trying on a dress

"I never feel comfortable in the women's department. I feel like I'm just a little too close to trying on a dress."

So said Jerry in "The Red Dot" episode of Seinfeld.

On Seinfeld, Jerry did not play a trans character. In real life, I am not aware that Jerry is a trans person.

Larry David wrote "The Red Dot" episode and as far as I know, Larry is not a trans person either.

My point is that the "too close to trying on a dress" line came from a non-trans person. Admittedly, it was intended to be humorous, but I wonder if there is a grain of truth buried in that line.

Do non-trans men feel uncomfortable in women's department because they feel like they are a little too close to trying on a dress?

I don't know because I am trans. Whenever I am in the women's department, I always feel close to trying on a dress. In fact, I would love to try on a dress if I see one I like and I have actually done so on more than one occasion in boy mode.

But do non-trans men have thoughts about wearing dresses?

I am sure that the average guy would not admit it except in jest because he would not want to muddle up his masculine image. But, it does make me wonder how close the average guy is to joining my team.

meet the Retro Queens

Meet the Retro Queens, who epitomize the Forties glamour that is winter's must-have look (and is the look that this fashionista crossdresser must have, too!)

another mention

I just discovered that the PGA-Auctions blog mentioned my female impersonator ephemera collection back on November 8.

my interview

My interview with blogger Marty Weil appears in his blog "ephemera" today. The interview concerns my female impersonator ephemera collection, some of which you can view here.

Enjoy!

why the trans community hates the Human Rights Campaign

Monica Roberts wrote this excellent article that appears in today's San Francisco Sentinel.

downsizing

Instead of joining the throngs of people shopping the day after Thanksgiving, I am going to shop online today. I plan to make some Christmas gift purchases for my loved ones and I also plan to buy a new dress from Newport-News that is on sale (15% off) this weekend.

I fell in love with this dress as soon as I saw it in the fall catalog, but I have delayed my purchase until there was a sale. The dilemma I face is what size to order.

For a number of reasons, I am considering ordering one size lower than what I usually order. For starters, I lost a little weight; not much, maybe half a dress size (and I would like to lose more... who wouldn't?).

Another reason is that what was a size 18 yesterday is really a size 20 today. For example, I recently ordered a skirt in my "normal size," but I had to return it for a smaller size because my old normal size was too big.

So, I will order the dress today in my "new smaller size" and hope for the best.

a tight spot

Today, we went to New York City to see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. I have probably watched it on television every year since my family bought their first television or since they began telecasting the parade, whichever came last.

It is so much better seeing it in person! It is more colorful, louder, and the air is full of electricity. You see a lot more than you ever see on television and you do not have to listen to inane commentators or commercials. I had a fantastic time.

You may remember that I wrote about tights two days ago. Today I saw tights everywhere around the City. I estimate that half the woman I saw today wearing skirts or dresses were also wearing black tights with black patent high heels.

I love the look and the women wearing the look looked lovely. I think I would nice wearing that look, too.

Happy T-day

I wish all my blog readers a Happy Thanksgiving Day!

I also wish all my blog readers a Happy Trans Day! (Everyday is Trans Day when you are a member of our crowd.)

Simpsonize This:

My girl friend Patty sent me this link to Simpsonize myself. The results are to the left.

During the Simpsonization process, you can pick out the style of clothing you wear. I selected "cross-dressy" and expected to be wearing something drag queeny. Instead, I ended up wearing a man's shirt and trousers. D'oh!

tights

I like tights and tights are in. So, everything is perfect in the world!

Some people do not like tights. Some people actually hate tights. They say they don't like the way they feel, that they are itchy, unhealthy, hot, their visual impression is just not flattering, etc.

I think they look great. Don't they look great on the model to the left?

And I have never found that they were itchy, unhealthy, or hot.

That expensive dress that I bought from Victoria's Secret was shown in their catalog being worn by a model wearing tights. I plan to wear tights too when I wear that dress to my Christmas party.

fear

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

I often write about going out en femme. It is exhilarating, invigorating, validating, and the most fun I can have without taking off my clothes. However, there is always a little fear in the back of my mind whenever I go out en femme.

My fear has two components.

• If I pass as a woman, I am a target for males who target women.

• If I don't pass as a woman, I am a target for males who target men dressed as women.

These are genuine fears. The ever-growing list of dead trans sisters validates my fears.

I am big and strong and if I was ever attacked, my attacker might regret it, but that does not lessen my fears.

President Roosevelt was correct and we should not let our fears debilitate us. My fears are not going to stop me from going out en femme; it is something I have to do.

Today, we must remember the dead trans sisters and brothers whose fears became their realities, but we must also continue to move forward away from the closet and validate our existence in society.

There’s Something About “Deception”

According to Julia Serano:

Few attempts to blame the victim are more blatant than when trans people are accused of "sexual deceit" or "sexual assault" simply because other people have chosen to express their attraction toward us. In reality, it is they who are guilty of cissexual/cisgender assumption (when one presumes that every person they meet is nontrans by default). Trans people simply exist, we are everywhere, and the rest of the world has to start recognizing and accepting that.

Read Ms. Serano's excellent article here.

weekend update, part 2

After a busy day yesterday, I sat down to relax with some reading material in front of the television. I narrowed my television viewing choices to the Patriots vs. Bills football game and the American Music Awards.

I expected that the football game would not be much of a game (my Patriots should win big time), so I decided to watch the music awards program and check on the game during commercials.

Please note that I am not a big fan of the current music scene. I like some of today's music, but most of it leaves me cold. However, as a crossdressing fashionista, I watch awards shows to see how the females are dressed to kill.

Two singers impressed me.

Fergie: I loved her micro minidress (and she has the legs to wear it).

Rihanna: I liked her dress, too, but what really impressed me was her height. I looked it up and she is either 5' 8" or 5' 9" depending on whom you believe. The very high heels she wore made her look taller.

By the way, the Patriots won 56-10.

weekend update

It was a very quite weekend trans-wise. Did some house mending Saturday, holiday shopping today, and now I am too popped to Polka.

Back on topic... A few days ago, I left a comment on Jodie's blog and as a result, me in my new do showed up in the comment sidebar.

Jodie commented on my comment and added, "Also -- I love the new avatar."

Thank you! I love the new do, too, and I can't wait to wear it out again.

wear what makes you feel special

Tony Alcindor blogged about winter fashion trends on The Huffington Post. It is a good read and I recommend it.

Mr. Alcindor also had some wise words about fashion, in general:

"A good rule of thumb is to only buy if you absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. If you truly love, then you should buy it and enjoy it. If you kinda like it, then forget it -- it's just an impulse. Fight it! You'll thank me when you don't have to look at that neon green coat staring at you from your closet, laughing at you."

And with the following statement, he really hit a home run with this crossdressing fashionista:

"Wear what makes you happy, wear what makes you confident, wear what makes you feel special."

eldorado

The image is a postcard size advertisement for Eldorado, which was a Berlin nightclub well-known for its diverse clientele during the Weimar era.

The ad was up for auction on eBay and I lost out. My high bid was about one-third of the winning bid.

I wish I could have added this card to my female impersonator ephemera collection, but I was loathe to bid higher because of the card's condition; the card had damage from being folded twice. (I cleaned up the image you see using Photoshop).

"Located at the corner of Motzstraße and Kalckreuthstraße in Berlin's Schöneberg district, the Eldorado was a popular destination during the 1920s and early 1930s for lesbians, homosexual men, transvestites of both sexes and slumming tourists. The nightclub featured cabaret shows, dancing and drinking in a stylish atmosphere." You can read more about it here.

The card would have been a nice addition to my collection, but it was too pricey and too damaged for my purse.

vox en femme

During outreach Wednesday night, one of the students asked how much different are our boy and girl personalities.

I replied that I am just about the same in boy and girl mode. People who know me in both modes claim that they don't see any difference. I admit that I do femme it up in order to be more passable in girl mode, i.e., I try to carry myself in a more feminine manner, but I confessed that I don't do much with my voice because I felt silly whenever I did it.

Isn't that a contradiction! When I dress to the nines as a woman including full makeup and wig, I don’t feel silly, but speaking in a feminine voice makes me feel silly.

And believe me, my feminine voice is not a silly high-pitched, Minnie Mouse-like falsetto. I actually bought Melanie Anne Phillip's How to Develop a Female Voice videotape, practiced with it, and managed to sound like a woman. So, why does speaking in a feminine voice makes me feel silly?

I guess it has something to do with the fact that I really do not have separate boy and girl personalities. When I am in girl mode, I am the same person that I am in boy mode. I do not express my feminine side when I am en femme because I don't have a feminine side! So, when I use a feminine voice, I am doing something that is so unlike myself that it makes me feel uneasy.

On the other hand, my goal is to use a feminine voice when I am en femme. Back in May, when I went out clubbing with my Ohio friend Jade Catherine, her perfect feminine voice inspired me to use my own feminine voice. After many false starts, I think I finally found a way to kick-start my feminine voice whenever I go out.

I usually start my en femme outings by getting in my car and driving somewhere. To put me in the mood, I dial up Shania Twain's Man, I Feel Like a Woman! on my iPod and blast it through my car's audio system. And I always sing along.

My girl friend Patty said that one way to develop a feminine voice is to sing along to recorded music, especially female vocalists. When you sing, you are using the parts of your voice that woman uses when she speaks and you usually do not use the parts of your voice that a man uses when he speaks. (There are technical terms for this, but I don't want to get technical.)

Makes sense, so I went through the 8,000 songs stored on my iPod to find female vocals that would do the trick. I found a few that had potential, but they really did not work, so I kind of forgot about it.

Wednesday evening, after outreach, I was in a very good mood and I decided to reprise Man, I Feel Like a Woman! on my iPod and of course, I sang along. (By the way, I know all the words by heart because I lip-synched this song at my support group's banquet a few years ago.)

As I sang along, I realized that my feminine voice was kicking in especially during the verses when Shania is singing in a lower pitch… not so much during the chorus, when Shania is singing in a higher pitch. I played the song over again a few times and again yesterday morning, as well as this morning on my way to work, and my feminine voice kicked in each time.

So, I have my answer and found the perfect song to kick-start my feminine voice when I start out en femme. I'll let you know how it works next time I am out en femme.

Vox and the Fab Four

The word "vox" reminded me… Do you remember when the Beatles used Vox brand guitars, amplifiers and speakers when they performed live?

During that era, I remember cutting out a coupon from some magazine and sending it to Vox. In return, they sent me a Beatles poster depicting the Fab Four in concert. The poster also cataloged the Vox line of musical equipment. I remember drooling over the Vox guitars and dreaming of filling in with the Beatles or Beach Boys when George or Carl got sick.

I still have my copy of the poster somewhere.

30,000 customers served

Early this evening (Eastern Standard Time), the hit counter on this blog broke 30,000.

Thank you to all my loyal readers and to all who just stop by to take a peek!

the woman I sometimes am

Last night, I did outreach at Dr. Janell Carroll's graduate-level family therapy class at the University of Hartford. Joining me were my old friend, Barbara, a male-to-female transwoman, and a new acquaintance, Teo, a female-to-male transman.

I wore my new wig, new outfit, and new shoes. I love the retro look! Dr. Carroll complimented my look and considering the source, I was very pleased.

It was a little spooky though because when I looked in the mirror a certain way, I saw my mother! I do resemble my mother's side of the family and the new wig confirmed that fact.

Good news is that the Joy Baby Doll Pump is a very comfortable shoe. I wore them for over five hours and my feet were fine despite the three-inch heel.

There were approximately 15 students in the class. All, but one of the students were female, and most were already working as counselors, typically in schools.

We each told our "life stories." That took approximately 40 minutes leaving only 20 minutes for questions and answers.

One question gave me pause: What were my goals for the future?

Wow! I had to think about that answer.

My reply was that I wanted to continue to spread the word about transwomen like me, so that society would be more tolerant and open-minded of our tribe. I also admitted that I am a successful professional writer, that I write this blog, and that I am planning to write a book to evangelize plain, vanilla crossdressers like me.

The evening ended too quickly and before I knew it, I was home removing all signs of the woman I sometimes am.

new look

Yesterday afternoon, I wore my new wig with full makeup for the first time.