trans-parents panel

I just turned down accepted an invitation to be on a panel of trans-parents at the University of Hartford tonight next Tuesday night! I would love to do it, but there was no way I could on such short notice.

Too bad.

new look

A new wig ("Tatum" from Revlon), a new color ("rum raisin"), on old me, and, voila! I have a brand new look. What do you think?

A caveat: This is a composite photo of my head and a model modeling the wig.

Michael Gilbert

Michael Gilbert is a college professor, who is very out about his crossdressing.

Here is an excellent article about the professor (although, I don't like the title of the article) and here are my favorite quotes from the professor that appeared in the article:

"However, while I know that I cross-dress, I have no real idea of why I cross-dress. I simply know that I do. My acceptance of this part of myself, without shame or guilt, has taken a long time."

"If you're doing something and you're not sure why, why not make it into something that’s about growth and learning?"

"An obsession [rather than a 'hobby'] would be a more appropriate description. It's not as if we can choose to give it up, the way you might decide to give up golf or collecting engravings. It's not a choice, really. Nobody wakes up one day and says, 'My life isn't complicated enough. I think I'll put on women's clothes.'"

in the same boat

Yesterday, Felicia Conti posted this on GenderEvolve:

"So you can dress as an attractive female, go alone to the mall and the straight clubs, fly under the radar... But you don’t dare to interact much because of the fear of discovery of your true identity and the peril that might follow... your experiences start to seem hollow, void, empty, lacking in substance. So the thrill is gone although you spend considerable time helping others. So is this all there is for a non-transitioned, transgendered woman? And now what?"

(Please read her entire essay here.)

I often find myself in the same boat. I dress to the nines, go out, sometimes fly under the radar, sometimes not, don't interact much, and get bored with the whole thing, then wonder, "What is the point?"

I love dressing up, but unless I do something new when I am out dressed, it sometimes seems like a waste of time.

loose threads

It is another busy weekend; so busy that I do not have time to write much here or get dressed and go out en femme.

I did try on the dress from Victoria's Secret and decided to keep it. It is a very dressy dress, so I hope I get invited to a party during the holidays (hint, hint) where I can wear it.

Last night, I watched School for Seduction from beginning to almost the end. Something is wrong with the DVD that prevented me from watching the last 30 minutes of the film, but I enjoyed the film up to that point.

On a positive note, the trans character, Tony, the accountant and drag queen wannabee, was treated very nicely in the film. The female instructor and women in the class were very supportive in his desire to improve his female presentation. (I wish there were classes like that around here!)

And although the film was intended as entertainment and not instruction, I still learned a thing or two to improve my female presentation.

My only complaint about the film is that I had a hard time understanding some of the dialog because of the thick British accents of some of the characters. Sub-titles would have come in handy.

The previous post, beard cover, has the following comment from long time reader Shoshana, "Are you just joking around or can guys really look that hot.."

Yes, it was supposed to be a joke, but yes, some guys CAN look that hot. For example, browse flickr and you can find some guys who make very nice look gals. Just off the top of my head, go to flickr and look up Cindycd, Jade Catherine, Kate Salehurst, or Robyn1967 for examples of fantastic-looking females, who are actually guys. And they are just the tip of the iceberg at flickr!

beard cover

style vs. fit

The houndstooth jacket dress I ordered from Jessica London arrived yesterday.

After dinner, I took off my menswear and put on my girly underwear. When I removed the jacket dress from its package, my first impression was that the dress looked too big.

I put the dress on and it was at least one size too big (it was a size 16W). Also, it was longer than it appeared in the catalog; in the catalog, the hem of the dress was just above the knee, whereas on me, the hem covered the knee.

I tried on the jacket and it was too big, too.

Besides the wrong fit, I did not like the way the dress looked. It was matronly; something that the elder Barbara Bush would wear.

I was disappointed and will send it back for a refund.

Next, I tried on the dress from Victoria's Secret. When it arrived two days ago, I quickly slipped it on over my boy undies to see if it fit (and it did). As I wrote yesterday, "Since the dress is so expensive, I want to see how it looks and fits with my girly underwear and then decide whether to keep it or send it back."

I slipped it on and immediately slipped it off because the dress's neckline revealed the top of my bra cups and my bra straps. I switched to a bra with cups that showed more skin and with adjustable straps that can be placed wider apart on my shoulders.

I slipped it on again and now the dress's neckline only revealed skin.

The dress fit ok, but it does not "wow" me and a dress that costs $150 should wow me. I was a little disappointed, but not enough to send it back for a refund... yet.

I thought about it last night and decided to try it on again with different combinations of underwear to see if I can achieve wow-ness.* If not, it will go back for a refund on Monday.

* Another factor that affects wow-ness is whether I am wearing a wig and makeup or not. More than once, a dress that looked just OK when I tried it on sans wig and makeup, became a wow dress when I tried it on with a wig and makeup.

Day of Remembrance

November 20 is Transgender Day of Remembrance, which memorializes people killed as a result of anti-transgender hatred or prejudice.

This memorial takes place in locations throughout the world. Locally, Hartford, is the site for this event.

In past years, I have not attended. This year, my friend Diana, who is active in the Connecticut TransAdvocacy Coalition asked me to speak at the event and represent the crossdressing branch of the trans-tribe. My take is that plain, vanilla crossdressers don't usually speaking at the Hartford version of the event, but Diana feels that we should be represented.

I was honored that she asked me and I gladly accepted.

The hard part is coming up with something to say. This year's theme is "Love Tran-scends! The Importance of Allies" and I am expected to say something related to that theme for about five minutes. I could do five hours, so I will have to work on it.

dress from Vicky's

The dress I ordered last week from Victoria's Secret arrived yesterday.

I opened the box, opened the plastic bag containing the dress, removed the dress, and held it up. My first thought was that it was too small.

I stripped down to my underwear, slipped the dress on and it fit! So far, so good.

Since the dress is so expensive, I want to see how it looks and fits with my girly underwear and then decide whether to keep it or send it back. But, I did not have time to do that last night. Maybe tonight...

Halloween

I fished around for information yesterday trying to find out if anyone would be wearing a costume to work today to celebrate Halloween. The consensus was that no one would. (And, so far, no one has shown up in costume). I did not want to be the only person in costume, so I decided not to wear one either.

I am disappointed. I would have had a good time.

On the other hand, I would have had to gotten up earlier than usual to do my makeup and get dressed. Since I am still catching up from my sleep-deprived World Series, I appreciated not getting up earlier this morning.

Addendum

I just read an excellent article titled "Coping With the Holidays" by Gianna E. Israel. I highly recommend it.

Another Addendum

Turns out that a few people did show up in costume at work today. Now, I'm sorry I didn't.

passing among the clueless

Passing is challenging.

Although I have been crossdressing since I was a young pup, I have only been going out in public on a frequent basis during the past year.

Before that, I did go out, but usually to attend support group meetings or some outing sponsored by my support group or another trans-organization. In reality, those outings were just extensions of my closet with minimal contact with the public and I did not have to worry about being read.

I had an epiphany about a year ago when I gathered up all my courage and went shopping at a local mall. One of the first things I did was go to Sephora for a makeup consultation.

During my consultation, I mentioned to the consultant that I had beard cover under my foundation and that I was wearing beard cover because I was a crossdresser. The consultant probably knew that I was a crossdresser already. She sensed my uneasiness and tried to settle me down by saying, "You only have one life to live and you should live it like you want. If someone has a problem, then it is their problem, not yours."

Those words have stuck with me ever since. Whenever I hesitate going out in public, I remember those words and they motivate me to go forward, the public be damned.

But I am still a novice going out and at a stage that when I interact with the public, I assume that I am being read (because of the closer proximity of that public). And I am waiting for them to give me a clue that they know.

Most of the time, I do not get that clue. Either the other party has no clue and I am passing or they are good at concealing the fact that they know.

I guess that instead of looking for a clue, I should just go with the flow, assume that I pass, and enjoy my time out en femme.

red

In honor of the World Champion Boston Red Sox, this week's "Femulate This" ladies will be wearing red.

GenderSAFE survey for college students

Brittney Hoffman, the GenderYOUTH coordinator at GenderPAC, is trying to get 1,000 people to fill out the GenderSAFE survey before December 1. The survey maps where colleges and universities stand on gender identity and expression issues.

If you are a college student, I urge you to complete the survey, which you can access here.

"all men want to dress up as a woman once in their lives"

"All men want to dress up as a woman once in their lives," is a remark attributed to Michael Ball, an actor playing the part of Edna Turnblad in the British production of Hairspray.

I dunno.

Speaking for myself, long ago when I was a youngster, I knew I wanted to dress up as a woman once in my life. And after I did it once, I was hooked and wanted to do it again and again and again!

But, I dunno if all men have the desire to crossdress once in their lives. In all my life, I cannot recall a single male acquaintance ever saying to me that he had a desire to don a wig, dress, makeup, and heels. On the other hand, that is not a topic males would discuss amongst themselves.

Maybe most average guys do have such thoughts and wonder how it would be to play for the other team, but being average guys, they keep such thoughts to themselves, so, who knows?

school for seduction

Last weekend while channel surfing, I came upon a British film titled School for Seduction.

I missed most of the film and normally I would have kept channel surfing except that the scene I came in on was very intriguing: a beautiful female instructor was teaching a classroom of women how to walk in a seductive manner. That caught my interest, so I stayed tuned while searching the Internet for a plot synopsis.

I found this on Blockbuster: "When an enchanting Italian temptress opens a School for Seduction in a small-town, four friends find their stagnant sex-lives taking on a whole new life in a passionate tale of love and lust."

My trans-radar is always on the alert and I quickly noticed that one of the women in the class was much taller than all the other women. A close-up of the tall woman revealed that she was wearing a wig that needed some work. I assumed she was male and further searching on the Internet confirmed my suspicions.

It was late and I started dozing off, so I went to bed. However, before I turned in, I added the film to my Blockbuster queue and the DVD should be arriving in my mailbox real soon now.

After the Red Sox game ended this morning at 12:58 AM, I was wired from watching the game, so I started channel surfing again and found School for Seduction again. Again, I came in on the middle of the film, but in an earlier scene than I came in on last week. And I learn that the crossdresser is a female impersonator honing his skills by attending the class.

A scene or two later, a group of students go to a nightclub to see the impersonator perform. He sings a torch song and the students gush over his performance with comments indicating how much the class has helped him.

I started dozing off, so I went to bed.

I look forward to watching the film from start to finish when it arrives in the mail.

Halloween plans

I am still up in the air about wearing a costume to work on Halloween.

Yesterday at work, I overheard some talk about costumes, but I was not sure they were talking about costumes to wear to work or costumes to wear other than work.

If I don't hear something more definitive on Monday, I will ask our receptionist if she is going to wear a costume, then pump her for any information she has regarding costume plans at work. Being the company receptionist, if anyone knows, she will know.

At least I have decided what I will wear if I do wear a costume. I plan to wear prostitute drag, that is, my shortest skirt, highest boots, fishnet hose, leopard top, boa, heavy makeup, big hair, etc.

I'll let you know if I go through with it as soon as I know! And there will be photos; you can count on it.

bad day en femme

the tooth of the hound

I love houndstooth, so naturally, I fell in love with this houndstooth jacket dress from Jessica London.

Jessica London sells "fashions for sizes 14W to 34W" and as a result, some of their fashions can look matronly. I don't want to dress matronly, so I am careful what I buy from Ms. London.

Before I ordered the dress, I asked my girlfriend Patty what she thought about it and it turns out that she also loves houndstooth and thinks that the dress would look great on me. That convinced me and I ordered the dress yesterday.

Patty also suggested that I accessorize with knee-high boots or red patent leather pumps and a matching red patent leather bag. I have knee-high boots, red pumps and a matching red bag, but they are not patent leather. But I think they will do.

blog review

I read all this blog's postings today (from February 6 to today). I corrected spelling, grammar, and format errors.

Also, I discovered questions embedded in the Comments that I failed to answer for one reason or another. I promise to answer all the questions I missed as soon as possible.

The Importance of Halloween

After reading this blog post, I am encouraged and may go to work in costume on Wednesday even if the company is not celebrating Halloween.