back to the barn

I went back to Dress Barn yesterday.

Last week, I rejected one of the dresses that I tried on because I thought it looked too similar to a dress I already owned. Returning home, I discovered that my memory was faulty and that except for the collars, the dresses are otherwise very different. So, I went back to buy the dress assuming that it was still available.

I found it on the clearance rack in my size in chocolate brown. It is very similar to the dress pictured above left except for the colors and the lack of a bow on my dress.

Also, since last week, they updated the Dress Barn web site with some new fall items including the cable sweater dress pictured above right. I intended to try on the sweater dress and purchase it if it was the right fit and look, but the dress had not come in yet, so I will have to try again on a later date.

Parents Cause Kids' Gender Differences

Sharon Begley, Newsweek's science editor, has an interesting piece on the Newsweek web site that explains why parents may cause gender differences in their kids and that at birth, there really is no difference in the male and female brains.

You can read the whole piece here.

It makes sense to me.

Dad was absent in my early life working two jobs to support his wife and kids. Mom cherished her firstborn child (me), coddled and pampered me, and instilled in me many traits that were considered "feminine." With Dad absent early-on, Mom was all I had to model myself after and that I did, which just compounded my feminization.

And so it goes.

(The image above is titled The Pink Boy and is Gainsborough's companion piece to his famous painting The Blue Boy.)

shopping for novices

A shopping novice asked how do I shop.

I shop from mail order catalogs, online stores, and in person in stores. I prefer "in person in stores" because I have instant feedback concerning the look and fit of an item and if the look and/or fit is an issue, I do not have to package the item and ship it back to the seller.

In person in stores, I shop in boy mode and in girl mode. In either mode, I have tried on items in dressing rooms and have never had a problem with store personnel being reluctant about me doing so. Before using the dressing room, I always ask first if I am in boy mode, but almost never ask if I am in girl mode.

In person in stores, I prefer to shop in girl mode because in that mode, I wear a wig and makeup and have properly adjusted my body so that it is curvy instead of flatty. So attired, I get instant feedback about how an item looks and fits on Staci, and not a male approximation of Staci.

If the other customer's perception of you shopping for girl stuff in boy mode is a concern, another advantage of shopping in girl mode is that the other customers usually pay less attention to a girl looking through the dress racks than a guy doing the same. Also, they will have no concerns about a girl (rather than a guy) trying on a dress in the next stall of the dressing room.

No matter how many times it has occurred, it still surprises me how store personnel are willing to let a guy try on women's clothing. So do not be afraid to shop for woman's clothing if you must do so in boy mode. Shopping in girl mode is preferable and more fun, but money talks and high heels walk no matter who is wearing them.

which actors and actresses pass best

For what it's worth (not much), Huffington Post has a poll where you can vote on which film actors and actresses pass best playing the opposite sex. You can pick the top five from 24 nominees and currently, Cillian Murphy in Breakfast on Pluto is in the lead.

It is not a very good poll. Some of the nominees are there because of their notoriety and not their femulating skills. As a result, there are some major omissions, for example, Wesley Snipes and Patrick Swayze from To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar are among the nominees, but their fellow drag queen, John Leguizamo (photo above right), is not among the 24, and in my humble opinion, he passed the best of the three.

Also missing are Steven Mackintosh from Different For Girls, Robinson Stévenin from Transfixed, Michael Cavadias from Wonder Boys, Adrian Pasdar from Just Like a Woman, Helmut Berger from The Damned, etc., etc. etc.

I can come up with many more who are more deserving and I am sure you can, too.

Halloween planning

For past Halloweens, I have dressed as Jacqueline Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe, French maid, Playboy bunny, Catholic schoolgirl, bat girl, office girl, go-go girl, and cheerleader. (You can see most of my costumes here on flickr.)

Except for the French maid costume that I bought off the rack at K*Mart, I assembled all the other costumes myself. I was particularly proud of the Playboy bunny costume. Unlike the off-the-rack bunny costumes on sale every Halloween, I was going for the authenticity of the original Playboy bunny costume and in my humble opinion, I came pretty close to achieving it.

With two months to go, I am trying to decide what to wear this Halloween, that is, assuming I will need anything to wear this Halloween. Last year, I did not costume up because I had no place to go. My support group usually has a Halloween party, but last year, I could not attend because I was out of town attending Fantasia Fair.

It is too early to know what will be on tap to celebrate Halloween at the end of next month. My support group will likely do something and my workplace might do something, so although there are no plans in place yet, like a girly Boy Scout, I want to be prepared.

I am my own girlfriend

I love females. Always did, always will.

When I reached dating age, I dreamed about dating the vast number of females that I found attractive. But I was very shy with the opposite sex and not at all skilled at chatting up females in order to get a date.

My attempts usually resulted in rejection. As I accumulated rejections, I became gun-shy and more reluctant to try again. As a result, I did not date very often.

On those rare occasions that I did date, it was usually of the blind variety. And there were seldom any second dates because (1) I did not find my blind date attractive or (2) if I did find my blind date to be attractive, my shyness kicked in and turned off my blind date. I was a sad sack on the dating scene.

Lacking a female companion, did I become my own girlfriend?

I studied the art of female emulation (femulation) and after years of practice, I managed to femulate myself into a female, who could look attractive under the right lighting conditions and/or from the correct viewing angle.

As I femulated more and more, dating a female became less important, but I continued to make my feeble attempts in the dating scene and accepted blind dates whenever the opportunity arose. One blind date was "love at first sight" and we dated for over two years, married, and had a child.

While I dated my future spouse, I stopped being my own girlfriend, that is, I stopped femulating all together and did not take up the cause again until we were invited to a Halloween party a month after our wedding day.

After nearly three years of not femulating, I was out of practice and having purged all my female paraphenalia before marriage, I had to borrow clothes for that Halloween outing. As a result, my femulation was just so-so in my humble opinion. Nevertheless, my skills were still good enough to fool some of the people some of the time and a female in a cat costume asked me point blank if I was male, because she was not sure.

That outing caused me to recall how I had enjoyed femulating in the past, so I began anew, first in secret, than slowly out into the public after my spouse put two and two together and asked me if I liked to crossdress on days that weren't October 31. (Her query was prompted by the French Maid costume I wore the preceding Halloween.)

I came clean about my hobby and she was very supportive and encouraged me to join a support group, which moved my femulation out of the closet of my home into the closet of my support group's meeting hall where I learned how to take my femulation out into public places.

Did I become my own girlfriend again?

I believe that when I was dateless and desperately seeking female companionship, I truly was my own girlfriend. But now I believe that the female I emulate is really me.

When I became my own girlfriend in the past, I was really becoming me, but did not realize it at the time. Now I realize that when I femulate I am presenting myself to society in the way I feel that best expresses me.

our pretty cashier

My spouse and I went grocery shopping this afternoon.

When we were ready to check out, I maneuvered our shopping cart to the shortest line. While we waited for the customer ahead of us to ante up, I noticed that our 20-something cashier had straight shoulder-length dark brown hair parted down the middle and that he was wearing eyeliner (on both upper and lower lids) and mascara (on both upper and lower eyelashes).

I checked his name badge to confirm that he was male and when he spoke, his voice added further proof.

As we left the store, I asked my spouse if she noticed the cashier.

She responded, "Yes, I noticed her... she had such a deep voice!"

I surprised my spouse when I told her that our cashier was male.

Don't know if our cashier was trans-something or not, but he sure was pretty.

shopping for a wedding guest dress

This afternoon, I went shopping for a new dress to wear to the wedding. I went in boy mode to a Dress Barn I had never shopped at before. Good timing on my part because Dress Barn was having a clearance sale - 50% off - on summer dresses.

I perused the clearance racks and found five dresses that I liked. A salewoman asked how I was doing and I said I'd like to try on the dresses I had in hand. Without batting an eye, she found an empty dressing room for me and let me at it.

All five dresses fit (three were sized 14W and two 16W), but I did not like one at all after I tried it on, another was similar to one I already owned, and I eliminated a third dress because it was similar to the fourth dress, which I liked much better. The fifth dress was lovely and perfect for a wedding, so I bought the fourth and the fifth.

The fourth dress is a white satin sheath with large black swirls and a narrow black belt. This knee-length dress has a boat neck collar with a asymmetrical v-shaped slit on one side that reveals a little skin below the neckline. It is a beautiful dress and certainly suitable for a wedding, but the fifth dress is the one I plan to wear to the nuptials.

My wedding guest dress is a two-piece: a dress and a jacket. The dress piece is two tone. The black top looks like a jumper top: a square collar with wide straps (no sleeves). The white skirt is a lightly pleated, flared and lined with a black floral print at the hem that extends upward about four-fifths the length of the skirt. A wide black patent belt bisects the top and skirt. A black short-sleeved buttonless short jacket with white stitching completes the two-pieces. It is absolutely gorgeous and I look forward to wearing it.

The fourth dress listed for $59.99 and the fifth dress for $69.99. With the clearance sale and a 30% discount coupon I had, I paid only $54.49 for the two.

By the way, I was the only customer in boy mode in Dress Barn. All the other customers were in girl mode and paid me no mind even when I entered and exited the dressing room area with a fist full of dresses.

a tall addition

Leslie Ann e-mailed me that Hoda Kotb of the Today Show is 5’9”, so I will add her to my Famous Females of Height List.

While I was looking through some blog files of works in progress, I stumbled upon a list I compiled months ago of tall females of note that were missing from my Famous Females of Height List. Problem is that I cannot recall the source. But I will add them all to my list ASAP.

5’8”
Kirstie Alley --- US actress
Catherine Bach --- US actress
Sandra Bullock --- US actress
Cathy Lee Crosby --- US actress
Denise Crosby --- US actress
Portia De Rossi --- Australian actress
Amanda Donohoe --- UK actress
Sarah Ferguson --- UK royalty
Linda Gray --- US actress
Mariska Hargitay --- US actress
Katherine Hepburn --- US actress
Elizabeth Hurley --- UK actress and model
Lauren Hutton --- US model and actress
Martina Navratilova --- Czech tennis player
Geraldine Page --- US actress
Natasha Richardson --- UK actress
Susan Saint James --- US actress
Xenia Seeberg --- German Actress
Madeleine Stowe --- US actress
Leslie Ann Warren --- US actress

5’9”
Hoda Kotb --- US television host


5’10”
Colleen Porch --- US actress
Frederique Van Der Wal --- actress

5’11”
Nicole Steinwedell --- US actress

6’1”
Miranda Hart --- UK actress
Adriana Sklenarikova --- Slovakian model
Michelle Wie --- US golfer

6’2”
Hope Emerson --- US actress, who appears on stage in the 1930’s in the photo (above right) with 5’5” comedian Joe Laurie, Jr.

A man's work is from sun to sun, but...

Click on the image to enlarge it.

femulate a cow

Check this out. I found it during a Google search yesterday and I still cannot believe it.

she's not a man

The Femulated: image (photo right) I posted last night was an error.

My source for the image claimed that the person in the photo was a male. Elaine Armen of Elaine's T* Art Blog fame, commented that she thought that the person looked like fashion model Agyness Deyn. Later, Elaine e-mailed me with proof that the person was indeed Agyness Deyn and not a male.

Sorry about the error and thank you Elaine for the correction.

an invitation

As if I need an excuse to get dressed up, I, Staci, not my boy mode persona, received a wedding invitation today. I was very surprised to receive it. It is the first wedding invitation that I have ever received en femme and I intend to attend.

What to wear to a wedding?

I've never faced that problem before from the feminine side of my closet, but it is a very nice problem for a fashionista like me to have.

It will still be summer on the wedding day, so I have a few summer outfits to consider. Or maybe I should buy something new; with summer winding down, there should be some good deals on summer dresses in the stores.

And, I can't think of a better place than to wear my new hairdo for the first time.

technical difficulty

Regular readers here may have noticed that my posts have been haphazard lately. In the past, I would compose a post before I went to bed and publish it in the morning. Or I would compose and publish during my lunch hour at work.

I dunno what's going on, but during the last month or so, I have had a difficult time logging into Blogger from work. I can view my blog and other Blogger blogs without difficulty, but logging in is another matter. My browser opens a new tab and attempts to access the log-in page, but the page never appears. The situation has gotten worse everyday and has reached a point that today I was unable to log in at all from work.

The problem is not browser-related because I have tried three different browsers and they all failed to let me access the Blogger log-in page. I don't believe that the boss is intentionally blocking access because when the boss does blocks a Web site, a message appears indicating that the block is intentional. Also, I have not experienced this problem with any other Web sites, just Blogger, but not the Blogger blogs themselves.

The Internet Explorer connection diagnosis tool suggests that network congestion might be the cause. But for what it's worth, I have no problem logging in from home day or night, weekday or weekend.

Until this problem goes away, I will publish my blog posts in the evening from hereon.

tall television viewing

While watching television recently, Petra of Voyages en Rose fame, noted the tall competition in the women's track and field events. After researching the matter, she came up with the following Famous Females of Height of the track and field variety and e-mailed the following stats to me:

6'4" Blanka Vlašić of Croatia

6'2" Amy Acuff, who also graced the cover of Playboy in September 2004

5'11" Anna Chicherova of Russia

5'10" Ariane Friedrich of Germany

5'9" Chaunte Howard Lowe of the USA

While watching television recently, I noted a tall spokesperson wearing a beautiful blue dress in a Mercury automobile commercial. After researching the matter, I found that the Mercury spokesperson is Jill Wagner (photo right) and that she is 5'8".

I added the six ladies to my Famous Females of Height List.

By the way, does anyone know the height of Holly Mordini, the beautiful Smashbox cosmetics spokesperson? I have seen her on QVC a few times and she dwarfs the other women who appear with her, but I have been unable to determine her exact height. One writer guessed 6 feet, but that was just a guess. Does anybody have a more reliable figure?

new hair on my mind

I have been considering getting a new hairdo in a medium auburn shade with dark roots. And I have narrowed down the styles to the four above.

What do you think?

(You can click on the image to enlarge it.)

on my mind on Friday

On weekdays, I am up at 5:45 AM to get ready to go to work. I am the first one up and it is very quiet in the house with no distractions, so my mind wanders and wonders.

After a shave and a shower, I get dressed and as I pull up my briefs, I fantasize that I am pulling up a panty girdle and as I pull up my socks, I fantasize that I am pulling up pantyhose.

I have this same fantasy nearly everyday that I get dressed to go to work. I think it helps me maintain my Staci identity on those days I know I won't be en femme.

***

I often say that I am "trans-something" because I am not sure what I am. I don't feel comfortable identifying as transsexual, transgender, transvestite, transgenderist, crossdresser, etc. because none of those labels fit me like a T.

Parts of me scream "crossdresser," just as parts of me scream "transsexual," but there are other parts that whisper "crossdresser... not" and "transsexual... not." Even the label I invented, femulator, does not say it all for me.

I think part of it is I don't want to be pigeon-holed or rather I don't want to pigeon-hole myself. Like Groucho Marx said, "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."

I think more of it has to do with the fact that we are all unique and we do not fit perfectly in any pigeon hole. I know I certainly don't feel that I fit perfectly in any of the trans pigeon holes because I see parts of me in the other trans pigeon holes.

So, I have concluded that I am not trans-something, rather I am Staci.

Erin Andrews, 5'10"

Erin Andrews is an American sportscaster, who currently works for ESPN as a sideline reporter at sporting events.

Andrews has become an Internet sensation, as she is popular among male sports fans for her physical appearance and knowledge of sports. In 2007 and 2008, she was voted "America's Sexiest Sportscaster" by Playboy Magazine. (Source: Wikipedia)

Ms. Andrews is 5'10", so I added her to the Famous Females of Height List.

Newcomers to this blog may wonder why I maintain the list. You can read all about it here, but in a nutshell...

I became interested in tall women because they affirmed my existence as a tall woman, i.e., I was not the only tall woman out and about in society. Few were as tall as me, but maybe there were enough out there so that I could blend in more easily as just another tall woman.

The list is my attempt to show tall femulators that there are tall women out there including famous ones and that tall femulators should be out there too, strutting their stuff just like tall women do.

first commemorative stamp en femme... almost

The US Postal Service recently issued a pane of stamps commemorating early TV (television, not transvestite) memories. The first stamp in the pane honors Texaco Star Theater and depicts the star of the show, Milton Berle.

According to the back of the stamp, "Comedian Milton Berle worked successfully in radio and film before moving to TV, where he became the new medium's first superstar. His show was known for his clowning, often in outlandish costume..." and often in drag.

The stamp depicts Uncle Miltie en homme, but he does appear en femme in the header above the stamps. I feel that the USPS should have used the en femme image on the stamp, but that's just my opinion.

a dream come true

Click on the image to enlarge it.