tonight

Tonight, I will be modeling in the Busted! trans fashion show.

I am so not ready!

I practiced the walk and I think I have that down pat.

I lost weight, so now I am anorexic thin like your typical catwalk model. Not quite, but I did drop some weight and am thinner than I have been in over a year.

But I have a slight case of stage fright.

The show received publicity in Hartford Courant, so there is likely to be a good turnout of strangers!

In the past, I have lipsynched en femme at my support group's annual banquet, but that was in front of a crowd composed mostly of forgiving friends and acquaintances. Tonight, the crowd will mostly be strangers, the general public. In other words, this will be my first public performance.

I am scaring myself just writing this! So, I will stop now, get through a half-day of work, then go home to get ready for the show.

Wish me luck!

banner

At the bottom of this page is a banner that I put together yesterday. The banner reads, "Go out often en femme... then so will other men."

The point of the banner is to encourage more crossdressers to go out en femme and to go out often and, as a result, crossdressing will become more common, more accepted, and other crossdressers will drop their inhibitions and go out en femme, too.

The thing is, I am not satisfied with the wording. I played with a lot of words and phrases trying to come up with something catchy. I came up with something, but I am not too sure it is catchy.

If you have any comments or suggestions about the banner, please leave a comment below or e-mail me.

are we there yet?

Almost 50 years ago, the following statement appeared in Exotique, Number 34, "Public acceptance of men in female dress may not be in the distant future and may be closer than we imagine."

Are we there yet?

Not completely, but it's getting better all the time.

Over 25 years ago, I encountered my first crossdresser out in public near my home in a western Connecticut suburb. A crossdresser was exiting a grocery store as I was entering.

Some of the customers and workers in the store were all aflutter over the appearance of the crossdresser. Some were amused and some were bemused. I remember one cashier commenting on the crossdresser's big feet in too small a shoe.

Twenty-five years later, I don't believe that a crossdresser appearing in public would have the same effect. A few people might be amused or bemused, but the majority of people would likely just accept the crossdresser's appearance and go on with their day.

In the last 25 years, the media has made crossdressing more familiar to the general public. Sure, the general public thinks that we all are crossdressers like the girls that appear on Jerry Springer, but at least they are familiar with our tribe and are less likely to overreact when they see us.

Also, the younger generations are more accepting of diversity than the older generations. I walk the campuses of colleges when I do outreach and seldom does anyone bat an eye and the students I encounter in the classes where I do outreach are usually sympathetic and very supportive.

So, the more we get out there, the more the general public will get accustomed to seeing us out there. So, get out there!

shopping en femme

Next to dining out en femme, my next favorite thing to do is to shop en femme.

Shopping en femme is actually more "exciting" then dining en femme.

When you dine en femme, once you are seated in the restaurant, you blend into the background and are ignored by the other diners most of the time.

When you shop en femme, you are much more visible than when you are seated in a restaurant. You are visible most of the time you are in a store. If you are tall, you are even more visible while you browse in a store. You can't sit down like you can in a restaurant to disguise your height. You are out there for all to see.

If you are shopping in a mall, you are also visible as you move from store to store... even more so than when you are in a store. In a store, only the other shoppers and workers in the store can see you and they may not care or notice because they are concentrating on shopping and working. Whereas in the byways of a mall, you encounter shoppers and non-shoppers like senior citizens and teenagers killing time by people-watching.

Personally, I have found that female senior citizens are more troublesome than teenagers. On more than one occasion, I have encountered female senior citizens that were just plain rude when they figured out I was a male en femme. On the other hand, the teenagers were cooler than their senior counterparts. That is my experience; your mileage may vary.

Below is a list of stores where I have recently shopped en femme without any issues, i.e., the store staff treated me like any other customer and did not seem to mind that I was en femme.

In some cases, the staff made a special effort to treat me nicely. Asterisks (***) follow those stores that made an extra effort.

Connecticut

Ann Taylor Loft, 500 Westfarms Mall, Farmington
Fashion Bug, Queens Plaza, 861 Queen St., Southington
JCPenney, Westfield Shoppingtown, 470 Lewis Ave, Meriden ***
L'Oreal Paris, 500 Westfarms Mall, Farmington ***
M·A·C, 500 Westfarms Mall, Farmington
M·A·C (Macy's), Westfield Shoppingtown, 470 Lewis Av., Meriden
Macy's, 500 Westfarms Mall, Farmington
Nordstrom, 500 Westfarms Mall, Farmington
Payless Shoesource, Queens Plaza, 837 Queen St., Southington
Sephora, 500 Westfarms Mall, Farmington ***
Talbots, 500 Westfarms Mall, Farmington ***
Tonkin's Wigs, 481 Wolcott St., Waterbury ***
Torrid, Westfield Shoppingtown, 470 Lewis Ave, Meriden ***

my ISP ate my e-mail

My ISP ate my e-mail last night and I did not receive any e-mail when I first checked this morning.

The problem seems to have gone away and I am starting to receive e-mail again, but I fear that I lost some overnight. So, if you sent anything to me between 10 PM last night and 10 AM this morning, please resend it because I did not receive it.

videos

There are lots of femulation-related videos on YouTube. Some of it is junk, i.e., poorly photographed, poorly lighted, poorly thought out, but there are some very good videos, too.

IMHO, here is one of the best: The Transformation

nervous and excited

Five days until the fashion show and now the excitement and nervousness is building! I am excited because this is something new for me that I always wanted to do, but I am also getting a little stage fright.

I lost 8 pounds in preparation for the show and I will probably lose a few more before Friday. As a result, my face lost its puffiness and the outfits I will be modeling look better on my slightly slimmer bod.

I began the process of hair removal today. Both outfits I will be modeling have revealing necklines, so I shaved my boobs and underarms today. I will revisit them on Friday and also use Nair on my arms and legs to free them of hair.

I hope it is cooler on Friday than it has been the last few days. The forecast calls for highs in the high 70s and lows in the mid 60s, which is an improvement. I hope the forecast turns out to be accurate.

free to be whatever you want to be

Rapper/actor Mos Def was a guest panelist on Real Time With Bill Maher on HBO last night. During a discussion about freedom in the USA, Mos remarked that in the United States that you are free to be whatever you want to be; "I could be a girl if I want," he said.

Yes, indeed!

one week until the big show

In one week, I will be modeling in my first fashion show. Fashionista that I am, I am looking forward to the event.

I am off this afternoon and plan to accessorize the two outfits I will be modeling and make sure that everything is just so.

I will be bringing my camera to the event and hope to convince someone to take a million shots of me strutting down the catwalk. So, I hope I will have some photos to share with you here.

And I hope that some of you will be able to attend to cheer me on and support a worthy cause.

dining out en femme

Dining at a restaurant en femme is an enjoyable way to crossdress in public. Besides attending support group meetings, dining was how I went out en femme for the first time and I recommend it as a relatively easy way for the newbie to go out en femme.

In all my years dining out en femme, rarely have I had issues with the restaurant staff and only occasionally have I noticed other diners acting in an untoward manner.

Below is a list of restaurants where I have recently dined en femme without any issues, i.e., the restaurant staff treated me like any other customer and did not seem to mind that I was en femme.

In some cases, the restaurant staff made a special effort to treat me like a lady, i.e., they addressed me as "Miss" or "Ma'am." Asterisks (***) follow those restaurants that made an extra effort.

Connecticut

Bertucci's Brick Oven Ristorante, 330 N. Main St., West Hartford
City Steam Brewery Café, 942 Main St., Hartford
Coyote Flaco, 635 New Britain Ave, Hartford ***
Delaney's Grille & Taproom, 864 Whalley Ave, New Haven ***
Elbow Room, 986 Farmington Ave, West Hartford
Gold Roc Diner, 61 Kane St, West Hartford
Pond House Café, 1555 Asylum Ave., West Hartford
Ruby Tuesday, 500 Westfarms Mall Farmington
Simsbury 1820 House, 731 Hopmeadow St, Simsbury
Tuscany Grill, 100 College St, Middletown
Vito's by the Park, 26 Trumbull St., Hartford

Massachusetts

Legal Seafoods, 1400 Worcester St, Natick

Ohio

Uno Chicago Grill, 126 North Main St, Dayton ***

conferencing

Over the years, I have attended four trans conferences: First Event three times and the IFGE Convention one time; so I am no expert, but these are the reasons why I have attended and continue to attend:

• When I was going out en femme only to attend my support group's meetings, the conferences provided me with an opportunity to go out en femme a little further. Having the run of the hotel hosting the conference was liberating; so liberating that I even dared to go out beyond the hotel to shop and dine. Doing so, I discovered that I passed most of the time/I was not read most of the time.

• Being a fashionista, I attend any seminars dealing with makeup, fashion, deportment, speech, i.e., anything that will help improve my passing abilities. I had a Jim Bridges' makeover at my first conference and although the results were over the top, I learned more about makeup application in that 60 minutes than I had in all my years up to that time. After that one makeover, my makeup skills improved by a quantum leap.

• I attend other seminars that promise to be interesting. Some turn out to be duds and some are better than promised. You never know.

• There is usually one dinner per event that allows me to wear something glamorous (an evening gown or cocktail dress) and I love to dress glamorously.

• Hobnobbing with other trans people is a big attraction for me. Making new acquaintances and renewing old acquaintances is always fun and very interesting. Interestingly, I find myself being a lot more outgoing than I usually am in boy mode. This is not always a good thing.

Last time I attended First Event, I arrived late Friday afternoon and wanted to register as soon as I arrived because I thought the registration desk was going to close soon. So I headed straight to the floor where the conference was occurring. I was still dressed in boy mode, while my mind was already in girl mode. A transwoman got on the elevator with me and without thinking, I blurted out, "Are you having a good time?" As soon as I spoke, I realized that I might have freaked her out and sure enough, she seemed uneasy. I felt so bad and I immediately explained to her that I was a crossdresser, too. She still seemed uneasy and I never saw her again!

The morale of that story is that I have to cool it until I put a dress on!

don't count your chickens before they're hatched

Despite what I wrote here last week, I am not going to Fantasia Fair.

Fantasia Fair is expensive. Registration costs $550. Add another $700 (more or less) for a room for seven nights. That adds up to $1250 just for room, board (registration includes some meals), and admission to the event.

I am the sole support of a child in college and a spouse who can not work, so $1250 is too expensive for me. Forget about it!

Word arrived here in the early summer that the folks running Fantasia Fair were offering scholarships for those with financial need. Scholarships would pay for room, board, and admission. I felt I had a financial need, so I applied for a scholarship.

Time passed when the scholarship winners were to be notified. I heard nothing and assumed I had not won. It was a little letdown, but I went on with my life.

Last Monday, I received an e-mail informing me unofficially that I had been selected to receive a scholarship. It was not a full scholarship, but a "working" scholarship, i.e., I would have to spend some time working during the event.

That seemed fair and I was elated with the news. I waited to receive official notification which was supposed to arrive in a few days.

Last Thursday, I received official notification. Yes, I had won a working scholarship. But, instead of free room, board, and admission, the scholarship consisted of a $300 deduction off the registration fee and required that I work at the event. I was on my own regarding a room.

So, instead of $1250 out of pocketbook, it would cost me $950 out of pocketbook and I had to work the event. The official notification was a big letdown.

I mulled it over.

I have no idea what the work will entail. I asked, but so far, I have no answer. I surely do not want to spend the whole week working and have to pay $950 out of pocketbook!

I figured that if I had a roommate, I could cut my room cost in half and it would be $600 out of pocketbook, but that is still a far cry from $0 out of pocketbook.

Thanks for the scholarship, but no thanks. I scratched Fantasia Fair off my calendar.

blondes have more votes

My hair color poll is over. Fifty people voted on which hair color suits me best and here are the results:

platinum blonde: 1 vote (2%)

blonde: 19 votes (38%)

strawberry blonde: 3 votes (6%)

red: 10 votes (20%)

brunette: 17 votes (34%)

I am not surprised by blonde's strong showing, but I am surprised by the strong second-place showing of brunette.

haven't a thing to wear

Diana L e-mailed me that two girls dropped out of the fashion show, so can I model another outfit?

I said, "Sure."

Now, I just have to decide what to wear! Maybe, I will have to buy something new.

ladies or gents?

Mr. Orskey will act as a girl

You never know what you will find up for auction on eBay.

Today, I discovered this vintage business card from The Beauty Parlor, Ladies' & Gents' Hairdressers, in the U.K. run by J. Orskey. Penciled in on the card is the following notation: "Mr. Orskey will act as a girl."

discovery

While surfing the net, I discovered an interesting and pertinent essay titled Discovery on Chrysalis, a web site "for transgender children, teens and their families."

To the crossdresser the words "discover" or "discovery" can have so many meanings, as well as tons of ramifications. For instance, it's a discovery when a CD first learns that he enjoys wearing women's clothes and carrying himself in a feminine way. And I know from experience, it's an even bigger discovery when he eventually realizes that this facet of his life earns him a lifetime membership in a club whose members are commonly called crossdressers. Once that discovery has been made, you can be sure he'll spend the next few years, or even the rest of his life, discovering just what his membership in this club means to him.

To read the rest of the essay, click here.

fantastic news

I'm going to Fantasia Fair!

FanFair is an annual week-long mid-October event in Provincetown, Cape Cod, Massachusetts, where transfolk have the run of the town presenting themselves in their gender of choice 24/7.

I have many friends and acquaintances who have attended FanFair in the past and they have nothing but great things to say about their experience. They have urged me to go, but until now, I have been unable to do so.

Presenting as a woman 24/7 for a week will be a new experience. I have done three-day events in the past, but not a week-long event, so this will be more of a real life test for me!

Anyway, I am thrilled that I will be able to go this year. And I wonder how the experience will effect me.

hair color poll

Please vote in my new poll... which hair color suits me best?

torrid time

I went back to Torrid yesterday (in boy mode) to return the cropped jacket I bought two weeks ago (it was too big).

The manager greeted me and with a Torrid shopping bag in hand, she figured I was returning an item. She asked, "Was it too big for her?"

Without hesitation, I replied that it was too big for me.

She was very friendly. She said that I didn't look like a size 3 (thank-you!), which was the size I was returning and she assisted me in finding another cropped jacket in my size, i.e., size 2.

I asked her about the odd sizes and she explained that Torrid's sizes 0, 1, 2, 3, etc. were the equivalent of misses sizes 14, 16, 18, 20, etc, but that the store prefers to use the single digit sizes.

It was an equal exchange and I was quickly on my way to run other shopping errands.

I got home and tried on the new jacket with the rest of the outfit I planned to model in the fashion show and it looked perfect!