out on a limb

I am home today watching the snow fall on a bleak Zhivagoesque landscape, while my deskjet prints the income tax forms that I will file tomorrow.

I finished doing our taxes this morning (yay!) and wait to begin my next big task (boo!): digging out from the snow storm. In the meantime, I am considering my particular location on the male-to-female transgender continuum.

At one end of the continuum are the gents who put on dresses, light up cigars, and sit around with the other gents in dresses discussing whatever is the news du jour on ESPN.

At the other end of the continuum are post-op transsexuals, who have completed transition and live their lives as the females they were born to be.

In my neck of the woods on the continuum are the femulators, i.e., transwomen, who present fully female in both dress and manner, but have no plans to surgically modify their bodies in order to augment their femulation. Some are full-time 24/7 femulators and some of them identify as no-op transsexuals. Others are part-time (like me) femulating when they can and some of them also identify as no-op transsexuals (not like me).

I believe that if the circumstances were different, I would femulate full-time without surgery, i.e., be a no-op, but I would not identify as transsexual.

Am I in denial about being transsexual?

I have met many transsexuals over the years and all of them admitted that they longed to be female all their lives. And they hated their male bodies. I never had the longing to be female and I am fairly satisfied with my body (my primary dissatisfaction is related to hair, i.e, too much and not enough in all the wrong places.)

On the other hand, I am not atypical male. In my youth, I enjoyed boy activities... to a point. I was not your typical rough and tumble boy and I did not like to take part in any activities where pain was a possibility. For example, I liked to play football, but I preferred touch football and avoided tackle football. So, I definitely had a sissy streak in me and some of the other youths let me know it by taunting me and calling me names.

I also enjoyed creative activities (writing and drawing) and there were other activities, i.e., some that were downright female that I would have pursued, but I worried what others would think if I followed those girlish activities, so I avoided them.

By the way, I am a heterosexual and never had any inclinations not to be.

All that being said, I believe that I am out on a limb that branches off the male-to-female transgender continuum. I am not sure of the name of that limb*, but it is kind of lonely out here.

And so it snows.

* I had this discussion here a few months ago and I bought into the suggestion that I was a "transgenderist," but after thinking about it, I'm not so sure.

man of the house

still Barbie after all these years

Back when I was a kid, girls played with dolls and boys played with toy soldiers. Only boys like us played with dolls.

To tell you the truth, I do not recall playing with dolls except on one occasion. Home alone and taking a break from crossdressing with Mom's stuff, I got into my sister's doll collection and dressed Ken in a Barbie outfit.

It was an unsatisfying experience because Ken did not wear it well. Ken was made of hard plastic and Barbie's foundation garments could not mold Ken's hard body into a feminine figure (like I was able to use my mother's bra and girdle to mold my own chub-body into a feminine figure featuring a real pair of B-cup breasts... Well, not quite B-cup, but pretty close.)

After that episode, I never bothered crossdressing Ken or playing with Barbie, but Barbie's fashions fascinated me. I wanted to dress like Barbie. And it sure would be nice to look like her, but all the dieting in the world nor the tightest foundation garments in the world would permit me to achieve that status, but a boy can dream, can't he?

Did I ever tell you I'm an Avon saleslady?

I am not very active these days, but I still have a franchise and turn in a new order every two weeks.

Well, in 1998, Avon sold a Barbie Avon representative doll. Her hair and outfit reminded me of the way Nicole Kidman looked in the film To Die For, which is a "look" I felt was definitely worth looking like. I bought one for my daughter and it is around the house somewhere still mint in the box.

So, yesterday, I read on one of the news Web sites that Barbie will celebrate her 50th birthday on March 9, one day after my 58th birthday. (Damn, I wish I looked that good when I was 50!)

So, Happy Birthday, Barbara 'Barbie' Millicent Roberts; you've been an inspiration to femulators everywhere!

well, do ya?

excellence in femulation (partie trois)

Originally, "drag balls" were formal dances sponsored by GLBT organizations (often a college or university GLBT group) in which the attendees crossdressed. Males wore evening gowns and females wore tuxedos or other formal or semi-formal wear.

Google "drag ball" and you will find a few examples.

Some time ago, I did just that and came across unique before and after photographs of drag ball attendees in normal wear and in drag ball wear. The photos were unique because it depicted a group of five males before and after they donned their gay apparel. (You can find a lot of before and after photos of individuals on the Internet, but almost never before and after photos of a group.)

Regrettably, I lost the information concerning who is depicted in the photo and where the drag ball took place. However, I do have the photos and am pleased to display them here and announce that the the Femulate Awards Committee has bestowed the coveted Excellence in Femulation Award upon this group of five unknown femulators.

(As always, click on the photo to magnify it.)

not dressed, too ill

I have a head cold that just won't give up and its timing could not be worse. I had arranged a Very Indulgent Party (VIP) at a local Dress Barn for my support group and I was supposed to host the party on Sunday.

Usually, I dress to kill when I go out en femme. That means a dress, high heels, full makeup, bling, etc.

I felt better on Saturday and I thought I would be healthy enough to wear my hostess outfit the next day, but I had a relapse on Sunday and was in no shape to dress to kill for the party. It takes a lot of energy to dress to kill and my illness had drained most of the energy out of my body.

I thought about hosting the party in boy mode, but I decided that that would not be appropriate. Then, I thought about compromising and dressing androgynously to host the party: just a pair jeans and a top.

But wait; that's my normal boy mode outfit, so I would need to femme it up a bit. I could wear a wig, a little makeup, the dress trousers I bought at Lane Bryant, a pretty top, a little bling, my booties, a purse, etc.

But wait; I will have to wear my waist cincher, panty girdle, and long line bra with that outfit. Now I was on the verge of dressing to kill and I was not up for it. So, I decided to forget about it.

There is no in-between in my female wardrobe. It is either all or nothing. So I need to add a pair of female jeans to my wardrobe. Darn! I could have bought a pair at Dress Barn!

my take on Oscar-wear

I watched the Oscars telecast last night. I am a big movie fan, but my primary interest in watching the Oscars is to see what the actresses wear to the event.

I am still sick with a head cold and I went to bed early. So, I did not see the whole Oscar telecast and I might have missed something. That said, I was not impressed with most of the outfits I did see last night. None of the outfits called my name ("Staci, wear me, wear me").

My favorite was the gown that Tina Fey wore. Ms. Fey is my favorite actress these days and I was happy to see her glam it up for a change. She looked fab and if I had to pick out a gown for myself to wear from all the ones I saw last night, I would likely pick hers.

Caligiuri no friend of Connecticut transpeople

(I originally posted this on my support group's e-mail list, but I also want to post it here for my Connecticut readers who are not members of my support group.)

According to various news reports published late last week, Connecticut State Senator Sam Caligiuri is thinking about running for the US Senate against Senator Chris Dodd in 2010. You can read all about it here.

FYI, Caligiuri has one of the worst voting records in Connecticut when it comes to transgender protection legislation. He is on record for voting against all such legislation whenever he had the opportunity to do so. He is not a friend of the transgendered and I hope you will keep that in mind if you ever have to consider voting for him in the future.

crossdressed in the past

This image is an advertisement for an 1898 opera titled 1492, which starred female impersonator Edward Stewart. He was known as "Stuart, the Male Patti," which was (according to Gay Seattle by Gary Adkins) "a reference to Adelina Patti, a well-known coloratura soprano. Stuart sang in an operatic falsetto voice and sometimes traveled to Europe to buy the latest Paris dresses for his act."

Lucky guy!

As always, click on the image to magnify it.

male homecoming queen

Mr. and Ms. Mason 2009 from Connect Mason on Vimeo.

Ryan "Reann" Allen, a senior at George Mason University, won the homecoming queen title earlier this week.

When not attending school, the newly crowned "Ms. Mason" performs as a drag queen in area nightclubs, but her appearance as homecoming queen concealed her drag queen roots. Instead of resembling an over-the-top drag queen, she dressed more like a typical co-ed might dress when competing for the title: natural makeup, gold sequins top, short black skirt, black tights, etc.

Good job, Reann!

You can read all about it here.

crossdressed in the past

This vintage photograph from the early 20th Century depicts a woman en homme (right). The natal gender of the person en femme (left) is unknown. (Click on the image to magnify it.)

I'm sick

I am ill.

I cannot remember the last time I had a head cold; it's been years. Anyway, I have a head cold now and it is a doozy!

My illness is the reason for my less than normal blog output the last few days.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

overheard at Fashion Week

The Gender Photo Project

At Fantasia Fair, one of the first people I met was a photographer working on The Gender Photo Project. Throughout the Fair, the photographer set up a portable studio in various locations to take photos for the project. If you were willing to be photographed, the photographer was willing to take your photo.

I am always willing to be photographed and the photographer was very obliging. I was photographed just before the Fantasia Fair fashion show.

Yesterday, when I reread my blog posting about modeling at the fashion show, it refreshed my memory about the project. So I visited The Gender Photo Project Web site and discovered my photo on display along with some of the other attendees I met at Fantasia Fair.

I invite you to visit the Web site and see it for yourself. I am sure you will enjoy the viewing.

have a nice trip

This is Fashion Week in New York City and today, the media featured news about models falling on the runway at one of the fashion shows.

Lately, catching models in the act of falling on the runway has become big sport with videos of the falls showing up on the Internet for all to enjoy. It seems that some people find it very amusing to see a highly-paid model fall flat on his/her face.

I don't find it amusing and I sympathize with the models. Both times I modeled, I was very concerned about not falling because of (1) the high heels I wore and (2) the terrain I had to traverse.

Modeling at Fantasia Fair back in October was a real trip! My heels were high, especially when I modeled evening wear, and the terrain was hazardous because I had to descend stairs to get from the stage to the runway and there was no railing to assist in my descent. The accompanying photo shows me gingerly descending the stairs while modeling day wear at the fashion show (click on the image to magnify it).

When I descend stairs, I usually hold onto the railing especially when I wear heels. Without a railing, I fear that my descent may result in a crash because a few years ago, I actually did fall wearing heels while descending a railingless stairway. Luckily, I was one step from the bottom of that stairway, so I did not fall far and only bruised a knee.

So before you find amusement when a model crashes on the runway, consider walking in her shoes and you may be more sympathetic.

one in a million

Sunday song

be my valentine!

I posted this vintage Valentine's Day greeting card here last year, but since my blog's readership has more than tripled since that time, at least two-thirds of you never saw it, so I am posting it again for everyone to enjoy. (Click on the image to magnify it and see it in its full glory.)

back to the barn

We are going back to Dress Barn to party.

The spring fashions are in and my support group has their annual banquet next month, so I arranged another Very Indulgent Party (VIP) at the local Dress Barn where the girls can find something to wear to the banquet.

We had a great turn-out in December and the guest list is almost full for our next party on the 22nd.

Instead of a fashion show like we had the last time, the store manager will conduct a mini-seminar on what to wear for your body shape. We will also have a Mary Kay representative doing makeovers and offering makeup advice.

The party is scheduled for after hours so that our shy members will feel less inhibited, i.e., they will not have to shop elbow-to-elbow with genetic girls.

The store has Woman's sizes, as well as Misses sizes, so that all our members are covered. (For what it's worth, Dress Barn sizes run big because their Misses size 16 fit me perfectly, which is not normally the case at many other stores.)

To add frosting to the cake (yes, there will be cake), everyone gets a 15% discount.

It should be a great night out and some of us plan to dine out after the party to extend our evening out en femme.

get back