe Blonds on the runways of the female modeling world.

UPDATE: Since originally posting this blog entry, AlexMariaBez changed her gender on her Model Mayhem profile from "male" to "female." She gave no reason for doing so.

Girl Talk

This morning, I went into the kitchenette at work for a coffee refill and found my female friend, Nan, who knows all about Stana, talking with another woman, Liz, who does not know about Stana, but might suspect something because she saw me crossdressed twice for two company Halloween parties. (I changed their names to protect the innocent.)

Liz was holding up a black cocktail dress and they were discussing the merits of the dress. Naturally, I was all ears.

I was just waiting for Nan to joke with me about the dress because just yesterday, Nan asked me how my never ending diet was going and I told her I had slimmed down from a dress size 18 to a size 14.

Nan said nothing, but smiled at me like the Cheshire Cat.

I was surprised when out-of-the-blue Liz asked me what I thought about the dress!

I did not feign disinterest. Instead, I examined the dress and told her it was very nice, especially for the price ($39 at Marshall's).

I am considering coming out to Liz; I can use another ally.

It's Bazaar!

Nearly two years ago, one of my credit cards offered free subscriptions to a bevy of magazines. The only magazine in the bevy that interested me was Harper's Bazaar. "Sophisticated, elegant and provocative, Harper's Bazaar is the fashion resource for women who are the first to buy the best, from casual to couture." That sounded like me, so I signed up for a free subscription.

When my free subscription was expiring last year, I received a bevy of letters urging me to renew. For my purposes, Harper's Bazaar was a look-book. I'd look at it once to see the fabulous fashions on display inside and then recycle it. A free subscription was suitable, a paid subscription was not, so I ignored the subscription renewal notices.

Guess what? The magazine renewed my subscription for free!

No explanation, no nothing. I assumed that they did not want to lose subscribers, which in turn might cause them to lose advertisers, so they renewed me for gratis.

The 502-page fall fashion issue of Bazaar arrived in the mail this week. Attached to its cover was a notice indicating that it was the last issue of my subscription and that I ought to renew.

I have no plans to renew my subscription, but I wonder if they will renew me again for free.

Next month will tell.

Revisiting Stana's Closet

On Monday, I wrote about my closet. That writing included a photo of my closet with my female clothing hanging on the closet rods and my high heels in shoe boxes stacked on the floor.

Did you notice what was not in my closet?

Me.

I was in the closet for a very long time. From my early teens until I joined a support group in the late 1980s, all my femulations were in the confines of my home (except for a handful of Halloween femulations).

My girl was cooped up in that home closet for almost 20 years, so when I finally attended a support group meeting, it was a breath of fresh air in comparison.

By attending support group meetings, I was out in "public" for the first time. I dressed at home and drove 30 minutes to the support group meeting place. During the drive, I was really out in the public albeit within the enclosure of my automobile.

At the meetings, I will argue that I was also out in "public" because at first, all the other attendees were strangers to me. They were as "public" to me as anyone I might encounter on a city street. Also, the faces of the attendees changed constantly with new folks showing up, while others dropped out, so there was almost always a new public to face at the meetings.

The support group occasionally sponsored outings to local restaurants. The group planned those outings in advance; the restaurants prepared for our outings and usually stuck us in a private room so that the other clientele, the "public," would not disturb us!

I regularly attended support group meetings for about years and was very active in the group editing their newsletter, as well as organizing the group's annual banquet.

After attending support group meetings for five years or so, I realized that the support group meeting hall was just a bigger closet located 30 miles up the Interstate from my home closet, so my girl was itching to get out in public a little farther.

So, I attended my first transgender convention. Now, the closet was huge and encompassed a whole hotel. I had such a wonderful time in the expanded closet that I attended a different trangender convention every year for about five or six years. Then I crashed into a closet wall again and realized that although the trans convention closet was very big, it was still a closet and I was stuck in it.

I considered my situation. I was not getting any younger and if I did not make a real effort to get out of the closet, I would never get out. The only thing preventing me from getting out of the closet was me.

I had a great fear of being recognized by the public as a natal male and being ridiculed (or worse) as a result. And despite a lot of evidence to the contrary that I could pass on occasion, I was sure that as soon as I stuck my high-heeled foot out in public, every civilian who encountered me would know the "truth." But my girl so wanted to go public and finally I made up my mind to do something about it.

On a cool November day four years ago, I shaved, showered, did my makeup, dressed, and drove to the mall. I dressed appropriately to fit in (and not stand out) by wearing a long black tunic sweater, "heather-gray" leggings, and the pant boots, but I sat in my car trying to get up the courage to go inside. After 20 minutes, I made up mind that "it was now or never" and I got out of my car and went into the mall.

My day out had its ups and downs (you can read about it in detail here. Some people read me and reacted in such a way that I knew that they read me, but most of the time, people paid little or no attention to me. So I assumed that (1) most people who read me were polite and did not react or (2) most people who read me did not care and did not react or (3) I passed.

In any case, I was out of the closet and it felt wonderful. That alone would have made my day, but my visit to Sephora was icing on the cake.

I sought some makeup advice, so I went to Sephora for a consultation. The consultant could not have been nicer. While she was experimenting with my face, I mentioned that I had beard cover under my foundation and that the reason I was wearing beard cover was because I was crossdressing.

I probably did not have to tell her I was crossdressing because up close and personal, she probably detected that fact. No matter, she said to me, "You only have one life to live and you should live it like you want. If someone has a problem, then it is their problem, not yours."

Wow! That was an epiphany!

Throughout my life, I always worried about what other people would think of me and if someone had a problem with me, I thought it was my fault, that is, I had done something wrong. The Sephora consultant turned that philosophy on its head and I realized that as long as I am not hurting anyone, I should live my life as I want to live it.

I felt so free!

After that, whenever the opportunity arose, I went out in public en femme. Shopping, shows, dining, outreach, seminars, a four-day stay in Manhattan, etc., over the past four years, I have embraced every opportunity to go out en femme and in the process, I discovered some important things.

The more I went out in public en femme, the more I passed. I was no longer nervous about going out en femme. Instead, I was relaxed and acted more naturally and people who might have read me, ignored me because I was not drawing attention to myself.

The more I went out en femme, I realized that being en femme was the real me. I no longer had to concentrate on femulating. Just acting as myself was more than enough because there was no longer a need to act as a woman because I really was a woman all along, but it took a long time to realize it.

Closets are for clothing, not people, so I urge you all to get out of the closet and be the woman you want to be. Maybe you will discover that you are a plain vanilla crossdresser or maybe you will discover that you have really been a woman all along.

By the way, the photo above shows me standing outside of my closet.