crossdressed in the past

Female impersonators performing circa 1965. (Click on the image to enlarge it.)

You have to be yourself. It's really all you can ever be.

So far, I have one "follower," Zagria. She has a blog called Gender Variant Biography, so I decided to visit it.

I spent an hour or so browsing Zagria's blog, which assembles biographies of "gender variant" people from the present, as well as the recent and distant past. I congratulate Zagria for her research and highly recommend that you visit her blog. I found the biographies fascinating especially those that were new to me.

One biography, Paul Whitehaed's, brought up a topic that is near and dear to my heart, that is, coming out publicly as a crossdresser. In a nutshell, Paul is an artist and a crossdresser, who en femme is Trisha Van Cleef, who is also an artist. Paul is public about his crossdressing and sometimes Paul and Trisha exhibit their artwork together.

After reading that, I was hooked and had to find out more, so I searched the Internet and Google came up with an interview on Alice Novic's Web site Alice in Genderland.

The interview provided more fascinating reading and Paul's answer to the last question of the interview was inspiring. If you read anything, make sure you read the last answer from which the following quote originates, "You have to be yourself. It's really all you can ever be."

After reading the interview, I felt the same as I did when I read the Grayson Perry interview.

Nearly a year ago, I wrote this about Grayson Perry here, "She is my hero/heroine because she is a public personality (like me), who happens to be a crossdresser (like me) and is very out about it (unlike me)...

"I have considered coming out as a crossdresser in my writing world... sort of run it up the flagpole and see who salutes and who burns down the flagpole. It certainly would spice up my life. Maybe I'll do it soon, maybe never, but it is something to think about."

And I do think about it a lot.

Many of my friends, relatives, and co-workers know (or suspect) that I am a crossdresser, so my official public outing would not surprise them. So what do I have to lose?

Probably not much, but, on the other hand, what would I gain? Most, if not all of the gains would be personally motivated, so would my selfish gains be worth the losses, no matter how few they may be?

I dunno.

With a week 24/7 en femme at Fantasia Fair looming on the horizon, I wonder if that experience might push me over the brink.

I'll find out.

more on less hair

Just a couple of additional thoughts regarding yesterday's discussion of hair removal products...

The containers of Veet that I bought yesterday were a bit more expensive than the containers of Nair I normally buy. However, Veet comes in a 13.5 oz/400 ml container vs. the Nair 5.4 oz/160 ml container, so that's two and one-half more times Veet than Nair for only a little bit more out of pocket. Also, I found a $2 discount coupon on the Veet Web site if I decide to buy Veet again.

Another advantage of Veet is that it comes in a pump container (like those hand lotion pump containers), which should make less of a mess than using the Nair squeeze container.

Veet also includes a plastic spatula to scrape off the hair. Dunno how useful that will be, but I will try it out.

A Tip

Finally, here is a tip when using Nair, Veet, or some other depilator.

Have a bottle of witch hazel and a face cloth handy in case you get the depilator on a sensitive body part. The witch hazel will cool the chemical burn and in my experience, prevent a rash and/or red skin that often follows some misplaced depilation.

Another Tip

Witch hazel is a great astringent. I use it on my face after shaving and before applying makeup. (I also love the scent of witch hazel.)

Nair vs. Veet

During my lunch hour, I went to my nearby discount department store to buy some things I needed at home. Near the top of my shopping list was Nair.

I have been using Nair like forever to remove hair and have learned what parts of my body to avoid because certain body parts do not like Nair at all. Those areas are my underarm area, areas near the base of my neck, and my nipple area. I am a happy Nair camper as long as I avoid those sensitive areas.

So, I visit the Nair area of my nearby discount department store and the Nair shelf is empty. I am shocked; there's nary a bottle of Nair to be found. (Maybe there is a crossdresser's convention in town and they bought up all the Nair! But, not likely because I would have heard about it.)

I noticed that there were a few bottles of a Veet on the shelf below the empty Nair shelf. I picked up a bottle and after reading the label, I concluded that it is similar to Nair, so I put two bottles in my shopping cart and kept on shopping.

During a break in the action at work this afternoon, I decided to see what the Internet had to say about Veet. I read the reviews and I became very worried about my purchase. Three out of four reviews were negative with reviewers complaining about all sorts of skin problems related to their use of Veet.

I was ready to get back in my car and go get a refund, but before I took that step, I checked to see how Nair faired in the Internet reviews.

Turns out that the Nair reviews were as bad as the Veet reviews. It seems that more people are more sensitive to Nair than I am, so I assume the same goes for Veet and I am safe, but I am holding onto my receipt just in case.

Michelle Obama Chooses Fast Fashion

Spotted: Michelle Obama wearing an H&M dress! BlackBook reports Obama wore the "Narciso Rodriguez–esque" dress while campaigning in Detroit, Michigan. Her sartorial choice was likely made in keeping with the current economic spirit as many might not find it prudent for our potential First Ladies to run around in designer outfits that cost $313,000.

Read all about it here.

call to P-Town

I phoned the hotel I will be staying at during Fantasia Fair to check on a few things.

Among other things, I wanted to find out if they have Internet access (so I can blog from the Fair). Turns out that they have free wifi.

I also wanted to find out about parking because their Web site says they do not provide overnight parking. Turns out that after Labor Day, parking is not an issue and that they do provide overnight parking.

Talking to the fellow at the front desk, I was impressed how friendly and welcoming he seemed. He actually sounded interested in the questions from this Fantasia Fair first-timer.

This was in high contrast to some of the hotel staff I have encountered at other trans events in the past* and he really made me feel comfortable about the prospect of staying at his establishment.

* One of the worst cases occurred when I was checking in at a hotel hosting a trans event about ten years ago. I was dressed en femme, yet the female at the front desk addressed me as "sir." It was not an auspicious start to that long weekend en femme.

three weeks until Fantasia Fair

Three weeks from now, I should be checked in at my hotel, dressed and ready to attend the first event, the welcome reception, of my 24/7 week en femme at Fantasia Fair.

I am so looking forward to Fantasia Fair! And I know it will be over before I know it.

By the way, I plan to keep a diary of my Fantasia Fair experience here on this blog with photos.

the seamy side of crossdressing

I have to get something off my chest.

A male gets dressed as a female on a television show or in a film. When he is finished, someone comments that his seams are not straight. In response, our hero checks out his gams, notices the unseemly seam and proceeds to adjust his hosiery to fix his fashion faux pas.

I think the first time I saw that scene was on the television show That Girl. On that show, Marlo Thomas's hapless boyfriend, played by Ted Bessell, had to dress as a woman for some reason and Marlo's father, played by Lew Parker, noted Ted's crooked seam(s).

Since that time, I've seen this scene repeated numerous times and each time I see it, it bothers me.

Why?

Because there are NO SEAMS!!!!!

I admit that you can still find, buy, and wear seamed hosiery (I know it, I've done it), but in every instance in a film or television show where the seam scene plays out, the crossdresser is not wearing seamed hosiery.

After I saw this scene a few times, I thought I was missing something and started looking for seams in my seamless hosiery! When I could not find any seams, I realized that the seam joke was just a carryover from the days when women and crossdressers wore seamed hosiery; I assume the writer(s) think that the joke is so funny that they continue to use the crooked seam joke despite the lack thereof.

Seamless hosiery began replacing seamed hosiery about the same time I started crossdressing. I distinctly remember that the first few pairs of stockings that I borrowed from my mother had seams, then suddenly, she started buying seamless stockings, and not much later than that, she switched to pantyhose that were also seamless.

By the way, this tirade was set off by a photo on flickr that I viewed earlier today in which a crossdresser is straightening his seams (according to the photo caption), yet he is wearing seamless hosiery.

I'm glad I finally got that off my chest. Now I feel better!

a boy wearing makeup

(I guess this is old news, but it is new news to me and maybe to you, too, so here it is.)

Mathieu Francis is the boy wearing makeup in A Boy Wearing Makeup, which is a series of videos that describe basic makeup application, as well as how to achieve certain looks and apply makeup like the stars (Mischa Barton, Jennifer Anniston, Sophia Bush).

According to the Web site, "If he looks this pretty, imagine what he can do for you! Check out these tutorials geared towards people of any age, any race, and any sex. The boy is here to provide you comic relief, fun make-up application, and to help you realized the potential in all of us to do and become everything we've always dreamed."

I have not viewed all the videos, but the videos I have viewed are very good and I recommend them to you.

tall pair

Greg nominated two additions to the Famous Females of Height list:

Pauley Perrette (left), the 5'10" actress currently appearing on the CBS television series Navy CSI NCIS.

Christina Hendricks (right), the 5'8" actress currently appearing on the cable television series Mad Men

Fantasia Fair update

An e-mail arrived informing me that I will be staying at the Crown & Anchor Inn in Provincetown during Fantasia Fair. Crown & Anchor is Fantasia Fair headquarters, i.e., where the action is during the event, so I feel lucky to be staying there.

my Emmy award

I watched the Emmy awards on television last night.

The hosts were annoying and Jimmy Kimmel was not funny, but there were many beautiful women wearing beautiful gowns that this femulating fashionista found fascinating.

My award for the best gown of the evening goes to January Jones, who wore a Dolce & Gabbana white corset-style goddess gown. (Ms. Jones appears on the basic cable series Mad Men.)

Rebecca Hall's tall

I saw the latest Woody Allen flick tonight, Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Vicky in the title was played by Rebecca Hall, who was excellent in the role.

Ms. Hall is also tall as was evident throughout the film, so I looked her up and she is 5'9" and thus qualifies as the latest addition to the Famous Females of Heights list.

Transgender Woman Wins Discrimination Lawsuit

According to today's Washington Post, a federal judge ruled yesterday that a former special forces commander was discriminated against when officials at the Library of Congress revoked a job offer after learning she was transitioning from being a man to a woman.

Read all about it here.

Staci says...

This case may be a breakthrough for the transgender community because the decision was based on the court's interpretation of the Civil Rights Act's prohibition against sex discrimination, not based on a law prohibiting gender discrimination.

This is important because the Civil Right's Act is federal law that is in place, whereas there is no federal protection against gender discrimination. Based on yesterday's decision, trans folk may be able to use the Civil Rights Act as a tool to protect their rights instead of waiting for a gender law to become reality.

being scarce

I will be scarce for the next five days. I am going away on vacation with limited Internet access, so blog postings will be few and far between until I get back.

wear-a-dress day

Shoot! I missed it!

Why wasn't I informed?

This past Monday was International Wear-A-Dress Day 2008 and I didn't know anything about it.

Wait 'til next year.

lipstick on a pit bull drag

Here's the lowdown on doing Sarah Palin drag for Halloween.

To tell you the truth, I'm more interested in a Michelle Obama wig, than a Sarah Palin wig, but that's me.

I'm not used to wearing heels

The most recent addition to our Famous Females of Height list, 5'11" Dara Torres modeled two looks for the presentation of Charles Nolan's spring collection during New York's Spring Fashion Week.

"Torres said she did worry... that she might stumble on the runway like Carrie Bradshaw did in 'Sex and the City.'"

"I'm not used to wearing heels," she explained. "I wear flats and flip-flops all the time."

Read all about it here.

where's Billy?

After I wrote the previous blog entry, "fiddling around," I searched the Internet to find an appropriate image to complement what I wrote and I came up with a photo of a beautiful woman playing a violin.

The woman in the photo reminded me of someone from my youth, my best friend in grammar school, Billy. I think Billy resembles the woman in the photo and vice versa.

I have not seen Billy in over 40 years, so I have no idea what he looks like today, but take the Billy I knew in the early 1960s, put him in drag, and he would be a dead ringer for the woman playing the violin.

I never saw Billy in drag, but I know he dressed as a girl for Halloween at least once and I suspect he is trans.

Billy and I were best friends throughout grammar school. I can't remember how we became friends, but we had a lot in common and that is what probably drew us together. We were both Polish, which was a rare commodity in our neighborhood, we both went to the same church (a Polish parish, needless to say), we were both artists, which put us on the outs with the school's "in crowd," and we both were fascinated in the opposite sex. We had crushes on certain girls, but we both were also scared of them and never did anything about our crushes, at least not in grammar school.

Around puberty, maybe in the 7th or 8th grade, I remember Billy hinting that we dress as girls for Halloween. At that time, I knew something was up with me gender-wise, but I didn't know what and the idea of dressing as a girl for Halloween was very attractive, but I was also in public denial about my gender issues and told Billy that I had no interest in his Halloween costume plans.

I don't remember what I wore for a costume that Halloween, but I do recall that I went out with my usual Halloween trick and treat partner in crime, my other best friend, who lived across the street.

In school the next day, Billy mentioned that he did dress as a girl, he trick and treated at my house and was disappointed that I was not home to see him in his costume. Note that Billy never before trick and treated my house, so he made a special effort that night to show me his girl costume.

Around this same time, I remember that one of us decided that we should adopt girl names (why - I don't know) and for days, he addressed me by my girl name, which was "Susan" and I addressed him by his girl name, which I cannot recall now.

As I mentioned above, we were both artists. He was very good at painting and I was a very good at sketching. As an outlet for my budding trans psyche, I spent a lot of my free time back then sketching males wearing female clothing. I must have killed a forest doing it. One day, Billy mentioned that he had been doing something similar and another day, he showed me some of his sketches. My reaction was to show disinterest.

But my real reaction was fear. I was in uncharted waters; I did not know what was going on with him (or me). I had enough trouble sorting out what was going on with me without having to deal with what was going on with my best friend, so I basically ignored him and I think that was the begiining of the end of a beautiful friendship. We hung out less during our last days in grammar school and ended up going to different high schools and after a few years, we were both out of each others' lives.

I think Billy was reaching out to me. He probably was just as confused as I was and maybe he thought he and his best friend would be better able to work things out as a team rather than solo. If that was the case, he was probably correct and I very much regret not reaching out to him and trying to work out together what the heck was going on. And so it goes.

Over the years, I learned through a mutual friend that Billy got married and lives two towns away, but our mutual friend said nothing about anything trans and I certainly did not ask.

But I often think about Billy and wonder if he really was trans (or was it just my 'magination) and if he ever did anything about it. I often hoped that one day he would show up at my support group and we could become best friends again except that this time we would be girlfriends.

fiddling around

Rome is burning while I fiddle around thinking about such things as what shoes to buy to go with my new evening gown.

If I put the time and effort that I spend femulating into something more important, would I make a difference? Maybe the world would be just a little bit better.

Maybe, maybe not.

Then again, maybe my efforts in femulation are doing some good. Personally, I know I get a lot out of it. And I know that writing this blog has helped a few people according to the feedback I have received.

But I am a worrier - always have been, always will be.

One of my biggest worries is what will other people think about me. If anything has been my downfall, it has been trying to please other people. I often succeed in making other people happy, but my success seldom makes me happy.

If I chose to please myself rather than please others throughout my life, I know my life would be different. Chances are I would have gone to NYC and tried to become a female impersonator instead of continuing my higher education to please my family.

What a sad sack I am! Maybe I need a vacation!