What a difference!

Wearing Paige

Gabriel Sanches femulating on Brazilian television’s The Big Catch.

Love your shoes. Where’d you get ’em?

By Paula Gaikowski (paula.gaikowski@gmail.com)

I recently read the Femulate article about mastering the art of walking in high heels, which brought back a flood of memories. My own high heel journey began in 1990, a time when the world of women's shoes felt like a distant planet.

Working near a Payless Shoe Store in Jersey City, New Jersey, I was surprised to find a huge selection of size 12 shoes—a stark contrast to the typically limited selection for larger feet found at the suburban Payless stores. 

One day, I mustered the courage to try on a pair of brown pumps. The thrill of finding a pair that fit was intoxicating. As I nervously brought them to the cashier, I overheard him say something in Spanish to a coworker. I’m sure he was commenting on the unusual sight of a man buying women’s shoes. But in that moment, I didn't care. I had my prize.

Those brown pumps marked the beginning of my exploration into the world of femininity, a world that as a transgender woman, felt both exciting and intimidating.

Payless Shoe Stores became my sanctuary. Urban centers like Jersey City, Newark and Manhattan were my go-to spots for finding those elusive size 12. These stores were a treasure trove consistently offering a wide selection that catered to my needs. For years, Payless was my reliable source for footwear as I navigated my journey.

Unfortunately, the closure of Payless was a significant blow. It left a void in the shoe market for femulators. The loss of this affordable and accessible option was a setback for many.

Brick-and-mortar stores have proven to be a consistent challenge for finding larger sizes. Even popular retailers like DSW can be hit or miss. Nordstroms is the only other brick and mortar store that has large sizes. They also are very helpful and accommodating to the transgender community. Don’t forget Nordstrom Rack – they always have a great selection of large sizes.

This has led many of us to embrace the world of online shopping. While trying on shoes virtually isn't ideal, platforms (pun intended) like Amazon offer unparalleled selection and filtering options. From size and width to price, you can narrow down your search to find the perfect pair.

However, online shopping comes with its own set of hurdles. For those of us concerned about privacy, Amazon lockers are a godsend. They offer a discreet way to receive your order. But for those living in remote areas like myself in Maine, the nearest locker might be a considerable distance away. And let’s face it, unexpected shoe boxes on your doorstep can sometimes raise eyebrows. Whereas, using Amazon gift cards purchased locally can help mitigate concerns about credit card statements.

Once you've mastered the art of online shoe shopping, it’s time to put those new heels to the test. Stana’s article on walking in high heels can be a valuable resource. Remember, practice makes perfect, and every step is a step forward.

Wearing Elágia

Femulating on stage in the Jewel Box Revue, circa 1966

Convergers

Wearing Boston Proper

The all-male cast of As You Like It at the University of Maine, 1907

How to High Heel

Walking in high heels can be a fun and empowering experience, but it does require some practice and the right techniques. Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you strut confidently in heels.

Choose the Right Heels

Start Small: Begin with a lower heel (1-2 inches) and a wider base, such as block heels or wedges. These provide more stability and are easier to walk in.

Fit Matters: Ensure your heels fit well. Too tight, and they’ll be painful; too loose, and they’ll be hard to walk in. Consider using insoles for added comfort.

Practice Good Posture

Stand Tall: Keep your back straight and shoulders back. Engage your core muscles to maintain balance.

Heel to Toe: Place your heel down first, then roll onto your toes. This helps distribute your weight more evenly and prevents you from tipping forward.

Take Small Steps

Short Strides: Take smaller steps than you would in flat shoes. This helps maintain balance and control.

Straight Line: Imagine walking along a straight line, placing one foot in front of the other. This not only helps with balance but also gives a more elegant look.

Navigate Different Surfaces

Smooth Surfaces: Practice on smooth, even surfaces first. Once you’re comfortable, try walking on carpets, grass, or cobblestones.

Stairs: Use handrails when going up or down stairs. Place your whole foot on each step rather than just the heel or toe.

Build Your Confidence

Practice at Home: Spend time walking around your home in heels to get used to the feel and balance.

Gradual Increase: Gradually increase the height of your heels as you become more comfortable and confident.

Listen to Your Body

Take Breaks: If your feet start to hurt, take a break. It’s important to give your feet time to adjust.

Carry Flats: Always have a pair of flats or comfortable shoes with you in case you need to switch.

Have Fun

Confidence is Key: The most important thing is to feel confident and enjoy the experience. Walking in heels can be a fun way to express yourself and try something new.

By following these tips, you’ll be well on your way to mastering the art of walking in high heels. Remember, practice makes perfect, so take your time and enjoy the journey!

Wearing Nine West

Grayson Perry

Hair Affairs

By Norah Blucher

For so many it is all about the clothes and while I positively obsess over clothes as much as anyone, hair is on an equally high pedestal for me. Perhaps, coming from a family of hair stylists, it’s genetic, but tailors and seamstresses are also in the tree, so perhaps I’m just blessed... or cursed. My accountant and the local outlet mall would likely give you differing opinions. 

I always felt that one’s hair says so much about them. People regularly change clothes to fit their job or task du jour, but hairstyle or color are less mutable, though we often have broader liberty to pick something we like. Beyond what just may look good on a person, the pragmatic bob, sleek and professional coif, sassy perm, long elegant layers, edgy razor cut and dramatic colors speak volumes to who we are or desire to be.

Many of us here have some obstacles to the style we fancy though, be they appeasing the social norms of another life, practical reasons of work or lifestyle or our own bio hair just won’t cooperate or has even abandoned us! Whatever those reasons may be, the solution many of us turn to in order to get the look we desire is wigs. The options are endless these days and rather than view wigs as a crutch, look at them as the endless possibilities they are. I have certainly made my share of poor choices in my quest for the perfect do as well, so I hope to share with you some of the hard things I have learned along the way, as well as the fun! 

Human Hair or Synthetic?

Wigs can be procured in both human hair and synthetic versions. Human hair is obviously going to be the most lifelike; it is real hair after all, but it has some drawbacks to be aware of. It is expensive for one. A good human hair wig is going to run several times the cost of a good synthetic one with similar features. Natural hair also requires more care, so unless you like a straight style, expect to spend time styling your wig regularly, as any other girl would do with her hair. That said, it can be a lot of fun, too. 

Also note that though human hair wigs usually come in less styles and colors than synthetics, they can be cut and colored any way you like. Just for the love of god, please have a professional do this, unless you are experienced, less you drop the equivalent of a mortgage payment on something you wouldn’t wear to pull weeds from the garden.

If you are new to wigs, like to own many styles, can’t be bothered fixing your hair every day or cost is a factor, synthetic wigs are the way to go. Truth be told, I only own one human hair wig and seldom take it out and I like hair! Modern synthetic hair wigs look so lifelike, require so little fuss, are so much less expensive and come in so many styles and colors – there is something for everyone. Best of all, the style is baked into the wig and lasts, which is quite nice when your prep routine is likely too long as it is. 

Some special synthetics can also be restyled with heat tools, so you can change the look if you want and then it stays that way until you change it. Heat resistant fibers also tend to be a bit more dull and lack that tell-tale shine regular synthetics can have. Can life get any better! Just note, you need heat styling tools with a low setting and there is some skill involved. Unless you are going for an extreme restyle, a round barrel brush and a hair dryer on low is a bit more forgiving as well.

Let’s just say yours truly used a steamer once to get the frizzies out of her favorite wig (a legitimate method), got a bit over zealous and straightened the whole thing out! After shedding some tears, as though I had literally just maimed my best friend, I was fortunately able to restyle her. She never looked like she did originally, but is still rather cute and certainly as one-of-a-kind as her owner. We’ve enjoyed many more happy memories together since, so that cloud did have a silver lining!

We’re Just Getting Warmed-Up Here

I have hopefully gotten you thinking about a few things for now, so I’ll leave you to that, but I promise to be back real soon to talk more about where and how you can get the locks you desire and start your own hair affair. Until then, keep calm and wig out! Questions and comments are always welcome below or e-mail me at nblucher at-sign proton dot me.

Wearing Paula Young

Marek Kaliszuk femulating Ariana Grande on Polish television's Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo.
You can view this femulation on YouTube.

Stuff: How Do You Measure Up?

By J.J. Atwell

I suspect we have all measured ourselves at some point. No doubt the typical bust, waist, hips measurement. It’s kind of important to know those dimensions when you are shopping. 

I do a lot of shopping online and find the size charts for specific pieces of clothing to be very helpful in deciding if I’m a M, L or XL in their eyes. Even with the manufacturers’ size charts, be sure to read any reviews that you may find in on line stores. Sometimes you’ll find comments that the item runs small or large or to size, so you’ll adjust your target size accordingly.

When buying a top, the bust measurement is typically the deciding factor, although shoulder width might enter into it. For a skirt, you need to think about both the waist and hips. Jeans, leggings and pants use those measurements plus you need to know how long your legs are. If you’re buying a floor length dress or skirt, you’ll also need to know the distance from your waist to the floor or from your shoulders to the floor. So take the time to find those measurements and make a note of them. 

If you are short, you should probably shop in the petite department. Conversely, if you are heavy or just large, then the women’s or plus size section is where you need to be shopping. Rest assured that no matter what your size is you will be able to find clothes that fit. It’s just a matter of knowing your measurements. 

Measuring Tricks

No tape measure? Use string and a ruler or yardstick. It helps to have a friend measure you, but you can do it yourself. Make sure you keep the tape measure straight and level when measuring bust, waist and hips. For hips, find the widest point. Of course, you need to do this with your foundation garments on. I actually have several sets of hip padding which give me various hip sizes. So I measure each iteration. Same for bust size. I know many of us experiment with different bra cup sizes.

Other Useful Measurements

I already talked about knowing shoulder to floor and waist to floor measurements when you are buying long skirts or dresses. But do you know what size ring you wear? On each finger? You will if you take the time to measure your fingers on both hands. There are conversion charts on the Internet that will help you translate the circumference of your finger to the applicable ring size. I’d just caution you that if your knuckles are the largest part of your finger, you should measure around the knuckle to get a ring size. Once you have that, write it down so you can refer to it when you shop. 

Here are some more helpful dimensions to know. Measure your wrist so that you can find bracelets that will fit. Typically guys have larger wrists than women and that will be a problem when buying those pretty bracelets. 

Similarly, what size is your neck? You’ll need to know that if you are going to buy a necklace. Especially a choker style because you don’t want to actually choke! Once you know that you’ll also want to be conscious of just how long the necklace is and where it drapes on your body. It’s good to have options that compliment whatever top you are wearing. Perhaps you’ve got a nice pendant that needs to fall at a certain spot on a V-neck – how far is that? Does it need to be higher on your chest? Or almost down to your cleavage? Make a note of those measurements for when you are shopping for necklaces. 

One more little thing: how about your ankle? If you want to wear an ankle bracelet, you will want to know the circumference of your ankle. So add that measurement to your notes.

Yes, that’s a lot of Stuff today. I hope it helps you make correct shopping decisions. Thanks for reading. 

I’ll Be Back

I’ll be back with more Stuff in the next installment. Comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff, so let me know what you would like to read about.

Wearing Elagia

Juliet, a Femulate.org reader

Femulating Fiction

Something different this Sunday: a work of illustrated femulating fiction from frequent Femulate contributor Paula Gaikowski. 

Click here to read “A Summer in Satin.”

Wearing Nine West

Fran Heuser, womenswear model

Joey's Prom-Like Experience

By Joey of Joeypress fame

Hi, I am Joey. I am a full-time man who sometimes wears women's clothes while being a man.  I have never been to prom while dressed pretty, but I have gone ballroom dancing a few times.  This is the story of one of those experiences from July 2018.

While dressed pretty, I drove to a town that was about one hour from my house and had an all-day outing. The big event of that day was a ballroom dancing event that occurs monthly. This was my first time attending one of these events. I wore a red top and a flowy, black, knit skirt that was hung to my knees. 

I entered the dance hall and found myself an empty table. There was an open dance lesson going on. I joined in the lesson and started learning The Hustle. I joined the circle as a “leader.” Occasionally, the “followers” would rotate. I was able to meet and dance with several of the ladies. No one mentioned my outfit.

My stress and worries faded away and I had a very nice time. After the lesson, I returned to my table to find two women sitting there. I said hello and learned their names. Then I stepped away to get food. When I returned from the buffet, I sat with an empty chair between one of the women and myself. She told me to move next to her. We started talking. I asked if they were together (versus just being friends who arrived separately) and they told me they were married.

After I ate, I started dancing with ladies. Sometimes I asked for the dance. A few times, a woman came over to where I was and asked me to dance. Other times, a woman would come over to where I was, but not speak to me. She would stand close by watching the people dance. If I made eye contact, she reacted expectantly. Then I would ask her to dance. It was quite surprising to me that women would come to me hoping that I would ask them to dance. It was very nice!

Two different times, I was asked if I was part of some Scottish thing in town. A couple of other people mentioned my “kilt.” I was also asked if I do Contra Dancing. (It is a regular occurrence to see a man wearing a long skirt at a Contra Dance.) No one seemed put off by me wearing a skirt. Instead, one woman spoke positively to me as she walked by. She said, “I love it!” A few men spoke to me about dancing and gave pointers. Several more men shook my hand and greeted me. I was completely welcome. I was so happy. I was so very, very happy.

Sadly, I do not have any pictures from this event.  Included is a picture from a swing dance that I went to in 2014. The swing dance was nice, but the ballroom dance was a dressier event. The women wore such pretty dresses, and it was much more prom-like.

Wearing Venus

Just another boy going to the prom!

My “Prom” En Femme

My “prom” dress

As I mentioned in Monday's post, the closest I came to attending a prom en femme was attending my law school reunion en femme. Sure, the only things common between a prom and a reunion is that they both are related to schools and students. There is no going back in time to my high school prom, so I like to think that my reunion was the prom I missed en femme.

My law school reunion experience was just fabulous!

The venue of the reunion was the Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, Massachusetts, which was also the location of my law school. After completing an uneventful hour ride from my home to the Hall, I entered the Hall of Fame complex and quickly found the banquet hall for the reunion.

I checked in and immediately encountered the woman who I had exchanged a few e-mails with concerning the reunion. I introduced myself; she welcomed me and helped me find my name badge.

There were about 20 people already in attendance. I recognized one of my classmates, CR, a woman who I considered a school acquaintance, not a long lost friend. I said hello to her and she returned a hello, while looking at my name badge trying to figure out who I was (the badge listed Stana, my last name, and my class year, 1977).

She was carrying a copy of our class yearbook, so I suggested she look me up in the yearbook to refresh her memory. She did and when she put two-and-two together, she exclaimed, “Oh my god! Stanley, you are beautiful now!”

She gushed over how I had changed and then we chatted a bit trying to catch up on the past 35 years in five minutes. She was distracted by another person, who I did not recognize, so I went to the bar and got a glass of white wine.

I mingled with myself for about five minutes, then CR came around again and pointed me the direction of a table where other 1977 classmates were gathering, so I headed in that direction. There I found two other female school acquaintances (PM and LF) and one of my best friends (JB) and his wife.

An aside, as it turned out, there were nine people in my class who made it to the reunion. Four women and five men. All the women came solo and all five men came with their wives. I believe that the three other women are unattached.

Both PM and LF welcomed me with open arms as if we were old girlfriends and not just acquaintances (I think CR had informed them of my presence before I found their table, so they were expecting me). 

I did not recognize JB immediately, but when I realized it was my old friend, I greeted him warmly and gave him a hug. His wife, EB, introduced herself and she was very welcoming, too. We all exchanged our stories about the last 35 years, but the women were more interested in hearing my story than relating theirs to me. So as not to disappoint, I obliged and held an impromptu outreach session.

Another friend, MM, showed up and he greeted me like the old friends we were.

The cocktail hour flew by and before I knew it, PM was beckoning me to join her at the 1977 table in the dining room. I sat down next to PM and we chatted forever, mostly about me. She assumed that I was post-op and I explained that I was not. Actually, everyone I talked to about being transgender assumed I was post-op and I explained to all of them that I was not.

PM said that I was undoubtedly a woman and that I was more of a woman than she was! She said she never felt like a “woman” and was not sure what it meant to feel like a woman. I basically said we are what we are, but society pigeonholes us as “men” or “women” according to their “standards.”

After dinner, which by the way, was excellent, I had a long discussion with EB about being transgender. EB is in the entertainment industry in New York City and as a result, she is familiar with transgenders and knows where I was coming from more or less.

I mentioned to her that her husband, JB, was the person who told me at the law school Halloween party 36 years ago, that he never realized how feminine I was until he saw me in my costume en femme and realized that it was such a good fit for me and my personality, mannerisms, etc.

MM sat down next to me to chat a bit and said that I was very brave to do what I did. And I replied with my standard comeback to the bravery comment, that is, I don't consider it brave to be yourself… to be what who you are. But he said I was too modest and that if he was in the same situation, he doubted if he could do what I did.

Maybe, maybe not, but it was very nice of MM to say what he did. In fact, I received nothing but support and positive words from all my classmates.

I did not mix much with the other attendees; there was not much time to do so. But early on, one woman from the class of 2006 introduced herself and we had a short chat about what we had in common, that is, the mispronunciation of our first names. Her name is Zoe and people call her Zo or Zo-ee.  About half the people pronounced my name correctly (rhymes with Donna) and the other half got it wrong, but I didn't mind.

The only other non-classmate I recall speaking with was a law school professor who dined at our table and sat right next to me. He began teaching at the school the year after I graduated, so he did not know me from the school, but I asked him about what happened to some of the people I worked with way back when (I worked in the library while attending law school) and he tried to fill me in on what he remembered (not much as it turned out).

Another aside... the three female classmates who I conversed with extensively at the reunion seldom spoke to me when we were attending law school. I cannot recall having an extended conversation with any of them back then. So, needless to say, I was very surprised how well they interfaced with me at the reunion. It was like we were four old girlfriends reliving the past. I assure you that I am not complaining, but I was very surprised nonetheless.

The evening ended much too quickly and I was on my way home at 10:30 PM.

I had a wonderful time to put it mildly!

Wearing Elagia

Alexander Vlahos femulating in the French television series Versailles.

Missy's Prom 2024

By Missy

Greetings again!

This past April, Stana posted my story of chaperoning my high school’s 2023 prom as my “other self,” Missy. In brief, my decision to present as Missy at prom was twofold: As an ongoing promise to my non-binary daughter (an alum who wrestled with their identity while at our school) to be a visible advocate for our LGBTQ+ students and to simply be true to myself. 

Some might say there is an element of “bravery” involved, but the way I see it, students who are having trouble expressing their identities need role models beyond those they encounter on social media or in the news. One ounce of bravery could eventually lead to tons of acceptance and inclusivity.

Anyway, if you would like to read (or reread) that post, click here: Missy's Prom 

I sincerely appreciated the kind words and comments sent by Stana’s readers after that initial post and Dee was correct in asserting that I was preparing for Prom 2024 almost immediately afterwards. [:-)] In the fall, I found what I considered to be THE dress I would love to wear at the next prom (my wife gave me the thumbs up on it, which carried a lot of weight), so the plan was already afoot.

Nonetheless, with the anti-trans climate being what it has been for the past year or so, I wasn’t entirely sure if Missy would make another prom appearance. Thankfully, my supportive Head of School approached me a couple of weeks before prom and broached the subject before I had the chance. Below is pretty much how the conversation went.

Head of School: So are you all set for prom?

Me: If you mean, “Am I chaperoning prom again?” Then I am as ready as I have always been. If you are asking “Will I be presenting the same as last year?” Well, I was going to bring it up to you, so thanks for asking. Yes, I was planning to again, if you’re okay with it. With the current backlash against trans-related things, I wanted to be sure there isn't any concern from parents, students or anyone in the community.

Head of School: It’s a total non-issue as far as I’m concerned and I will have your back 100% on this if there is pushback from anyone. You keep on being you.

Me: Then I do believe I am all set and thanks again, Chief.

Whew. And that was that. I checked with a few other administrators who eased my mind by saying it was no problem whatsoever and said that they were looking forward to seeing me at prom, per usual. 

It was definitely a mentally-freeing feeling and I will reiterate here how lucky I consider myself to have such support from my colleagues, friends, students and immediate family. And if not full support, at least tolerance and acceptance. I understand that not everyone is as fortunate, so I do not take my situation for granted.

A couple of days later, one of our school counselors asked if I had my dress for prom yet. She had chaperoned prom with me the previous year, so that was a natural question. I told her I had indeed bought a dress a few months back (but wouldn’t show her a photo, of course!) and asked if she had hers picked out. 

She said she had a couple of choices, but wasn’t sure which one to go with. We then proceeded to have a very natural conversation about the process... where I bought my dress, what kind of shoes I planned to wear, color palette, how I still needed to find the right jewelry to accessorize, etc. It was a thoroughly enjoyable “what women talk about” moment.

(As an aside that readers might appreciate, this counselor had stopped by my classroom earlier in the year and said, “I have a gift for you.” She then handed me a two-sided heart-shaped rock.

She told me, “This rock reminds me of you. The front side is polished and solid; the other side is flowery and beautiful.” Needless to say, I got only slightly emotional and gave her a huge hug.)

So, on to prom! In the days leading up to the event, I found matching flower-based jewelry and my wife helped me shop for magnetic eyelashes (my first time with those – loved them!) and the right shade of nail color to match some of the flowers in the dress. I had practiced with my makeup a few times, so I think I achieved the look I was hoping for, although a rather hot and dramatically humid evening led to a last-minute change from nylons to bare-legs. Ah well, in for a penny.

As was the case the previous year, my own experience at the prom was blissfully uneventful. A number of parents attended the “pre-prom” beforehand, so I shared a few air kisses with some of the moms, graciously accepted any compliments that came my way and just made general chit-chat with families I knew. I was honestly mistaken for another chaperone’s girlfriend (which helped make my night!), but other than that, there were few noteworthy tales to tell. 

During the actual prom, I just did what chaperones do: mingle with students, watch the doors, eat, dance and share in the occasion. Honestly, my presence was a mere footnote, from what I could tell. One reader from my earlier post had commented that my appearance at prom could potentially take the focus away from the attendees (especially the girls) and I kept that possibility in the back of my mind, but that didn’t seem to be the case, as the students were wrapped up in themselves and each other, as it should be.

Near the end of the evening, one of my students asked if I had a “drag queen name.” I told him I didn’t because drag queens seem more like a form of entertainment and I wasn't trying to entertain anyone. I was just trying to be myself. He responded, “That's fair. Makes sense.” I almost divulged the name Missy, but figured it best to leave the conversation right where it was.

My prom night ended with little fanfare, but it was another truly amazing experience.

So there you have it, dear readers. I enjoyed once again sharing this corner of my world and being a part of Stana's “Prom Week” postings. I’ll let you know how 2025 goes (or if anything relevantly interesting happens during the upcoming school year).

On Monday, Stana wrote the following, which bears repeating:

“Support from friends, family and school staff is crucial for students who choose to attend prom in a dress. Positive reinforcement can make a significant difference in their experience, helping them feel accepted and valued. Schools that foster an inclusive environment by allowing students to express themselves freely contribute to a more supportive and understanding community.

“High school males attending prom dressed as females is more than a fashion statement; it’s a courageous act of self-expression and a step towards greater gender inclusivity. By challenging traditional norms and embracing their true selves, these students are not only making their prom night memorable, but also paving the way for future generations to express their identities without fear.”

Amen to that. I could not have said it any better.

Thank you for reading and thanks again for the opportunity, Stana.

Wearing JustFab

Doris Fish, professional femulator