finding my voice

I am easily distracted by thoughts of Fantasia Fair and the opportunity of being en femme 24/7 for seven days and nights.

The longest I have been en femme without a break was during the IFGE Convention in 2004. I arrived at the convention hotel late Wednesday afternoon, dressed female to attend a welcome cocktail party, and remained in female garb until the end of the banquet on Saturday night. So, the extent of my longest stretch en femme was about 3¼ days or 24/3.25. At Fantasia Fair, I will be en femme twice as long.

Back in 2004, I was not out and about. Support group meetings and organized support group outings were the extent of my en femme outings and I recall that during the first days of the convention, I refused to leave my hotel room unless accompanied by my roommate despite the fact that the whole hotel was full of trans-brothers and sisters.

As the convention progressed, I gained confidence and began moving throughout the hotel without requiring my roommate at my side. I had so much confidence that I even ventured outside the hotel to experience being en femme in the fresh air and I began speaking to "civilians" and not limiting my conversation to the other convention attendees.

By the convention's end, I felt that I had made a lot of progress. Today, I realize that the only progress I made during that long weekend was feeling comfortable and confident inside a very large closet.

Since then, I have made much more progress. I go out in public en femme and feel comfortable and confident during my outings most of the time. My "closet" now encompasses the world. Maybe not the whole world, but I consider that part of the world where I venture in boy mode as a safe place for me in girl mode, too.

So, going to Fantasia Fair, I am very comfy about being out and don't expect much personal growth in that area. However, one of my goals for personal growth is to find my female voice and I think that Fantasia Fair will offer an opportunity to achieve this goal by means of Lezli Whitehouse's workshop, "Introduction to Voice Transitional or Shifting Safely."

Here is the workshop description from the Fantasia Fair Web site:

"Add to your flexibility and vocal resilience as you would add to your wardrobe. Voices are very flexible, yet need to be understood in order to not cause damage. They need to be exercised shaped and monitored in order to create a shift, safely. This should be done with little stress and careful attention in order to create lasting habits that will take you where you want to go. This can happen with time, focus and some simple techniques to allow your inner voice to become more public and more confident. Your voice is what sets the tone for "who you are presenting" to the world. Even if you don't want to shift for a life time transition, why not put on the voice to match the rhinestone earrings, not the cowboy voice? Come explore your vocal possibilities. Lezli will guide and lead you through an exploration of the resonance, variety, musicality and soft-strength that is your Voice. As an extension of her workshops, Lezli is offering two additional mornings of Guided Warm-Ups, for those who want to maintain or nurture a feminine voice shift for the day or the week."

Sounds perfect! And I hope I will perfect a lady's voice by the week's end.

tall drink of water

Greg informed me that Olympic champion swimmer Dara Torres is 5' 11½" tall, so I have just added her to my ever-growing Famous Females of Height list.

Judge by Job Performance, Not Gender Identity

Majority of Americans Agree That Transgender Employees Should Be Judged by Job Performance, Not Gender Identity

According to a recent national survey, seven out of ten heterosexual adults (71%) agree that how an employee performs at their job should be the standard for judging an employee, not whether or not they are transgender.

Read all about it here.

nighty night

I am an Avon lady, i.e., I sell Avon products.

Last night, it was time to turn in my biweekly Avon order and as usual, before I do, I browse the catalogs and brochures to see if there is anything I need.

During my browse last night, I noticed the sleepwear on sale and I realized I have nothing to wear when I go to bed during the week I will be attending Fantasia Fair where I will be en femme 24/7. I could wear a pair of my boy mode pajamas, but that would ruin the mood of being female 24/7, so instead of pajamas, I will be wearing the lovely pleated cami and tap sleep set pictured here.

tall Krall

One of my favorite singers is Diana Krall and I just learned today that she is 5' 8½" tall, so I have duly added her to my Famous Females of Height list.

October 31

I am sitting at my desk at work yesterday afternoon and the administrator to the president of my division pops into my cubicle. She is relatively new, maybe on the job for three months, so we hardly know each other. She is checking out my face and says something like, "I wanted to see what you look like."

I am very puzzled and then she drops the other shoe: she heard I did drag on Halloween and wanted to see what I looked like en homme. Satisfied, she left my cubicle.

I went to work en femme for a Halloween contest back in 2003. I was surprised that five years later, people are still talking about it.

I was curious, so later in the afternoon, I visited her to find out who spilled the beans.

It seems she was in a meeting and joked that the company should have a cross-gender day where all the women come in dressed like men and all the men come in dressed as women. Someone else in the meeting, who has been with the company awhile, chimed in about how well I did drag.

She asked me what I wore and I told her about my pinstripe suit and auburn wig (see photo). Then, I told her I would e-mail her a photo. So I went back to my cubicle and e-mailed her a photo.

She responded that I looked very good, had good taste, and maybe I could do it again if the company decides to have another Halloween event.

I responded that I might wear a costume on Halloween whether there was a special Halloween event or not.

She responded, "Why not."

Don't be surprised if I do go to work en femme on October 31.

Michelle Obama

After Barack Obama's very excellent acceptance speech last night, his wife and children joined him on stage and I noticed that Michelle Obama was wearing flats (and a beautiful dress). I also noticed that even in flats, she was almost as tall as her husband. So, I looked her up and discovered that she is a statuesque 5' 11" tall.

As a result, I proudly add Michelle Obama to my Famous Females of Height list.

evening gown, part 3

I have received nothing but rave reviews concerning my choice of evening gown for Fantasia Fair (thank you all for your comments) and I am on the verge of ordering the gown as soon as I hear back from the seller.

I e-mailed the seller about the gown's length. Since I am 5' 14" tall, I want to be sure that the gown is long enough. So, keep your fingers crossed that it is indeed long enough.

evening gown, part 2

My search for an evening gown to wear to the big banquet at Fantasia Fair continued last night.

I found one that I really like (pictured here; click on the photo to make it bigger). What do you think?

evening gown

As I wrote here last Thursday, I am going to Fantasia Fair for the first time.

I will be going for the whole fair, i.e., Sunday evening to the following Sunday morning, so I will be en femme 24/7 for 7 straight days (maybe "straight" is not the correct word, but you know what I mean).

Needless to say, I am very excited about it and the Fair has been on my mind all the time ever since I decided to go.

Yesterday, I started compiling a list of things to bring to the Fair. First, I listed the events at the Fair that I will likely attend (all of them, of course) and then I made notes of what I will wear to each event.

I had no problem coming up with enough outfits to wear, but I am not sure what to wear to the Saturday night "Gala Awards Banquet." I have a couple of knock-out cocktail dresses that I have worn in the past to my support group's annual banquet and they will be more than adequate, but I'd really like to wear something new and more formal (longer) than a cocktail dress, i.e., an "evening gown."

So, I am gown shopping. I started my search by browsing the various Web sites where I normally shop and a few where I have never shopped, but I found nothing that floated my boat; nothing that cried out "Staci, I am so you!" So, my search continues.

If anyone has any suggestions, please pass them along.

a boy and his boobs

Yesterday, I was listening to a podcast by Ethan St. Pierre's "The Radicalguy" in which he interviewed Mila Pavlin.

During the interview, the Mila mentioned that as a young pre-op transwoman, she was mortified whenever she had to remove her top to go swimming or participate in other activities in which males were expected to go shirtless because in her mind, she was female and going topless was not something females did in public. During such occurrences, she would try to cover up with a towel in order to feel less embarrassed.

When I was young, I experienced something similar whenever I was expected to be shirtless because I have boobs. I don't know if my breast development was the result of being overweight, hormone imbalance, Gynecomastia, or a combination of some or all of the above. Whatever... I have boobs that nearly fill a B cup bra.

In my youth, my breasts embarrassed me; I would notice people checking out my breasts and occasionally, I would hear hurtful comments like "He should wear a bra?" As I grew older, I began avoiding situations where I had to go shirtless and as an adult, I am never in a public situation without a shirt.

On the other hand, I am very happy with natural breasts when I am en femme and I seldom have to wear anything in my bra to augment my bust. The only time I stuff my bra is when I wear a low-cut top or dress and want to display some cleavage (as in the accompanying photo). To achieve cleavage, I tape my breasts together, but by doing so, my bra cups are only half-filled, so I use stuffing to fill out the cups. But normally, the only thing in my bra is me.

Admittedly, my breasts are small for a woman my size, but they are all mine and they feel as natural as can be. And my breasts are no longer an embarrassment; they have become an asset.

Crossdressed in the Past

(Click on an image to enlarge it.)

I'm going to Disney World ...for crossdressers!

I'm going to Fantasia Fair (or "Disney World for Crossdressers," as I like to think of it).

Fantasia Fair (FanFair for short) is an annual week-long mid-October event (October 19-26 this year)in Provincetown, Cape Cod, Massachusetts, where the boys are girls and the girls are boys and all the transfolk have the run of the town presenting themselves in their gender of choice 24/7.

I have many friends and acquaintances who have attended FanFair in the past and they have nothing but great things to say about their experience. They have urged me to go, but until now, I have been unable to do so.

Presenting as a woman 24/7 for a week will be a new experience. I have done three-day events in the past, but not a week-long event, so this will be more of a real life test for me!

Anyway, I am thrilled that I will be able to go this year. And I wonder how the experience will effect me.

how do you put a bra on

Robin sent me this link to a cute video and I am passing it on to you.

top shoe trends for fall 2008

"The era of the ostentatious 'it' bag is over. Blaring logos are dead.

"But this fall, statement shoes are bigger, taller, and more opinionated than ever."

Kate Schelter wrote all about fall shoes here.

dress to shop

Meg wrote, "When you're dressed and shop, what do you wear?

"I'm planning to talk to saleswomen and ask to try clothes on next time I go. I've wanted to but never done it so far.

"Is a dress better than a skirt/blouse? If I'm wearing the latter and I want to try on a dress, I have to remove both and there May Be Many Buttons. If I wear the former, I need to find a top to go with a bottom, or vice-versa when I want to try one on, and if the dress goes over my head my wig could get out-of-sorts (also with a pullover top, hence the worry about buttons.

"How about sharing your experiences?"

I'll gladly share my experience, Meg.

When I go shopping and plan to try clothes on in the store, I wear something that is easy to take off and put on, so usually a dress without a lot of buttons. Also, something that has a wide collar so as not to muss up my hair and makeup when I pull it off and on (so avoid anything with a turtleneck).

The best thing I ever wore shopping was a dress that had a zipper up front that zipped from the neckline to the hemline of the dress. I could get in and out of that dress quick like a bunny.

Also, to minimize changing back into the outfit you wore into the store, take as many outfits as the store allows to the dressing room. Or shop in a store where there is personalized service with a salesperson at your beck and call to fetch outfits for you while you are in the dressing room.

If you are shopping for a skirt to match a top or vice versa, then that is a different story and you will want to wear whatever you are trying to match, unless it is so generic that you can find something in the store to use for matching.

On the other hand, if you are just skirt shopping, for example, wear an easy on-and-off dress. When you find the skirts you want to try on, grab a top, too, so that you will have something to model with the skirts. Of course, you don't have to purchase the top, but then you might find one that goes so nicely with the skirt you are buying that you will just have to buy the top, too!

I hope that helps!

---

Occasionally, I receive e-mails asking for advice. Often, the writers of these e-mails indicate that they are hesitant about writing to me for advice because they don't want to bother me.

On the contrary, I love receiving e-mails asking for advice. My maternal side loves to help others if she can, so please feel free to ask. Maybe I can help you and maybe you will help me by expanding my knowledge of the transworld. And maybe our e-mail exchange will inspire me to write an interesting blog posting (like this one).

So, use the "send me e-mail" link on the right to write to me.

where I left off

Busy weekend, not much blogging. In fact, I was so busy yesterday that I did not touch a keyboard until nearly 5 PM, which is almost unheard of in my little world!

I left off with you here Friday morning after I bought that jacket and skirt set on clearance from Spiegel.

After work, I went to the mall to see if Payless had any of the new shoes I was pining for. My timing was great because on Friday was the first day of Payless' frequent Bogo sales (buy one, get one half off).

Nothing gets hands-on service faster than when a 6' 2" guy walks into Payless and heads down the aisle where the woman's size 10-12 shoes are stationed. The saleswoman who greeted me as I walked in almost immediately made a bee-line for me and asked if I needed any help.

I asked her about the new shoes I saw online and she indicated that they were on display at the front of the store. I told her "I do drag" and my size. She had all three pairs, but only two in my size: the American Eagle Latte Mary Jane and the Koko Gilley Pump.

I asked the saleswoman if any of the surrounding Payless stores had the Haste Patent Oxford Pump in my size. She recommended that because of the shoe's design that I look for that shoe one size larger. She went online to check the other nearby stores, but they did not have it in stock.

I bought the two that they had in stock and continued shopping around the mall. The sad state of the economy was really apparent. It was Friday afternoon and the mall was dead despite the fact that it was prime back-to-school shopping time.

On a positive note, as soon as I walked into a store, I usually had an attentive salesperson at my beck and call. Window-shopping, I saw a cute outfit on display, so I went in the store and a saleswoman asked to be of assistance. I was unfamiliar with the store's clothing line, so I asked her how large did their sizes go up to.

She said "14," then asked, "What size does she wear?"

I replied, "I wear 16s or 18s depending on the style of clothing."

Without batting an eye, she said that the store was opening an online store real soon now with sizes going up to 18 and that I should check it out.

I thanked her and went on my way.

I continued shopping, but did not see anything I had to have, so I exited the mall with my new shoes in bag.

crossdressed in the past

(Click on the image to enlarge it.)

clearance sale

Every day of the week, I get an e-mail from Spiegel touting their sale du jour.

I like Spiegel's clothing and have bought a few items from them in the past, but most of the time I don't buy anything because they are expensive.

Today's e-mail from Spiegel announced a clearance sale, so I dutifully checked out what they had on sale and I found the pictured jacket and skirt that I had died for in the past on sale and in my size!

Originally, they cost $79 and $39 respectively, but on clearance, they were $13.99 and $6.99, so how could I resist! In addition, I got 20% off my order by signing up for a Spiegel credit card. So, what would have cost me (with shipping and handling) $126.94 back when I was dying for it, now cost me only $25.72!

Can this girl shop or what!

vintage vriday

FYI, the woman featured in today's Vintage Vriday edition of Femulate This: is the late Italian actress Alida Valli, who was best known on this side of the Atlantic for her role in The Third Man.