what’s on your mind?

Reflecting on my Wednesday evening out en femme, I realized that I tried to read the minds of everyone I encountered while I was out.

This was not a one time occurrence. Rather, it occurs any time I am out en femme.

Reviewing Wednesday evening is a good example of what I do.

the smoker

As I exited the hotel to drive to the restaurant, a young man was smoking a cigarette outside the exit. As I walked out the door, he gave me the once-over and I began trying to read his mind:

Why are you checking me out? Do I look pretty to you or do I look pretty bad? Am I the first tranny you ever saw? Just in case, I will sashay to my car to try to affirm my womanhood in your eyes.

the maître d’

Entering the restaurant, I encountered a 30-something maître d’. He smiled, welcomed me, and asked to take my coat.

As I removed my coat, I began mind-reading:

Do you think I am a woman or a man in a dress? Are you treating me nicely because you don’t care what I am, as long as I have money to spend or are you treating me nicely because I am an attractive female customer?

After he took my coat, he asked me to wait a second while he checked to see what tables were available and I continued mind-reading:

Are you looking for a table in a dark corner to hide the tranny or are you just looking for a table for one?

Turned out that the table was on the veranda amidst other customers.

the busgirl

After the maître d’ showed me to my table, a pretty 20-something busgirl came to my table to remove the extra place setting. She smiled broadly as she said “Good evening.”

After I returned my “good evening,” I tried to read her mind;

Why are you smiling at me like that? Are you on the verge of laughing at the man in a dress or are you just being very cordial?

the waiter

Next, a 20-something waiter arrived to take my drink order. He also had a big smile on his face and was very cordial.

Are you on the verge of laughing at me, too? Has the word spread amongst the whole restaurant staff that a tranny customer is in their midst?

the rest of the waitstaff

It seems I had the only male waiter in the restaurant. The other two that I saw were female and were young and pretty to boot. When I caught their eye, they smiled and said, “Hello.”

Are you checking out the tranny, too, or are you just being cordial?

the two women

Two women customers sat opposite me at a table situated 90 degrees to mine. If I looked straight ahead, I looked at them. I did not want to be rude, so I tried looking out the window to my left or into the restaurant on my right, but my vision always reverted back to them and I am sure they were aware of my predicament.

Finally, the younger of the two looked my way, caught my eye, smiled and asked me, “How are you?”

That broke the ice and we three made pleasant small talk for awhile and as I wrote in my previous blog posting, they seemed to accept me as another woman, but that did not stop my mind-reading:

Was my voice too low when I last spoke? Did I give myself away? Did I put some doubts in their mind about my womanhood? Will they kick me out of the “girls’ club” now?

If they had any doubts, they did not indicate it because we continued speaking off and on until they left.

and so it goes

That’s me: always the perfectionist, never satisfied, always worried that my femulation is lacking in some way.

Mind-reading does not prevent me from enjoying my times out en femme, but I wonder if I would find more enjoyment if I did not worry.

On the other hand, maybe my concern about my femulation makes me a better femulator. I want to be the best woman I can be, so perhaps the mind-reading helps me to achieve that goal.

accepted into the club

I left work at 5:30 PM and returned to my hotel room five minutes later to prepare for an evening out en femme.

I femulated in record time: less than 75 minutes. I wore my new sweater dress from Victoria's Secret, dark brown tights, and my black patent peep-toe platform slingback pumps (my favorite pair of shoes these days... they are very high heels, very sexy, very comfy, and very very).

I asked one of my female co-workers who lives locally what nice restaurants were in the area. She suggested three and I was familiar with one because I passed it on my way to work. It was in an old Victorian house, which was very picturesque and only one mile from my hotel, so that is where I planned to dine.

Leaving my hotel room was a little exciting. My boss and some other co-workers were staying in the same hotel on the same floor just down the hall from me. So, I opened the door slowly and peeked down the hall. It was all clear, so I exited to my car conveniently parked just outside the nearest exit, which was adjacent to my room.

I arrived at the restaurant and a 30-something fellow greeted me and asked to take my coat (what a gentleman!). He seated me on the veranda at a table for two.

The veranda was full, but I sat with my back to most of the other customers. However, there were two women seated adjacent to me, one about my age and one maybe 20 years younger. They engaged me in conversation and we talked about the weather, where we lived, and the dessert menu among other things. They let me join their club (the Girl's Club) and it was wonderful!

Dinner was excellent and the waitstaff treated me perfectly. Being a college town, they all seemed to be college-aged, but I could be wrong. I asked my waiter to take my photo and he happily obliged; that photo accompanies this post.

The waitstaff was in no hurry and neither was I, so I spent nearly two hours in the restaurant. I reluctantly left around 9 PM, returned to my hotel, and found a parking spot right in front of the main entrance, which was ideal for checking out in the morning.

Although my boss and co-workers were staying in the hotel, I felt confident that no one would recognize me as long as they did not see me enter (or exit) my room. So I strutted my stuff through the main entrance and the lobby with my high heels clicking loudly on the marble floor.

I returned to my room without encountering any co-workers, stayed en femme for awhile and cherished the moments out en femme.

out en femme tomorrow

Wednesday evening, I plan to go out to dinner en femme.

I will have a full report here as soon as possible.

left or a right?

Is there is a disproportionate left handedness among the transgendered?

Take Leslie Ann's poll and we will find out.

roadtrip - day 1

I spent half the day on the road. About 30 minutes after arriving at my destination, it began snowing, so I decided not to go out en femme this evening.

Tuesday evening, I will be dining with my boss, so it looks like Wednesday evening will be my next chance to go out en femme.

just one of those days

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a period of adjustment

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rent the runway

Back in the fall, when I was looking for a dress to wear to the formal I attended in November, I received an e-mail inviting me to visit a new web site called Rent the Runway.

The concept of Rent the Runway (RTR) is to rent (not buy) designer gowns off the fashion runway to wear to a formal, semi-formal or whatever event you desired. You pick the dress you wanted for the date you wanted and RTR mailed it to you in two sizes, in case the size you originally picked does not fit. After the event, you mail the dresses back using a prepaid mailing package.

This made perfect sense to me.

I have a small collection of formal and semi-formal dresses that I only wore once or twice and that I will probably never wear again. Going the RTR route, I could rent a designer gown, wear it to an event, shock and awe the other attendees, then send it back the morning after (RTR takes care of the dry cleaning).

The rental fees are reasonable considering the original price tag of the dresses (a price I could ill afford unless I was buying my wedding gown). For example, I could rent the Diane von Furstenberg (my favorite designer) dress pictured above for $75; its retail price is $625.

I perused the dress selection and there were lots of dresses calling my name, so I signed up and picked out a dress to wear to my November formal. Then, I sadly discovered that RTR's dress selection only goes up to Size 12. Close, but no cigar. Maybe if I lose a few more pounds and have a few ribs removed... nevermind.

So, RTR was not for me, but if you are a Size 12 or smaller, it might be a good deal for you.

the Letterman thing

On The Tonight Show last year, Conan O'Brien told a joke at the expense of the transgender community. I was disappointed and the joke left a sour taste in my mouth because I like O'Brien.

A few nights ago, the same thing occurred on David Letterman's The Late Show, that is, a joke was told at the expense of the transgender community. I was very disappointed because I like Letterman much more than I like O'Brien.

I know that I shouldn't take these things personally, but I do. It is like your favorite uncle telling you that you are fat.

There is no need to make jokes at the expense of an innocent and downtrodden group of people. Letterman should stick to jokes about Sarah Palin; she deserves it, but my trans brothers, sisters and I don't deserve to be the butt of any jokes.

P.S. Last night, Jay Leno told a joke on his show that was at the expense of the transgender community. I was not disappointed because I don't like Leno. I don't expect much from him, so he never disappoints me.

P.P.S. The beautiful woman in the photo above is Amanda Simpson. President Obama recently appointed her to a position in the U.S. Commerce Department and that appointment was the basis of the jokes by Letterman and Leno, not to mention much discontent from the conservative side of the political spectrum.

roadtrip next week

Monday morning, the first thing the boss tells me is that I have to go on a roadtrip next week, which means I will have three evenings to myself to do whatever I please.

What pleases me the most is to go out en femme, so I will bring along my femulation gear and be Staci Lana at least one night of the three.

I will definitely do dinner and maybe some shopping. I am already looking forward to it!

the new macho cocktail dress

I buy online and as a result, I receive e-mails from the retailers I patronize.

One of the retailers that sends me an e-mail daily is Newport News. Today’s e-mail advertised their “new, femme cargo pant.”

I looked at the pants and the only thing feminine about the pants are the female models wearing them. I imagine the pants are cut and sized for females, but otherwise they look exactly like homme cargo pants.

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, so I would not put it past a retailer trying to palm off women’s clothing on the male population by calling the women’s wear “macho” or “manly” or somesuch with males modeling the clothing.

Works for me!

Should I Femulate?

Readers of this blog may be interested in reading the current post and comments on Calie's blog titled "Should I Femulate?"

winning ways

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How To Make Larger Feet Look Smaller

Updated Below

I wear a woman's size 11 Wide in shoes. Sometimes a size 11 Regular or 10-1/2 Wide will fit, too, but usually it's an 11 Wide for me.

No matter which size fits, I still have big feet for a woman.

Over the years, I have learned to avoid shoes with pointed toes. They add unnecessary length to the shoe and just make my foot look bigger.

I have no other secrets on how to make my feet look smaller or, at least, not bigger, until now.

Since I love my woman's shoes, I subscribe to Zappos.com Daily Shoe Digest e-mail list and on Friday, one of the topics on the list was "How To Make Larger Feet Look Smaller."

Here are the pertinent e-mails on the topic:

Angie started the ball rolling with, "I have wear a size 11 shoe and hate wearing actual shoes with shorts because my feet always look enormous when I do. I am very self conscious about how large my feet are in many cases and I was wondering if there were any shoes that gave the effect of smaller feet and are still attractive looking that I would feel better about wearing."

Niki responded, "Any shoe that lifts your heel off the ground a more than a flat does would give the effect of an overall shorter foot. You could get away with a 1-1/2" to 2" espadrille wedge with shorts. Because your foot is bent to accommodate the higher heel, it really is physically shorter from toe to heel when measured on a flat surface."

Jeanne wrote, "Large feet are beautiful, learn to love them as they are. If you still want to shorten the look a bit, find a gladiator style that has lots of straps that are more on the delicate side than the thick and rugged side, because the multitude of straps will break up your feet and make them appear a bit smaller, and a more delicate series of straps will not add a bulky look. Also, go for a dark/er nail polish."

Finger Laker wrote, "If your feet are healthy, who cares how big they are! Size 11 is pretty average this day and age.

"PS. Try Mary Jane's...they visually make the foot look shorter."

TJ wrote, "You want to avoid pointy toe shoes. Rounded toes, squared toes make your foot look smaller. The shortest vamp designs make them look the smallest. This is the length from the toe to the throat of the shoe. Tailored ballerina styles are famous for making your feet look smaller. Dressy loafers too if the vamp is short, like many of the newer styles. There are probably more designs too, but these I know work.

Lori wrote, "These are the tricks I've found over the last 40+ years for making my
feet appear smaller:

"1. Opened back shoes like mules or clogs give the impression is that your foot is only as long as the clog.

"2. Medium vamps are best. Short vamps can expose too much skin; long vamps (especially those up to the ankle) give you Frankenfeet.

"3. At least an inch heel.

"4. Arch support if you have flat feet...reduces the boat effect.

"5. Shoes with seams, straps or details that run crosswise can help the foot look wider and shorter.

"6. Pointed toe shoes not only look longer, but they also actually add some length to your foot (but if you have shapely, willowy legs ala Nicole Kidman go for it...no one will be looking at your feet!). Rounded toes are best...square toes can be okay too.

"Sometimes I find a great shoe that uses none of these tricks...they just work. Bottom line: Make sure the shoe fits as foot problems later in life are HUGE drag! And remember, when I was young, there were few styles available for long feet and they were EXTREMELY ugly and made me feel & look like a freak. The selection now is so much better for women with long feet...and for the first time I can go a little shoe crazy."

***

I hope you will find those tips useful.

And if you are interested, you can subscribe to Zappos.com Daily Shoe Digest here.

***

UPDATE: Another response to the question appeared in Monday's installment of Zappos.com Daily Shoe Digest:

Cindy TX wrote, "Avoid shoes with chunky soles and stitching outside the edge of the sole where they meet the shoe. And avoid added decoration, like a bow, at the back of the shoe; it would add visual length. Ankle ties - like some sandals and espadrilles have - would also add to the visual size of the foot.

"Try for wedge heels that cut under toward the bottom; it provides the optical illusion of a shorter shoe. For dressier shoes, Louie heels are good: they go forward into a nice curve; plus, they add visual curve to the calf."

UPDATE: Wednesday's installment of Zappos.com Daily Shoe Digest had two more responses:

Pam responded, "I wear a size 9 and Earth Shoes make my feet look absolutely petite. Some people can't wear the negative heel. I find it stretching and relaxing for my leg. Some don't like rounded toe box, but I prefer them over pointier shoes that I find 'bend' at the point after very few wearings.

India wrote, "I wear a 12 narrow - sometimes 13N in VanEli shoes -- and anything that is multi-colored or multi-textured tends to make your feet look shorter. I have a pair of black leather and patent (toe is patent with a little bow) flats. I have had them re-soled 3 times. My 12N feet look two sizes smaller. Loafers also make your feet look smaller. I agree that dainty, thin strappy shoes are flattering, as well as loafers."

my dream diary

I have been documenting all my trans-related dreams here and this is a new entry.

Last night, I dreamed I was preparing to play a woman's part in a stage play.

That is all I remember.

A Major Award

Petra Bellejambes of Voyages en Rose fame bestowed a major award upon yours truly: the Beautiful Blogger Award.

Sure I am a "blogger," but I dunno about the "beautiful" part. However, I am honored to receive recognition for this little spot on the Internet. Thank you, Petra, for the tribute.

The award does come with the some responsibilities.

1. I must thank the person who bestowed this honor upon me. Thank you again, Petra.

2. Copy the award and place it on my blog. Done.

3. Link to the bestowers’ site. Done.

4. Enumerate seven interesting things about yourself. Here they are:

• I own 64 pairs of shoes; two male pairs, 62 female pairs.

• I am such a perfectionist, i.e., anal retentive, that I actually counted my shoes before I wrote the previous entry.

• I attended the original Woodstock Music & Art Fair back in 1969.

• My first book sold enough copies to pay off the mortgage on my first house.

• I have an excellent sense of humor.

• I am a left-wing liberal and an atheist.

• I wanted to be a female impersonator when I grew up.

5. Nominate seven bloggers that you find beautiful. Here are my nominees for the Beautiful Blogger Award (in alphabetical order):

• Calie at Calie's Chronicles

• Diana at Diana’s Little Corner in the Nutmeg State

• Elaine Armen at Elaine's T* Art Blog

• Helen Boyd at en|Gender

• Jenna Elizabeth at Non-Cisgender

• Jodie Morgetron at Tres Bizarre

• Rebecca at Beck's Cafe

All seven of my nominees are bloggers, who are classically beautiful and most deserving of the award. Congratulations to them all.

last lengthy additions of 2009

Femulate closes 2009 with some new additions to the Famous Females of Height List:

5'8" - Marisa Miller - model

5’8” – Rosalind Russell – actress - films - born in my hometown

5'9" - Bar Refaeli - model

5'9" - Diane Sawyer - news reporter - television

5'11" - Brooke Hogan - singer - daughter of Hulk Hogan

5'11" - Hilary Rhoda - model (photo right)

6'3" - Katrina Hancock - sports reporter (Detroit area) - television

6'8" - Amazon Eve - model

Thank you Elaine Armen and JayCee for the Amazon Eve info, Meg Winters for Hilary Rhoda, Susan McDonnell for Katrina Hancock , and Suzanne Moore for Brooke Hogan.

my knee jerk

The story about the Pawlenty Newsweek interview came over the mojo wire late Monday night just as I was preparing to go to bed.

I was so outraged by the story that I quickly wrote about it here, then went to bed. In my outrage, I called Pawlenty a "Nazi" in both the title and text of my blog.

Next morning, I awoke and started having writer's regrets about calling Pawlenty a "Nazi."

To justify my name calling, I added the "update" to the post, which summarized the persecution of LGBT folks under the Nazi regime.

I still had writer's regrets and midday yesterday, I struck the word "Nazi" from the blog's title and replaced it with "transphobic." (I also struck that word from the first line of the post and replaced it with nothing.)

"Transphobic" was such a better choice than "Nazi." If I had not been so hasty publishing the original post, I like to think I would have used "transphobic" in the first place (after I calmed down about the story).

Sorry if I offended anybody with my first choice. Pawlenty is no more a "Nazi" than Obama is a "socialist," "communist," "fascist," or any other name the tea-baggers like to use when referring to our President.

On the other hand, what Pawlenty suggested is certainly on the road to a place I do not want to see our country go and he should be called out on it.

a proud parent

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Beware: transphobic Pawlenty wants to be our next president

Transgender advocates slammed Pawlenty over anti-transgender remarks in Newsweek interview.

Read all about it here.

UPDATE: Below is a brief history (courtesy of Wikipedia) of how the Nazi regime persecuted LGBTs. Don't think for a minute that certain factions on the right would not like to see the same thing happen in the USA; Pawlenty's pandering to these groups just strengthens their resolve and he deserves to be called out on it.

"In late February 1933, as the moderating influence of Ernst Röhm weakened, the Nazi Party launched its purge of homosexual (gay, lesbian, and bisexual; then known as homophile) clubs in Berlin, outlawed sex publications, and banned organized gay groups. As a consequence, many fled Germany (e.g., Erika Mann, Richard Plaut). In March 1933, Kurt Hiller, the main organizer of Magnus Hirschfeld's Institute of Sex Research, was sent to a concentration camp.

"On May 6, 1933, Nazi Youth of the Deutsche Studentenschaft made an organised attack on the Institute of Sex Research. A few days later the Institute's library and archives were publicly hauled out and burned in the streets of the Opernplatz. Around 20,000 books and journals, and 5,000 images, were destroyed. Also seized were the Institute's extensive lists of names and addresses of LGBT people. In the midst of the burning, Joseph Goebbels gave a political speech to a crowd of around 40,000 people. Hitler initially protected Röhm from other elements of the Nazi Party which held his homosexuality to be a violation of the party's strong anti-gay policy. However, Hitler later changed course when he perceived Röhm to be a potential threat to his power. During the Night of the Long Knives in 1934, a purge of those who Hitler deemed threats to his power took place. He had Röhm murdered and used Röhm's homosexuality as a justification to suppress outrage within the ranks of the SA. After solidifying his power, Hitler would include gay men among those sent to concentration camps during the Holocaust.

"Himmler had initially been a supporter of Röhm, arguing that the charges of homosexuality against him were manufactured by Jews. But after the purge, Hitler elevated Himmler's status and he became very active in the suppression of homosexuality. He exclaimed, 'We must exterminate these people root and branch... the homosexual must be eliminated.' (Plant, 1986, p. 99).
Memorial to Gay Victims of the Holocaust in Berlin (its inscription: Totgeschlagen - Totgeschwiegen (Struck Dead - Hushed Up))

"Shortly after the purge in 1934, a special division of the Gestapo was instituted to compile lists of gay individuals. In 1936, Heinrich Himmler, Chief of the SS, created the 'Reich Central Office for the Combating of Homosexuality and Abortion.'

"Gays were not initially treated in the same fashion as the Jews, however; Nazi Germany thought of German gay men as part of the 'Master Race' and sought to force gay men into sexual and social conformity. Gay men who would or could not conform and feign a switch in sexual orientation were sent to concentration camps under the 'Extermination Through Work' campaign.

"More than one million gay German men were targeted, of whom at least 100,000 were arrested and 50,000 were serving prison terms as convicted gay men. Hundreds of European gay men living under Nazi occupation were castrated under court order.

"Some persecuted under these laws would not have identified themselves as gay. Such 'anti-homosexual' laws were widespread throughout the western world until the 1960s and 1970s, so many gay men did not feel safe to come forward with their stories until the 1970s when many so-called 'sodomy laws' were repealed.

"Lesbians were not widely persecuted under Nazi anti-gay laws, as it was considered easier to persuade or force them to comply with accepted heterosexual behavior. However, they were viewed as a threat to state values and were often branded 'anti-social.'"