I feel good

I feel real good about myself.

I thought I would say that because after reading the words of many blogs and Web pages in Transylvania, you get the notion that we are all sad sacks in drag.

Sure, things could be better. I could be 20 years younger, 20 pounds lighter, and $20 million richer, but I am not going to dwell on those things because I am very happy being a mature woman, who wears a girdle, and pays a mortgage.

I am always happy to help our cause and I think I helped it a little bit last Saturday when I assited a newbie to get out for the first time in the world en femme. In my mind, that little push is all she needed to successfully blossom into the woman she wants to be.

Also on Saturday evening, a very attractive young woman asked me to dance. That never happened to me before and I was thrilled! I will never know why she asked me to dance, but it had to be for a positive reason, not a negative one. Whatever... It made me feel very good about myself.

Almost a week later, I am still riding the highs of Saturday and I feel wonderful!

call me Rachel

jacquard: one of my first loves in fashion

Back in the 1960's, Mom owned a dress very similar to the Dolce & Gabbana "Jackie" silk dress pictured on the left (item number 245437 for $3,550 at Nordstrom).

I dunno if Mom's dress was made of silk and I dunno how much she paid for it; in fact, she may have sewn it herself, but I do know Mom's dress looks a lot like the Dolce & Gabbana dress with a jacquard pattern atop a sleek white shift dress.

I loved Mom's jacquard dress and wore it often when I was crossdressing home alone. It fit like the proverbial glove and I loved the way it looked on me.

Ever since wearing that dress, I have had an affinity for jacquard patterned dresses, but I have had limited success in purchasing a jacquard dress for myself.

The closest I came to obtaining a duplicate of Mom's dress was a dress I won in an eBay auction. The dress (pictured on the right) is a white jacquard shift just like Mom's dress, but it is much shorter and a little tighter (smaller); so much so that I have never worn it out.

I don't mind the short hem so much, but I do mind the tightness. If I lose ten pounds or so, maybe I will wear it out.

womanless pageant news

This just in from our Womanless Pageant Hotline correspondent, Laurie...

"Here's another womanless beauty pageant. Most of these guys don't look too good. But the winner is truly a winner!"

This womanless pageant occurred at the New Augusta (MS) Elementary School and I have to agree with Laurie that the winner was outstanding in the field of contestants.

And, in case you missed it, they crowned Sorrawee Nattee as the winner of the Miss Tiffany's Universe 2009 pageant last week in Pattaya, Thailand.

spring cleaning

I cleaned up the link lists in the right hand column of this page, deleting dead links, updating changed links, and adding new links.

Saturday salsa redux

A reader requested more photos from Saturday night, so here is another that came close to a wearing-a-lampshade-on-my-head photo!

In this photo, I am resting a few moments before going out on the town.

By the way, I love the dress I am wearing and plan to take it on my NYC trip next month.

Saturday salsa

I had a wonderful night out en femme in Dayton, Ohio, Saturday evening.

Searching the Internet to find a nice venue for Saturday evening, I found Therapy Cafe, which looked like a cool place and was billed as LGBT-friendly, too.

I invited three friends to join me on my night out: Jade Catherine and her spouse Christie, who had been a part of my previous Dayton outing in 2007, and Edie, a trans-friend from Toledo, who would be making her debut out en femme.

After spending another exhaustive day at the Hamvention, I returned to my hotel room at 5 PM to get ready. I was in girl mode at 7 PM and phoned Edie to get the show on the road.

Edie was staying in the same hotel as I, so I met her in her room for our first face-to-face meeting. I had never seen a photo of Edie, so I did not know what to expect. Turns out she had just had a makeover at Sephora and she looked great!

After chatting awhile, we hit the road. Edie kindly drove because with 20,000 hams in town, I was a little fearful of driving en femme with my amateur radio call sign emblazoned on my vehicle's license plate.

Therapy Cafe looked inviting, although it was almost devoid of customers. It was 8 PM and the sun had not set, so the nightowls were not out yet. (Dayton is near the west end of the Eastern Time Zone and as a result, the sun sets late there - 8:47 PM on Saturday night, to be exact.)

We found a centrally located table surrounded by cushy couches and settled in for the evening. The waiter was friendly, treated us like ladies, and took our order.

We chatted, drank wine, and munched on pizza as more customers filed in. About 8:30 PM, Jade Catherine and Christie joined us to complete our party. Meanwhile, the DJ revved up the salsa and many female customers danced while the male customers gawked.

A group of six young 20-something women were seated at the table next to us and some of them greeted and smiled at us as they went back and forth between the dance floor to their table. Finally, one woman came over to our table to ask if we wanted to dance.

I had never danced salsa before, but I jumped at the invitation. My dance partner said she would show me how to do salsa; so, on the dance floor, I followed her moves and after the song was over, she said I did fine. I was ready to dance some more, but the majority had had enough of the loud music and decided to go next door for dessert at a wine bar.

It was getting late, so I followed their lead and we were soon seated in more cushy couches munching on a variety of sumptuous desserts. I ordered "crustless" pie (I love pie) and it was probably one of the best pies I have ever eaten!

By now, it was getting close to turning into pumpkin time, so we exchanged hugs with Jade Catherine and Christie, then Edie drove back to our hotel and we called it a night.

check-in time

As usual, click on the image to enlarge it.

the man knows what he likes

As usual, click on the image to magnify it.

brotherhood of the six-inch heels

This week, 9 Chickweed Lane continued where it left off last week with its series about men in high heels.

Here are installments from Monday, Tuesday, and today.

buy one, get one free

Shopped at Kohl's and bought a new dress and top. The dress cost $54 and the top was free because Kohl's was having a "buy one, get one free" sale.

The dress is a "daisy fuentes Watercolor Knot-Front Dress. Watercolor print lends a creative look. Knotted overlay and shirred details offer uniquely feminine style. Soft, stretchy blend gives you a comfortable fit."

I saw the dress last Thursday when I was shopping for a Mother's Day gift. They had a full rack of the dresses on Thursday, but when I returned today, they only had two left and luckily, one in my size. I plan to wear the dress out Saturday night in Dayton.

The top is a "daisy fuentes Slubbed Sweater. Shirred details add a charming touch. Ribbed trim offers a bit of natural stretch and shape retention. Slubbed cotton construction ensures comfortable wear." The original price was $40; my price was $0.

The color of the top, royal blue, caught my eye and I thought it would look lovely with my black leggings. I will wear the outfit when I am in NYC next month.

this week

On Wednesday, I begin my journey to Dayton, Ohio, where I will attend the annual Dayton Hamvention and the 2009 ARRL National Convention on Friday and Saturday.

I am an amateur radio/ham radio operator and a well-known writer in the ham radio print and electronic media. I make the trek to Dayton every year or two to renew old acquaintances, make new acquaintances, see what is new in ham radio, attend forums on topics of interest, check out the flea market, socialize with my ham radio friends, and have a good time.

However, by Saturday evening of Hamvention weekend, I am usually burnt out from all the ham activities, so I do something completely different. When I get back to my hotel room, I kick off my sneakers, slip into my heels, and go out en femme.

Every year, I do something different en femme in Dayton and this year, I plan to go downtown and visit Therapy Cafe. It has a reputation as LGBT-friendly, so it should be a cool place to spend a few hours and wind down from Hamvention.

By the way, my attendance at Hamvention will likely result in fewer postings here than usual, but I will try and check in whenever I can so that you will know that I am alive and well. And, of course, I will have a full report (with photos) of my Saturday night out en femme.

Monday briefs (or men's panties)

On Saturday, 9 Chickweed Lane (right) concluded its week about men in high heels.

I returned the dress I bought from Metrostyle because I did not like the way it looked on me.

Kohl's has a "buy one, get one free sale" today. I plan to go shopping there later and hopefully buy two dresses for the price of one.

mother of femulation

My mother died nearly three years ago.

My father was a hard worker. He earned the money for our family, working overtime whenever he could, and sometimes working two jobs. He was not a big presence in our family because he was at work a lot of the time.

As a result, my mother ran the show in our family; she handled the family finances and raised and disciplined my sister and I. She was a tough, but fair disciplinarian and she loved her children, especially me, who she favored. Also, she was a very beautiful woman.

My mother was the parent I looked up to because she was the parent that was around. I did not know it at the time, but she was my role model.

I was a creative kid and my mother encouraged my creative side. I loved sports, especially baseball, but I was not very good at it (I could hit the ball a mile, but I threw like a girl). So early on, I knew where my strengths laid. I spent a lot of time writing and drawing and my mother supported and encouraged me. Eventually, I became a successful professional writer with a lot of thanks going to my mother.

I looked like my mother's side of the family and inherited many of her features like her long legs and her facial features. When I do my makeup just so, I look a lot like her; people would mistake us for mother and daughter, i.e., if she was alive and I dressed en femme in her presence.

I did not think that my mother knew about my crossdressing, because she never broached the subject despite the fact that I often got into her stuff and even ruined some items that I found out the hard way, were too small for me. I was very much in the closet then and I was just as happy that she did not know. But. she knew.

As newlyweds, my wife and I crossdressed for a Halloween party and when I mentioned our party plans to my mother over the phone, she asked if I had taken my box of "stuff" with me when I moved out.

I don't recall my response, but at that moment, I knew she knew. She never mentioned it again and neither did I.

Howwever, once in awhile right up to her death, she would say to me, "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

I always thought she was referring to my crossdressing when she asked and I always said, "No."

In retrospect, I wish I had confided in my mother about me becoming a woman. She was so loving and so supportive that I think she would have helped me. (She was a great seamstress by the way and I can only dream about the outfits she might have sewn for her male daughter.) But, I did not confide in her and I regret it now.

But, if there is a heaven, I am sure my mother smiles down at me when she sees her firstborn dressed en femme enjoying her time as a woman.

So, Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

Your Loving Daughter,

Staci Lana

(The accompanying studio photograph is one I found somewhere on the Internet depicting a son and mother in the late 19th or early 20th Century. Click on it to enlarge the photo of the mother and her male daughter.)

if it only came in periwinkle...

As usual, click on the image to magnify it.

me in high heels

The 9 Chickwood Lane "men in high heels" saga continues today.

One of the female students at outreach on Tuesday asked me how did I learn to walk in high heels. (At the time, I was wearing my black patent Mary Jane peep-toe pumps with 3 to 4 inch stiletto heels, which, by the way, are very comfortable for a pump with that high a heel.)

I started wearing heels when I was 12 years old and from the start, I took to heels like a duck takes to webbed feet. I do not recall ever having any trouble walking in heels.

My highest shoes are a pair of platform Mary Jane pumps with a 5-inch heel and I can walk fine in those, too, but I don't wear them when I drive. My Subaru has a manual transmission and I found it difficult to manage the three pedals in 5-inch platform heels. I think the platform had more to do with the problem than the height of the heel, but nevertheless, I will never drive wearing those shoes again.

Thursday thingies

I returned to Dress Barn to exchange the top I bought yesterday. When I tried it on with the cropped pants last night, I did not like the way it looked on me.

On the other hand, the cropped pants fit perfectly and I love the way they looked on me. Now, this comes from a girl, who usually shuns pants and trousers.

Anyway, I exchanged yesterday's top for a different top (a green print) that I think will look nicer. I also bought a cool pair of clip-on earrings. They are silver tone circles, about an inch wide, that are painted gloss black on one side.

I received my daily e-mail from JCPenney trying to convince to buy something from them. The subject of the e-mail was "3 Days 'Til Mom's Day! Dress The Part." Well, I already do that!

meels (men's heels) again

Meg Winters e-mailed me again about the latest installment of 9 Chickweed Lane, which has dealt with men in heels three out of four days so far this week: Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday.

By the way, I wore 4-inch heels for over 7 hours on Tuesday and never had a nose bleed!

en femme on Tuesday

Yesterday was a good day out en femme despite the miserable weather (a light rain fell throughout the day and temperature hovered around 50 degrees, but it felt colder).

I wore my favorite dress and broke in a pair of heels that I bought on clearance from Newport-News many months ago, but had not worn yet.

I was out the door and arrived at my first stop, Payless , just after 10 AM to shop for a big handbag and comfortable shoes for my NYC trip.

They had a nice selection of big bags, but only a few had the top zip closure that I desired, so that narrowed down the selection process. After perusing all their offerings, I finally chose a big black "chic oversize tote" featuring "softie faux leather, silvertone grommet details, an interior large enough for most laptops."

Next, I shopped for a pair of comfortable flats for trekking around the paved canyons of NYC next month. The sizes were not consistent between styles, so I tried on every pair of flats that the store had on display in sizes 11, 11W, and 12.

I almost settled for a pair of size 11 Mary Jane flats that were a little loose, but then I spotted a pair of size 12 black patent moccasins that fit like a glove. I don't usually like moccasins, but these were different; they had black patent "faux leather uppers and a stylish silver buckle detail." They are really cute and don't look like traditional moccasins; they are also very comfortable and are the Dexter brand, so the quality is probably better, too.

While searching for the flats, I also found a pair of comfortable black round toe mid-heel Mary Janes that I added to my purchases.

The cashier was very chatty and remarked how I had such good taste! He liked all my purchases and said that the handbag I chose was flying out of the store. He also remarked that the mid-heel Mary Janes were very popular with dancers; he recently had to special order 15 pairs for a local dance troupe.

By the way, while I was trying on shoes, another customer said she loved the shoes I was wearing and wondered if I bought them at Payless because she wanted to buy a pair for herself. My Newport-News clearance shoes are black peep-toe Mary Janes with a 3-inch stiletto heel and a white button that holds the strap in place. The shoes are very cute and surprisingly comfortable considering their height.

I loaded my Payless purchases in my Subaru, then went shopping at Dress Barn, which was in the same strip mall as Payless. My goal was to find a pair of cropped pants and top to wear during my NYC stay in June.

I found a cute beige tunic length top with a square neckline and a brown floral print and I matched it with a pair of beige cropped pants. When I tried the outfit on, it was adorable, but the pants were too big. I figured that the next size down would be just right, but they did not have the next size down; I tried on a pair two sizes down, but they were too small. I bought the top and plan to go to another Dress Barn today to see if they have the pants in my size. (Scored! I found a pair in my size at another Dress Barn and I also bought another top to go with the pants.)

As expected when shopping during a weekday morning, most of the customers I encountered were retirees and young mothers with babies in tow. Nobody paid much attention to me. And the ones that did, like the woman in Payless, interacted with me as if I was just another female customer. It was very validating.

My shopping was a little rushed because I had to be in New Haven for the 12:20 PM class that I was outreaching. So back in the Subaru, I had a 15-minute drive to Diana's house. Diana was also participating in the outreach and she offered to drive to New Haven. I arrived at her house at 11:45 and she drove me in her Prius to Southern Connecticut State University. We arrived at the classroom right on time and met the other people doing outreach, two no-op male-to-female transsexuals and the spouse of one.

We each gave a short bio, then the class split into three separate groups and each of us took a turn answering questions for each group. Professor Schildroth has been very accommodating and I was able to go solo again, which pleased me because all the questions would be related to my brand of transgenderism (whatever that may be), rather than sharing the Q&A time with someone whose brand of transgenderism differed from my brand.

We outreached two classes yesterday, each with three groups, so we each did six Q&A sessions yesterday. By the way, the ratio of females-to-males in each class was about 10 to 1 and each class had about 30 students. (The photo is me waiting to do outreach at the second class.)

Here are the some highlights of my Q&A sessions:

I received a lot of questions asking if I was gay (I am not).

A couple of students asked if I have been hit upon and what do I do if I am (yes, I have been hit upon and when I am, I point to my wedding ring). That question is validating in that the students asking the question must think that I look like someone who might get hit upon!

I also received a lot of questions about my voice. Usually, I do not get asked about my voice, but yesterday, I was a little hoarse (from allergies) and my voice was less feminine than usual, so I think that is why I had a more inquiries about my voice than usual.

My makeup received a lot of inquiries (how did I learn to do my makeup) and a lot of praise.

My hair also received a lot of positive comments and many of the students were surprised when they learned that my hair was a wig. I was wearing my new "Stacie" wig for the first time yesterday and it was a little tight, but that too shall pass.

Most of the students seemed to appreciate our presence in the class; they showed us respect and laughed at most of my attempts at humor. By the way, I mentioned my blog and some students asked for the URL. If any students are reading this, I would love to hear from you, so write a comment or send e-mail.

In between classes, we dined at the student union. I had a slice of pizza and a bottle of iced tea while reading the comments from the students in the first class. I received some positive comments along with some "Staci seemed nervous" comments, but nothing negative.

After the second class, Diana, I, and the married couple went to eat at a diner in Cromwell. At that point, I had been wearing a heels for over 7 hours and I was surprised how comfortable they were after that long and active day, but I decided to switch shoes on the way to the diner and wore my new mid-heel Mary Janes. What a difference! It was like switching to bedroom slippers!

Being a Tuesday evening, the diner was not busy and we were able to get a big corner booth. I love diner breakfast food, so I had an omelette with home fries, rye toast, and coffee. We talked about the day and had a pleasant dining experience. Our waiter was very accommodating and treated us like ladies.

After dinner/breakfast, we said our goodbyes and I drove home exhausted from my day out en femme, but very pleased about how well it turned out. It was a very positive, validating experience and I look forward to doing it again.

meels (men's heels)

Meg Winters e-mailed me about today's installment of 9 Chickweed Lane, which is of some interest to girls like us.