guess I'm different!

next outing

Tuesday evening, I plan to make my next foray out in the world en femme.

First stop will be the Dress Barn where I am hosting a Very Indulgent Party for my support group next month.

I volunteered to model outfits at the party (like they had to twist my arm to do it), so Tuesday, I am going to work with a saleswoman to put together the outfits I will be modeling. One will be a daytime office girl ensemble and the second will be a glam holiday party ensemble.

Next stop will be the inaugural meeting of my friend Patty's Non Conforming Gender Variant Group(s). It will be a get acquainted meeting, so I don't expect to have any great ephiphany, but I do look forward to seeing some new and old faces. (If you are interested, e-mail me and I will provide contact information for the group and meeting, which will take place in central Connecticut.)

Oh... what am I wearing Tuesday evening?

Since I will be trying on clothes at Dress Barn, I will wear something I can slip in and out of easily, so I plan to wear the black babydoll dress that I bought at JCPenney last week. I promise to take photos.

just rewards

I got on the scale this morning (actually, I get on the scale every morning) and I have lost 8 pounds! (Isn't that equivalent to one dress size, more or less?)

Anyway, it was slow going, but I did it (and I plan to lose a few more pounds).

To reward myself, I bought this tweed bouclé jacket and skirt that Spiegel has for sale. Their original price was $79 and $49 respectively; their sale price is $14.99 and $12.99!

How can I resist?

passable vs. presentable

Passing, in regard to gender identity, refers to a person's ability to be accepted or regarded as a member of the sex or gender with which they identify, or with which they physically present. (from Wikipedia)

I like to think that I pass. Just today, I received an e-mail from a dear friend who wrote, "You pass so well."

But who am I kidding?

I am six feet, two inches tall (or a more dainty five feet, 14 inches tall) and I always wear heels of some height when I am out en femme (OEF). There are not too many women out there who are six-feet-two. (I list the famous ones here.) So, when I am OEF, my height is my biggest giveaway.

I can hear some of you saying to yourself, "Well, Girl, don't wear heels, then you will be shorter."

My response to that is even without heels, my height is still my biggest giveaway and adding three or four inches will not make much difference.

Last Friday at the mall, I passed some of the time.

While I was walking through the mall, I passed a few women walking in the opposite direction, who looked me in the eye and smiled. Of course, I returned the smile. When a woman smiles at another woman, it is a sign of camaraderie, so when a woman smiles at you when you are OEF, it is a good sign that they have accepted you into the club.

On the other hand, I have also passed women in the mall, whose smiles indicate that they have read me as a male. Their smiles (or smirks) indicate that they are mildly amused by my attempt to pass. Go OEF for awhile and you will begin to recognize the difference between smirks and genuine smiles.

At the mall last Friday, there were times when I did not pass.

For example, the saleswoman at Sephora referred to me as "he," then quickly corrected herself and referred to me as "she." I was not offended. When you are up close in another person's face, as when you are dealing with a salesperson, it is more difficult to pass because they are concentrating on you and therefore, are more likely to pick up telltale signs that you are male.

I have gone OEF enough to resign myself to the fact that sometimes I pass and sometimes I do not pass. There is not much I can do about my ability to pass because I believe I have pushed the envelope about as far as I can to emulate a woman without undergoing surgery.

Admittedly, my ultimate goal is to be passable, but since that is not always possible, I always try to make myself look presentable. If I present as the best woman I can be, then I will be less likely to attract attention and will blend in with the real women out there.

On the other hand, if I go to the mall wearing my highest heels, shortest skirt, largest breasts, biggest hair, and thickest makeup, I am going to attract a lot of attention. Dressed so, more people will check me out and thus increase the chances that people will recognize my birth gender.

So, I try to present myself as a real woman would present herself in a similar situation. Last Friday, I even wore dress slacks instead of a skirt in order to be more presentable and I believe that helped.

While I was at Sephora perched on the makeover seat at the front of the store, I did attract the attention of a lot of passerbys, but none of them gave any indication that they recognized me as a male. All they saw was a woman getting a makeover, so they gave me an interested passing glance and went on their way.

It probably helped that I was seated, so that my height was hidden, but I think more important was the fact that I looked presentable in that situation. I really looked like a woman who had been shopping in the mall and stopped at Sephora for a makeover.

One more thing: if you are presentable, other people are more likely to respect you and treat you like a lady even if they know you are not really a lady. If I dress like a teen queen, I am not going to get much respect, but if I dress like a middle-aged woman (with impeccable taste, by the way), I have found that I get respect because I am trying to be a female clone, not a clown.

So, the bottom line is that, of course, you want to be passable, but before you can be passable, you must be presentable. And once you hone your presentation, you may or may not pass, but at least you know you did your best come what may.

(Thank you, Michelia, for suggesting this topic.)

imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... NOT

(updated below)

I am mad!

While browsing the Internet this morning, I discovered that someone plagiarized my July 28 posting titled "men in skirts." They did not even bother to change the name of the article or its content. Their plagiarized version is almost word for word what I wrote back in July.

If you are interested, you can see the thief's handiwork here.

'Nuf said.

UPDATE: After I pointed out the error, they added a link at the end of the article indicating the original source.

Obama transition team is transgender-inclusive

From PageOneQ comes this story by Nick Cargo:

In what is being viewed as a strong signal to activists nationwide, the transition office of President-elect Barack Obama has issued a non-discrimination policy including sexual orientation and gender identity.

The Obama-Biden Transition Project does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, age, national origin, veteran status, sexual orientation, gender identity, disability, or any other basis of discrimination prohibited by law," says the website of the Office of the President-elect, Change.gov.

While Executive Order 13087, signed by President Clinton in 1998 to amend President Nixon's Executive Order 11478, prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation in hiring for the federal civilian workforce, it does not mention gender identity. "The inclusion of gender identity is a bold departure from the past," said ACLU Senior Legislative Counsel Christopher E. Anders, "and it sends a clear message."

Read the rest of the story here.

Controversy at the Crossdressers' Support Group Meeting

November 20 is Transgender Day of Remembrance

The Transgender Day of Remembrance was set aside to memorialize those who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. The event is held in November to honor Rita Hester, whose murder on November 28th, 1998 kicked off the “Remembering Our Dead” web project and a San Francisco candlelight vigil in 1999. Rita Hester’s murder — like most anti-transgender murder cases — has yet to be solved. — from the Transgender Day of Remembrance Web site

Visit the Web site to find a Transgender Day of Remembrance event near you.

coming to terms

Yesterday, I mentioned that I had to look up the meaning of the word "pintuck."

Although I am a fashionista, I admit that I do not knowing the meaning of every fashion term. Google usually comes to my rescue when I a fashion term stumps me, as it did yesterday when I looked up "pintuck."

Yesterday, Google's first choice was Kohls.com Glossary of Fabric & Fashion Terms, which is where I found the definition for "pintuck."

Kohl's glossary is comprehensive and I recommend it highly.

Friday fun en femme redux

I was frustrated finding images for my "Friday fun en femme" blog posting. Neither the JCPenney or Dress Barn Web sites had those items I bought online, so there were no images to grab for my posting.

I revisited the JCPenney Web site last night and I did find an image of the skirt I bought, but in a different color, and I found a dress that is very similar to the one I bought at Dress Barn.

The skirt is an east5th long bias-cut skirt, described as follows:

A flattering A-line style makes a very versatile asset.

* tailored with a wider waistband
* invisible side zipper
* length looks good with boots, too

east5th long skirt has a full polyester taffeta lining. Plaid is polyester/rayon; solids are polyester/rayon/spandex. Washable and imported.

The version pictured here is Black/Polar Bear Plaid. The one I bought is Red/Polar Bear Plaid and is much prettier than the black version.

The dress is a Sandra Darren, described as follows:

Sheer mesh and satin stripes update the little black dress into a stunning favorite.

* softly pintucked
* mesh is layered over a black slipdress
* ribbon belt
* tailored and relaxed fit

Pintuck dress is polyester. Hand wash, line dry. Imported.

By the way, I had to look up "pintuck" and here is a definition: a small, narrow fold of fabric stitched together to create the appearance of a line or stripe.

The big difference between the dress pictured here and the one I bought at Dress Barn is that the pintucks on my dress are gold and silver and give the dress a completely different and amazing look. (When I wear, I promise to post a photo here.)

hit me with your best browser

The popularity of this blog amazes me!

Throughout the summer and early fall, the blog averaged 641 hits per day. When I began writing about my Fantasia Fair experiences, the hit count jumped 65% averaging well over 1000 hits per day.

I expected that number would drop off after I stopped blogging about Fantasia Fair, but on the contrary, the number increased averaging 1127 hits per day! Last Wednesday was an all time high (so far) with an eye-popping 1780 hits.

In the past, the hit count always dropped off on weekends, but not any longer; the last two weekends averaged 1244 hits per day.

During that same time period, the number of repeat visitors has jumped by 50%.

Meanwhile, I discovered that words written here are showing up in other Web places. In the left sidebar, I quote fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg ("Feel like a woman. Wear a dress!"). Below her quote is my retort, "Feel like a woman. Wear a bra!" Those two quotations were recently repeated on the "I Love Fashion" section of the Experience Project Web site.

Also, my "Top 30 Things Every Crossdressing Man Needs In His Wardrobe To Emulate A Woman" has been picked up by other Web sites.

I guess I must be doing something right and I hope I continue to do so, but I do appreciate your input about what I write (and don't write).

Is there any subject I should write more about? Is there any subject I should avoid? Is there anything new you would like me to write about?

I'd love to hear from you!

it figures...

Friday fun en femme

(updated below)

I went out en femme yesterday.

It decided to go out at the last minute. My week long eye problem started clearing up midday on Thursday and was completely gone when I woke up yesterday, so I called work, told the boss I was taking a vacation day, then I dressed to go out. I wore my real estate agent drag ensemble (white top, black slacks, pink suit jacket, and black booties).

I was on the road at 9 AM and my first stop was Contessa Corset Shop in West Hartford. It was a "pig in a poke" selection.

Since Irene's closed in New Britain, I have been looking for another local trans-friendly store to buy foundation garments. A lot of the local girls recommended Princess Lingerie Shop in Waterbury, but I am leery about driving around my old hometown en femme where I still have a lot of friends, relatives, and acquaintances, who are familiar with my car and its Amateur Radio call sign license plates. So, I searched online for another local store and the closest one was Contessa Corset Shop.

I did not call ahead to make an appointment because my decision to go out was a last minute thing. I had no idea how I would be treated. Well, I have good news: I was treated like a lady by the saleswoman named Brenda. She helped me find what I needed, made suggestions on other options, and was genuinely happy to have me as a customer. By the way, her prices were reasonable and comparable to online prices.

As I was leaving, I asked if I could recommend her store to my trans-friends and she said she would be happy to have more customers like me.

Next stop was West Farms Mall in Farmington. First stop in the mall was Sephora. My powder foundation is almost gone and since its manufacturer is also gone, I wanted to find something comparable.

A saleswoman greeted me and helped me find a comparable powder foundation. As I was checking out, I asked the saleswoman how much they charged for makeovers. She replied that makeovers were "free," but that all the cosmeticians were in a training class. She suggested that I could come back later in the day or make an appointment for a makeover on another day.

My next goal was to find a long lightweight sweater coat like the one Patty lent me for my week at Fantasia Fair. I browsed through a few store looking for a similar coat without success.

While in JCPenney, I browsed their dress department and found three dresses and two skirts that I liked. I took them to the dressing room and tried them on. Everything fit fine, but I only liked the look of two dresses and the one skirt on me. I purchased the three items.

The skirt is a long bias-cut A-line from east5th in red/polar bear plaid. The hem is at my mid-calf and will look great with boots.

One dress is a cute black cap-sleeve babydoll from B. Smart decorated with black buttons accenting its scoop neckline and pockets. It is lightly pleated below the collar and its hem is above the knee. It will look great in black tights and my black patent high heel Mary Janes.

The other dress is very '60s retro from Worthington. It is a simple dark gray short-sleeve A-line with metallic silver threads in the fabric. The collar makes it so retro; a curved piece with a gray button on each end (see my drawing of the collar). The hem falls above my knees and will look good with off-black hose and a pair of dressy heels.

(Sorry, but there are no photos of the dresses on the JCPenney Web site, so you have to put up with my rough descriptions and drawings.)

JCPenney had a sale, so the three items cost $98 vs. their list price of $188, which was a nice savings (and my last of the day).

I decided to take my purchases to my car, then continue shopping. But by the time I walked to the other end of the mall where my car was parked, my feet needed a break. As I passed Sephora again, I noticed that they were not too busy, so I decided to cool my heels while getting a makeover.

A cosmetician sat me at a makeover kiosk right near the entrance of the store and began working her magic on my face. (Being so strategically located, I had an audience throughout the makeover.) The transformation was amazing. I was very impressed by a product she used that shrank and smoothed out the bags under my eyes, which subtracted years from my visage. I bought a lot of the products that she used, so much so that I qualified for some "free" gifts.

My "free" makeover was hardly free, but I was very happy with the results and received a few appreciative glances as I exited the mall and walked to my car. (I really regretted not bringing a camera yesterday.)

My week-long bout with the allergy was taking its toll; I was tired and ready to call it quits for the day, but I wanted to show off my makeover one more time. So I decided to visit Dress Barn across the street from the mall and size up what they had to offer in anticipation of our party there next month.

After my spending spree at Contessa, Sephora, and JCPenney, I had no intention of buying anything at Dress Barn; I just wanted to familiarize myself with their offerings, but as I walked into the store, a dress on display in the window caught my eye. An overcoat over the dress hid a lot of it, but it still looked very attractive.

I entered the store and lifted the overcoat to see the rest of the dress. It was gorgeous, but the display model was too small and I did not see the dress on a rack in the immediate vicinity. So, I proceeded to look through the store and saw a lot of nice things that I noted to check out more closely during our Dress Barn party next month.

During my tour of the store, I did find a rack with three copies of the dress I saw in the window display. The largest of the three was a size 16. I examined it and I concluded that it was too small in the shoulder and bust area. I sighed as I hung it back on the rack.

I continued touring the store and just as I was about to leave, I returned to "the dress" and decided to try it on. What did I have to lose?

It fit like the proverbial glove and I had to buy it even though it was not on sale. With only four in the store and only one in my size, how likely would there still be one available a month later? I did get a 10% discount by signing up for a Dress Barn credit card.

The dress is a Sandra Darren black sleeveless mesh dress. Over the mesh are silver and gold vertical stripes that look like ribbons covering the length of the dress. Underneath the mesh is a black full slip with spaghetti straps. A black ribbon belt cinches the waist. Its hem falls below my knees. And did I say, it fits like a glove?

It is so classy; a very nice cocktail or holiday party dress. I'll probably wear it with black hose and my faux suede high heel platform pumps.

With that purchase and my credit card going down in flames, I decided to call it a day en femme... another wonderful day en femme.

UPDATE: I found this photo of a vintage '60s dress that has a collar similar to the one on the dress I bought at JCPenney.

out today

I went out en femme today. I will have a full report real soon now.

my fashion sense

I have fashion sense.

I can put outfits together and accessorize them. I can also do my makeup and style my hair (wigs). I'm no expert, but I think that for a natural born guy, I do well doing those girly things.

I read and practice a lot to improve my girly skills, but I think there is more to it than that. I think that I took after my Mom.

Mom was a fashion plate. We were not rich by any means; we were lower middle class at best, but Mom always dressed very nicely wearing outfits she sewed herself.

Mom was also beautiful and did not have to wear a lot of makeup. Lipstick, powder, and rouge were the only ingredients in her makeup bag.

Overall, Mom's look was very classy.

I inherited my fashion sense from Mom. Over the years, I honed my girly skills, but to start, my basic girly skills came from Mom. When I was a little girly boy, I was fascinated watching her do her hair and makeup and sew pretty clothes to wear with beautiful hats and always, with high heels.

I am a high heel maven just like my Mom. In fact, a lot of girls my age have an affinity for high heels because our mothers came from a generation in which high heels were the standard footwear for going out. Similarly, girls my age favor dresses because that is what our mothers wore most of the time.

It is not only me; many of us get our fashion sense from our Moms. Luckily, my Mom had a great fashion sense and a little of that rubbed off on me.

Formal Portrait Via Photoshop

Denise e-mailed me some photos that she shot at Fantasia Fair. I liked one of the photos so much that I decided to convert it into a formal portrait.

Using Photoshop, I replaced the original background (a banquet hall) with a gold backdrop. I also deleted the name badge lanyard from around my neck and touched up my makeup.

I am very happy with the results.

Acceptance in Dreamland

Last night, I dreamed I was back in college during final exams, unprepared as usual in such dreams.

With only 15 minutes to go before my Psychology course final exam started, I was out on the campus scrambling between buildings trying to find an exam schedule because I forgot where my exam was taking place.

At one point, I dumped the contents of my white pocketbook on the ground and rifled through each of its pockets trying to find the schedule. I woke up from the dream shortly thereafter still looking for the schedule.

As I have written here before, I seldom remember my dreams, but those I do remember have a trans theme. The usual plot of those dreams is that I get dressed en femme and then run into a friend or relative, who accepts me in my feminine persona.

Last night's dream seems to be a step beyond that dream theme. Last night, I did not get dressed and I did not run into a friend or relative, who accepts me. Last night, I was already dressed and never noticed how I was dressed. Only when I searched my pocketbook was there any indication that I was dressed en femme. Getting dressed and being accepted was not an issue. Instead, I was already dressed en femme and acting as a woman might in that situation.

Maybe the dream is telling me that I have finally accepted my feminine persona and no longer need the affirmation of others.

Stay tuned.

Monday musings

(updated below)

I am fairly certain that my ills the past ten days are allergy-related.

I popped a Claritin-D 12-hour allergy pill last night and all my ills disappeared. Eleven hours later, my eyes are starting to water and my head is getting congested again. In an hour, I will pop another Claritin-D and I suspect I will feel great again.

***

I plan to go to Dress Barn today to arrange an in-store party for my support group.

***

My eyesight has deteriorated since my last visit to my optometrist over two years ago, so I plan to visit my optometrist today, which is conveniently located next door to Dress Barn, to see if they are on my new insurance plan, and, if so, schedule an appointment.

Last time, I picked out female frames that 99% of the public would never consider female. This time, I want to pick out something more feminine than my last pick.

***

My favorite source for warpaint, Marlene Klein Cosmetics, seems to be no more. The Web site has a lot of broken links, missing Web pages, missing images, and my e-mails have bounced back. If anyone knows anything about the current status of Marlene Klein Cosmetics, I would appreciate hearing from you.

***

UPDATE: This morning, I went to Dress Barn in boy mode to make arrangements for an in-store party for my support group. The store manager was enthusiastic and very accommodating. She said we can even have a fashion show during the party (an option I was unaware of).

The party would take place for two hours after the store closes, so we will have the run of the store. Everyone gets a 15% discount.

The store will provide refreshments and we can provide additional refreshments if we wish.

The store is a Dress Barn Woman store, so they do have larger sizes as well as Misses sizes.

I just have to confirm the date with my support group and then proceed with the party.

By the way, the store has some delicious clothing on display and I can't wait to return in girl mode to do some shopping.

Vote Sam Caliguri Out of Office

I am a liberal. At work, I am probably the most liberal person in the building. (I work in an engineering design and development shop and my fellow employees tend to be more conservative than I.)

I do not mix politics and work unless I am confronted by someone who is in my face with their political views. Most people know how I lean, so they don't confront me, but occasionally someone will.

Similarly, I do not mix politics and this blog unless it has a direct connection with trans issues. (The "Femulators for Obama" button down in the lower right frame is an exceptions, but it is just sitting there on display minding its own business. I have not been in your face blogging incessantly about Obama, McCain, Biden, and Palin.)

But I will get in your face about the candidacy of the State Senator running for re-election in my district, that is, the 16th senate district of Connecticut, which includes the towns of Southington, Wolcott, and parts of Cheshire and Waterbury.

In May 2007, the Connecticut state senate passed the gender anti-discrimination bill by a 30-4 margin (it died in the state house of representatives). My state senator voted against it. He also voted against the bill when it came up for a vote in his committee (the Education Committee) and I suspect that he will vote against the bill again if he has an opportunity to do so in the future.

For that reason, I urge you to vote against Sam Caliguri if you live in the 16th senate district of Connecticut.*

I also urge you to vote against the referendum calling for a state constitutional convention. Some of the groups in favor of that referendum are against GLBT and woman's rights and I assure you that they would do no good regarding trans issues.

* Senator Caliguri irks me for other reasons. He is one of those Republicans that hides the fact that he is a Republican. I have yet to find a mention of his party affiliation in any of his campaign literature. In fact, his campaign literature gives the false impression that he is an "independent," which he is not. Also, when I wrote to him to ask him to support the the gender anti-discrimination bill, it took him eight months to respond! I guess he was too busy being independent.