Monday briefs (or men's panties)

On Saturday, 9 Chickweed Lane (right) concluded its week about men in high heels.

I returned the dress I bought from Metrostyle because I did not like the way it looked on me.

Kohl's has a "buy one, get one free sale" today. I plan to go shopping there later and hopefully buy two dresses for the price of one.

mother of femulation

My mother died nearly three years ago.

My father was a hard worker. He earned the money for our family, working overtime whenever he could, and sometimes working two jobs. He was not a big presence in our family because he was at work a lot of the time.

As a result, my mother ran the show in our family; she handled the family finances and raised and disciplined my sister and I. She was a tough, but fair disciplinarian and she loved her children, especially me, who she favored. Also, she was a very beautiful woman.

My mother was the parent I looked up to because she was the parent that was around. I did not know it at the time, but she was my role model.

I was a creative kid and my mother encouraged my creative side. I loved sports, especially baseball, but I was not very good at it (I could hit the ball a mile, but I threw like a girl). So early on, I knew where my strengths laid. I spent a lot of time writing and drawing and my mother supported and encouraged me. Eventually, I became a successful professional writer with a lot of thanks going to my mother.

I looked like my mother's side of the family and inherited many of her features like her long legs and her facial features. When I do my makeup just so, I look a lot like her; people would mistake us for mother and daughter, i.e., if she was alive and I dressed en femme in her presence.

I did not think that my mother knew about my crossdressing, because she never broached the subject despite the fact that I often got into her stuff and even ruined some items that I found out the hard way, were too small for me. I was very much in the closet then and I was just as happy that she did not know. But. she knew.

As newlyweds, my wife and I crossdressed for a Halloween party and when I mentioned our party plans to my mother over the phone, she asked if I had taken my box of "stuff" with me when I moved out.

I don't recall my response, but at that moment, I knew she knew. She never mentioned it again and neither did I.

Howwever, once in awhile right up to her death, she would say to me, "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

I always thought she was referring to my crossdressing when she asked and I always said, "No."

In retrospect, I wish I had confided in my mother about me becoming a woman. She was so loving and so supportive that I think she would have helped me. (She was a great seamstress by the way and I can only dream about the outfits she might have sewn for her male daughter.) But, I did not confide in her and I regret it now.

But, if there is a heaven, I am sure my mother smiles down at me when she sees her firstborn dressed en femme enjoying her time as a woman.

So, Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

Your Loving Daughter,

Staci Lana

(The accompanying studio photograph is one I found somewhere on the Internet depicting a son and mother in the late 19th or early 20th Century. Click on it to enlarge the photo of the mother and her male daughter.)

if it only came in periwinkle...

As usual, click on the image to magnify it.

me in high heels

The 9 Chickwood Lane "men in high heels" saga continues today.

One of the female students at outreach on Tuesday asked me how did I learn to walk in high heels. (At the time, I was wearing my black patent Mary Jane peep-toe pumps with 3 to 4 inch stiletto heels, which, by the way, are very comfortable for a pump with that high a heel.)

I started wearing heels when I was 12 years old and from the start, I took to heels like a duck takes to webbed feet. I do not recall ever having any trouble walking in heels.

My highest shoes are a pair of platform Mary Jane pumps with a 5-inch heel and I can walk fine in those, too, but I don't wear them when I drive. My Subaru has a manual transmission and I found it difficult to manage the three pedals in 5-inch platform heels. I think the platform had more to do with the problem than the height of the heel, but nevertheless, I will never drive wearing those shoes again.

Thursday thingies

I returned to Dress Barn to exchange the top I bought yesterday. When I tried it on with the cropped pants last night, I did not like the way it looked on me.

On the other hand, the cropped pants fit perfectly and I love the way they looked on me. Now, this comes from a girl, who usually shuns pants and trousers.

Anyway, I exchanged yesterday's top for a different top (a green print) that I think will look nicer. I also bought a cool pair of clip-on earrings. They are silver tone circles, about an inch wide, that are painted gloss black on one side.

I received my daily e-mail from JCPenney trying to convince to buy something from them. The subject of the e-mail was "3 Days 'Til Mom's Day! Dress The Part." Well, I already do that!

meels (men's heels) again

Meg Winters e-mailed me again about the latest installment of 9 Chickweed Lane, which has dealt with men in heels three out of four days so far this week: Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday.

By the way, I wore 4-inch heels for over 7 hours on Tuesday and never had a nose bleed!

en femme on Tuesday

Yesterday was a good day out en femme despite the miserable weather (a light rain fell throughout the day and temperature hovered around 50 degrees, but it felt colder).

I wore my favorite dress and broke in a pair of heels that I bought on clearance from Newport-News many months ago, but had not worn yet.

I was out the door and arrived at my first stop, Payless , just after 10 AM to shop for a big handbag and comfortable shoes for my NYC trip.

They had a nice selection of big bags, but only a few had the top zip closure that I desired, so that narrowed down the selection process. After perusing all their offerings, I finally chose a big black "chic oversize tote" featuring "softie faux leather, silvertone grommet details, an interior large enough for most laptops."

Next, I shopped for a pair of comfortable flats for trekking around the paved canyons of NYC next month. The sizes were not consistent between styles, so I tried on every pair of flats that the store had on display in sizes 11, 11W, and 12.

I almost settled for a pair of size 11 Mary Jane flats that were a little loose, but then I spotted a pair of size 12 black patent moccasins that fit like a glove. I don't usually like moccasins, but these were different; they had black patent "faux leather uppers and a stylish silver buckle detail." They are really cute and don't look like traditional moccasins; they are also very comfortable and are the Dexter brand, so the quality is probably better, too.

While searching for the flats, I also found a pair of comfortable black round toe mid-heel Mary Janes that I added to my purchases.

The cashier was very chatty and remarked how I had such good taste! He liked all my purchases and said that the handbag I chose was flying out of the store. He also remarked that the mid-heel Mary Janes were very popular with dancers; he recently had to special order 15 pairs for a local dance troupe.

By the way, while I was trying on shoes, another customer said she loved the shoes I was wearing and wondered if I bought them at Payless because she wanted to buy a pair for herself. My Newport-News clearance shoes are black peep-toe Mary Janes with a 3-inch stiletto heel and a white button that holds the strap in place. The shoes are very cute and surprisingly comfortable considering their height.

I loaded my Payless purchases in my Subaru, then went shopping at Dress Barn, which was in the same strip mall as Payless. My goal was to find a pair of cropped pants and top to wear during my NYC stay in June.

I found a cute beige tunic length top with a square neckline and a brown floral print and I matched it with a pair of beige cropped pants. When I tried the outfit on, it was adorable, but the pants were too big. I figured that the next size down would be just right, but they did not have the next size down; I tried on a pair two sizes down, but they were too small. I bought the top and plan to go to another Dress Barn today to see if they have the pants in my size. (Scored! I found a pair in my size at another Dress Barn and I also bought another top to go with the pants.)

As expected when shopping during a weekday morning, most of the customers I encountered were retirees and young mothers with babies in tow. Nobody paid much attention to me. And the ones that did, like the woman in Payless, interacted with me as if I was just another female customer. It was very validating.

My shopping was a little rushed because I had to be in New Haven for the 12:20 PM class that I was outreaching. So back in the Subaru, I had a 15-minute drive to Diana's house. Diana was also participating in the outreach and she offered to drive to New Haven. I arrived at her house at 11:45 and she drove me in her Prius to Southern Connecticut State University. We arrived at the classroom right on time and met the other people doing outreach, two no-op male-to-female transsexuals and the spouse of one.

We each gave a short bio, then the class split into three separate groups and each of us took a turn answering questions for each group. Professor Schildroth has been very accommodating and I was able to go solo again, which pleased me because all the questions would be related to my brand of transgenderism (whatever that may be), rather than sharing the Q&A time with someone whose brand of transgenderism differed from my brand.

We outreached two classes yesterday, each with three groups, so we each did six Q&A sessions yesterday. By the way, the ratio of females-to-males in each class was about 10 to 1 and each class had about 30 students. (The photo is me waiting to do outreach at the second class.)

Here are the some highlights of my Q&A sessions:

I received a lot of questions asking if I was gay (I am not).

A couple of students asked if I have been hit upon and what do I do if I am (yes, I have been hit upon and when I am, I point to my wedding ring). That question is validating in that the students asking the question must think that I look like someone who might get hit upon!

I also received a lot of questions about my voice. Usually, I do not get asked about my voice, but yesterday, I was a little hoarse (from allergies) and my voice was less feminine than usual, so I think that is why I had a more inquiries about my voice than usual.

My makeup received a lot of inquiries (how did I learn to do my makeup) and a lot of praise.

My hair also received a lot of positive comments and many of the students were surprised when they learned that my hair was a wig. I was wearing my new "Stacie" wig for the first time yesterday and it was a little tight, but that too shall pass.

Most of the students seemed to appreciate our presence in the class; they showed us respect and laughed at most of my attempts at humor. By the way, I mentioned my blog and some students asked for the URL. If any students are reading this, I would love to hear from you, so write a comment or send e-mail.

In between classes, we dined at the student union. I had a slice of pizza and a bottle of iced tea while reading the comments from the students in the first class. I received some positive comments along with some "Staci seemed nervous" comments, but nothing negative.

After the second class, Diana, I, and the married couple went to eat at a diner in Cromwell. At that point, I had been wearing a heels for over 7 hours and I was surprised how comfortable they were after that long and active day, but I decided to switch shoes on the way to the diner and wore my new mid-heel Mary Janes. What a difference! It was like switching to bedroom slippers!

Being a Tuesday evening, the diner was not busy and we were able to get a big corner booth. I love diner breakfast food, so I had an omelette with home fries, rye toast, and coffee. We talked about the day and had a pleasant dining experience. Our waiter was very accommodating and treated us like ladies.

After dinner/breakfast, we said our goodbyes and I drove home exhausted from my day out en femme, but very pleased about how well it turned out. It was a very positive, validating experience and I look forward to doing it again.

meels (men's heels)

Meg Winters e-mailed me about today's installment of 9 Chickweed Lane, which is of some interest to girls like us.

out tomorrow

Tomorrow will be a day out en femme for me. I will do outreach at two Human Sexuality classes at a local university and I hope to get in some shopping for my NYC trip, too.

You can expect a full report here about my day out later this week.

prom season

It is prom season, a time when many a young femulator's heart is all a flutter thinking about the pretty prom gowns he won't be able to wear to his high school's spring formal.

I wore a white tux to my senior prom and that was probably a good thing because back then, I was about 40 pounds heavier than I am now. Squeezing into a prom gown would not have been a pretty sight, but I dreamed about it nonetheless.

Times have changed. As Ray Davies once sang, "Boys will be girls and girls will be boys" and today, at some of the more progressive schools in our nation, boys do wear gowns to proms and girls do wear tuxedos.

This all came back to mind after reading Gossip Gurl's blog posting about a high school girl, who attended her 1999 senior prom en homme with a drag queen friend en femme on her arm.

I had run across Whitney's prom photos on the Internet some years ago and I was so taken with her story that I contacted her and asked permission to run the story in my support group's newsletter. She granted permission, I ran the story, and forgot about it until I read the Gossip Gurl post this morning.

I enjoyed rereading her story and I think you will enjoy reading the story and viewing the photos, too. (I am still a little gaga over the couple's transformation.)

what they forgot to teach you in driver's ed

As usual, click on the image to make it bigger.

womanless pageant news

This just in from our Womanless Pageant Hotline correspondent, Laurie...

"Here's yet ANOTHER link to a recent Womanless Beauty Pageant."

Thank you, Laurie!

in denial

As usual, click on the image to enlarge it.

blowing his cover

As usual, click on the image to magnify it.

hormones and me

"Are you on hormones or have you ever been on hormones?"

People ask me that question often. In fact, just yesterday, someone asked me that question.

My answer is "No." During my 58 years on the third rock from the Sun, I have never taken hormones.

However, I do take care of myself.

I never smoked.

I never did drugs.

I seldom consume alcoholic beverages and when I do, I never have more than one or two drinks.

I watch my weight. I have been within 5 pounds of the same weight for most of the past 35 years.

I have not had any illnesses or diseases worse than the flu or the common cold.

I walk one to two miles a day weather-permitting.

About five years ago, I began taking better care of my skin. I moisturize my face every day and I use the latest Avon product to make my eyes look better/younger/less wrinkled.

I am very adept at applying makeup. I have been practicing for nearly 45 years, so I should be getting the hang of it by now!

All that, but no hormones!

switching teams

In general, I find that women are very accepting and even encouraging when I attempt to emulate a woman. Occasionally, I will encounter a woman who is disgusted by femulation, but most women in the circles I run around in are very accepting.

(Either that or I pass so well that they take me for a real woman, which may be true in a very small minority of cases.)

Anyway, why do women readily accept and even encourage men who femulate?

I have a theory. Most women have a secret: they believe that the female gender is the superior gender. Some women may vocalize that belief, but most do not and let men go on thinking that males are superior.

When a man emulates a woman, women respect a man who has seen the light and wants to switch teams. He may not realize that he is joining the better team, but women appreciate his intentions and some are willing to help him become the best woman he can be.

That is just my theory, but I think it might explain a thing or two.

When a staffer switches genders

Here is a nice article about my friend Tony and gender-switching on the job, in general.

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy

Yes, you are!

As a former fashion model, it is no surprise that the First Lady of France, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, qualifies for our tall lady's list. She is 5'9" tall.

no kidding: update

Yesterday, I may have pulled the trigger too soon when I deleted all images that depicted children.

It was a classic "manic Monday;" I was busy as a one-armed hairdresser, did not have time to research the matter, and took the safe way out by pulling the plug as fast as possible on those images to avoid being accused of disseminating "k1dd1e p0rn."

Tuesday is vacation-like compared to Monday and I had some time to do some research this morning. I found the applicable federal law, US Code Title 18, §2256, which defines "ch1ld p0rn0graphy." See it for yourself here, specifically paragraph (8).

I am not a lawyer, although I did portray one in law school, so my interpretation may not be correct, but it seems to me that the images I created and displayed here did not fall under the US Code definition of "ch1ld p0rn0graphy."

I doubt that this will change my decision about deleting the images and not posting similar images in the future because it is not worth the hassle if someone wants to make an issue of it.

new acquisition

I just bought this new "mock wrap" dress from Metrostyle on sale ($32 instead of $40). I love the color and I already have shoes that match!

I think it will be lovely wearing this dress as I stroll down 5th Avenue in June!