I love females. Always did, always will.
When I reached dating age, I dreamed about dating the vast number of females that I found attractive. But I was very shy with the opposite sex and not at all skilled at chatting up females in order to get a date.
My attempts usually resulted in rejection. As I accumulated rejections, I became gun-shy and more reluctant to try again. As a result, I did not date very often.
On those rare occasions that I did date, it was usually of the blind variety. And there were seldom any second dates because (1) I did not find my blind date attractive or (2) if I did find my blind date to be attractive, my shyness kicked in and turned off my blind date. I was a sad sack on the dating scene.
Lacking a female companion, did I become my own girlfriend?
I studied the art of female emulation (femulation) and after years of practice, I managed to femulate myself into a female, who could look attractive under the right lighting conditions and/or from the correct viewing angle.
As I femulated more and more, dating a female became less important, but I continued to make my feeble attempts in the dating scene and accepted blind dates whenever the opportunity arose. One blind date was "love at first sight" and we dated for over two years, married, and had a child.
While I dated my future spouse, I stopped being my own girlfriend, that is, I stopped femulating all together and did not take up the cause again until we were invited to a Halloween party a month after our wedding day.
After nearly three years of not femulating, I was out of practice and having purged all my female paraphenalia before marriage, I had to borrow clothes for that Halloween outing. As a result, my femulation was just so-so in my humble opinion. Nevertheless, my skills were still good enough to fool some of the people some of the time and a female in a cat costume asked me point blank if I was male, because she was not sure.
That outing caused me to recall how I had enjoyed femulating in the past, so I began anew, first in secret, than slowly out into the public after my spouse put two and two together and asked me if I liked to crossdress on days that weren't October 31. (Her query was prompted by the French Maid costume I wore the preceding Halloween.)
I came clean about my hobby and she was very supportive and encouraged me to join a support group, which moved my femulation out of the closet of my home into the closet of my support group's meeting hall where I learned how to take my femulation out into public places.
Did I become my own girlfriend again?
I believe that when I was dateless and desperately seeking female companionship, I truly was my own girlfriend. But now I believe that the female I emulate is really me.
When I became my own girlfriend in the past, I was really becoming me, but did not realize it at the time. Now I realize that when I femulate I am presenting myself to society in the way I feel that best expresses me.
Sharon Begley, Newsweek's science editor, has an interesting piece on the Newsweek web site that explains why parents may cause gender differences in their kids and that at birth, there really is no difference in the male and female brains.
