femman, femmen

Helen Boyd posted this on her message board under the topic new names for MTF CDs:

i asked betty to look at the male lesbians thread, & she said, "isn't it about time crossdressers came up with their own names for themselves?"

& i think she's right.

she said maybe male femme.
i suggested boyfem.

surely we can come up with others that are a little less problematic.

I suggested femman and femmen (femmen being the plural of femman).

I kind of like my suggestion. Since I don't have a flagpole to raise femman/femmen to see if anyone salutes, I will use it here in my blog.

why I am sad

After outreach on Monday, I read the student's reactions to our presentation. Commenting on the student's reactions, I wrote here yesterday, "A number of people commented that they felt sad for me because of my lack of support at home regarding my transgenderism. A couple even wrote that I was sad…"

Soshanna commented, "Why are you sad, whenever I dress up, I am always very happy..."

Despite all my blog postings that usually talk about the upsides of going out en femme, going out en femme has its downsides.

My wife is not supportive. When she initially learned about my transness over 20 years ago, she was very supportive. She encouraged me to seek out a support group; she gave me female clothing and accessories for various occasions (Christmas, birthdays, etc.); she critiqued my makeup and wardrobe to improve my female presentation; she did not disapprove in the least.

Over the years, her support diminished and she barely tolerates my transness today. I don't know why she changed. When I broach the subject, she does not explain her change in attitude; she simply says that she does not want to see her husband dressed as a woman. She is ill and I don't want to upset her, so I do not crossdress as often as I would like to crossdress… not even close.

When I do outreach, marital issues always come up and I discuss those issues honestly. I guess that brings me down, thus my apparent sadness, and some of the students sympathize with my situation.

So, now you know.

yesterday's outreach

I joined Carol, Diana, Gina, and MaryAnn to do outreach for a human sexuality class at Southern Connecticut State University.

The weather was hot, but not too humid, so I did not wilt.

The class was typical of the human sexuality classes I have encountered at Southern: approximately a 5:1 ratio of women to men in the class with the women making most of the comments and asking most of the questions. As I remember, there were five men in the class yesterday and only one volunteered a question or comment.

Interestingly, his comment was his take on the difference between MaryAnn and I. He sensed that MaryAnn, who dresses quite often (daily), considers crossdressing mundane, just another thing that a person does on a daily basis like brushing their teeth, whereas, he sensed that I consider crossdressing fun.

Well, I admit that I believe that crossdressing is fun! It is the most fun that I have without laughing.

After outreach, the professor and our group (sans Gina) went to a local restaurant for lunch. We had a great lunch and spent two hours discussing a variety of subjects.

I asked the professor if I could look at the comment sheets that the students turn in after each class and she was happy to comply. A number of people commented that they felt sad for me because of my lack of support at home regarding my transgenderism. A couple even wrote that I was sad and one wrote that I was timid and unsure of myself. On the other hand, one commented that I seemed very comfortable. So, go figure.

I admit that I am always a little nervous at the beginning of each outreach and maybe the students are reflecting on that. As far as being sad, I guess I am, but I didn't think that it showed. I don't want to be sad, but what can I do to change it?

Anyway, I am now in permanent boy mode until September when summer cools down and I won't wilt under a wig, makeup, and feminine clothing.

on the news

I received an e-mail from Patty yesterday and she said that she saw me on the news Thursday night at Real Art Ways!

It seems that one of the local television stations had a crew at the Creative Cocktail Hour because there was controversy regarding a new art exhibit that was on display. An artist used blood from a slaughterhouse as his medium and there were animal rights activists at the cocktail hour protesting the exhibit.

During the broadcast of that newsstory, they showed people in the gallery viewing the exhibit and that is where Patty saw me.

I checked the television station's web site and found an online video of that newsstory and sure enough, there I am on camera in profile for about three seconds. I have to give Patty a lot of credit for spotting me in that short clip.

Above is a screen capture of that video with me standing second from the right.

out again, to be determined

Tomorrow, I will be going out en femme again: outreach at a human sexuality class at a local university with Diana and other transfolk, to be determined.

The class ends at 12:15 PM, so there will be time to spend en femme doing other things, to be determined.

real out ways

Left work, got home, got dressed, and was out the door by 4:45 PM to meet D for dinner at 5:30 PM.

I had a last minute wardrobe change. I planned to wear a long brown-toned flutter dress with a pair of brown sandals with 3-inch spike heels (a real sexy shoe). I even painted my toenails the night before and dug out my toeless pantyhose to wear with the outfit. Two problems: the dress was low cut in the back and back hair was showing that I just could not reach with my razor and the dress was tight. I have put a few pounds since I bought that dress and those few pounds made the difference from a dress fitting live a glove to a dress that is too tight. At least I am now motivated to lose those few pounds I put on and I even shunned the Friday donut/bagel continental breakfast at work.

So, I wore the dress I wore during my Dayton, Ohio outing last month. For shoes, I wore my 3-inch chunky heel black patent leather MaryJanes with white piping. I was also wearing my new wig for the first time.

Traffic was light for the rush hour and I arrived at the restaurant at in plenty of time. Diana is a regular at this restaurant and I have eaten here once before. The staff (all family it seems) is very friendly and addressed us appropriately, ("ladies" and "Miss"), which made the experience even more pleasant. We ordered our meals, chit-chatted, ate the Mexican cuisine, and we were back on the road around 6:30 PM. On the way out of the restaurant, another female patron checked out my outfit and smiled. I smiled back.

It was a short ride to Real Art Ways (RAW). I followed Diana in my car and I am glad she knew the way because we rode through parts of Hartford I have never seen before (and don't want to see again!)

RAW was hopping! It was the biggest crowd I have ever seen there. Among the crowd were about a dozen transwomen including two that were new to me: Emma (it was her first time at the RAW cocktail party) and Megan, who I have "talked" to online, but have never met in person. Actually, I did not have an opportunity to meet her last night; Diana pointed her out to me from afar.

It was the first day of summer and there were lots of beautiful women wearing their summer dresses. I believe it was the dressiest non-trans event I have attended since the last wedding I attended. Some of the women were drop dead gorgeous.

I sat awhile hoping to engage someone in conversation, but although a lot of people (mostly female) looked and smiled, no one sat down to talk.

It started getting stuffy inside, so I decided to go outside (the crowd inside and outside were about equal in size). There I met Roberta and Michelle and we chit-chatted a bit. There were two 40-something fellows standing next to me and one said to me, "I hope our smoking isn't bothering you."

I hadn't noticed the smoke and pleasantly told him so in the most feminine voice I could muster.

He then said, "I think your dress is beautiful, but the shoes just make your outfit!"

I was a bit embarrassed and thanked him politely for the compliment. Then, I started to notice the smoke, so I moved on.

By the way, I received a number of compliments on my outfit and new wig… all the others from transwoman or real women. I was puzzled. Was this fellow straight and trying to engage me in conversation? Or was he gay, read me as a transwoman, and just being complimentary? Or was he a tranny-chaser?

I blew my opportunity to find out and should have conversed a bit to sate my curiosity. I guess I am a little frightened about conversing with men while I am en femme. I love conversing with women, but I only managed to talk with one last night (Lonnie), who I had met the last time I attended the cocktail party (she thought my new wig was "chic.")

I ran into Audrey and Jude talking with the guy who flies the hot air balloons that Jude chases. I asked Audrey to take my photo. She insisted that we go inside to take my photo next to the artwork on display. Bad idea! The overhead spot lighting designed to highlight the artwork is not good for individuals posing for photos in front of the artwork. The result is above; click on it to see it larger.

I was tired and bored and left the party at 9:30 PM.

I had a good time (anytime time out en femme is a good time), but I got bored talking to transwoman about trans stuff. Next time, I will try to be more outgoing and try to strike up conversation with the non-transfolk.

going out

I will be going out en femme this evening: dinner with Diana and the monthly cocktail party at Real Art Ways.

I am so looking forward to it!

new trans books

There are two main types of transgender books, Julia Serano says in the introduction to Whipping Girl. One is the memoir of transition, ending in surgery, and the other is the radical gender-trashing manifesto, in the style of Kate Bornstein.

But that may be changing. The past year has seen more mold-breaking work by trans authors than ever before, from the anthology Self-Organizing Men, edited by Jay Sennett, and Max Wolf Valerio's The Testosterone Files to Alicia E.G oranson's Supervillainz.

Now Serano is making a bid for another subgenre with Whipping Girl: the sharp-tongued blend of personal essay and political analysis. And April saw the publication of Aaron Raz Link's What Becomes You, the mutant offspring of the transgender autobiography, featuring strange observations, loopy introspection, and the occasional venture into manifesto — plus a tender 80-page coda by the author's mother.

Read the rest of the article here.

Does he... or doesn't he?

ABC's of gender

Study finds even toddlers know gender expectations

By Heather May, The Salt Lake Tribune

If moms suddenly started shaving their faces and wearing neckties and dads painted their nails and applied lipstick, would their 2-year-olds notice?

It turns out they would. At 24 months of age, children seem to recognize gender stereotypes - and when they are broken, according to research from Brigham Young University

Read the rest of the story here.

father's day

Father's Day is not my favorite holiday.

My Dad has been dead a long time, so I will honor him by thinking about the good times we had with him during his short life here on Planet Earth.

And as a father myself, I'd prefer to dress like a mother.

Such is the paradoxical life of a transwoman on Father's Day.

girdle reflections

When I was a young, most women wore girdles. Even slim women wore girdles because the fashions of the day required that girdles be worn. As a result, I wore a girdle whenever I switched genders because I assumed a girdle was an integral part of a female's wardrobe.

Today, fewer women wear girdles then they did when I was young. Changes in tastes and fashions, as well as the women's liberation movement are responsible for the girdle's fall from favor.

I still favor a girdle (and a long line bra). I wear them not for fashion nostalgia, but because they help me achieve the semblance of a girlish figure. I have natural padding and when I wear a girdle and long line bra, they redistribute my natural padding subtracting from my waist and adding to my hips, rear, and bust, thus creating a more hourglass figure without artificial padding.

I don't know about other crossdressers, but I am an avid follower of women's fashions. As such, I always check out women to see what they are wearing. Some examples:

I watch the various awards shows on television just to see what the women are wearing.

At dinnertime, I usually have the television tuned to Univision's Primer Impacto to see what the female newscasters and weather woman are wearing. (They always dress to kill.)

If I am near a television during the 7:30-8 PM (EST/EDST) weekday time slot, I will switch channels to Wheel of Fortune to see what Vanna White is wearing. (I've been checking out Vanna since 1982 and she seldom lets me down.) Vanna is a contemporary; she is only a few years younger than I, so I can identify with her fashion sense and use her as a model for what I wear.

Anyway, yesterday, while surfing the Internet, I came across the following piece written by Phil on the Zona - The Girdle Zone web site. It brought a smile to my face.

I was watching Wheel of Fortune ... and at the end of the show Vanna (who was wearing black, skin-tight toreador type pants) said coyly to Pat, "I have a secret."

Pat asked what it was and Vanna replied, "I'm wearing a foundation garment."

Pat asked what she meant and Vanna said, "I'm wearing a girdle."

the fact and fiction of being transgender

By Regine Labossiere, Courant Staff Writer

A disgruntled playboy becomes a female fashion magazine editor. A rock star born biologically male finds her true self. A boy is scripted freely adding a pair of girl's shoes to accessorize his outfit.

Transgender people have become the new go-to characters on television on such ABC shows as "Ugly Betty " and "All My Children" and the FX show "The Riches." They also have become the topic of more news reports in recent months.

Read the rest of this article that appeared in today's Hartford Courant.

my accent

This quiz was dead-on as far as I am concerned since I was born, raised, and lived most of my life in Western New England.

What American accent do you have? Northern You have a Northern accent. That could either be the Chicago/Detroit/Cleveland/Buffalo accent (easily recognizable) or the Western New England accent that news networks go for.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

dancing on razor’s edge

Before Dorsey founded Fresh Meat Productions in 2001 there was nothing else like it, and transgender artists often struggled for years in vain attempts to gain recognition and support from traditional art institutions. Fresh Meat was created to overcome those kind of barriers and it’s been extremely successful in doing so, creating an infrastructure to support transgender artists, promoting unique works and gaining visibility through year-round arts programs that explores the transgender experience.

Read the whole story here.

bathrooms and bogus anger

Bob, bathrooms and bogus anger - Opinion

...And, yes, the gender-neutral restrooms provide a gender-safe haven for those among us born with a set of anatomy that doesn't match the gender they live as - whether that's something you accept or not.

No one in those stalls is bothering anyone, nor is the restrooms' existence costing us any money, save the price of a new door sign. The users of the "new" Kent State bathrooms are just looking for a little privacy, whatever their reasoning.

So tell me - why do Bob Dyer and his readers give a damn where we pee?

trans anthem

I have my iPod connected to my car's audio system and I usually listen to it rather than the radio when I am in my car.

I copied most of my CD music collection, over 7,000 songs, to my iPod. Typically, I just copied whole CDs over to my iPod, good songs and bad, familiar songs and songs I have never heard, with the intention of pairing down the collection later. As a result, I occasionally hear a song play on my iPod that I have not heard before. Such is the case this morning.

The unfamiliar song began and I immediately recognized the signature voice of Lou Reed, but I did not recognize the song. After listening to one-third of the song, I restarted the song from its beginning to make sure I was hearing what I thought I heard.

As it turned out, my ears had not deceived me. I was listening to Reed sing about "a slick little girl" performing her daily makeup regime, but the chorus inferred that the girl was transgendered.

Now were comin' out.
Out of our closets.
Out on the streets.
Yeah, were comin' out.

The song is nearly 40 years old, so it is likely that someone has suggested this before, but this song could be the anthem for the transgendered. The song is titled Make Up and here are its lyrics:

Your face when sleeping is sublime,
And then you open up your eyes,
Then comes pancake factor number one,
Eyeliner, rose hips, and lips gloss are such fun,
You're a slick little girl,
You're a slick little girl.

Rouge and coloring incense and ice,
Perfume and kisses, oooo, it's all so nice,
You're a slick little girl,
You're a slick little girl.

Now were comin' out.
Out of our closets.
Out on the streets.
Yeah, were comin' out.

When you're in bed it's so wonderful,
It'd be so nice to fall in love,
When you get dressed, I really get my fill,
People say that it's impossible.

Gowns lovely made out of lace,
And all the things that you do to your face,
You're a slick little girl,
Oh, you're a slick little girl.

Eyeliner, whitener, then color the eyes,
Yellow and green, oh what a surprise,
You're a slick little girl,
Oh, you're such a slick little girl.

Now were comin' out.
Out of our closets,
Out on the streets.
Yes, were comin' out,
Yeah, were comin' out,
Yeah, were comin' out.

how good bills die unnatural deaths

Thank your Republican legislators for killing Connecticut's transgender rights bill.

Read the whole story here.

transgroomer

I heard an advertisement on Sirius OutQ Radio for an interesting product: Mangroomer, "a do-it-yourself electric back shaver."

I can only reach so far with a normal electric or manual shaver and I hate to ask someone to help me shave my back. As a result, I don't often wear tops or dresses that reveal much of my back... at least the parts of my back I cannot reach.

Mangroomer solves the problem with an extendable and adjustable handle that allow you to reach those unreachable places. It only costs $39.99 and I think I am going to order one.

dreams

I dream. We all do, but I seldom remember my dreams. When I awake, poof, they are gone!

All my dreams do not disappear into the ether, however, and I do remember one or two every month or so. And guess what? The dreams I do remember are trans-dreams, i.e., I am crossdressing or preparing to crossdress in the few dreams I remember. I wonder what that says about me?

I recorded two of my more vivid trans-dreams in my old blog and will recount them here for you who missed them. They occurred one week apart.

September 22, 2005 – Last night, I dreamed I was dressed to kill in an evening gown with all the trappings that go along with it. I was at a banquet hall attending a crossdressers' event. As I was fluttering around the room, I found myself near the entrance to the hall as two of my aunts come walking in. One aunt remarked, "Doesn't he make a beautiful woman!" They seemed happy and supportive. More of my relatives showed up soon after, but the details are blurry and I can't remember who else showed up and how they reacted.

September 29, 2005 – I'm crossdressed again and I am at a family gathering at one of my uncle's homes. One of my aunts (the same one who was in my previous dream) remarked that I would look much nicer if I shaved my legs. Soon, she produced a razor and insisted that I shave my legs, which I proceeded to do.

That's all I remember.

Two thoughts regarding these dreams:

1. I believe that this particular aunt always suspected that I crossdressed.

2. I never crossdress without shaving my legs.