under construction

GeoCities, which hosts all of this blog's external pages, is going away next month. As a result, I am in the process of moving all my external pages to Google Sites. So, if an external page does not come up when you click on its link or if you discover a problem on an external page, please let me know so I can fix it.

GeoCities was the place where many trans people (like me) built their first personal Web sites and I feel sad about its upcoming demise.

In addition to moving all of my blog's external Web pages to Google Sites, I made some other changes.

I changed the caption of the FEMULATE THIS: image to FEMULATE HER:

I changed the caption of the THE FEMULATED: image to HE FEMULATED:

I deleted the link to my photos and images and I deleted my flickr account.

I deleted my flickr account because I was sick and tired of flickr users who wanted to be my "contact," who had no images to share or worse, had images to share that displayed private parts. When I logged onto flickr today, I had four contact requests and all four had their private parts on display. Yuck!!! I had it and pulled the plug on flickr.

To replace the flickr account deletion, I plan to add a gallery of my photos and images to my blog's external pages real soon now.

feminizing menswear for real

This is Fashion Week in New York City.

Again, the catwalks are rife with menswear that borrows heavily on clothing from milady's closet.

Some designers are determined to feminize male fashions, so we see high-heeled male models wearing makeup and carrying their manbags down the runway with lace, ruffles, and bows accenting their pantalettes, kilts, and caftan outfits.

As a femulator and fashionista who loves female clothing and accoutrements, I feel that the designers responsible for feminizing menswear are not going far enough.

Stop pussyfooting around! If you want males wearing feminized clothing, go all the way.

Instead of separating menswear and womenswear, have both male and female models walking down the runways wearing next season's womenswear. Then you'd have something of interest to both fashion-conscious males and femulators.

As a femulator, I would not be caught dead in the current version of feminized menswear, but if they were showing womenswear for males, then I'd open my pocketbook to spend some money.

girl talk

I do not have a lot of male friends, partly because I do not participate in many male pursuits and partly because I do not interact well with many males. Both reasons have a lot to do with my preference for the female side of life.

I do not participate in many female pursuits either, but I do interact well with females.

Over the years, I have had more female friends than male friends. I always felt very comfortable conversing and confiding with my female friends and acquaintances, but seldom felt that comfortable with other males.

But being a male, my female friends and acquaintances usually seemed guarded to some degree when dealing with me because I was male.

Reflecting on my June NYC adventure en femme and on attending a wedding for the first time en femme on Saturday, I realized that the females I encountered while I was en femme acted differently with me than the females I encountered when in boy mode. In a nutshell, they dropped their guard and interacted with me as if I was one of the girls.*

I so enjoyed participating in "girl talk" in NYC and at the wedding. I discovered that I can be a little chatterbox and that the women I conversed with seemed to enjoy chatting with me.

Girl talk brings a whole new area of enjoyment into femulating for me. It is something that I never expected, but now I relish the opportunity to talk with the girls again.

* Yes, I know in my heart that I really am "one of the girls," but it always surprises me when other people think I am one of the girls, too.

images of New England Trans Pride

On Friday, I wrote about the upcoming New England Trans United Pride March and Rally on October 3 in Northampton, MA.

Again, I urge every trans person who lives in the upper right corner of the USA to attend the event if they can.

If you never attended such an event in the past, I list some links below where you can view photos and videos from the first New England Trans Pride event of June 2008. If you are on the fence about attending, I hope that viewing these images will push you over the edge.

• Diana's photos and videos
• Donna Rose's photos
• GLAD's photos
• Glen Koetzner's photos
• Lynn's photos
  

"she"

Now that I am well-rested and able to reflect with a clearer head about attending my first wedding en femme, I recalled something that I did not mention in yesterday's blog posting.

During the evening, I participated in a number of conversations with two or more people and during those conversations, it was such a pleasure to hear someone refer to me as "she."

I know it is such a little thing, a simple three-lettered word, but whenever I hear that word when it refers to me, it makes me so very happy.

Although "She" can mean different things, they are all good things.

"She" can mean that people have respect for the way I have chosen to present myself, that is, as a female, or

"She" can mean that people have accepted my female presentation, or

"She" can mean that people believe that I am female.

a lovely time

I attended the garden wedding of two of my friends at their home on Saturday evening. It was a beautiful and unique affair and it will always stand out from all the other weddings I have attended throughout my life.

It was a small affair in that the guest list was composed of of only 50 or so family and friends, but it was really a big affair because it was a very family-and-friend-oriented and vibrant event. Vibrant because it was a wedding where the kids were invited and included (most weddings I have attended in the past has excluded kids. Who said "youth is wasted on the young?")

I was very honored that my friends invited me to attend. They did not give me permission to attend en femme and I did not have to ask for their permission to attend en femme. They know me as Staci and expected Staci to attend. Friends like these must be cherished and I will always hold a special place in my heart for them.

Like my friends, their family and friends accepted me into their circle, treated me like an old friend of the family, and I could not have felt more comfortable. Except for the wedded couple and two other friends who were guests, I did not know a soul going in and in such circumstances, I become shy, but the other guests made me feel as comfortable as possible and I had a wonderful time socializing, dining, drinking, and dancing the night away!

I wore a new dress and a new hairdo to the wedding. I received some compliments on how I looked, which just added to the wonder of the evening.

Being a garden affair, I quickly had to learn how to walk in spike heels without sinking into the lawn. The trick is to walk on your toes and not put much weight on your heels.

I had a lovely time attending my friend's wedding en femme and I will remember it all my life.

get back hair

This morning, I shaved those body parts that should hairless when I am dressed en femme. This was my annual full-body depilation that I perform every September in anticipation of my first time out en femme. (I am going to my first wedding en femme this evening.)

This year, the task was quicker than in the past because it was the first time I used my Mangroomer back hair shaver to remove my back, chest, shoulder, and upper arm hair. The main attraction of the Mangroomer is that it has a extendable and adjustable handle that allows you to reach all areas of your back. I am 5'14" tall and had no problem shaving the far reaches of my back.

The Mangroomer costs $39.99 and is well-worth the price.

three weeks 'til Trans Pride

In three weeks, Saturday, October 3, the New England Trans United Pride March will kick off at noon from Lampron Park in Northampton, MA. The march will proceed down Main Street to the Armory Street lot where an afternoon-long rally will begin at 1 PM. The rally will include a variety of political speakers, transgender activists, and performers.

For more information, visit the New England Trans United Web site.

This will be New England's second trans pride march and rally. The first occurred in June 2008, also in Northampton.

I attended that first event and it was an exciting day for me and the other participants as we ran the trans flag up the flagpole to see who would salute it. The October 3 event promises to be just as exciting and I hope I can attend.

If you have never attended a pride march and rally, but are considering attending this Trans Pride event, have no fear. Northampton is a very diverse community (think of it as a landlocked Provincetown). Nobody will hassle you because you are trans and you will not be alone because there will be hundreds of your trans brothers and sisters in attendance.

Northampton is strategically located smack dab in the the center of Southern New England right off I-91, so it is only a two- or three-hour drive for most of the trans population of the six New England States.

If you can get there, I hope you will make an effort to get there. You will go away with a sense of pride and will help advance the civil rights of the trans folk throughout the USA.

the girly ways of The Fab Four

I am a huge Beatles fan and this has been a huge week for us fans with the release of their remastered CDs and their new video game. I don't play video games, so I have no interest in the new game, but I will likely purchase all the remastered CDs sooner or later.

In the midst of this new surge of Beatlemania, I recalled my first impressions of the group back in the winter of 1963-1964 before their first US television appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show. My first encounter with The Beatles back then was not with their music, but with their appearance in a photo in a local newspaper.

My first impression was that The Beatles wore their hair like girls!!!

At that time, I was just beginning my first experiments in femulation. I knew I liked femulating, but I was very confused as to why I liked it, why I was doing it, and if I would go to hell for doing it.

The Beatles added to my confusion. Was their long hair the wave of the future? Would all boys start wearing their hair like girls? When I discovered that The Beatles also wore high-heeled boots, I wondered if skirts and dresses would soon be in the offing, too.

Part of me hoped and prayed that boys would dress like girls real soon now, but part of me was scared silly about the prospect of actually dressing like a girl in public. It might ruin my image as an all-American boy, although, I was not what anyone would consider an "all-American boy."

Nevertheless, I was so concerned that showing any interest in The Beatles would ruin my image (whatever that may have been) that I pretended to dislike The Beatles, their music, and their girly ways.

Eventually, I overcame my fears, embraced their music, and journeyed far beyond the "girly ways" of The Fab Four.

P.S. Being a huge Beatles fan, I almost took "Loretta Martin" as my name when I was selecting a femme nome de plume.

almost perfect

I received an e-mail this morning from a girl overseas, who is hesitant about going out en femme because she wants to make sure she passes. (Crossdressing in public can result in a jail term in her country of residence.)

She attached a photo to her e-mail and asked if I could offer any advice.

She looked absolutely beautiful. Her hair and makeup were perfect. Her femulation was almost perfect, but there was one telltale sign that gave her away: her beard.

I assume she shaved as closely as possible, so what appeared in her photo were the hairs of her beard just beneath the skin. They are more obvious in photographs, but they are also likely visible with the naked eye and might give her away if she goes out en femme.

So, I recommended that she use a beard cover under her foundation.

Beard cover is readily available stateside, but I don't know about its availability where she lives now. I wish her the best of luck.

(By the way, the photo accompanying this post is not the photo of the girl who asked me for advice.)

three tall talents

It’s time to update the Famous Females of Height list with three tall talents.

Actress Jessica Stroup (left) of 90210 television fame is 5’8” tall.

Actress Amanda Bynes (center) of She’s the Man film fame is definitely tall, but I am not sure how tall. Various sources list her as low as 5’7.5” and as tall as 5’10”. We aim high here, so I will list her as 5’10”

Actress Olga Kurylenko (right) of Quantum of Solace film fame is 5’10” tall.

(Thank you DLM for the Bynes and Kurylenko listings.)

why I am girly

My mother had a miscarriage before she had me.

Back then, physicians prescribed Diethylstilbestrol (DES) to prevent miscarriages in women who had had previous miscarriages.

Did my mother take DES? She is deceased, so I will never know. But, if she did take DES, then that may explain why I am the way I am.

DES can cause feminization of the male fetus and some studies suggest that otherwise-male children exposed to DES before birth may be more likely to be transsexual women than otherwise-male children who have not been exposed.

Although I will never know if my mother took DES, there are other indications that she did. For example, I have Gynecomastia and although the causes of common Gynecomastia remain uncertain, it has generally been attributed to an imbalance of sex hormones, that is, too much estrogen.

In addition to Gynecomastia, I am more womanly than the average guy in other ways. For example, my mannerisms and speech patterns have feminine traits and my emotions are more feminine than masculine.

A few years ago, I was doing outreach with three transsexuals at a local college and a student asked how the transsexuals' hormone regimen affected them. All three transsexuals admitted that they became more emotional after they began their hormone regimen, for example, one stated that she never cried at movies before taking hormones, but after taking hormones, she cried at movies all the time. I spoke up that I never took hormones and that I cry at movies all the time!

An overabundance of female hormones may be the cause of my proclivity for the feminine. And as I wrote here on Friday, my parents may have nurtured that proclivity.

Repeating what I wrote on Friday, "Dad was absent in my early life working two jobs to support his wife and kids. Mom cherished her firstborn child (me), coddled and pampered me, and instilled in me many traits that were considered 'feminine.' With Dad absent early-on, Mom was all I had to model myself after and that I did, which just compounded my feminization."

I had two strikes against me (too many female hormones and too little male role modeling) and when my third opportunity to swing came, I just stood there with the bat on my shoulder and was called out (of the male gender) on a called third strike.

I did not bother swinging because I liked myself. I was very satisfied with the results of the first two strikes. I liked the way things were turning out. I did not mind being a girly boy.

Except for some abuse from the macho boys and rejection by their female followers, being a girly boy was a pretty good deal. I could partake in whatever boy or girl pursuits interested me and not have to worry about tarnishing my image.

And when I took up the male pursuit of female impersonation, I found that I excelled at it because I already spoke and acted like a lady, I took to the art of cosmetics like a swan takes to water, and I could nearly fill a size 38B bra without any padding.

And so it goes.

(Wikipedia is the source for the medical information cited above.)

cool

During the past few days, the weather here has turned the corner from summer to fall, which means that I shed as much body hair as possible and begins dressing like a girl at every opportunity.

The first opportunity arrives this Saturday when I attend a wedding en femme, which will be a new experience for me. Too bad I am spoken for because I would have loved to try and catch the bride's bouquet; my height and long arms might have been an advantage there!

In preparation for my first time out since my June Manhattan adventure, I have begun the process of hair removal. I do it in steps over a few days to make it less daunting. Once I remove my summer layer of fur, I maintain it over the cooler months so that it is less of a chore each time I go out.

I bought three new dresses with the intention of wearing one to the wedding. I almost bought new shoes, too, but I already own so many pairs that match my outfit that I decided to skip another new pair.

Also, I bought new hair, which will make its debut at the wedding and I bought some new makeup to replenish my warpaint collection.

So, I am good to go and look forward to Saturday.

back to the barn

I went back to Dress Barn yesterday.

Last week, I rejected one of the dresses that I tried on because I thought it looked too similar to a dress I already owned. Returning home, I discovered that my memory was faulty and that except for the collars, the dresses are otherwise very different. So, I went back to buy the dress assuming that it was still available.

I found it on the clearance rack in my size in chocolate brown. It is very similar to the dress pictured above left except for the colors and the lack of a bow on my dress.

Also, since last week, they updated the Dress Barn web site with some new fall items including the cable sweater dress pictured above right. I intended to try on the sweater dress and purchase it if it was the right fit and look, but the dress had not come in yet, so I will have to try again on a later date.

Parents Cause Kids' Gender Differences

Sharon Begley, Newsweek's science editor, has an interesting piece on the Newsweek web site that explains why parents may cause gender differences in their kids and that at birth, there really is no difference in the male and female brains.

You can read the whole piece here.

It makes sense to me.

Dad was absent in my early life working two jobs to support his wife and kids. Mom cherished her firstborn child (me), coddled and pampered me, and instilled in me many traits that were considered "feminine." With Dad absent early-on, Mom was all I had to model myself after and that I did, which just compounded my feminization.

And so it goes.

(The image above is titled The Pink Boy and is Gainsborough's companion piece to his famous painting The Blue Boy.)

shopping for novices

A shopping novice asked how do I shop.

I shop from mail order catalogs, online stores, and in person in stores. I prefer "in person in stores" because I have instant feedback concerning the look and fit of an item and if the look and/or fit is an issue, I do not have to package the item and ship it back to the seller.

In person in stores, I shop in boy mode and in girl mode. In either mode, I have tried on items in dressing rooms and have never had a problem with store personnel being reluctant about me doing so. Before using the dressing room, I always ask first if I am in boy mode, but almost never ask if I am in girl mode.

In person in stores, I prefer to shop in girl mode because in that mode, I wear a wig and makeup and have properly adjusted my body so that it is curvy instead of flatty. So attired, I get instant feedback about how an item looks and fits on Staci, and not a male approximation of Staci.

If the other customer's perception of you shopping for girl stuff in boy mode is a concern, another advantage of shopping in girl mode is that the other customers usually pay less attention to a girl looking through the dress racks than a guy doing the same. Also, they will have no concerns about a girl (rather than a guy) trying on a dress in the next stall of the dressing room.

No matter how many times it has occurred, it still surprises me how store personnel are willing to let a guy try on women's clothing. So do not be afraid to shop for woman's clothing if you must do so in boy mode. Shopping in girl mode is preferable and more fun, but money talks and high heels walk no matter who is wearing them.

which actors and actresses pass best

For what it's worth (not much), Huffington Post has a poll where you can vote on which film actors and actresses pass best playing the opposite sex. You can pick the top five from 24 nominees and currently, Cillian Murphy in Breakfast on Pluto is in the lead.

It is not a very good poll. Some of the nominees are there because of their notoriety and not their femulating skills. As a result, there are some major omissions, for example, Wesley Snipes and Patrick Swayze from To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar are among the nominees, but their fellow drag queen, John Leguizamo (photo above right), is not among the 24, and in my humble opinion, he passed the best of the three.

Also missing are Steven Mackintosh from Different For Girls, Robinson Stévenin from Transfixed, Michael Cavadias from Wonder Boys, Adrian Pasdar from Just Like a Woman, Helmut Berger from The Damned, etc., etc. etc.

I can come up with many more who are more deserving and I am sure you can, too.

Halloween planning

For past Halloweens, I have dressed as Jacqueline Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe, French maid, Playboy bunny, Catholic schoolgirl, bat girl, office girl, go-go girl, and cheerleader. (You can see most of my costumes here on flickr.)

Except for the French maid costume that I bought off the rack at K*Mart, I assembled all the other costumes myself. I was particularly proud of the Playboy bunny costume. Unlike the off-the-rack bunny costumes on sale every Halloween, I was going for the authenticity of the original Playboy bunny costume and in my humble opinion, I came pretty close to achieving it.

With two months to go, I am trying to decide what to wear this Halloween, that is, assuming I will need anything to wear this Halloween. Last year, I did not costume up because I had no place to go. My support group usually has a Halloween party, but last year, I could not attend because I was out of town attending Fantasia Fair.

It is too early to know what will be on tap to celebrate Halloween at the end of next month. My support group will likely do something and my workplace might do something, so although there are no plans in place yet, like a girly Boy Scout, I want to be prepared.

I am my own girlfriend

I love females. Always did, always will.

When I reached dating age, I dreamed about dating the vast number of females that I found attractive. But I was very shy with the opposite sex and not at all skilled at chatting up females in order to get a date.

My attempts usually resulted in rejection. As I accumulated rejections, I became gun-shy and more reluctant to try again. As a result, I did not date very often.

On those rare occasions that I did date, it was usually of the blind variety. And there were seldom any second dates because (1) I did not find my blind date attractive or (2) if I did find my blind date to be attractive, my shyness kicked in and turned off my blind date. I was a sad sack on the dating scene.

Lacking a female companion, did I become my own girlfriend?

I studied the art of female emulation (femulation) and after years of practice, I managed to femulate myself into a female, who could look attractive under the right lighting conditions and/or from the correct viewing angle.

As I femulated more and more, dating a female became less important, but I continued to make my feeble attempts in the dating scene and accepted blind dates whenever the opportunity arose. One blind date was "love at first sight" and we dated for over two years, married, and had a child.

While I dated my future spouse, I stopped being my own girlfriend, that is, I stopped femulating all together and did not take up the cause again until we were invited to a Halloween party a month after our wedding day.

After nearly three years of not femulating, I was out of practice and having purged all my female paraphenalia before marriage, I had to borrow clothes for that Halloween outing. As a result, my femulation was just so-so in my humble opinion. Nevertheless, my skills were still good enough to fool some of the people some of the time and a female in a cat costume asked me point blank if I was male, because she was not sure.

That outing caused me to recall how I had enjoyed femulating in the past, so I began anew, first in secret, than slowly out into the public after my spouse put two and two together and asked me if I liked to crossdress on days that weren't October 31. (Her query was prompted by the French Maid costume I wore the preceding Halloween.)

I came clean about my hobby and she was very supportive and encouraged me to join a support group, which moved my femulation out of the closet of my home into the closet of my support group's meeting hall where I learned how to take my femulation out into public places.

Did I become my own girlfriend again?

I believe that when I was dateless and desperately seeking female companionship, I truly was my own girlfriend. But now I believe that the female I emulate is really me.

When I became my own girlfriend in the past, I was really becoming me, but did not realize it at the time. Now I realize that when I femulate I am presenting myself to society in the way I feel that best expresses me.

our pretty cashier

My spouse and I went grocery shopping this afternoon.

When we were ready to check out, I maneuvered our shopping cart to the shortest line. While we waited for the customer ahead of us to ante up, I noticed that our 20-something cashier had straight shoulder-length dark brown hair parted down the middle and that he was wearing eyeliner (on both upper and lower lids) and mascara (on both upper and lower eyelashes).

I checked his name badge to confirm that he was male and when he spoke, his voice added further proof.

As we left the store, I asked my spouse if she noticed the cashier.

She responded, "Yes, I noticed her... she had such a deep voice!"

I surprised my spouse when I told her that our cashier was male.

Don't know if our cashier was trans-something or not, but he sure was pretty.