when the high heel shoe is on the other foot

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2009: my favorite year (so far)

Year-end reviews appear everywhere this time of year*, so I thought I would jump on the bandwagon and present my own year-end review.

This was a banner year for me and my blog.

Femulate readership more than doubled during 2009. A year ago, Femulate averaged just under 1500 hits per day; today, the blog averages over 3000 hits per day.

A year ago, 600 first-time visitors showed up per day; today, that average is 1300 per day.

Most telling is the repeat visitor statistic. A year ago, repeat visitors averaged 150 per day. Today, that statistic has more than tripled with an average of 475 repeat visitors per day! So, thank you to all my loyal readers.

There were two significant spikes in hits during the past year.

The first occurred during my trip to New York City. The hit count jumped as I began penning my trip diary and the count remained steady until the end of that diary. Then there was a hit count drop-off as the summer Internet doldrums kicked in.

The second significant spike occurred a few days before Halloween. It was as if everyone's femulation alarm clocks sounded off at the same time. But unlike the June jump in hits, a drop-off did not follow and the hit count has been impressive ever since with an all-time high hit count of 3628 occurring on December 1.

Enough with the statistics. On a personal front, this has been a fantastic year for me.

I have absolutely no fear about going out anywhere en femme. That was pretty much fait accompli in 2008, but this year, I was able to overcome the one big fear I still had when I went out: encounters with males.

I had no trouble mixing it up with females, but I avoided males whenever possible. In general, I think females (except those who may be "family") are more accepting of transwoman than males.

When I encounter females when I am out en femme, some may not figure me out and as a result, they just treat me like another female. Those who do figure me out seem to respect my desire to be a member of their club and they also treat me like another female. I can count on one hand the negative encounters I have had with females when I am en femme.

Males are something else altogether. I worried how males would react if they figured me out when I was out en femme. I did not want to find out the hard way, so that is why I avoided males. On the other hand, it is impossible to avoid all encounters with males and I can truly say that I cannot recall any negative encounters with the males I could not avoid, but I still continued to avoid them whenever I could.

Visiting New York City for four days en femme, I realized that it would be difficult to avoid the millions of males that populate Manhattan. I overcame the problem the very first evening I was in the Big Apple.

I had checked into my hotel and had changed into female mode for a night out with some local trans friends. While I was waiting to go out, I was adjusting the thermostat in my hotel room and managed to knock out the air conditioning. It was warm and I did not want to be without AC, so I called the front desk, and they said they would send up a repairmen.

In the past, I would have gotten back into boy mode as quickly as I could so I would not have to face the repairman en femme, but that evening, I decided that the repairman would not be the last male I would encounter during my NYC visit, so I remained en femme.

The repairman arrived, reset the AC, and was out the door in less than two minutes. He was pleasant and interacted with me as if nothing was amiss (other than the AC).

That interaction with the repairman set the tone for the rest of my stay in NYC as well as the rest of my stay on the planet Earth. I no longer fear encounters with males and I stopped avoiding them.

During my stay in NYC, I had no negative encounters with males. In fact, I had some positive encounters. Two males addressed me as "hon" (as in short for "honey"). And another male blew me a kiss while I was shopping in Sephora.

Those positive encounters convinced me that I was successfully passing as a female some of the time (and if you can make it as a female in New York City, you can make it as a female anywhere). My confidence was at an all-time high and has remained at that level ever since.

On another personal note, I came to the realization this year that I am a woman.

As I wrote in November, "I am not a woman trapped in a man's body, I am really a woman. I think as a woman, I emote as a woman, I act as a woman, I speak as a woman, and whenever the opportunity arises, I present as a woman. To most of my acquaintances I am the most womanly male they know and that's because I really am a woman.

"True, my container is male (more or less), but its contents are 100% female.

"I am very adverse to fooling around with my container. Many things can go wrong and so far, my container has held up pretty well, so why mess with it. As a result, I have no interest in taking hormones or having surgery to modify my container so that it matches its contents.

"I am very happy being a woman and very glad that I am not a 'man.' I might be happier if I could present as a woman all of the time, but I have made choices in my life that make that impossible. So I live part-time as a male and part-time as a female, but no matter how I live, I am a woman all the time.

So that summarizes my year.

I accomplished a lot (I even managed to lose 10 pounds) and I am very happy with myself these days.

What will next year bring?

I am very excited about the prospects and wonder what I will be writing about one year from now.

* When else would you expect a year-end review, Bozo?

dressing with a little help from my friends

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Happy Christmas

Have yourself a merry little Christmas!

Love,

Staci

(And here is another photo from my Wednesday evening visit to the Mohegan Sun casino.)

my amazing Amazon evening

Yesterday, I had a spectacular outing en femme.

I was dressed and out the door at 4 PM and drove to Middletown to dine with friends at an upscale restaurant. I was the first to arrive. A waitress seated me at our table and I ordered a mango martini.

My friends arrived a few minutes later: Maryann and Carole, the couple I have done outreach with so many times in the past, Robin and Arline, another couple who I have known for years, and one of my oldest trans friends, Diana.

Surprise! After Diana arrived, she announced that she was buying my dinner (in appreciation for some editing I have done for her recently). Thank-you, Diana.

The dinner and dinner conversation were excellent.

I told everyone that I was undecided about going to the Mohegan Sun casino after dinner. I was a little nervous about going by myself and needed a little encouragement.

Robin provided the encouragement. She has been to the casino numerous times en femme and said that I would have "no problem."

We departed around 7:15 PM and I drove 40 minutes to the casino. I never use valet parking, but it was so cold last night, I did not feel like walking through a damp, cold, and dimly-lit parking garage, so I pulled up to the entrance of the casino, gave the valet my car keys, and sashayed inside. I checked my coat and was ready to have some fun at the "Sun."

I immediately noticed that I was one of the few women in the casino wearing a dress (and a very nice dress at that). As a result, I caught men and women eyeing me at various times during my visit.

You can never be sure if they are looking because you are looking good or because you are looking trans, however, I do know I passed some of the time because while I was walking through the casino shopping mall, a guy who walked by me in the opposite direction remarked to his friends, "Did you see the Amazon?"

Furthermore, I did not hear a discouraging word during my visit. So, on the passing front, it was a very encouraging night.

The casino does not permit photography inside the casino, so I walked through the shopping mall looking for a place to take a photo and looking for someone to take the photo. When I found a photogenic spot, I asked the first friendly-looking woman I saw to take my photo and she happily agreed to do so (the result accompanies this blog posting).

Another reason I was in the mall was to check out the night club and get in some dancing, but the night club was not very busy. I imagine that on a Wednesday nights, the joint is usually not hopping, so I skipped the nightclub.

On the gambling front, I decided to gamble $100, no more, no less. I only play 25-cent slot machines, so I figured that $100 should be more than adequate for my two- or three-hour visit.

Immediately, I won $50, so I played with the casino's money for awhile, but I eventually fed their $50 and my $50 into their machines.

I had made up my mind to leave the casino at 10:30 PM. I was about $20 into my second $50 at about 10:15, when I sat down at what I figured would be the last slot machine of the evening. On my fifth or sixth spin, I won $150. Perfect timing. I collected my winnings, collected my coat and the valet collected my car with me tipping the coat check man and valet generously.

Last night was the first time I ever accessorized with a scarf. The scarf I wore was one of my deceased Mother's scarves; I felt that she was with me throughout the evening and may have brought me some luck at the slot machines. Thank-you, Mom!

Wednesday outing

I am going out en femme Wednesday evening for a holiday dinner at a nice restaurant with some friends from the transworld.

After dinner, I am not sure what I am going to do.

Maybe I will go to Mohegan Sun casino. Do a little gambling, do a little drinking, do a little dancing, and have a lot of fun.

I plan to wear the retro Mad Men-inspired apple green dress that I bought at Dress Barn back in September. (I tried it on this morning and it looks spectacular!)

Needless to say, a full report will follow on Christmas Eve or thereabouts.

something borrowed

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the challenge continues

Tuesday before Thanksgiving, I mentioned how I lost ten pounds since mid-September and I wanted to keep it off, so Thanksgiving would be a challenge for me.

Well, I made it through Thanksgiving and the food- and drink-filled weeks that followed without gaining a pound. I didn't lose anything, but considering all the temptations before me, I think I have been a very good girl maintaining my weight.

The challenge continues through New Year's Day and two weeks from today, I hope to report that the ten pounds I lost are still lost!

another Kodak moment

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tall Bond ladies

A few days ago, I read an article about James Bond films on the Internet and I realized that some of the actresses in the 007 flicks qualify for the Famous Females of Height List. In fact, two tall 007 actresses (Diana Rigg and Famke Janssen) have been on the list for awhile now.

Here are all the tall actresses and the 007 film they appeared in.

5’8” – Carole Bouquet – For Your Eyes Only

5’8” – Claudine Auger – Thunderball

5’8” – Lois Chiles – Moonraker

5’8” – Lois Maxwell – Miss Moneypenny in numerous James Bond films

5’8’ – Shirley Eaton – Goldfinger

5’9” – Diana Rigg (see photo) – On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

5’9” – Maud Adams – Octopussy

6’0” – Famke Janssen – Goldeneye

femulation par excellence

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what's good for the gander is good for the gosling

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Christmas shopping success

The two dresses I bought for myself as a Christmas present arrived yesterday and they both fit perfectly!

I can recall the days that dresses from Vickie's were never big enough for me. A little downsizing on my part and a little upsizing by Vicky seems to have made a difference.

last night’s dream

I seldom remember my dreams, but when I do remember a dream, it is usually trans-related.

Overnight, I dreamed I was packing to attend a transgender convention. My mother was helping me pack and offered to lend me anything I needed.

Throughout the dream, I kept refusing whatever items she offered because I already had those items in my wardrobe.

Finally, she said with a knowing smile, “I bet you don’t have any of these.”

And with that, she revealed a storage area in the back of her closet that was full of girdles from the 1950s and 1960s.

That got my attention and as I began perusing the girdles to decide what to borrow, I awoke from my dream.

The dream interests me because I never confided in my mother about my crossdressing. I am sure that she knew, but she never brought up the subject.

Almost to her dying day, she often asked me if there was anything I wanted to tell her. At those times, I thought she was just trying to make conversation, but in retrospect, I think she was offering to lend a friendly ear.

I so regret not confiding in my mother. I believe my life would have been different if I knew my mother supported her “daughter.”

make mine Chanel, too

In The Huffington Post, Morane Barkai, suggests unleashing the lady in the corporate suit.

She writes, “The problem arises when women dress like men would dress if they were women. When that happens, even a breathtaking babe can turn into an asexual android on a mission to kill. Somehow, as she zips her skirt, the ovaries take leave, and in the process of buttoning her shirt, a figurative Adam's apple bulges in her throat.”

Read the rest of the story here.

By the way, being a fanatical film fan, I could not help noting Ms. Barkai’s erroneous statement that Meg Ryan appeared in the film Working Girl. Methinks Ms. Barkai confused Ms. Ryan for Melanie Griffith.

'tis the season...

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don’t raise your boy to be macho

In The Huffington Post, Philip Slater’s writes in his piece titled The Cowardice of Machismo, “We live in a world today… in which women are outnumbering men not only in colleges, but in all the professions, because they aren't mentally crippled by the overwhelming irrelevancy of traditional male gender training -- a training that robs those imbued with it of the mental flexibility necessary to deal with the complex world we actually inhabit. Making boys macho today is condemning them to irrelevance.”

Read the rest of the story here.

fitting in

Three years ago, my company was bought out by another company. A reorganization followed, which resulted in my boss (a male) reporting directly to a female about 20 years his junior.

It was no big surprise since my old company was "old school" with very few females in charge, whereas the new company was a relatively new company with many females in charge in various departments.

One month ago, we had a lay-off. My boss was let go. A male and a female co-worker in my department were also let go. A reorganization followed and my new boss is now a female about 20 years my junior. Also they hired back the female co-worker who was let go, but none of the males that were let go.

My profession was a male bastion for ages. Now my department is run by a female and most of my co-workers are female.

When my profession was a male stronghold, the females in my profession tried to fit into the “old boy’s club.” They wore little or no makeup, their hair was in a short style, and they wore tops and slacks – never a skirt or dress. Their only feminine accoutrements were a purse and maybe some stud earrings.

As my profession becomes a female stronghold, maybe I should try to fit in.

Christmas shopping

Christmas time is here again.

I expect to receive gifts from my family, but none of those gifts will be intended for Staci Lana.

I was very good this year and I think I deserve a gift or two with a frill or two. So as I have done in the past, I purchased a couple of gifts for myself today.

There is a dress sale at Vicky's; what more could a boy like me ask for?

I purchased two sweater dresses (pictured here in the colors I ordered) and now I await their delivery.

Merry Christmas to me!

turn off gene and change your sex

Simple technique changes sex of a mouse – and reveals the gender war that rages in all of us

One of the great dogmas of biology is that gender is fixed from birth, determined by the inheritance of certain genes on the X and Y sex chromosomes. But this simplistic idea has been exploded by the latest study, which demonstrated that fully-developed adult females can undergo a partial sex change following a genetic modification to a single gene.

Read the rest of the story today's edition of The Independent.

(Thank you, Gwen, for alerting me to this article.)