a modicum of decency

Maybe I’m just “old school,” maybe it’s my upbringing, maybe it has something to do with being born and raised in old Puritanical New England, maybe I’m a “prude;” whatever the reason, there are certain words that are not part of my vocabulary. Whether I am en femme or en homme, I just try not to use them

I admit that on occasion, those words have slipped out of my mouth, but they are “slips” and I always regret saying them.

On the other hand, when I write, I have time to reflect on what I am doing and correct any “slips,” so I never use those words in my writings. Moreover, I don’t want those words used in association with my writings; by that, I am referring to reader comments in this blog.

I just rejected a reader’s comment because he/she used one of those words and I will continue to reject any future comments that use those words.

By the way, the words are the seven that George Carlin referred to in his "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" routine back in 1972. Believe it or not, you still cannot say those seven words on American television today (and I won’t use them here).

tall Tuesday

The Famous Females of Height List team has been busy researching the height of new encounters of the female persuasion and has six new entries for the list.

5'8" – Lake Bell – actress – film: It's Complicated

5'8" – Emily Blunt (photo right) – actress – film: The Devil Wears Prada, The Young Victoria

5'8" – Melanie Lynskey – actress – TV: Two and a Half Men, film: Up in the Air

5'8" – Giuliana Rancic– celebrity news personality – TV: E! News

5'10" – Kristin Dos Santos – expert – TV: Countdown (to Golden Globe Awards)

6’0” – Ayla Brown – singer – TV: American Idol

Thank you, Peaches, for the Ayla Brown addition.

is my skirt too short?

Personally, there is some truth to “his fashion faux pas” that I posted here on Saturday. I have lost count the number of times I have gone out en femme and wondered about the length of my skirt (or lack thereof).

I am tall. The selection and availability of skirts and dresses in “tall” sizes is limited; even more so if you prefer something that is fashionable.

I am a fashionista and I prefer fashionable over practical, so most of the skirts and dresses I buy are cut for females of average rather than tall height. As a result, a hem above the knee for a female of average height turns out to be way above the knee on me. Not that there  is anything wrong with that.

I have shapely legs, or so I’ve been told. My mother often said I should have been a “girl” because I have such nice legs. The SO of a trans-friend of mine calls me “Leggy.” Countless other people claim that I have great legs. So, a short skirt on me is nothing to be ashamed of. And as they say, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.”

On the other hand, I don’t want to expose everything. So I go by the rule that my hemline should be no shorter than where the tips of my fingers reach down when standing upright (unlike Heidi Klum pictured above). I will admit that at times, I have violated that rule, but most of the time, I try to be a good girl and follow it.

his fashion faux pas

Click on the image to enlarge it.

it’s drag history month!

Wow – that was a close call! With only 9 days left, I almost missed it!

Courtesy of an e-missive from Ms. Jan Brown, I just learned that January is National Drag History Month.

According to the folks at Logo, “This month-long event salutes the richness of drag culture and pays tribute to the courageous queens & kings who have fought for equality while inspiring, educating & entertaining us all.”

In honor of the month, Logo has a bunch of related videos online.

I dunno about you, but as a long-time femulator, I have been accused of being a “drag queen” on occasion, so tonight, I plan to wrap a boa around my shoulders and view a few of the Logo videos.

ex-Catholic in a dress

Last June, when I spent a long weekend in New York City en femme, I visited Saint Patrick’s Cathedral.

This was a big deal for me. I was raised a Roman Catholic and my religion was the source of much needless guilt about crossdressing throughout my life. I overcame the guilt years ago and now I was entering the church for the first time en femme.

I thought that my visit would be like spitting in the eye of the Church of Rome. "Take that for all the pain and suffering you brought down upon me for so long." Instead of feeling vengeful, I felt wonderful. Your prodigal son has returned, but your son is now your daughter!

I stopped attending church about ten years ago. I began doubting the existence of a God about that time and about a year ago, switched from being an agnostic to an atheist.

“You’re too scientific,” my daughter said upon hearing that news.

I don’t know about being “too” scientific, but I do hold science in a much higher regard than religion.

So, why did I feel “wonderful” when I attended Mass en femme at Saint Pat’s last June?

Do I have some doubts about atheism like I do about religion?

Did I feel spiritual because I was in such a spiritual place?

Was it nostalgia for something that had previously been part of my weekly routine?

Was it simply the thrill of being out en femme in a new venue?

Can One Be Transgender and Catholic? (I Was)

Joanne Herman wrote an interesting article in The Huffington Post.

In the article, Ms. Herman addresses the following question:

If the Catholic Church instructs those who believe their inward gender is different from their outward gender to battle that belief as a psychological problem, not with surgery, why then would a transgender person choose to be Catholic?

no more mixed messages

Click on the image to enlarge it.

new bling-bling

Most of my jewelry is of the inexpensive costume variety. However, I recently received a gift certificate for LuShae Jewelry and I was able to add some real bling to my jewelry box.

After peruring LuShae's online catalog, I chose a pendant called Cluster of Ruby. Here is its catalog description:

The Cluster of Ruby CZ pendant is beautifully designed with ruby red CZ and round clear CZ all clustered together for that indulged look. It draws attention and adds style with elegance to your favorite top or dress. White Gold Rhodium Bond is achieved using an electroplating process that coats the item with heavy layers of rhodium, a close cousin of platinum that costs three times as much, which gives our jewelry a platinum luster.

The pendant arrived one week after I placed my order.

In this fashionista's opinion, the pendant is drop-dead gorgeous. It is one of the prettiest pieces of jewelry I own.

I look forward to wearing the pendant, but first I have to find earrings to go with it. And when I do, I plan to wear my new bling to a fancy occasion, probably to one of the formal affairs coming up in this spring.

Pageant, the movie

"With all hormone and surgical enhancements banned from the competition, contestants rely entirely on tricks of makeup and wardrobe."

That quote from Blockbuster's blurb for the film Pageant motivated me to add the film to my Blockbuster rental queue.

As a femulator, who does not take hormones or has had any surgical enhancements, I was very interested in viewing this documentary about the Miss Gay America competition. (I later discovered that surgical enhancements were forbidden below the neck, thus contestants could have their faces worked over as much as they desired and/or could afford.)

The film was in my queue for months. Blockbuster finally shook it loose and the DVD arrived in my mailbox on Saturday. I watched the film Saturday night.

I enjoyed the film, which concentrated on the lives of five of the 52 contestants. By the documentary's mid-point, I found myself really getting into the film because I was rooting for two of the five contestants; the others, not so much.

From a personal standpoint, I especially appreciated the documentation of the reactions of the contestants' families' and friends' when they discovered a femulator in their midst.

From a technical standpoint, there was not much how-to information in the film. There were just a few glimpses of how the contestants achieve breast cleavage and narrow waists, as well as how they apply their makeup.

For what it's worth, I achieve cleavage the the same way as the contestants. I use surgical tape to squeeze my boobs together, then I use light and dark highlighting makeup to make my cleavage appear deeper.

For narrow waists, the contestants tightly wrap their waistlines with duct tape (over their underwear). I prefer a waist cincher with corset lacing because duct tape leaves residue on your undies that is difficult to remove.

The makeup application was disappointing. Most of the contestants apply makeup to achieve a way-over-the-top drag queen look, whereas I was hoping their makeup application would more closely approximate a Miss America contestant look. I guess the drag queen look was to be expected because most of the contestants are professional drag queens.

I have been hankering to compete in a beauty pageant. Although I am almost a senior citizen, my looks are still acceptable and my lip-synching skills are getting better all the time.

I thought that maybe the Miss Gay America competition might provide an outlet for my hankering, but after viewing the film, I think I will have to look elsewhere. I know I could compete with the other contestants except in the talent competition. Like I said, most of the contestant are pros, so their talents/acts were very professional with staging, back-up dancers, etc. that would leave a mere lip-syncher like me in the dust.

Perhaps I can come up with a twist to my lip-synching that would make it more unique, but until then, wearing the Miss Gay America crown will remain a far-off dream.

genderfork and the boy-chick

I came upon Genderfork a few days ago and added it to my blog list.

Genderfork announces that it "explores androgyny and gender variance through artistic photography and other neat stuff."

And it is definitely "neat," but what interested me even more is that it is youth-oriented, more so than a blog like Femulate, which seems to attract a more mature crowd (not that there is anything wrong with that).

Genderfork provides an outlet for the young gender variant crowd, which I think is absolutely wonderful.

I am a little jealous because when I was young, there were no outlets for gender variant kids like me. For all I knew back then, there was something very wrong with me, so I kept my "problem" closeted for a very long time.

I wonder where I would be today if I was able to openly express my gender variance when I was young. Maybe I would have become a professional female impersonator. Maybe I would be living as a female 24/7. Maybe... maybe... maybe...

Anyway, I am very happy for today's kids. They have opportunities I never had and hopefully, they will use those opportunities to live their lives as they desire, not as society desires.

more tall ladies of note

Since my last Famous Females of Height List update, I have received additions from you readers. I thank you for your input.

Here are the latest tall ladies of note that I added to the Big List:

5’8” – Michaela Conlin – actress – TV: Bones – from Dani O

5'9" – Maxine Bahns – actress – films: The Brothers McMullen, She's the One – from me

5’9”– Paula Creamer – pro golfer – from Petra Bellejambes

5’9” – Emily Deschanel – actress, producer – TV: Bones – from Dani O

5’9” – Natalie Gulbis – pro golfer – from Petra Bellejambes

5'9" – Misty May-Treanor – Volleyball gold medalist – from Suzanne Moore

5'10" – Karen Elson – model – from Lee

5'10" – Alexandra Paul – actress – TV: Baywatch – from Lee

5’10” – Anna Rawson – pro golfer – from Petra Bellejambes

5'11" – Adrianne Palicki (photo above right) – actress – TV: Friday Night Lights – from me

6’3” – Kerri Walsh – Volleyball gold medalist – from Suzanne Moore

the other sweater dress

Originally, I planned to go out en femme twice during my roadtrip this past week, but snow on Monday evening cancelled one night out.

I did bring two outfits to wear for my two planned outings. I did not  want to waste packing for two, so I modeled the second outfit (the other sweater dress that I recently bought from Vicky’s) for my Canon Powershot.

The best photo of the shoot appears above right.

what’s on your mind?

Reflecting on my Wednesday evening out en femme, I realized that I tried to read the minds of everyone I encountered while I was out.

This was not a one time occurrence. Rather, it occurs any time I am out en femme.

Reviewing Wednesday evening is a good example of what I do.

the smoker

As I exited the hotel to drive to the restaurant, a young man was smoking a cigarette outside the exit. As I walked out the door, he gave me the once-over and I began trying to read his mind:

Why are you checking me out? Do I look pretty to you or do I look pretty bad? Am I the first tranny you ever saw? Just in case, I will sashay to my car to try to affirm my womanhood in your eyes.

the maître d’

Entering the restaurant, I encountered a 30-something maître d’. He smiled, welcomed me, and asked to take my coat.

As I removed my coat, I began mind-reading:

Do you think I am a woman or a man in a dress? Are you treating me nicely because you don’t care what I am, as long as I have money to spend or are you treating me nicely because I am an attractive female customer?

After he took my coat, he asked me to wait a second while he checked to see what tables were available and I continued mind-reading:

Are you looking for a table in a dark corner to hide the tranny or are you just looking for a table for one?

Turned out that the table was on the veranda amidst other customers.

the busgirl

After the maître d’ showed me to my table, a pretty 20-something busgirl came to my table to remove the extra place setting. She smiled broadly as she said “Good evening.”

After I returned my “good evening,” I tried to read her mind;

Why are you smiling at me like that? Are you on the verge of laughing at the man in a dress or are you just being very cordial?

the waiter

Next, a 20-something waiter arrived to take my drink order. He also had a big smile on his face and was very cordial.

Are you on the verge of laughing at me, too? Has the word spread amongst the whole restaurant staff that a tranny customer is in their midst?

the rest of the waitstaff

It seems I had the only male waiter in the restaurant. The other two that I saw were female and were young and pretty to boot. When I caught their eye, they smiled and said, “Hello.”

Are you checking out the tranny, too, or are you just being cordial?

the two women

Two women customers sat opposite me at a table situated 90 degrees to mine. If I looked straight ahead, I looked at them. I did not want to be rude, so I tried looking out the window to my left or into the restaurant on my right, but my vision always reverted back to them and I am sure they were aware of my predicament.

Finally, the younger of the two looked my way, caught my eye, smiled and asked me, “How are you?”

That broke the ice and we three made pleasant small talk for awhile and as I wrote in my previous blog posting, they seemed to accept me as another woman, but that did not stop my mind-reading:

Was my voice too low when I last spoke? Did I give myself away? Did I put some doubts in their mind about my womanhood? Will they kick me out of the “girls’ club” now?

If they had any doubts, they did not indicate it because we continued speaking off and on until they left.

and so it goes

That’s me: always the perfectionist, never satisfied, always worried that my femulation is lacking in some way.

Mind-reading does not prevent me from enjoying my times out en femme, but I wonder if I would find more enjoyment if I did not worry.

On the other hand, maybe my concern about my femulation makes me a better femulator. I want to be the best woman I can be, so perhaps the mind-reading helps me to achieve that goal.

accepted into the club

I left work at 5:30 PM and returned to my hotel room five minutes later to prepare for an evening out en femme.

I femulated in record time: less than 75 minutes. I wore my new sweater dress from Victoria's Secret, dark brown tights, and my black patent peep-toe platform slingback pumps (my favorite pair of shoes these days... they are very high heels, very sexy, very comfy, and very very).

I asked one of my female co-workers who lives locally what nice restaurants were in the area. She suggested three and I was familiar with one because I passed it on my way to work. It was in an old Victorian house, which was very picturesque and only one mile from my hotel, so that is where I planned to dine.

Leaving my hotel room was a little exciting. My boss and some other co-workers were staying in the same hotel on the same floor just down the hall from me. So, I opened the door slowly and peeked down the hall. It was all clear, so I exited to my car conveniently parked just outside the nearest exit, which was adjacent to my room.

I arrived at the restaurant and a 30-something fellow greeted me and asked to take my coat (what a gentleman!). He seated me on the veranda at a table for two.

The veranda was full, but I sat with my back to most of the other customers. However, there were two women seated adjacent to me, one about my age and one maybe 20 years younger. They engaged me in conversation and we talked about the weather, where we lived, and the dessert menu among other things. They let me join their club (the Girl's Club) and it was wonderful!

Dinner was excellent and the waitstaff treated me perfectly. Being a college town, they all seemed to be college-aged, but I could be wrong. I asked my waiter to take my photo and he happily obliged; that photo accompanies this post.

The waitstaff was in no hurry and neither was I, so I spent nearly two hours in the restaurant. I reluctantly left around 9 PM, returned to my hotel, and found a parking spot right in front of the main entrance, which was ideal for checking out in the morning.

Although my boss and co-workers were staying in the hotel, I felt confident that no one would recognize me as long as they did not see me enter (or exit) my room. So I strutted my stuff through the main entrance and the lobby with my high heels clicking loudly on the marble floor.

I returned to my room without encountering any co-workers, stayed en femme for awhile and cherished the moments out en femme.

out en femme tomorrow

Wednesday evening, I plan to go out to dinner en femme.

I will have a full report here as soon as possible.

left or a right?

Is there is a disproportionate left handedness among the transgendered?

Take Leslie Ann's poll and we will find out.

roadtrip - day 1

I spent half the day on the road. About 30 minutes after arriving at my destination, it began snowing, so I decided not to go out en femme this evening.

Tuesday evening, I will be dining with my boss, so it looks like Wednesday evening will be my next chance to go out en femme.

just one of those days

Click on the image to enlarge it.

a period of adjustment

Click on the image to enlarge it.