my Emmy award

I watched the Emmy awards on television last night.

The hosts were annoying and Jimmy Kimmel was not funny, but there were many beautiful women wearing beautiful gowns that this femulating fashionista found fascinating.

My award for the best gown of the evening goes to January Jones, who wore a Dolce & Gabbana white corset-style goddess gown. (Ms. Jones appears on the basic cable series Mad Men.)

Rebecca Hall's tall

I saw the latest Woody Allen flick tonight, Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Vicky in the title was played by Rebecca Hall, who was excellent in the role.

Ms. Hall is also tall as was evident throughout the film, so I looked her up and she is 5'9" and thus qualifies as the latest addition to the Famous Females of Heights list.

Transgender Woman Wins Discrimination Lawsuit

According to today's Washington Post, a federal judge ruled yesterday that a former special forces commander was discriminated against when officials at the Library of Congress revoked a job offer after learning she was transitioning from being a man to a woman.

Read all about it here.

Staci says...

This case may be a breakthrough for the transgender community because the decision was based on the court's interpretation of the Civil Rights Act's prohibition against sex discrimination, not based on a law prohibiting gender discrimination.

This is important because the Civil Right's Act is federal law that is in place, whereas there is no federal protection against gender discrimination. Based on yesterday's decision, trans folk may be able to use the Civil Rights Act as a tool to protect their rights instead of waiting for a gender law to become reality.

being scarce

I will be scarce for the next five days. I am going away on vacation with limited Internet access, so blog postings will be few and far between until I get back.

wear-a-dress day

Shoot! I missed it!

Why wasn't I informed?

This past Monday was International Wear-A-Dress Day 2008 and I didn't know anything about it.

Wait 'til next year.

lipstick on a pit bull drag

Here's the lowdown on doing Sarah Palin drag for Halloween.

To tell you the truth, I'm more interested in a Michelle Obama wig, than a Sarah Palin wig, but that's me.

I'm not used to wearing heels

The most recent addition to our Famous Females of Height list, 5'11" Dara Torres modeled two looks for the presentation of Charles Nolan's spring collection during New York's Spring Fashion Week.

"Torres said she did worry... that she might stumble on the runway like Carrie Bradshaw did in 'Sex and the City.'"

"I'm not used to wearing heels," she explained. "I wear flats and flip-flops all the time."

Read all about it here.

where's Billy?

After I wrote the previous blog entry, "fiddling around," I searched the Internet to find an appropriate image to complement what I wrote and I came up with a photo of a beautiful woman playing a violin.

The woman in the photo reminded me of someone from my youth, my best friend in grammar school, Billy. I think Billy resembles the woman in the photo and vice versa.

I have not seen Billy in over 40 years, so I have no idea what he looks like today, but take the Billy I knew in the early 1960s, put him in drag, and he would be a dead ringer for the woman playing the violin.

I never saw Billy in drag, but I know he dressed as a girl for Halloween at least once and I suspect he is trans.

Billy and I were best friends throughout grammar school. I can't remember how we became friends, but we had a lot in common and that is what probably drew us together. We were both Polish, which was a rare commodity in our neighborhood, we both went to the same church (a Polish parish, needless to say), we were both artists, which put us on the outs with the school's "in crowd," and we both were fascinated in the opposite sex. We had crushes on certain girls, but we both were also scared of them and never did anything about our crushes, at least not in grammar school.

Around puberty, maybe in the 7th or 8th grade, I remember Billy hinting that we dress as girls for Halloween. At that time, I knew something was up with me gender-wise, but I didn't know what and the idea of dressing as a girl for Halloween was very attractive, but I was also in public denial about my gender issues and told Billy that I had no interest in his Halloween costume plans.

I don't remember what I wore for a costume that Halloween, but I do recall that I went out with my usual Halloween trick and treat partner in crime, my other best friend, who lived across the street.

In school the next day, Billy mentioned that he did dress as a girl, he trick and treated at my house and was disappointed that I was not home to see him in his costume. Note that Billy never before trick and treated my house, so he made a special effort that night to show me his girl costume.

Around this same time, I remember that one of us decided that we should adopt girl names (why - I don't know) and for days, he addressed me by my girl name, which was "Susan" and I addressed him by his girl name, which I cannot recall now.

As I mentioned above, we were both artists. He was very good at painting and I was a very good at sketching. As an outlet for my budding trans psyche, I spent a lot of my free time back then sketching males wearing female clothing. I must have killed a forest doing it. One day, Billy mentioned that he had been doing something similar and another day, he showed me some of his sketches. My reaction was to show disinterest.

But my real reaction was fear. I was in uncharted waters; I did not know what was going on with him (or me). I had enough trouble sorting out what was going on with me without having to deal with what was going on with my best friend, so I basically ignored him and I think that was the begiining of the end of a beautiful friendship. We hung out less during our last days in grammar school and ended up going to different high schools and after a few years, we were both out of each others' lives.

I think Billy was reaching out to me. He probably was just as confused as I was and maybe he thought he and his best friend would be better able to work things out as a team rather than solo. If that was the case, he was probably correct and I very much regret not reaching out to him and trying to work out together what the heck was going on. And so it goes.

Over the years, I learned through a mutual friend that Billy got married and lives two towns away, but our mutual friend said nothing about anything trans and I certainly did not ask.

But I often think about Billy and wonder if he really was trans (or was it just my 'magination) and if he ever did anything about it. I often hoped that one day he would show up at my support group and we could become best friends again except that this time we would be girlfriends.

fiddling around

Rome is burning while I fiddle around thinking about such things as what shoes to buy to go with my new evening gown.

If I put the time and effort that I spend femulating into something more important, would I make a difference? Maybe the world would be just a little bit better.

Maybe, maybe not.

Then again, maybe my efforts in femulation are doing some good. Personally, I know I get a lot out of it. And I know that writing this blog has helped a few people according to the feedback I have received.

But I am a worrier - always have been, always will be.

One of my biggest worries is what will other people think about me. If anything has been my downfall, it has been trying to please other people. I often succeed in making other people happy, but my success seldom makes me happy.

If I chose to please myself rather than please others throughout my life, I know my life would be different. Chances are I would have gone to NYC and tried to become a female impersonator instead of continuing my higher education to please my family.

What a sad sack I am! Maybe I need a vacation!

Crossdressed in the Past

Carlos "Bobby" DeCastro, female impersonator, circa 1958. (Click on the image to enlarge it.)

The Supremes and their fab gowns

Today's "Femulate This: Vintage Vriday" posting depicts Mary Wilson of The Supremes circa 1965.

I was a 1960s rock 'n' roller and The Supremes was one of my favorite groups from that era. In my opinion, their sound epitomized Motown in the 1960s. I bought most of their 45s and some of their LPs during the singing group's heyday.

In addition to their music, I loved their style. The gowns they wore on their television appearances were fab and I dreamed about starting my own singing group just so I could dress like them.

One thing holding me back was my singing voice or lack thereof. My singing voice has not prevented me from buying and wearing fabulous evening gowns. Occasionally, I even lip-sync while wearing one.

If I can get my act together in time, I hope to lip-sync at the Fantasia Fair Follies this year.

And speaking of gowns and Fantasia Fair, I finally found a gown to wear to the Fantasia Fair banquet (see photo to the right).

I searched and searched trying to find one similar to the gown that I wanted, but was not available in my size. The gown I found is very similar, costs less and they have it in my size! I plan to order it today.

like mother, like father

back to square one (evening gown saga, part 6)

Last time I wrote about this, I had e-mailed the seller to see if they had the evening gown I wanted one size smaller or one size larger than the size I ordered, which they did not have in stock.

The seller e-mailed me yesterday that the largest size they had in stock was two sizes smaller than the size I ordered.

No thanks. There is no way I can squeeze into something two sizes smaller. So, I asked for a refund and renewed my search for an evening gown.

What Has Sex Got to Do With It, Ex-Man Asks Court

This is an excellent commentary by Ann Woolner. I highly recommend reading it.

choking on my granola

(updated below)

Nothing like turning the page of the local newspaper first thing in the morning to find a huge full-color photo of a T-girl on the entertainment page. I almost choked on my granola!

Let me explain.

The political philosophy of the local newspaper is diametrically opposed to my own political philosophy. The newspaper is on the right side of the political spectrum, I am on the left. The newspaper's idea of diversity is to hire a white male that wears bow-ties.

The only reason I subscribe to the rag is because it is my hometown newspaper. In addition to informing me about what is going on in town, it also informs me about who has died. I am at an age where old friends are dying off and obituaries in the local rag are the only way I know about their deaths.

Anyway, I turn to the entertainment page this morning and there is a huge photo of trans actress Candis Cayne. The caption says something about Candis getting ready for the second season of her television series. There was no mention of her trans-ness.

Despite the "family values" purported by the editors of the local rag, they always are willing to show a little T & A on the entertainment page. I assume that they assumed the photo of Ms. Cayne was just another photo of a scantily provocatively clad actress that they could use to titillate their readers.

And my guess is if the editors knew a little bit more about Ms. Cayne's background, they would not have featured her photo today.

I think it is time to write a letter to the editor praising the paper for their display of diversity this morning.

UPDATE: I grabbed the photo of Ms. Cayne from the online edition of the newspaper and it appears above right replacing the photo of Ms. Cayne appearing on her television show, "Dirty Sexy Money," that I posted here originally.

"Fashion Rocks" host in drag

Around 10 PM last night, I remembered that "Fashion Rocks" was on CBS.

I don't mind watching beautiful models strutting their stuff amidst rock music. I can handle that. So, I switched channels to the local CBS affiliate and there was the host of the show, Denis Leary, in drag.

"Good timing," I thought.

Denis was wearing an evening gown, long blingy earrings, and carrying a matching purse and high heel pumps (his feet were too big for the pumps).

The joke was that the host kept whatever clothing he wore during the broadcast and this outfit was something his wife wanted.

Not much of a joke, but in the spirit of keeping you informed about all femulations I encounter, I have to report it here.

a trans victory in Maryland

Great news... Maryland's highest court today blocked a Montgomery County referendum aimed at repealing a new law that protects transgender people from discrimination.

Read all about it here.

High Heel Horrors

After reading this article about the health issues associated with wearing high heels regularly, I guess I found something positive about my inability to be en femme 24/7.

As long as I don't fall flat on my face from wearing high heels, the few hours once or twice a month that I wear heels is not likely to cause any long term harm.

On the other hand, if I was en femme 24/7, I probably would not wear heels all the time just like naturally-born women who are en femme 24/7.

5-Inch Heels: A Users Guide

Kira Craft wrote a user's guide and commentary on very high heels:

"Nice girls don't wear five-inch heels. Or at least- they didn't. Lately, the same skyscraper shoes you would find in the red light district have been given a spit and polish by the fashion cognoscenti."

Read the rest of the story here.

I never wore five-inch heels, but I came pretty close: a pair of black patent platform pumps with a 4¾-inch heel. I bought them a year ago and wore them once.

I've walked in many high heels before, typically in the 3½ to 4-inch heel range. The height of the heel has never affected my ability to walk. Pain in my toes or balls of my feet are usually the source of discomfort, if any.

My platform pumps were a different matter. Their 4¾-inch heel was not an issue, but their ⅞-inch platform took some getting used to.

I immediately noticed something different as I stood up after strapping on the platform pumps for the first time. While my heels were in contact the ground, the front of my feet were sitting on a platform ⅞-inch above the ground. This incongruity was apparent while walking, too.

I acclimated to walking in the platforms heels quickly, but they just did not feel as "natural" as walking in non-platform heels.

As I wrote, I only wore them once: when I modeled for a trans organization fund raiser last September. I wrote then, "The shoes I wore were surprisingly comfortable despite their 4¾-inch heels. I could not wear them while driving my car to and from the event because it was impossible and probably dangerous to manipulate the brake, clutch, and gas pedals wearing those shoes (I wore more sensible high heels for the trip), but I wore them all night at the fashion show and was not hobbled like I have been by shorter high heels."

I have not worn them since the fashion show because I think they would attract too much attention. Attracting attention modeling in a fashion show is a goal, attracting attention shopping in the mall is not, so I have put my platforms away until the next fashion show, assuming platforms are still in fashion when that opportunity arises.

crossdressed in the past

Another photo from the Eldorado in Berlin during the Weimar Era in pre-Nazi Germany. This one depicts four boys femulating girls.