Fantasia Fair Diary: Day 1

Trans New England

8 AM EDST: In about an hour, I should be on the road crossing Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts on my way to Provincetown for Fantasia Fair. My next blog entry should be from P-Town.

Fantasia Fair Diary: Day 0

(updated below)

This is the first installment of my Fantasia Fair Diary.

Today, I will be busy packing and getting things done around the house in preparation for my departure Sunday morning. So I won't be doing much blogging today.

Fall is Here

The weather here turned very fall-like yesterday with the temperature getting down to 38 degrees overnight. I expect to see similar weather conditions this week in Provincetown, 150 miles to the east.

Provincetown Webcam

My friend Diana posted this item on The My Husband Betty Message Boards last night and I want to pass it along to you here:

"For those who want to watch the coming and goings in P'town during Fantasia Fair, here is the Webcam on the corner of Commercial Street and Lopes Square (the town pier)."

The Webcam is about two block from where I am staying, so if you are patient enough, you might see me live from Provincetown.

UPDATE: I finished packing at 12:30 PM and the car is loaded and ready to go. But, I have a stomach ache and feel anxious.

Hopefully, I will be able to relax the rest of the day.

9 pairs of shoes

I started packing for Fantasia Fair last night and discovered that shoes, especially high heels eat up a lot of space.

Do I really need nine pairs of shoes for seven days and nights en femme?

I don't think so.

Three or four pairs are staying home.

Thankfully, I won't have to pack rain gear because the weather forecast for Fantasia Fair still looks good with temps in the mid-to-high 50s during the day and mid-40s at night. The only precipitation in the forecast is for the second Sunday, which is the day I drive home, so it really the won't rain on my parade en femme. (Just in case, I always have an umbrella stowed in my car anyway.)

crossdress like a star for Halloween

Just two weeks to go until National Femulator's Day, also known as Halloween. If you have not decided how to femulate on the 31st of the month, InStyle.com presents some ideas in their "Dress Like a Star for Halloween" slideshow.

The slideshow offers 12 suggestions for impersonating a "star" on Halloween. One and one-half of the suggestions are for male stars, but the rest are for female stars, although, I have to admit that I have never heard of some of them.

Josou Paradise

I occasionally search YouTube for trans-related videos and in doing so, I found about a half dozen or so from a Japanese television show.

Each of these videos shows a group of people standing on stage in front of an alcove whose contents is hidden by a curtain. Soon the curtain rises to reveal a seated pretty young woman and the audience oohs and aahs her. According to the description that accompanies the videos, the young women are actually young men dressed en femme. The oohing and aahing is justified because they look great.

I always wondered about the premise of the show, but not enough to research the subject. Yesterday, while researching something else on the Internet, I happened upon some Web sites that revealed what was going on. There is not a lot of information to be had, but here is what I managed to dig up. (If anyone has anymore information about this show, please pass it along.)

The television show is called "Gakkou e Ikou! MAX" and the crossdressing occurs on a segment of the show called "Josou Paradise." During Josou Paradise, a young man ("school ages") appears en femme as described above.

The femulation is so good that some people in the audience cannot believe that the young woman is actually a young man. To prove it, the doubters are encouraged to feel the femulator's breasts to determine if they are real!

Males in the audience can kiss the femulator, but this is done by putting a sheet of glass between the two as they kiss.

Sometimes, the femulator goes out and interacts with the public. On one occasion, a group of femulators participated in a fashion show intended for young women.

This popular youth-oriented variety show went off the air in September after an 11-year run.

Can you imagine an American version of Josou Paradise appearing on television here? You can be sure that I would be a regular viewer.

dressing your age

Dressing your age is a topic that comes up often in the femulator community.

Critiques say that many femulators dress too young for their age. They claim that short skirts, high heels, long hair, etc., are attributes of women and femulators under the age of 40, not old broads like me. They advise that women and femulators over the age of 40 should dress more conservatively.

I disagree. I am 57 and I don't think I look my age, so why should I dress my age? Why can't I be chic and dress stylishly.

To prove my point, look at this slide show on the Atlanta Examiner Web site. It presents photos of female celebrities aged 40 to 68, who they consider the "sexiest older women." These women are not dressing their age because they don't look their age.

One of the "sexiest older women" is actress Jane Seymour and I consider her my bellwether because we are about the same age (she is three weeks older than me). She dresses to kill, so why shouldn't I?

If you got, flaunt it.

last minute shopping

(updated below)

I started packing for Fantasia Fair last night. Yes, I don't leave for Provincetown until Sunday, but I have so much stuff and so little time.

I still need a couple of items and I will take an early lunch to find them, specifically, a pair of flats and a long scarf to accessorize my evening gown.

By the way, the weather forecast (according to Accuweather) looks promising for the whole week at Fantasia Fair: no precipitation and daytime temps in the mid 50s. I can live with that considering some of the bad weather stories I have heard about at past Fairs.

UPDATE: I scored a nice pair of black flats ($13) at Payless and a scarf/wrap ($9.99) at Burlington Coat Factory. I also bought a new black pocketbook ($19.99) at Burlington. It has lots of zippers, compartments, and a long shoulder strap, which these days is becoming a rare commodity, yet is so important for tall girls like me.

crossdressed in the past

William S. Osborne en femme in Boston circa 1901. (Click on the image to enlarge it.)

forced "man" dressing

My personality tends to be more female than male without even trying!

During the first half of my life (so far), my peers perceived me as a "sissy." This is not just an assumption on my part; I was told to my face many times that I was a "sissy" or the equivalent.

I did not go out of my way to be a sissy, rather I was just acting naturally. My personality directed me to do things a certain way. The problem was that that way sometimes did not meet the expectations of how a "man" would do things.

When I realized that something was amiss, I began forcing myself to do things the way a "man" does things in order to be accepted as a "man" in society and not be shunned as being effeminate.

Often, I felt uncomfortable when I forced myself to be a "man." As time passed, I learned that being accepted in society as a "man" was not worth the effort. So as I grew older and wiser, I forced myself less often and let my personality act naturally more often.

I also began crossdressing more publicly at that time in my life* and my open crossdressing went hand-in-hand with my decision to stop forcing myself to act like a "man."

I enjoyed dressing as a woman and my normal personality did not conflict with the way I dressed, i.e., I was not a "man in a dress." Again, this is not an assumption on my part; I have been told more than once that when I crossdress, my personality is a natural fit for the way I am dressed.

I realized that the natural way for me was often the the feminine way, but so what? Why was I forcing myself to be something that I was not? So, I stopped acting like a "man" and instead, acted like "me."

So, why don't I drop the other shoe, i.e., why do I still force myself to appear as a man most days of the week? I stopped acting like a "man" long ago and have been acting like "me" ever since, so why don't I stop dressing like a "man" and begin dressing like "me"?

That is the question.

* FYI, I began crossdressing regularly in my early teens, but I had a keen interest in crossdressing much earlier and probably crossdressed for the first time when I was about 8 years old. I crossdressed in public (Halloween) for the first time in my late teens and I crossdressed in public (not Halloween) for the first time in my mid-30s.

prep work

In preparation for Fantasia Fair, I shaved my armpits yesterday.

Of all the body parts I depilitate, my armpits are the most sensitive and I must follow a routine a few days before I go out en femme in order to have armpits that are hairless and painless.

I apply Gold Bond powder first. Then, I use the sideburn trimmer of my electric razor to remove the long hair. Next, I apply powder again and use the rotary blades of my electric razor to remove the remaining hair. Then, I apply the powder again.

Next day and perhaps another day or two, I apply powder and eschew deodorant because the deodorant will burn like heck. After two or three days, I can use deodorant again.

Maybe there is a better way, but this way works for me.

borrowing

My best friend Patty offered to lend me some things for Fantasia Fair, so yesterday, I took a long lunch to visit her and see what she had to offer.

In addition to providing an excellent lunch (soup, salad, and freshly baked bread), she presented me with a half dozen outfits, coats, and jewelry that I could borrow. The outfits included beautiful formal and semi-formal dresses and a pants outfit. The coats came in an array of colors and styles.

I hauled my haul home and tried everything on today. Two of the dresses fit perfectly including my favorite of the bunch: a long beaded grayish-blue sleeveless crochet dress that I now plan to wear to one of the Fantasia Fair banquets. The other dress that fit was a long black velvet dress with see-through short sleeves and I plan to wear it out to dinner at Fantasia Fair. The other dresses and the pants outfit were lovely, too, but they were too tight in the chest, so I will not be packing them for the trip to Provincetown.

The coats all fit and I will be taking a selection of them to Fantasia Fair and the jewelry accessorizes the beaded dress, so that will be coming along for the ride, too.

Thank you so much for your generosity, Patty!

changes

If you have visited here before, you may have noticed that I made some changes to the layout of this blog.

The biggest change is adding the left sidebar. That new sidebar contains items related to this blog, while the right sidebar contains items external to this blog.

This is a work in progress and I will continue tweaking the format for a day or so.

plan B

"The gown" arrived yesterday. It is beautiful, but it is too small.

So with only a little over a week before I leave for Fantasia Fair, I am working on an alternate plan on what to wear to the Fantasia Fair banquets.

I may rerun something I wore in the past or I may buy something new if I can find something I like in a local store (no time left for mail or online ordering).

shopping for the Fair

(updated below)

I took an early lunch and went to the mall to shop for my week en femme at Fantasia Fair. I intended to shop for three things: silver shoes to go with my evening gown, false eyelashes, and a pair of pants.

For false eyelashes, I went to the M·A·C counter at Macy's. I told the saleswoman that I wanted false eyelashes that looked natural. She suggested two pairs and I picked one . I was surprised that the eyelashes did not include glue; it was a separate item that I had to purchase.

Speaking of separates... after considering what I wrote yesterday about mixing and matching separates to save space in my luggage, I decided I needed a nice pair of black pants. Since I have never bought woman's pants before (leggings yes, pants no), I decided to go to a store where I was likely to get assistance from a salesperson: Lane Bryant.

I knew what I wanted, but I was overwhelmed with the selection. After trying to look as lost as possible, a saleswoman asked me if I needed help. I told her I did drag and that I wanted a nice pair of black pants around size 16 Tall.

She was very helpful and found two pairs of black "Right Fit Lafayette pants," one pair in size 2 Tall and the other in size 1 Tall. She showed me to the dressing room and I tried on the size 2 Tall first. It fit fine. Then, I tried on the size 1 Tall and it fit more snugly than the 2 Tall. I was not wearing a girdle (or a mirdle), so I figured that the size 1 Tall would be a perfect fit when I wear them with my girdle.

The pants cost $49.50, but by opening a Lane Bryant credit card, I saved 15% and the total cost came to $35.76.

Online, Payless had a pair of shoes that I liked, so I visited the Payless store at the mall, but they did not have the shoe in my size. I looked at shoes in the other stores and only one pair (in Macy's) caught my eye, but the price tag ($99) scared me away.

I stopped at another Payless store near work, but they did not have the shoe in my size either, however, the saleswoman did a search and found a pair in another Payless store that I can stop by on my way home from work this afternoon. (Wish me luck.)

UPDATE: The third Payless store had the shoe in my size and with the referral from the other store, I received a $3 discount. I also bought the matching handbag, which was on sale for $11, but I only paid $5.50 because Payless is having a BOGO (Buy One, Get One half off) promotion.

if I became a man, would you pay me more?

Catherine Price writes in today's edition of broadsheet, "Researchers from the University of Chicago and New York University looked at the experiences of transgender people in the workforce -- that is, people who had either transitioned from male to female or female to male -- and analyzed how their gender switch affected their pay. The result, as Time puts it, 'suggests that raw discrimination still remains potent in U.S. companies.'"

Read all about it here.

to pack or not to pack

One of the first things I did when I knew I was going to Fantasia Fair was start working on a list of what to pack for seven days en femme.

My previous longest stint en femme was four days at the IFGE Convention in 2004. Being anal retentive, I saved my packing list from that event and I used it as a reference while making my list for Fantasia Fair 2008.

To start, I listed the day-to-day Fantasia Fair activities and assigned one outfit to each. This resulted in six daytime outfits, six evening outfits, and one special occasion outfit.

Since I favor dresses over skirts, pants, and tops, mixing and matching separate pieces does not make much of a dent in my packing list, but I am reconsidering and may revise my list to include separates that I can mix and match to save some packing space.

Truth of the matter is that despite the list, I over-packed in 2004 (ten pairs of shoes) and probably will over-pack next weekend, but at least the list serves as a reminder of the "necessities" that I must be sure to bring with me to Cape Cod.

Currently, my packing list includes ten pairs of shoes, but I want to pare that down a bit. Shoes, especially heels, take up a lot of packing space. But shoes are also my weakness and I bet ten pairs make the roundtrip to Provincetown.

Do I really need four wigs? Do I really need three pocketbooks? My answers are probably "no" and "yes," respectively.

Wigs don't take up much space, but I am sure one of the four will stay home. On the other hand, pocketbooks like shoes, take up a lot of space, but I will probably take three because I "need" all three to match the outfits I plan to wear.

Luckily, I am driving my Subaru to Fantasia Fair (over four hours door-to-door) because I don't know how I would pack if I was flying. (FYI, some girls suggest shipping ahead by UPS, Fedex, or your carrier of choice.)

shipped

I ordered my evening gown for Fantasia Fair on September 14.

According to the seller, it would take 10-14 days to make the gown and 5 days maximum to receive it after they shipped it, which means they would ship it, worst case, around September 29.

Everyday, I checked the order status and as of yesterday, they were still making the gown (a week past the day they should have shipped it). With Fantasia Fair quickly approaching, I started formulating Plan B in case the gown did not arrive in time.

Good news! I checked the gown's status this morning and they shipped it! So, I should have it by week's end and in plenty of time for Fantasia Fair.

crossdressed in the past

Female impersonators performing circa 1965. (Click on the image to enlarge it.)

You have to be yourself. It's really all you can ever be.

So far, I have one "follower," Zagria. She has a blog called Gender Variant Biography, so I decided to visit it.

I spent an hour or so browsing Zagria's blog, which assembles biographies of "gender variant" people from the present, as well as the recent and distant past. I congratulate Zagria for her research and highly recommend that you visit her blog. I found the biographies fascinating especially those that were new to me.

One biography, Paul Whitehaed's, brought up a topic that is near and dear to my heart, that is, coming out publicly as a crossdresser. In a nutshell, Paul is an artist and a crossdresser, who en femme is Trisha Van Cleef, who is also an artist. Paul is public about his crossdressing and sometimes Paul and Trisha exhibit their artwork together.

After reading that, I was hooked and had to find out more, so I searched the Internet and Google came up with an interview on Alice Novic's Web site Alice in Genderland.

The interview provided more fascinating reading and Paul's answer to the last question of the interview was inspiring. If you read anything, make sure you read the last answer from which the following quote originates, "You have to be yourself. It's really all you can ever be."

After reading the interview, I felt the same as I did when I read the Grayson Perry interview.

Nearly a year ago, I wrote this about Grayson Perry here, "She is my hero/heroine because she is a public personality (like me), who happens to be a crossdresser (like me) and is very out about it (unlike me)...

"I have considered coming out as a crossdresser in my writing world... sort of run it up the flagpole and see who salutes and who burns down the flagpole. It certainly would spice up my life. Maybe I'll do it soon, maybe never, but it is something to think about."

And I do think about it a lot.

Many of my friends, relatives, and co-workers know (or suspect) that I am a crossdresser, so my official public outing would not surprise them. So what do I have to lose?

Probably not much, but, on the other hand, what would I gain? Most, if not all of the gains would be personally motivated, so would my selfish gains be worth the losses, no matter how few they may be?

I dunno.

With a week 24/7 en femme at Fantasia Fair looming on the horizon, I wonder if that experience might push me over the brink.

I'll find out.

more on less hair

Just a couple of additional thoughts regarding yesterday's discussion of hair removal products...

The containers of Veet that I bought yesterday were a bit more expensive than the containers of Nair I normally buy. However, Veet comes in a 13.5 oz/400 ml container vs. the Nair 5.4 oz/160 ml container, so that's two and one-half more times Veet than Nair for only a little bit more out of pocket. Also, I found a $2 discount coupon on the Veet Web site if I decide to buy Veet again.

Another advantage of Veet is that it comes in a pump container (like those hand lotion pump containers), which should make less of a mess than using the Nair squeeze container.

Veet also includes a plastic spatula to scrape off the hair. Dunno how useful that will be, but I will try it out.

A Tip

Finally, here is a tip when using Nair, Veet, or some other depilator.

Have a bottle of witch hazel and a face cloth handy in case you get the depilator on a sensitive body part. The witch hazel will cool the chemical burn and in my experience, prevent a rash and/or red skin that often follows some misplaced depilation.

Another Tip

Witch hazel is a great astringent. I use it on my face after shaving and before applying makeup. (I also love the scent of witch hazel.)