my Mother's pumps

Today, I received an e-mail from Payless announcing a shoe sale. I checked out the sale because I like their shoes (they are inexpensive and there usually is a nice selection in my size).

While browsing their shoes, I had déjà vu when I saw this high heel pump that they call "Hilt." It is a dead ringer for the first woman's shoe I ever wore.

When I was about 12 years old, my experiments with femulation began one day when an inner voice convinced me to try on a pair of my mother's stockings while I was home alone.

I had seen my mother put on her stockings more than once, so I had a pretty good idea on how to do it and I emulated her successfully, i.e., I got them on without running them.

I then checked out my pre-pubescent hairless stockinged legs in my mother's full length mirror. Wow – they were as shapely as the legs of a woman!

My inner voice convinced me that they might look even more shapely if I slipped on a pair of my mother's high heels. So, I found a pair of her high heel pumps, ones that look just like Payless's Hilts, and slipped them on my feet.

I checked out my legs in the mirror again and again was impressed how shapely and womanly my legs appeared.

That was the beginning. The rest was her-story, specifically Staci's story.

Whenever I dressed secretly at home, I always favored that pair of my mother's pumps. They were so pretty and they were also the highest high heels she owned.

Her pumps are long gone, but I plan to go shopping at Payless real soon now and buy a pair of my own.

my day at Wesleyan University

Tuesday, I went to Wesleyan University in Middletown, CT, to do outreach for a class on 21st Century sexuality.

For the first time, I wore the "royal purple" zip-front V-neck dress that I bought from Newport-News in December. It is from their Shape FX collection, which they claim are "designed to make the body you have, look like the body you want."

I'm not sure how they do it, but every Shape FX outfit I own improves my figure and the dress I wore yesterday was no exception. In my notes from yesterday, I wrote that I thought I looked "fab."

By the time I was ready to go out, it was 10:45 AM. Since I was not sure how long it would take to drive to Wesleyan and find a parking space, instead of shopping before going to the school, I drove directly to Wesleyan and found a parking spot across the street from the classroom building where I was doing outreach.

I was 90 minutes early! I sat in the car for awhile taking in the beautiful scenery, then decided to get out in the fresh air. I walked to the entrance of the classroom building where there were benches and I sat there until the class began.

I did not take a coat of jacket with me and I thought that might be a mistake because the temperature was in the low 30s early on, but by the time I arrived on campus, the temperature was about 60 and perfect for what I was wearing.

The classroom building has a cornerstone dated 1903. I wonder how many crossdressers were doing outreach at Wesleyan 105 years ago!

Thinking about my own life, when I stepped out en femme for the first time to attend my first support group meeting, I would never have imagined that 20 years later, I would be out and about freely femulating in public and speaking about it to a college class. (You've come a long way, baby!)

And, although I am 20 years older, my presentation as a woman is much better today. I mastered a lot of the "tricks of the trade" and I think I pass some of the time. My penchant for high heels does not help me pass, but like I've said before, at 6'2", my height is already a show-stopper, so what difference will high heels make.

Jamie, the other crossdresser who was doing outreach with me, showed up and a few minutes later, Maureen Sullivan, the professor showed up and escorted us to the classroom.

It was a small class: about 15 students, about half female and half male. I went first and talked for about 15 minutes, basically reciting my biography. Jamie spoke after me and covered more generic trans subject matter. Then, we took questions from the students.

We did not get a lot of questions and the only unique question I received had nothing to do with trans matters; the student asked me about the books I had written in boy mode.

After class, we three walked three blocks to Main Street to dine at the First and Last Tavern. I'm glad I brought a second pair of shoes, otherwise the walk might have been unbearable in the 3½” platform pumps I was wearing. Switching to a 3” non-platform pump made a big difference.

I don't think anyone paid much attention to us until we got to the restaurant, where I noticed some of the staff checking us out more closely. Our waiter was respectful and treated us like ladies.

The food was good and the conversation was excellent. We dined alfresco, which was very nice for a change.

We finished around 4 PM, walked back to the campus, split up, and drove home.

It was another excellent day out en femme, but I was exhausted by the time I arrived home and went to bed earlier than usual.

fallen limbs = shapely limbs

Muscles ache today that normally don't because I did the dreaded spring yard clean-up Saturday and Sunday.

This year, it was particularly onerous because during the winter, a huge branch broke from a tree and landed in the back yard. Normally, I would just drag it into the woods, but this one was so big that I could barely move it. So, I had to get out the chain saw and cut it down to more manageable pieces that I could drag into the woods along with the 50 or so other branches that were kind enough to break off in manageable chunks.

When I got on the scale this morning, I was happy to see that I weighed one pound less than the day I got married 25 years ago. Except for raking leaves in the fall, I do all my own yard work and it helps me to maintain my figure. All those fallen limbs make for shapely limbs!

males modeling dresses

I was looking at the spring fashions on the Internet today and I noticed what I believe were males modeling dresses. Here are two examples; you be the judge.

reaching further

This is going to be a busy month for me on the outreach front.

Last night, I received a call asking if I would do outreach for two Human Sexuality classes at Southern Connecticut State University on April 29. These are the classes I have been outreaching every semester for the past few years and I gladly accepted the assignment.

This is in addition to the outreach I will be doing at Wesleyan University on Tuesday, so, as a result, I will be out for the day en femme twice this month.

Fantastic!

just my style

I try not to watch too much television because I get hooked on the better stuff (like The Sopranos, John Adams, 30 Rock) and when I get hooked, I can't miss an episode.

I saw the ads for AMC's Mad Men, but avoided it because it seemed like just another prime time soap.

The show received good reviews and I will probably check it out in reruns, but not because of the good reviews, but rather because of the costume design.

"Set in 1960 New York, the daring new series is about the lives of the ruthlessly competitive men and women of Madison Avenue advertising, an ego-driven world where key players make an art of the sell while their private world gets sold."

Yeah, it sounds like a soap, but the clothing is just my style!

best deal in bras

Twenty-two percent of women in a new Consumer Reports survey said they always or often regret bra purchases. That's especially annoying when some bras cost more than $100. But does a woman or a crossdresser need to pay that much for a well-made bra that fits?

The answer is a resounding "no" and the details are here.

never worn out

This photo shows me in the spring of 1995 modeling a cocktail dress that I never wore in public. I love the dress and I think it looked lovely on me, but for one reason or another, I never wore it out en femme.

I still have the dress and it is in pristine condition. I believe it is still stylish enough to wear today, don't you?

So, I think it is time to take it out of storage and wear it to the next special occasion I attend. (It would be the perfect thing to wear to my cousin's wedding in June, but I don't think the family would agree with my wardrobe selection.)

next outing/outreach

The plans are set and I will be out en femme next Tuesday, which will include doing outreach at Wesleyan University in Middletown, CT. Specifically, I will be doing outreach with another crossdresser for a class dealing with 21st Century sexuality; sounds interesting!

The class is in the early afternoon, so I will have time to do other things. I will probably do some shopping at the mall and have lunch somewhere... maybe on campus.

It should be a nice day out femulating and I am looking forward to it.

kindred spirit

Surfing the net today, I came across the blog of a kindred spirit, Vickie Davis, who you might enjoy reading.

not sisters

Everyone thinks we're sisters, but we're actually mother and son.

(from a recent issue of The New Yorker)

just reward

I finished doing my taxes today. I don't usually wait this late, but I use tax software and my computer was in the shop during most of March in the repair queue waiting for a part.

It was worth the wait because after waiting so long, Apple decided to send me a new computer rather than make me wait any longer for mine to be fixed. This was a real sweet deal because my broken computer was over three years old, while its replacement is a brand new model, just released in January!

Anyway, I finished my taxes and I am getting the biggest refund I have ever received. And as a reward, I treated myself and bought this dress from Metrostyle 30% off list.

calendar

2008 March 29
Originally uploaded by staci-staci

I promise that this will be the last photo from the banquet that I will put on the blog. It is another from my friend Jamie.

The banquet is nearly a week past now and I still cannot get the thrill of temporarily being a woman out of my mind. So much so that I have been hatching plans for a day out en femme real soon now. Maybe a day at the casino, where I can play slots for an hour or two, eat lunch at a nice restaurant, and do some window shopping in the expensive stores that ring the casino (if I win at the slots, maybe I will even buy something).

I also began thinking seriously about attending the Be-All in Chicago at the end of May, which would include a 900-mile road trip en femme (never pumped gas en femme before).

And out of the blue, I received an e-mail yesterday asking if I'd be interested in doing outreach at a new venue: Wesleyan University. A professor is looking for a plain vanilla heterosexual crossdresser to speak at her class later this month, so I provided the dates I can appear.

It looks like my en femme calendar is filling up nicely.

more banquet photos

2008 March 29
Originally uploaded by staci-staci

This is one of the photos my friend Jamie sent me from my support group's banquet on Saturday night.

It seems that most of the attendees had digital cameras and they were using them; it was "The Night of a Thousand Flashes."

party likes it's 1997

My friend Michelle sent me a photo from 1997 attending my first Connecticut Outreach Society (COS) banquet. (I believe it was also the first COS banquet ever held).



We were crowded in a very small hotel banquet room and there was an assigned restroom nearby that we were supposed to use. Rebel rebel that I am, when nature called, I took the elevator down to the ground floor and used a real women's restroom and I remember being thrilled that the female patrons in the ladies' inner sanctum paid no attention to me!

voice training

Laura Kane sent me this link to an amazing YouTube video in which a young transwoman demonstrates how she attains a realistic female voice. Her technique is similar to the technique I have tried, but her results are a lot better than mine!

Even if you have no interest in using a female voice, watch the video for its entertainment value because you will be surprised (at least I was) when she switches to her male voice.

Saturday night

Saturday night I attended my support group's annual banquet. It is a dress-up affair and I always dress to impress.



Ready

For months, I planned to wear the dress I bought from Victoria's Secret last fall, a black sleeveless V-neck tunic-style sweater dress with sequin on the front.



I did my makeup for a glam look. I wore false eyelashes and instead of the various shades of brown that I normally use to do my eyes, I used grays and blacks.

Patty, my fashion advisor, thought that I should wear my short blonde wig with that dress and I agreed. However, just for the heck of it, I also took out my mid-length blonde wig and my shoulder-length dark auburn wig to see which looked best after I did my makeup and dressed.

I tried on the mid-length blond wig and rejected that look. Next came the short blond wig and it looked very good. Finally, I shook out the shoulder-length dark auburn wig, plopped it on my head, and fell in love with the way it looked with my makeup and outfit.

I checked myself out in the full length mirror and something was not right. The V-neck of the dress revealed a large expanse of chest, which was as flat as a board. The dress screamed for something more.

I slipped off my dress. Then, I filled my bra cups with my homemade birdseed breast forms, which lifted my natural size A cup breasts up and brought them together. I used strips of surgical tape to bring them even closer together to create cleavage. I used some eyeshadow to make the cleft of my cleavage look deeper and then I powdered my whole breast area with translucent powder.

I slipped on my dress, looked in the mirror, and was very happy with the way I looked; I thought I actually looked a little "sexy" for a change. At the banquet, my friend Jamie said I looked like "a hottie," so I guess my assessment was correct.

After I took a few photos, I put on some Chanel No. 5 and did my nails. This was my first time using Kiss pre-glued stick-on nails and after a night of wearing them, I am impressed.

The largest Kiss nail was larger than the largest nail that Revlon provided with their defunct Maximum Speed pre-glued nails, which I used in the past. With the Revlon Maxies, the largest nail did not cover my thumbnail completely; there was a small gap. With the largest Kiss nails, there was no gap; the Kiss nails covered my thumbnails completely.

Also, the glue of the Kiss nails is a lot stronger than the Revlons. Once the Kiss nails were stuck on, they stayed on. I was very satisfied with the Kiss brand of nails and recommend them highly.

Set

I was out the door at 5:20 PM for the 25-minute drive to the hotel in Meriden, CT, that was hosting the banquet. The drive was uneventful and I arrived in plenty of time for the 6 PM cocktail hour.

Go

There were 55 paid guests and I assume that most of them showed up. I recognized about half the faces; the other half were new to me.

Some of the people I recognized did not recognize me; I guess I looked different than I usually looked. For example, I sat with a new acquaintance, Nicole, for over five hours at our support group's table at True Colors just two weeks earlier. Nicole did not recognize me at the banquet until they announced my name preceding my lip-sync performance during the follies portion of the evening.

Speaking of True Colors… I wore the same pair of heels at the banquet that I wore at True Colors and they did not bother me at all Saturday night, whereas they killed my feet at True Colors.

There were more genetic women in attendance than ever; probably one-fifth to one-quarter were genetic women, mostly significant others, as well as a contingent from a local nail/waxing establishment. One of the contingent complimented me on my dress.

My friend Deja was snapping photos, so I twisted her arm to take some photos of me in a more scenic area, i.e., the beautifully decorated lobby of the hotel. She agreed, but on the way to the lobby, we passed the swimming pool area and it looked as nice as the lobby, so we used it for my mini-photo shoot. (Two photos from that photo shoot appear here.)

I sat at the Board of Directors table, so I had the pleasure of conversing with our after-dinner speaker, Moonhawk River Stone. His after-dinner speech was inspiring and I was moved to become even more trans active. Coincidentally, at the banquet, my support group's executive director informed me that I am officially the editor of the group's monthly newsletter (I had been subbing for the past few months for the previous editor).

I was nervous as the time drew near for my lip sync performance. I was first up and relieved to get it over with! I think I did OK. I did not flub the words and everyone enjoyed the song I selected to lip sync, an obscure Lesley Gore semi-hit from the 1960s titled "Sometimes I Wish I Were a Boy."

When I returned to our table after performing, Moonhawk River Stone mentioned that he loved my song selection, which made me feel a lot better about my performance.

I mingled a lot through the evening. I became reacquainted with girls I had not seen for many months and in a few cases, many years. I also mingled with some of the new faces in attendance. I even met and chatted with one of my blog's regular readers, Chris. (Hi, Chris!)

I really enjoyed myself Saturday night. I thought I looked my best and that made me feel wonderfully womanly. Nothing could ruin my night except its end, which came around 12:20 AM when I decided to call it a night and drove home.

three thousand words

They say a picture's worth a thousand words, so here are three photos from my night out yesterday.


I am at home dressed to kill and ready for my big night out.


Enjoying myself posing next to the pool at the hotel that hosted our banquet.


A close-up of me and my friends.

big night tonight

Tonight is my support group's annual banquet, which is the trans-event of the year around here. It gives me an opportunity to dress to kill and you can be sure I will not waste that opportunity.

You can expect a full report and photos here tomorrow, sooner, or later.

male female models redux

Back in October 2007, I wrote about the urban legend that some of the fashion models wearing female finery on the catwalks of the fashion world are actually males.

Today, Anonymous commented that, "terri(sp?)toye was a transsexual high fashion model in the 70's. catwalks, some print ads...tho' not much can u find on her"

I Googled "terri toye," discovered that her name was "teri toye" (one r, not two). Google found some information on her including this Web page, which is a gallery of her work as a model.