Justine

A Footnote in Trans Film History

Justine is a 1969 film. It was not a big hit. I did not see it and I don't recall if it played in any local movie theater back then.

At the end of 1969, when Playboy published their annual review of films, it mentioned that Justine contained crossdressing. I made a mental note of the film because back in 1969, crossdressing in any media was very rare.

During the ensuing 38 years, I had no occasion to see the film. During that time, I also noticed that Justine never showed up on any list of trans films, so I started to doubt Playboy's take on the movie

Yesterday, while I was waiting on dinner, I was channel surfing and came in on the middle of Justine playing on one of the cable movie channels. About ten minutes into my watch, a male appeared in full evening gown drag.

Playboy was correct after all.

more outreach

When it rains, it pours! Today, I received another request to participate in another outreach; this time at Southern Connecticut State University in December where I have done outreach before.

Naturally, I accepted and look forward to spreading the word!

tweezing

I tweeze my eyebrows for a more feminine appearance. Nothing drastic, but just enough to clean them up and make them a little thinner.

They are now at a point where I am satisfied with their appearance. So, I only tweeze for maintenance.

The last time I cleaned them up was over three weeks ago, just before my last outing en femme. In anticipation of my next outing on Tuesday, I decided to do some maintenance this morning.

I was surprised to discover that very little maintenance was required. I only had to remove four or five very thin hairs. I guess all my tweezing has finally resulted in some permanent eyebrow hair loss! Hurray!

the wife problem

TGIF

By the end of the week, I sometimes run out of things to write here, but I can usually some up with something that I think is humorous. So, in lieu of brilliant prose, I will post another image that I created during my coffee break today.

I hope you enjoy the graphic images that I create and post here. I do enjoy creating them.

like father, like daughter

House votes to leave trans-people out in the cold

I want to personally thank all our "allies" and "supporters" in the House of Representatives and the GLB community for making this possible... NOT!

The House of Representatives on Wednesday passed the Employment Non-Discrimination Act but with without protections for trans-workers after more than five hours of debate, wrangling, maneuvering and lobbying.

Read the whole article to learn who are your friends and enemies.

new outreach venue

After the dust settled yesterday, it turns out that I will be doing outreach at a graduate level family therapy class at the University of Hartford on Tuesday evening. This is a new venue for me, so I am excited about it.

Most of my previous outreaches have been with undergraduate students. Next Tuesday, the students will be future school counselors, psychologists, and therapists in private practice, so I expect that the Q & A will be a few notches higher than what I usually encounter.

It should be an interesting evening!

my ephemera update

My Ephemera web page displays my collection of female impersonator postcards and paper items.

I received the following e-mail last night indicating that one of the postcards (Sammy's Bowery Follies) was not related to female impersonators, so I removed that postcard from the web page.

Hi.

I thought I'd let you know that Sammy's Bowery Follies did not have female impersonators. It had a floorshow of aging ex-vaudevillians.

Regards,

Charlie (Sammy's Grandson)

trans-parents panel

I just turned down accepted an invitation to be on a panel of trans-parents at the University of Hartford tonight next Tuesday night! I would love to do it, but there was no way I could on such short notice.

Too bad.

new look

A new wig ("Tatum" from Revlon), a new color ("rum raisin"), on old me, and, voila! I have a brand new look. What do you think?

A caveat: This is a composite photo of my head and a model modeling the wig.

Michael Gilbert

Michael Gilbert is a college professor, who is very out about his crossdressing.

Here is an excellent article about the professor (although, I don't like the title of the article) and here are my favorite quotes from the professor that appeared in the article:

"However, while I know that I cross-dress, I have no real idea of why I cross-dress. I simply know that I do. My acceptance of this part of myself, without shame or guilt, has taken a long time."

"If you're doing something and you're not sure why, why not make it into something that’s about growth and learning?"

"An obsession [rather than a 'hobby'] would be a more appropriate description. It's not as if we can choose to give it up, the way you might decide to give up golf or collecting engravings. It's not a choice, really. Nobody wakes up one day and says, 'My life isn't complicated enough. I think I'll put on women's clothes.'"

in the same boat

Yesterday, Felicia Conti posted this on GenderEvolve:

"So you can dress as an attractive female, go alone to the mall and the straight clubs, fly under the radar... But you don’t dare to interact much because of the fear of discovery of your true identity and the peril that might follow... your experiences start to seem hollow, void, empty, lacking in substance. So the thrill is gone although you spend considerable time helping others. So is this all there is for a non-transitioned, transgendered woman? And now what?"

(Please read her entire essay here.)

I often find myself in the same boat. I dress to the nines, go out, sometimes fly under the radar, sometimes not, don't interact much, and get bored with the whole thing, then wonder, "What is the point?"

I love dressing up, but unless I do something new when I am out dressed, it sometimes seems like a waste of time.

loose threads

It is another busy weekend; so busy that I do not have time to write much here or get dressed and go out en femme.

I did try on the dress from Victoria's Secret and decided to keep it. It is a very dressy dress, so I hope I get invited to a party during the holidays (hint, hint) where I can wear it.

Last night, I watched School for Seduction from beginning to almost the end. Something is wrong with the DVD that prevented me from watching the last 30 minutes of the film, but I enjoyed the film up to that point.

On a positive note, the trans character, Tony, the accountant and drag queen wannabee, was treated very nicely in the film. The female instructor and women in the class were very supportive in his desire to improve his female presentation. (I wish there were classes like that around here!)

And although the film was intended as entertainment and not instruction, I still learned a thing or two to improve my female presentation.

My only complaint about the film is that I had a hard time understanding some of the dialog because of the thick British accents of some of the characters. Sub-titles would have come in handy.

The previous post, beard cover, has the following comment from long time reader Shoshana, "Are you just joking around or can guys really look that hot.."

Yes, it was supposed to be a joke, but yes, some guys CAN look that hot. For example, browse flickr and you can find some guys who make very nice look gals. Just off the top of my head, go to flickr and look up Cindycd, Jade Catherine, Kate Salehurst, or Robyn1967 for examples of fantastic-looking females, who are actually guys. And they are just the tip of the iceberg at flickr!

beard cover

style vs. fit

The houndstooth jacket dress I ordered from Jessica London arrived yesterday.

After dinner, I took off my menswear and put on my girly underwear. When I removed the jacket dress from its package, my first impression was that the dress looked too big.

I put the dress on and it was at least one size too big (it was a size 16W). Also, it was longer than it appeared in the catalog; in the catalog, the hem of the dress was just above the knee, whereas on me, the hem covered the knee.

I tried on the jacket and it was too big, too.

Besides the wrong fit, I did not like the way the dress looked. It was matronly; something that the elder Barbara Bush would wear.

I was disappointed and will send it back for a refund.

Next, I tried on the dress from Victoria's Secret. When it arrived two days ago, I quickly slipped it on over my boy undies to see if it fit (and it did). As I wrote yesterday, "Since the dress is so expensive, I want to see how it looks and fits with my girly underwear and then decide whether to keep it or send it back."

I slipped it on and immediately slipped it off because the dress's neckline revealed the top of my bra cups and my bra straps. I switched to a bra with cups that showed more skin and with adjustable straps that can be placed wider apart on my shoulders.

I slipped it on again and now the dress's neckline only revealed skin.

The dress fit ok, but it does not "wow" me and a dress that costs $150 should wow me. I was a little disappointed, but not enough to send it back for a refund... yet.

I thought about it last night and decided to try it on again with different combinations of underwear to see if I can achieve wow-ness.* If not, it will go back for a refund on Monday.

* Another factor that affects wow-ness is whether I am wearing a wig and makeup or not. More than once, a dress that looked just OK when I tried it on sans wig and makeup, became a wow dress when I tried it on with a wig and makeup.

Day of Remembrance

November 20 is Transgender Day of Remembrance, which memorializes people killed as a result of anti-transgender hatred or prejudice.

This memorial takes place in locations throughout the world. Locally, Hartford, is the site for this event.

In past years, I have not attended. This year, my friend Diana, who is active in the Connecticut TransAdvocacy Coalition asked me to speak at the event and represent the crossdressing branch of the trans-tribe. My take is that plain, vanilla crossdressers don't usually speaking at the Hartford version of the event, but Diana feels that we should be represented.

I was honored that she asked me and I gladly accepted.

The hard part is coming up with something to say. This year's theme is "Love Tran-scends! The Importance of Allies" and I am expected to say something related to that theme for about five minutes. I could do five hours, so I will have to work on it.

dress from Vicky's

The dress I ordered last week from Victoria's Secret arrived yesterday.

I opened the box, opened the plastic bag containing the dress, removed the dress, and held it up. My first thought was that it was too small.

I stripped down to my underwear, slipped the dress on and it fit! So far, so good.

Since the dress is so expensive, I want to see how it looks and fits with my girly underwear and then decide whether to keep it or send it back. But, I did not have time to do that last night. Maybe tonight...

Halloween

I fished around for information yesterday trying to find out if anyone would be wearing a costume to work today to celebrate Halloween. The consensus was that no one would. (And, so far, no one has shown up in costume). I did not want to be the only person in costume, so I decided not to wear one either.

I am disappointed. I would have had a good time.

On the other hand, I would have had to gotten up earlier than usual to do my makeup and get dressed. Since I am still catching up from my sleep-deprived World Series, I appreciated not getting up earlier this morning.

Addendum

I just read an excellent article titled "Coping With the Holidays" by Gianna E. Israel. I highly recommend it.

Another Addendum

Turns out that a few people did show up in costume at work today. Now, I'm sorry I didn't.

passing among the clueless

Passing is challenging.

Although I have been crossdressing since I was a young pup, I have only been going out in public on a frequent basis during the past year.

Before that, I did go out, but usually to attend support group meetings or some outing sponsored by my support group or another trans-organization. In reality, those outings were just extensions of my closet with minimal contact with the public and I did not have to worry about being read.

I had an epiphany about a year ago when I gathered up all my courage and went shopping at a local mall. One of the first things I did was go to Sephora for a makeup consultation.

During my consultation, I mentioned to the consultant that I had beard cover under my foundation and that I was wearing beard cover because I was a crossdresser. The consultant probably knew that I was a crossdresser already. She sensed my uneasiness and tried to settle me down by saying, "You only have one life to live and you should live it like you want. If someone has a problem, then it is their problem, not yours."

Those words have stuck with me ever since. Whenever I hesitate going out in public, I remember those words and they motivate me to go forward, the public be damned.

But I am still a novice going out and at a stage that when I interact with the public, I assume that I am being read (because of the closer proximity of that public). And I am waiting for them to give me a clue that they know.

Most of the time, I do not get that clue. Either the other party has no clue and I am passing or they are good at concealing the fact that they know.

I guess that instead of looking for a clue, I should just go with the flow, assume that I pass, and enjoy my time out en femme.