crossdressed in the past

A group of girls and femulating boys having a good time at the Eldorado in Berlin during the Weimar Era in pre-Nazi Germany

nighty night, part 2

Good news is that the cami and tap sleep set that I ordered from Avon fit like a dream and I look forward to wearing them while I dream at Fantasia Fair.

evening gown, part 5

My evening gown saga continues.

I ordered the evening gown yesterday afternoon. Late afternoon, I received an e-mail telling me they were out of stock in my size.

What a disappointment!

I wrote back asking if they had the gown one size smaller, but I have not heard back from them yet. (Keep your fingers crossed for me.)

crap

Transsexual Files Complaint

September 5, 2008

WINDSOR LOCKS — - A transgender woman who says a local bar refused to allow her to sing on a karaoke night has filed a complaint with the state Liquor Commission.

Michelle Merrill says a manager at the Skyline Restaurant would not let her sing on Aug. 22 because she is a transsexual. The 35-year-old Enfield resident was born a male and began sex-change procedures 10 years ago.

Merrill says the manager told her other patrons complained that she used the women's bathroom and he didn't want people like her in the bar.

You can read the rest of the story here.

Crap like this happens all the time and articles about this kind of crap appears in the newspapers throughout the world regularly. This story is a little more personal because it is closer to home... about 45 minutes up the road at a restaurant right across the street from where I park my car when I travel by air from Bradley International Airport (BDL).

This isn't some hole-in-the-wall biker bar on some back road in Podunk. No, this is a restaurant in the heart of the BDL complex, a locale where you would think people would be more open-minded considering the diversity of people moving in and out of BDL 24/7.

I think this is all a result of the trickle-down philosophy of our current regime, which says that it is OK to crap on the poor, the non-white, the non-Christian, and/or the non-heterosexual in this country.

This country needs a change and I don't mean a name change ("McCain" for "Bush"). I pray to my Goddesss every night that a real change is going to take place real soon now and that the man from Illinois is going to lead us out of the valley of despair.

Goddess Bless America!

evening gown, part 4

The seller of the evening gown I was interested in buying to wear to the Fantasia Fair banquet finally responded to my e-mail. I was unsure if the gown would be long enough for someone my height (6' 2"), so I asked for its length.

The response was 52 inches from under the arm to the floor, which should be adequate. So, I will order the gown in a day or two.

finding my voice

I am easily distracted by thoughts of Fantasia Fair and the opportunity of being en femme 24/7 for seven days and nights.

The longest I have been en femme without a break was during the IFGE Convention in 2004. I arrived at the convention hotel late Wednesday afternoon, dressed female to attend a welcome cocktail party, and remained in female garb until the end of the banquet on Saturday night. So, the extent of my longest stretch en femme was about 3¼ days or 24/3.25. At Fantasia Fair, I will be en femme twice as long.

Back in 2004, I was not out and about. Support group meetings and organized support group outings were the extent of my en femme outings and I recall that during the first days of the convention, I refused to leave my hotel room unless accompanied by my roommate despite the fact that the whole hotel was full of trans-brothers and sisters.

As the convention progressed, I gained confidence and began moving throughout the hotel without requiring my roommate at my side. I had so much confidence that I even ventured outside the hotel to experience being en femme in the fresh air and I began speaking to "civilians" and not limiting my conversation to the other convention attendees.

By the convention's end, I felt that I had made a lot of progress. Today, I realize that the only progress I made during that long weekend was feeling comfortable and confident inside a very large closet.

Since then, I have made much more progress. I go out in public en femme and feel comfortable and confident during my outings most of the time. My "closet" now encompasses the world. Maybe not the whole world, but I consider that part of the world where I venture in boy mode as a safe place for me in girl mode, too.

So, going to Fantasia Fair, I am very comfy about being out and don't expect much personal growth in that area. However, one of my goals for personal growth is to find my female voice and I think that Fantasia Fair will offer an opportunity to achieve this goal by means of Lezli Whitehouse's workshop, "Introduction to Voice Transitional or Shifting Safely."

Here is the workshop description from the Fantasia Fair Web site:

"Add to your flexibility and vocal resilience as you would add to your wardrobe. Voices are very flexible, yet need to be understood in order to not cause damage. They need to be exercised shaped and monitored in order to create a shift, safely. This should be done with little stress and careful attention in order to create lasting habits that will take you where you want to go. This can happen with time, focus and some simple techniques to allow your inner voice to become more public and more confident. Your voice is what sets the tone for "who you are presenting" to the world. Even if you don't want to shift for a life time transition, why not put on the voice to match the rhinestone earrings, not the cowboy voice? Come explore your vocal possibilities. Lezli will guide and lead you through an exploration of the resonance, variety, musicality and soft-strength that is your Voice. As an extension of her workshops, Lezli is offering two additional mornings of Guided Warm-Ups, for those who want to maintain or nurture a feminine voice shift for the day or the week."

Sounds perfect! And I hope I will perfect a lady's voice by the week's end.

tall drink of water

Greg informed me that Olympic champion swimmer Dara Torres is 5' 11½" tall, so I have just added her to my ever-growing Famous Females of Height list.

Judge by Job Performance, Not Gender Identity

Majority of Americans Agree That Transgender Employees Should Be Judged by Job Performance, Not Gender Identity

According to a recent national survey, seven out of ten heterosexual adults (71%) agree that how an employee performs at their job should be the standard for judging an employee, not whether or not they are transgender.

Read all about it here.

nighty night

I am an Avon lady, i.e., I sell Avon products.

Last night, it was time to turn in my biweekly Avon order and as usual, before I do, I browse the catalogs and brochures to see if there is anything I need.

During my browse last night, I noticed the sleepwear on sale and I realized I have nothing to wear when I go to bed during the week I will be attending Fantasia Fair where I will be en femme 24/7. I could wear a pair of my boy mode pajamas, but that would ruin the mood of being female 24/7, so instead of pajamas, I will be wearing the lovely pleated cami and tap sleep set pictured here.

tall Krall

One of my favorite singers is Diana Krall and I just learned today that she is 5' 8½" tall, so I have duly added her to my Famous Females of Height list.

October 31

I am sitting at my desk at work yesterday afternoon and the administrator to the president of my division pops into my cubicle. She is relatively new, maybe on the job for three months, so we hardly know each other. She is checking out my face and says something like, "I wanted to see what you look like."

I am very puzzled and then she drops the other shoe: she heard I did drag on Halloween and wanted to see what I looked like en homme. Satisfied, she left my cubicle.

I went to work en femme for a Halloween contest back in 2003. I was surprised that five years later, people are still talking about it.

I was curious, so later in the afternoon, I visited her to find out who spilled the beans.

It seems she was in a meeting and joked that the company should have a cross-gender day where all the women come in dressed like men and all the men come in dressed as women. Someone else in the meeting, who has been with the company awhile, chimed in about how well I did drag.

She asked me what I wore and I told her about my pinstripe suit and auburn wig (see photo). Then, I told her I would e-mail her a photo. So I went back to my cubicle and e-mailed her a photo.

She responded that I looked very good, had good taste, and maybe I could do it again if the company decides to have another Halloween event.

I responded that I might wear a costume on Halloween whether there was a special Halloween event or not.

She responded, "Why not."

Don't be surprised if I do go to work en femme on October 31.

Michelle Obama

After Barack Obama's very excellent acceptance speech last night, his wife and children joined him on stage and I noticed that Michelle Obama was wearing flats (and a beautiful dress). I also noticed that even in flats, she was almost as tall as her husband. So, I looked her up and discovered that she is a statuesque 5' 11" tall.

As a result, I proudly add Michelle Obama to my Famous Females of Height list.

evening gown, part 3

I have received nothing but rave reviews concerning my choice of evening gown for Fantasia Fair (thank you all for your comments) and I am on the verge of ordering the gown as soon as I hear back from the seller.

I e-mailed the seller about the gown's length. Since I am 5' 14" tall, I want to be sure that the gown is long enough. So, keep your fingers crossed that it is indeed long enough.

evening gown, part 2

My search for an evening gown to wear to the big banquet at Fantasia Fair continued last night.

I found one that I really like (pictured here; click on the photo to make it bigger). What do you think?

evening gown

As I wrote here last Thursday, I am going to Fantasia Fair for the first time.

I will be going for the whole fair, i.e., Sunday evening to the following Sunday morning, so I will be en femme 24/7 for 7 straight days (maybe "straight" is not the correct word, but you know what I mean).

Needless to say, I am very excited about it and the Fair has been on my mind all the time ever since I decided to go.

Yesterday, I started compiling a list of things to bring to the Fair. First, I listed the events at the Fair that I will likely attend (all of them, of course) and then I made notes of what I will wear to each event.

I had no problem coming up with enough outfits to wear, but I am not sure what to wear to the Saturday night "Gala Awards Banquet." I have a couple of knock-out cocktail dresses that I have worn in the past to my support group's annual banquet and they will be more than adequate, but I'd really like to wear something new and more formal (longer) than a cocktail dress, i.e., an "evening gown."

So, I am gown shopping. I started my search by browsing the various Web sites where I normally shop and a few where I have never shopped, but I found nothing that floated my boat; nothing that cried out "Staci, I am so you!" So, my search continues.

If anyone has any suggestions, please pass them along.

a boy and his boobs

Yesterday, I was listening to a podcast by Ethan St. Pierre's "The Radicalguy" in which he interviewed Mila Pavlin.

During the interview, the Mila mentioned that as a young pre-op transwoman, she was mortified whenever she had to remove her top to go swimming or participate in other activities in which males were expected to go shirtless because in her mind, she was female and going topless was not something females did in public. During such occurrences, she would try to cover up with a towel in order to feel less embarrassed.

When I was young, I experienced something similar whenever I was expected to be shirtless because I have boobs. I don't know if my breast development was the result of being overweight, hormone imbalance, Gynecomastia, or a combination of some or all of the above. Whatever... I have boobs that nearly fill a B cup bra.

In my youth, my breasts embarrassed me; I would notice people checking out my breasts and occasionally, I would hear hurtful comments like "He should wear a bra?" As I grew older, I began avoiding situations where I had to go shirtless and as an adult, I am never in a public situation without a shirt.

On the other hand, I am very happy with natural breasts when I am en femme and I seldom have to wear anything in my bra to augment my bust. The only time I stuff my bra is when I wear a low-cut top or dress and want to display some cleavage (as in the accompanying photo). To achieve cleavage, I tape my breasts together, but by doing so, my bra cups are only half-filled, so I use stuffing to fill out the cups. But normally, the only thing in my bra is me.

Admittedly, my breasts are small for a woman my size, but they are all mine and they feel as natural as can be. And my breasts are no longer an embarrassment; they have become an asset.

Crossdressed in the Past

(Click on an image to enlarge it.)

I'm going to Disney World ...for crossdressers!

I'm going to Fantasia Fair (or "Disney World for Crossdressers," as I like to think of it).

Fantasia Fair (FanFair for short) is an annual week-long mid-October event (October 19-26 this year)in Provincetown, Cape Cod, Massachusetts, where the boys are girls and the girls are boys and all the transfolk have the run of the town presenting themselves in their gender of choice 24/7.

I have many friends and acquaintances who have attended FanFair in the past and they have nothing but great things to say about their experience. They have urged me to go, but until now, I have been unable to do so.

Presenting as a woman 24/7 for a week will be a new experience. I have done three-day events in the past, but not a week-long event, so this will be more of a real life test for me!

Anyway, I am thrilled that I will be able to go this year. And I wonder how the experience will effect me.

how do you put a bra on

Robin sent me this link to a cute video and I am passing it on to you.

top shoe trends for fall 2008

"The era of the ostentatious 'it' bag is over. Blaring logos are dead.

"But this fall, statement shoes are bigger, taller, and more opinionated than ever."

Kate Schelter wrote all about fall shoes here.