crossdressed in the past

Three femulators from Ohio circa 1910. (Click on the image to enlarge it.)

snow

If you've lived in the northern climes as long as I have, you learn to dislike winter weather because it can disrupt your plans.

Tonight, I planned to go out en femme to have dinner at a local restaurant with a friend. After dining, we planned to move on to the monthly cocktail party put on by a local "alternative multidisciplinary arts organization."

Tomorrow afternoon and early evening, I had family commitments en homme.

Those were my plans, but then along came the weather forecast calling for 6 to 10 inches of snow tomorrow. As a result, I had to move my plans en homme to today, which trumped my plans en femme.

I have lost count how many times winter weather has messed with my plans to go out en femme. I often amused myself wondering if Mother Nature was trying to tell me that what I was doing was not natural!

1001 Little Ways to Look Younger

While Christmas shopping at the local Barnes & Noble store on Sunday, I found 1001 Little Ways to Look Younger in their bargain sales area for $6.98 (list price is $11.92). I just checked and the book is available on the B&N Web site at that bargain price, too.

This book is not a mind-numbing tome detailing the intricacies of looking fabulous. Instead, it is a collection of 1001 logically organized two or three sentence tips that you can breeze through quickly.

I highly recommend the book especially at that discount price.

Here is a synopsis from the B&N Web site:

From age-defying make-up tricks and fashion tips to cosmetic procedures and skincare advice, 1001 Little Ways to Look Younger offers top-to-toe anti-aging remedies that will reap big benefits, both in the way you look and how you feel. With solutions for wrinkles, as well as advice on everything from improving your memory to battling the effects of aging on the body, the book shows both preventative and curative ways to stay young, beautiful and physically fit.

* 1001 beauty, fashion and health tips that will help you counter the negative effects of aging.

* Includes small changes that can make you look and feel younger – you don’t need a total makeover or a surgical rehaul to trim years off the way you look.

* Specifically geared to problems commonly faced by women from the age of 30 on, the book reveals the facts about antioxidants, cosmetic surgery, skincare products, salon treatments and more.

don we now our gay apparel

tall at the mall

After spending over four hours Christmas shopping at the mall yesterday, I have two observations:

• Young women are getting taller. I noticed a lot of women hovering around six feet in height. Maybe it's better nutrition or maybe a women's basketball team was in town. I dunno, but as a tall femulator, I sure made note of it.

• People are friendlier. About a half-dozen times yesterday, complete strangers, both male and female, greeted me as if we were old friends (by the way, I was in boy mode). Maybe it's the Christmas spirit, maybe somebody spiked their eggnog, or maybe folks are relieved that change is in the air. I dunno, but it was refreshing.

another addition

My recent success on eBay made for a busy week updating my female impersonator ephemera Web pages. Yesterday, another eBay acquisition arrived in the mail and I added it to my San Francisico page last night.

another trip to Dress Barn

When I called Sunday to inform Dress Barn that I was on the disabled list and could not be the hostess at my support group's party, I asked the sales rep to hold the daytime outfit I was supposed to model in order that I could purchase it this week.

I returned today to pick up the outfit. The top is similar to the same as the one pictured here and the skirt is a black knee-length pencil skirt with a wide black patent belt.

Liz, the sales rep who arranged the party was not on, so I dealt with Denise, the store manager. The District Manager had them return the outfit to the racks yesterday, but Denise was able to retrieve them.

I could not remember what size skirt I had selected, so she handed me two sizes and escorted me to the dressing room to try them on (the smaller size fit). I was in boy mode and the other customers must have wondered what was going on, but I did not mind. Let them think what they want.

I talked with Denise about doing another party in the late winter and we shared some ideas about what worked and did not work on Sunday and what to do next time.

As hostess, I was supposed to get a 25% discount on purchases and I really did not expect to get the discount today, five days after the fact, but Denise gave me the discount anyway.

I paid with my Dress Barn credit card and after Demise swiped the card and returned it to me, she mentioned that I can get another card with "Staci" as the name on the card instead of my boy name. I was a little surprised that she knew my femme name because I never mentioned it to her, but I guess my reputation preceded me on Sunday.

I exited the store at the same time as another customer, who saw me exiting the dressing room with skirts in hand. Her car was next to mine and I noticed that its license plate displayed an Amateur Radio call sign, as does mine.

I pointed out that our cars had similar license plates and I asked her if she was a ham. She replied that the call sign belonged to her deceased husband. That led to a pleasant, but short conversation about ham radio and then we went our separate ways.

115 dresses

Do you need a new dress for a holiday party?

You don't want to wear an old frock to the big New Year's Eve bash, so as a public service, I offer you a link to 115 holiday dresses ranging in price from $20 to $3000.

May your shopping be productive!

it is how God sent him

Helen Boyd's blog alerted me to this NY Times article concerning "Muxe," i.e., Mexican "men who consider themselves women and live in a socially sanctioned netherworld between the two genders."

"In Juchitan, Mexico, daughters are more valuable than sons. So mothers are encouraging their boys to become girls." from Marie Claire, March 2007

You can read more about Muxe here and here and view a video here.

(In my humble opinion, the Marie Claire article is much more revealing than the NY Times article.)

reorganized ephemera

I reorganized my ephemera pages.

Instead of displaying everything on one page, I organized the collection according to location.

The United States pages are almost fully populated, while the United Kingdom and Continental Europe pages are sparse. I plan to add ephemera to those pages as soon as possible, i.e., as soon as I have time to scan the items.

My First Holy Communion Dress (Almost)

Buy women's clothing online and soon your in-box fills up with e-mails soliciting you to buy more. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Fashionista that I am, I usually check out the e-mail solicitations to see what may be of interest to me.

Today, one of those e-mails had links that eventually led me to the dress you see on the right.

My first reaction was that they have to be kidding. The dress resembled the one my sister wore for her First Holy Communion back in the last century. I could not imagine an adult woman wearing such a concoction.

Here is the description:

Pencey Ribbon Dress

Unexpected details modernize a classic frock.

Silk-taffeta dress with crew neck and asymmetrical, contrast grosgrain banding at waist. Canvas panels at bodice. Inverted pleating at skirt and hidden zipper at back. Pleating at shoulders. Short sleeves. Lined.

33" long, measured from center back.
100% silk.
Dry clean.
Imported.

Then, the dress started to grow on me. The more I looked at it, the more I liked it! Yes, I can picture myself in that dress; I could pull it off.

I almost talked myself into buying it. Only two things prevented me from doing so. It did not come in my size and it cost $455! (They have to be kidding!)

Finocchio's ephemera

Last week, I had some success on eBay and added some female impersonator ephemera to my collection.

The first item arrived in yesterday's mail: a drink menu from Finocchio's, a San Francisco nightspot renowned for its female impersonators. I scanned the menu, added it to my ephemera page, and you can see it here.

Dress Barn party

From all the reports I received, my support group's Very Indulgent Party at Dress Barn last evening was a success.

I arranged the event and was supposed to be its hostess as well as a model in its fashion show, but I was unable to attend because after shoveling snow yesterday morning, I was placed on the disabled list.

I was very disappointed, but I felt a little better knowing that everyone had an enjoyable evening at the party.

Call Me Stana?

I chose Staci as my female name because it is the closest thing to a female version of my male name, Stanley. Here is how I arrived at Staci:

Stanislaus is the Slavic derivation of Stanley/Stanley is the English derivation of Stanislaus

Anastacia is the feminine derivation of Stanislaus

Staci is short for Anastacia

I'm not sure if these derivation of names is perfectly correct, but it is best I could come up with.

Last week, I discovered another and more direct feminine derivation of Stanley.

First, I found a postcard on eBay depicting a female impersonator named Stana Behavy (above left). Next, when updating my Famous Females of Height list, I found out about television actress Stana Katic (above right).

So, you can call me Stana.

Call Me Transgenderist?

Thank you all for all your thoughtful comments and e-mails regarding my "heavy" post here on Thursday. You gave me a lot of ideas to consider, but I think my friend Diana hit the nail on the head, i.e., I am a transgenderist.

While I was composing my heavy post (it took me two days to write it), the word "transgenderist" floated in and out of my conscious a couple of times, but I paid no attention to what my subconscious was floating by me. I knew I had encountered that term in the past, but as it floated by, I did not recall its meaning, so I let it go.

But I should have paid attention to my subsconscious because as Diana's comment revealed, my subconscious had something for me. (It is the first time I ever really noticed my subconscious thinking behind the scenes.)

Anyway...

Whereas the terms "crossdresser," "transvestite," "transsexual," etc., are a good fit for me only after some alterations, the term "transgenderist" fits me like a glove.

Don't confuse "transgenderist" with "transgender." Like crossdresser, transvestite, transsexual, etc., transgenderist falls under the umbrella of transgender, but is not the same as transgender.

Repeating Diana's comment, "Transgenderists are persons who consistently live as members of the opposite gender either on a part or full-time basis. Some maintain their original identity in the work place or during formal occasions. Others appear in their new identity during all aspects of daily life. Transgenderists are unique because maintaining both masculine and feminine characteristics is integral to having a sense of balance. However, the outward presentation of these characteristics varies subtly depending on the individual's needs and sense of connection to each gender. Like transsexuals, many are interested in obtaining electrolysis, hormones and even cosmetic surgery to bring their outward presentation in line with their inner sense of self. However, like crossdressers, transgenderists are not interested in Genital Reassignment Surgery."

Adding to Diana's comment, "To elaborate on this distinction, even if a transgenderists lives "in role" as a member of the opposite gender on a full-time basis, what separates them from transsexuals, is that they derive pleasure from and value their genitals as originally developed. However, in most circumstances, it is unlikely that a transgenderist who lives in role full-time will disclose such private information without good reason. Because transgenderists are not interested in genital reassignment, they should not be confused with "non-operative" transsexuals or persons who are unable to have surgery due to financial or medical hardship. Although the majority of non-operative transsexuals live "in role" permanently, most need to adjust to a period of internalized incongruency during the time they are unable to have genital reassignment, if at all. Transgenderists do not go through this period of adjustment, because they are not interested in altering their genitals.

"Like transsexuals who are at the very beginning of transition, transgenderists frequently experience incongruent feelings regarding their gender identity. Unlike crossdressers these feelings persist "after the clothes come off" and the person dresses in their original gender. These incongruent feelings typically can be continuous, lasting for days and even weeks, until the individual recognizes a pattern in his or her needs. Transgenderists stop feeling incongruent when their needs are consistently met by maintaining characteristics from both genders."

Those words come from Gianna E. Israel's excellent article "Transgenderists: When Self-Identification Challenges Transgender Stereotypes," which I urge you to read in its entirety if you are interested.

New Heights

Peaches e-mailed me that she had an addition to my Famous Females of Height list: the 6-foot-tall Terry Farrell from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

Before I added Ms. Farrell to the list, I looked her up on the Internet to refresh my memory as to what she looked like and as often occurs on the Internet, one thing leads to another and I found myself on the Celebrity Heights Web site, which offers "commentary, celebrity fan photos, quotes and gossip on the heights of celebrities."

I worked the site and discovered a bevy of tall females that were missing from my list and I have now corrected my omissions.

Caveat One: There are tall female celebrities listed on Celebrity Heights Web site that I did not add to my list because I have never heard of them. (It's my list, so I'll include who I want and I only want to include who I know.)

Caveat Two: The Celebrity Heights Web site lists heights by the half-inch, i.e., 5'8", 5'8.5", 5'9", 5'9.5", etc. My list lists heights by the full inch, so I rounded up anyone who was in between to the next full inch, for example, although Miss Staci Lana Hunter may be listed on the Celebrity Heights Web as 6'1.5", I listed her as 6'2".

Here is the list of omissions that are now on my list, listed according to height:

5'8": Tia Carrere, Ciara, Jill Clayburgh, Marcia Cross, Heather Graham, Veronica Hamel, Mel Harris, Jill Hennessy, Faith Hill, Jessica Lange, Angela Lansbury, Kelly LeBrock, Michelle Lee, Judith Light, Andee Macdowell, Ali MacGraw, Pamela Sue Martin, Maureen O'Hara, Elizabeth Perkins, Rihanna, Molly Ringwald, Tanya Roberts, Mimi Rogers, Isabella Rossellini, Rene Russo, Cybill Shepherd, Vonda Shepherd, Mary Steenburgen, Sharon Stone, Emma Thompson, Jo Ann Worley, Daphne Zuniga

5'9": Mischa Barton, Ingrid Bergman, Cate Blanchette, Joanna Cassidy, Carol Channing, Susan Clark, Natalie Cole, Polly Draper, Barbara Feldon, Pam Grier, Melanie Griffith, Rachel Griffiths, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Katherine Heigl, Stana Katic, Joanna Kerns, KD Lang, Sophia Loren, Tina Louise, Lee Meriwether, Patricia Neal, Nancy O'Dell, Paula Prentiss, Diana Rigg, Connie Sellecca, Joan Severance, Molly Sims, Alexis Smith, Lindsay Wagner, Kate Walsh, Esther Williams, Alicia Witt, Paula Zahn

5'10": Lucie Arnaz, Teresa Graves, Sally Kirkland, Jane Leeves, Camryn Manheim, Bridget Moynahan, Jo Ann Pflug, Jean Smart, Peta Wilson

5'11": Carol Alt, Anna Chancellor, Adrianne Curry, Ellen Dubin, Jaclyn Lee, Kristanna Loken, Tracey Needham, Missi Pyle, Rie Rasmussen, Victoria Silvstedt, Taylor Swift, Gina Torres

6'0": Terry Farrell, Margaux Hemingway, Marjean Holden, Allison Janney, Jane Lynch, Aimee Mann, Marjorie Monaghan, Brenda Strong, Aisha Tyler

6'1": Yolanda Adams, Andee Frizzell, Monika Schnarre, Claire Stansfield

6'2": Bergen Williams

Things I Wish My Mother Had Told Me

A Dress A Day is one of the blogs I read regularly. (If you love vintage dresses, you will love A Dress A Day.)

Erin, the brains behind A Dress A Day, recently reviewed a book titled Things I Wish My Mother Had Told Me. The book offers fashion advice and in my opinion, belongs in the library of every serious femulator (read the review and decide for yourself). I dunno about you, but my mother offered me no fashion advice for the distaff side of my closet, so this book will fill that void.

My Theory of Operation

When I do outreach, the other presenters almost always identify as transsexual. I only recall doing outreach on two occasions with others who did not identify as transsexual.

Listening to the transsexuals tell their life stories always causes me to consider my own identity. Tuesday's outreach was no different. Since then, I have done a lot of thinking about my identity and I believe I have had an epiphany.

I identify as a heterosexual male-to-female crossdresser, who crossdresses once or twice per month (in deference to my spouse). However, I readily admit that if I had the opportunity, I would crossdress 24/7 and live full-time as a female without surgery, hormones, or other body modifications. I likely would get electrolysis, but nothing more than that.

If I desire to live full-time as a woman, am I still a crossdresser? Or am I something else... something beyond a crossdresser, but not quite a transsexual mainly because I never felt that I was a woman trapped inside the body of a male.

I admit that I am not the most manly male, at least according to other people's opinions of me. When I was young, I was called a "sissy," "fairy," "twinky," "faggot," etc. because others perceived me as being effeminate. That perception may still exist, but as an adult, the people I encounter are polite enough to keep such opinions to themselves.

I did not (or do not) make any effort to be effeminate (or masculine, for that matter). I always acted in a way that was natural to me and my natural inclination was to act effeminately according to the "standards" set by our society.

I never felt I had a masculine or feminine side and I never felt that I was a woman trapped inside the body of a male like the typical transsexual, who hid or suppressed their femininity in boy mode.

I never felt that I was a woman trapped inside the body of a male because SHE WAS NEVER TRAPPED!

I never suppressed my femininity because I never realized I was acting effeminately, so as far as I was concerned, there was nothing to suppress.

Back in college, I attended a Halloween party in drag. One of my classmates who knew me well was impressed on how my normal persona was such a good fit for my costume. Until he saw me in drag, he never realized that my everyday persona was so feminine. That confirms what I always believed, i.e., "I" am the same person in boy mode or in girl mode except that "I" am a better fit in girl mode.

In conclusion, I am not a woman trapped in a male body, rather I am a woman with a male body and I’m OK with that. I realize that my body has nothing to with my gender and further that having a male body does not make me less of a woman.

(By the way, this is pretty heavy stuff for me and I would greatly appreciate any and all opinions on my theory of operation.)

outreach yesterday

Yesterday, I did outreach for two Human Sexuality classes at Southern Connecticut State University. I did not go shopping as planned because I did not feel up to dealing with the Christmas shopping crowds that seemed to be out in full force yesterday.

As usual, I was the token crossdresser in the group doing outreach. The others were pre-op, post-op, and no-op male-to-female and female-to-male transsexuals and a spouse. In the first class, there were six in the group. In the second class, there were seven. In the past, about four was the max. As a result, the biography portion of the class was longer and ate into the Q&A portion of the class. I enjoy the Q&A more than the bio portion of the class because I have heard all the bios before and although I've also heard many of the questions before, there are usually one or two new questions that make things interesting.

Anna Schildroth, the professor of the class scored big points with me. When I saw her for the first time yesterday, she asked, "Did you lose weight?"

I admitted that I lost eight pounds and I was happy she noticed. Then she added, "Well, it looks like you lost more than eight pounds!"

She made my day, but later she made my day again.

Before the second class, she came over to me and remarked that my legs were attracting a lot of attention. I asked her what she meant and she said that she was following me as I walked to the classroom and that she noticed a lot of people turning to notice my long legs. When she said that I blushed. (The accompanying photo from yesterday reveals the revealing length of the hem of my dress. Click on the photo to get a better view.)

Speaking of long legs, I noticed a tall attractive female student file into the first class and pegged her as being six feet tall. I don't recall her asking any questions during the Q&A portion of the class, but after the class was over, she asked, "Staci, how tall are you without heels?"

"Six two," I replied.

"Me, too," she said.

She was wearing flats, so I asked her if she wore heels. She said she does, but not currently because she just had knee surgery.

I was happy that here was a very tall girl, who was proud of her height and not afraid to wear heels. Good for her!

The questions asked of me were basically the same questions I have been asked at past outreaches with a few variations.

There was an amusing exchange with one student, who could not understand how I dressed in boy mode without people wondering about the telltale signs that indicated that I also dressed in girl mode. I did not understand what she was getting at, so she was more specific and said she was referring to the fact that since I get my nails done, don't people wonder what's with that. We all had a good laugh when I revealed that I use stick-on nails that come on and off in five minutes.

An admitted gay student asked me if I ever tried to stop crossdressing and I said that in the past, I was very guilty about crossdressing and tried to stop. I guess my Catholic upbringing had something to do with my guilt and I recalled the numerous times I planned to go to confession, confess my "sin," and stop dressing. (I never had the nerve to make that confession.) I also mentioned how I had purged a few times, but again took up crossdressing sooner or later.

Then I explained how as I grew older and a little wiser, I stopped feeling guilty when I realized that crossdressing was part of who I am and that I was going to be true to myself.

That was the last question of the day and I can't think of a more appropriate way to end it.

this week's femulations

I have two outings en femme on tap this week.

Tuesday, I join two or three other transfolk to do outreach at two human sexuality classes at Southern Connecticut State University. I have lost count of the number of outreaches I have done since my first one back in May 2006, but I keep coming back because it gives me an opportunity to inform college-aged people that crossdressers are real people too and not the caricatures that appear on television shows such as Jerry Springer.

If time permits, I also plan to do some shopping before I do outreach (I need a winter coat).

Sunday will be something new for me. I will be the hostess for my support group's Very Indulgent Party at the local Dress Barn. In addition to being hostess, I will also be a model in the fashion show during the party. Fifteen members and their significant others have RSVP'd and it should be a lot of fun.