Friday, I will be out en femme most of the day.
My friend Patty and I will take a short roadtrip to my alma mater, the University of Connecticut, to do workshops at the True Colors Conference for school-aged GLBT youth and their adult supporters and/or facilitators (parents, teachers, guidance counselors, social workers, etc.).
My workshop is "Body Image and Male-to-Female Crossdressing." Basically, I will be doing an extended solo version of what I do for outreach
In addition to the workshop, I will be manning the table for my support group, Connecticut Outreach Society (COS). After the workshops, Patty, Diana, and I plan to dine somewhere on the way home.
It will be nostalgic visiting my old campus; it will be my first visit since I graduated in 1973 and also my first visit there en femme. And, coincidentally, lunch for the conference will be served in my old dormitory.
To make my day even more interesting, I plan to use a female voice throughout the day instead of relying on my natural soft-spoken male voice to do my en femme speaking for me. I have been practicing my female voice for a long time now and it is time to let her out.
I have balked at using a female voice in the past because I felt silly when I did use it. Isn't that ridiculous? I am a guy dressed from head to toe like a woman, fully made up wearing a wig, woman's jewelry, perfume, etc., walking like a woman, using female mannerisms, etc. and all that did not make me feel silly, but using a feminine voice did.
Maybe there is more to it than that.
Using a female voice is just about the last step I can take in becoming a woman without hormones, surgery, permanent body modification, etc. Maybe using a male voice while en femme is the last link to my natal gender and subconsciously, I am afraid of breaking that link and admitting that I am really a woman.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Are You A Boy or Are You A Girl?
After I added today's Femulate This photo to the blog, the lyrics of this 1965 hit by The Barbarians popped into my head.Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?
With your long blond hair you look like a girl
Yeah, you look like a girl
You may be a boy, hey, you look like a girl
You're either a girl or you come from Liverpool
Yeah, Liverpool
You can dog like a female monkey, but you swim like a stone
Yeah, a rolling stone
You may be a boy, hey, you look like a girl
Hey! Aw!
Hey!
You're always wearing skin tight pants and boys wear pants
But in your skin tight pants you look like a girl
Yeah, you look like a girl
You may be a boy, hey, you look like a girl
Hey!
Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?
With your long blond hair you look like a girl
Yeah, you look like a girl
You may be a boy, hey, you look like a girl
Hey!
Yeah, you look like a girl, hey!
Yeah, you look like a girl, hey!
Yeah, you look like a girl, hey!
Yeah, you look like a girl, hey!
Sunday, March 9, 2008
to die for
Up late last night nursing a tummy ache and surfing the television to find something to watch, I happened upon a 1995 film, To Die For, starring my favorite tallest actress, Nicole Kidman. I had not seen the film in years and as I watched it, I recalled why I liked it so much.The story is very interesting and include a couple of twists. The whole cast does an excellent job.
In addition, Nicole is absolutely gorgeous. Her hair and makeup are perfect, and the outfits she wears are to die for. I would like to add every dress and suit she wore to my collection!
Friday, March 7, 2008
transitioning from 56 to 57
Today I am 56. Tomorrow I will be 57.
Dunno why, but for the first time in my life, adding a year is bothering me. Maybe it's because 57 is getting so very close to 60, which is a bellwether year to me, i.e., in my mind, 60 meant that you were as old as dirt. And to add to my trepidation about approaching 60, I can't forget that my Dad died when he was 66.
On the other hand, I don't feel, act, or look as old as dirt. Almost everyone I know who is my age is on some kind of prescription for some kind of health issue, while I am not.
En femme, I look younger than my actual age. In the guess my age poll I conducted here in January, 75% of the voters thought I looked younger than my actual age and over half (52%) thought I looked ten years younger than I really am.
Maybe the solution is to go full-time, i.e., be en femme 24/7 and thereby cut 10 years off my apparent age.
Dunno why, but for the first time in my life, adding a year is bothering me. Maybe it's because 57 is getting so very close to 60, which is a bellwether year to me, i.e., in my mind, 60 meant that you were as old as dirt. And to add to my trepidation about approaching 60, I can't forget that my Dad died when he was 66.
On the other hand, I don't feel, act, or look as old as dirt. Almost everyone I know who is my age is on some kind of prescription for some kind of health issue, while I am not.
En femme, I look younger than my actual age. In the guess my age poll I conducted here in January, 75% of the voters thought I looked younger than my actual age and over half (52%) thought I looked ten years younger than I really am.
Maybe the solution is to go full-time, i.e., be en femme 24/7 and thereby cut 10 years off my apparent age.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
love the grape
Refinery29 enumerates the top looks and trends from Paris and Milan Fashion weeks.Personally, I love the grape!
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
hard work
Being a woman is hard work.
Being a man being a woman is hard work, too... maybe even harder than a woman being a woman.
Women have a head start with regards to looking like a woman. Their prep time is nothing compared to my prep time. I guess if I was a man being a woman 24/7, my prep time would not be as bad, but it still would be worse than a real woman's prep time.
There's the hair. My prep involves removing a lot and adding not so much. And even a close shave with a new razor still finds me smearing on beard cover to camouflage my face.
There's the body. How many real women have to squeeze into a corset, girdle, and long-line bra to achieve some semblance of a female body? If I want a figure that is at all feminine, I need all that equipment and then there's the matter of hiding some equipment, too.
And there is no equipment that will reduce my Amazonian 6'2" to a Venusian 5'7". Yeah, I know if I didn't wear high heels that might help, but would it? At 6'2", I am taller than 99% of the female population, so what difference will another 3 or 4 inches make (other than make me feel less gorgeous)!
Being a man being a woman is definitely hard work, but I would not give it up for anything! As Oscar Hammerstein II once wrote, "I enjoy being a girl."
Being a man being a woman is hard work, too... maybe even harder than a woman being a woman.
Women have a head start with regards to looking like a woman. Their prep time is nothing compared to my prep time. I guess if I was a man being a woman 24/7, my prep time would not be as bad, but it still would be worse than a real woman's prep time.
There's the hair. My prep involves removing a lot and adding not so much. And even a close shave with a new razor still finds me smearing on beard cover to camouflage my face.
There's the body. How many real women have to squeeze into a corset, girdle, and long-line bra to achieve some semblance of a female body? If I want a figure that is at all feminine, I need all that equipment and then there's the matter of hiding some equipment, too.
And there is no equipment that will reduce my Amazonian 6'2" to a Venusian 5'7". Yeah, I know if I didn't wear high heels that might help, but would it? At 6'2", I am taller than 99% of the female population, so what difference will another 3 or 4 inches make (other than make me feel less gorgeous)!
Being a man being a woman is definitely hard work, but I would not give it up for anything! As Oscar Hammerstein II once wrote, "I enjoy being a girl."
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
"We Like To Be Feminine. So We Don't Wear The Pants"
From TVNewser comes this tidbit:
"The Fox & Friends crew... were immersed in a discussion about pantsuits and Sen. Hillary Clinton when it came time to throw to Ainsley Earhardt who was handling news reader duties.
"Co-anchor Brian Kilmeade asked Earhardt if she ever wore pantsuits herself, and she said she had, but, 'Here at Fox, we like to be feminine. So we don't wear the pants.' Kilmeade wanted to make sure he wasn't misunderstood, though — he is firmly against pantsuits. 'If I was to run for office, I'd run on the pro-skirt platform,' he said."
Monday, March 3, 2008
How many shoes are too many shoes?
This article addresses the question, "Can a woman have too many shoes?"
"According to a recent study by ShopSmart magazine, the average American woman owns 19 pairs of shoes, with 15% of women owning 30 or more pairs."
How do I (a male-to-female crossdresser) compare?
Last count, I own 55 pairs, so that puts me ahead of the majority of women.
"According to a recent study by ShopSmart magazine, the average American woman owns 19 pairs of shoes, with 15% of women owning 30 or more pairs."
How do I (a male-to-female crossdresser) compare?
Last count, I own 55 pairs, so that puts me ahead of the majority of women.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Friday, February 29, 2008
a night among the girls
Wednesday, I went out en femme to do outreach, dine, and attend my support group's monthly Wednesday night meeting.
I wore a my new "heather charcoal" sweater-knit dress, gray tights, black 3½” high heel platform pumps, silver jewelry, and favorite wig. I thought I looked very nice (see my photo from yesterday's blog).
My first stop was St. Joseph College in West Hartford to do outreach for a Human Sexuality class with three transsexual women (Deja, Diana, and Gina). We each gave a short biography and then took questions from the class.
It was a large class, all female with approximately 10% asking questions. The question and answer session lasted 90 minutes. I don't recall any unique questions coming my way, but during the session, I discovered a new (to me) possible reason for my desire to crossdress: hormones.
The question that led to this had something to do with what changes the transsexuals experienced after taking hormones. One transwoman mentioned that before taking hormones, viewing a movie like Love Story had no effect, but after taking hormones, she cried like a baby viewing such a film. The other two transwomen agreed that they experienced the same change.
In response, I said that I never took hormones, but all my life, I cried viewing a movie like Love Story (but not Love Story itself, which I absolutely hate).
The professor suggested that perhaps I should be tested by an endocrinologist. I assume he was inferring that maybe I had an imbalance in hormones, i.e., too many female hormones and/or not enough male hormones. If that is true then it might explain other things… like my feminine breasts and my feminine traits.
Since puberty, my breasts have resembled a female's breasts rather than a male's and are able to fully fill an A cup bra and nearly fill a B cup.
And since forever, I have had feminine mannerisms. I never affected feminine mannerisms; they are natural to me, but they must be more feminine than masculine because in my youth, my mannerisms caused me to be called "fairy," "faggot," etc. And as an adult, people who know me en homme and en femme say that I am the same person with the same mannerisms in either mode. Go figure!
After the class, a group of students approached me and mentioned that they felt sorry for me because I am so sad! (I have heard this comment before during other outreaches.)
I did not think I was sad, but I guess my bio is kind of sad in that I admitted that I'd like to go out en femme more often, but I don't in deference to my wife.
On a happier note, one student commented that my outfit was "cute." That made my day until another student stopped by to say, "You are so pretty!" She was very pretty herself and I was stunned by her compliment.
After outreach, we four went to a nearby diner (Gold Roc) to dine. I have eaten there before and they have always treated me like a lady. Wednesday night was no exception.
Like most diners, they have a huge selection that is reasonably priced and hugely portioned. I ordered a three-egg omelet and finished only half of it. Wearing a corset limits my intake; I call it my "crossdressing diet."
During dinner, Gina asked me if I was done with my electrolysis. To her surprise, I told her I never had electrolysis. (I guess my close shave and beard cover was working real well on Wednesday!)
After dinner, we four moved on to the meeting of the Connecticut Outreach Society (COS). There were about 15 in attendance to hear the owner of Glamour Boutique talk about his store and product line. It was not a formal presentation, but rather a very informal talk.
There were some new faces (to me) in attendance. Although, I did not know them, some knew me through my writings and COS newsletter editing.
By 9:30 PM, I was very tired, exited, and drove home to end my day en femme.
I wore a my new "heather charcoal" sweater-knit dress, gray tights, black 3½” high heel platform pumps, silver jewelry, and favorite wig. I thought I looked very nice (see my photo from yesterday's blog).
My first stop was St. Joseph College in West Hartford to do outreach for a Human Sexuality class with three transsexual women (Deja, Diana, and Gina). We each gave a short biography and then took questions from the class.
It was a large class, all female with approximately 10% asking questions. The question and answer session lasted 90 minutes. I don't recall any unique questions coming my way, but during the session, I discovered a new (to me) possible reason for my desire to crossdress: hormones.
The question that led to this had something to do with what changes the transsexuals experienced after taking hormones. One transwoman mentioned that before taking hormones, viewing a movie like Love Story had no effect, but after taking hormones, she cried like a baby viewing such a film. The other two transwomen agreed that they experienced the same change.
In response, I said that I never took hormones, but all my life, I cried viewing a movie like Love Story (but not Love Story itself, which I absolutely hate).
The professor suggested that perhaps I should be tested by an endocrinologist. I assume he was inferring that maybe I had an imbalance in hormones, i.e., too many female hormones and/or not enough male hormones. If that is true then it might explain other things… like my feminine breasts and my feminine traits.
Since puberty, my breasts have resembled a female's breasts rather than a male's and are able to fully fill an A cup bra and nearly fill a B cup.
And since forever, I have had feminine mannerisms. I never affected feminine mannerisms; they are natural to me, but they must be more feminine than masculine because in my youth, my mannerisms caused me to be called "fairy," "faggot," etc. And as an adult, people who know me en homme and en femme say that I am the same person with the same mannerisms in either mode. Go figure!
After the class, a group of students approached me and mentioned that they felt sorry for me because I am so sad! (I have heard this comment before during other outreaches.)
I did not think I was sad, but I guess my bio is kind of sad in that I admitted that I'd like to go out en femme more often, but I don't in deference to my wife.
On a happier note, one student commented that my outfit was "cute." That made my day until another student stopped by to say, "You are so pretty!" She was very pretty herself and I was stunned by her compliment.
After outreach, we four went to a nearby diner (Gold Roc) to dine. I have eaten there before and they have always treated me like a lady. Wednesday night was no exception.
Like most diners, they have a huge selection that is reasonably priced and hugely portioned. I ordered a three-egg omelet and finished only half of it. Wearing a corset limits my intake; I call it my "crossdressing diet."
During dinner, Gina asked me if I was done with my electrolysis. To her surprise, I told her I never had electrolysis. (I guess my close shave and beard cover was working real well on Wednesday!)
After dinner, we four moved on to the meeting of the Connecticut Outreach Society (COS). There were about 15 in attendance to hear the owner of Glamour Boutique talk about his store and product line. It was not a formal presentation, but rather a very informal talk.
There were some new faces (to me) in attendance. Although, I did not know them, some knew me through my writings and COS newsletter editing.
By 9:30 PM, I was very tired, exited, and drove home to end my day en femme.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
out en femme yesterday
This is how I looked before I went out en femme yesterday. Stay tuned for the rest of the story.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
out en femme this afternoon and evening
I will be out en femme this afternoon and evening. My outing will include outreach at Saint Joseph College in West Hartford, followed by dinner, and my support group's monthly Wednesday meeting.
Tomorrow (or later), I will have a full report for you here maybe with a photo or two.
Tomorrow (or later), I will have a full report for you here maybe with a photo or two.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Free Chubby Style Book
When I was a youngster, I wore "husky" sizes in boy mode, but I preferred to wear "chubby" sizes in girl mode.
Monday, February 25, 2008
my ephemera update
I added a new postcard to My Ephemera Web page. An eBay acquisition, the postcard is from The Beige Room in San Francisco. It is not postmarked or dated, but it looks to be circa 1960.
Academy Awards fashion review
I watched about two-thirds of the Academy Awards telecast last night. I also watched about 90 minutes of the red carpet telecasts before the actual award show telecast. I was not too impressed with the evening gowns worn by the stars. In my opinion, most of the gowns were just average, but there were a few stand-outs (Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway, Katherine Heigl) and one exceptional gown worn by Marion Cotillard. In addition to looking outstanding, she won the best actress award for her work in La Vie En Rose.
Unlike previous awards show, I saw no crossdressers last night, although Katherine Heigl's makeup looked like a novice crossdresser had applied it because she had on too much blush.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
fashionista alert
The Academy Awards are tonight. The telecast begins at 8 PM EST, but there will also be telecasts of the stars arriving on the red carpet beforehand.
I watch the show to see the gals in evening gowns. Maybe this year, a trans-woman or two will show up in gowns, too!
I watch the show to see the gals in evening gowns. Maybe this year, a trans-woman or two will show up in gowns, too!
Friday, February 22, 2008
drawing to crossdress
I drew a lot when I was a youngster, teenager, and college student. I think I used drawing as an outlet for my desire to crossdress because a lot of my drawings had crossdressing themes.
Drawing took a back seat in my life after I graduated from school and began pursuing a career.
I drew a few cartoons and pictures for my daughter when she was a youngster to entertain her, but it was nothing serious.
Last fall, my daughter encouraged me to take up drawing again and she dragged me to an art supply store where I bought some drawing supplies (pencils, pens, erasers, sketchpad, etc.). They sat on my desk unused until today.
Inspired by the artwork that J Morgetron sent me, I spent about an hour before dinner drawing the picture you see here. It is a self-portrait with a crossdressing theme.
It is not bad considering it is the first serious thing I have drawn in over 30 years. It even looks a little like me en femme!
prize arrives
A few weeks ago, I won a contest on J Morgetron's blog, Tres Bizarre.
The prize arrived today and I love it! J Morgetron did the artwork herself and it's theme is the reason I swear by my pot of orange beard cover.
J also sent along a story buk, Xingu by Edith Wharton, with a personalized inscription that I will cherish.
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