What's Good for the Goose...

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Niharika Nerurkar, femulating in India

Escaped

I used to be very closeted. I feared being read because of my size (6'2"), so my closet was bounded by the walls of halls and hotels where crossdressing meetings and events were being held. As FDR once said, “...the only thing we have to fear is...fear itself,” so once I overcame my fear of heights, the closet walls disappeared and now I go anywhere and everywhere en femme.

Question: How did I overcome the fear?

Answer: By mixing with civilians. 

Doing so, you quickly realize that no one cares or if they do, they are not going to do anything about it except maybe smirk or nudge a companion to check out the crossdresser.

Almost 20 years ago, I was so sick and tired of being stuck in the closet that I decided to do something about it. So I put on my big girl panties and visited a mall, which I assumed was a safe place to go to escape from my closet.

Why are malls safe?

Malls have security to provide a modicum of safety for its customers. Visiting a mall, I never required help from security, so I assume the previous statement is true.

The sales staff in mall stores are in it for the money, so they will welcome all shoppers while overlooking their faults. I have never encountered a salesperson who was not welcoming. Don’t know if they knew I was crossdressing, but I assume some figured me out because when it was time to settle up, my driver’s license revealed all... sometimes.

I cherish the times when I handed over my driver’s license while using a credit card and be asked, “Is this your husband’s driver’s license.” By the way, I use a Bank of America credit card that only has the initial S for my first name, so if the seller does not require a driver’s license when I use my credit card, I am home free.

Visit a mall when they just open to avoid civilian crowds that show up later in the day. Today, crowds don’t bother me, but if you are just beginning to escape from the closet, fewer civilians in the mall will add to your comfort. Sadly, many malls are “dying” these days, so you may not encounter crowds any time of day.

Go to Sephora, M·A·C, Ulta or other makeup emporium and get a makeover. My first mall visit, I went to Sephora (photo above) and asked for a consultation concerning issues I had with my makeup application.

The Sephora saleswoman made me feel at ease, taught me a few things about makeup and made suggestions on how to improve my presentation. And, yes, the she knew I was crossdressing because during the consultation, I mentioned that I had beard cover under my foundation. 

The saleswoman probably knew already that I was en femme. Working up close to a customer, the telltale signs of masculinity are harder to hide, so a pro will know. Despite all that, she sensed my uneasiness and tried to settle me down by saying, “You only have one life to live and you should live it like you want. If someone has a problem, then it is their problem, not yours.”

I have lived by those words ever since.

Wearing Yumi Kim

New Sisters

Source: Rue La La

Reputed “feminized husband”

Stuff 21: Our Closets

By J.J. Atwell

Hello again!

How many of us live in the closet? I know a lot of readers like Stana, are pretty much out to everybody. I also know a lot of us are still in the closet. It makes me wonder though…

How Big is Your Closet?

The question was actually prompted by a point Stana made when we were chatting. She pointed out that most of us live in a closet, but the size of it may be bigger for some than for others.  

By “closet,” I’m not talking about the actual place for your Stuff. I’m talking about how big is your crossdressing world.  Are you a stay at home crossdresser? Or an out-in-public crossdresser? Do you go out only for special crossdresser events like group meetings?  

Think about that. If you are out for a group meeting, isn’t it really just a bigger closet? The regular group meetings I go to are held in a secluded location. It’s just us and our significant others. We are out of the house. But are we really out of the closet?  

There’s an annual week-long event held in Provincetown, Massachusetts each fall. If you visit P-Town that week you’ll see many crossdressers walking around in the general population. Are they out? Or is P-Town just a bigger closet?  

My closet is fairly small. Or maybe it’s medium size. I mostly dress at home. I do go out to group meetings most months. I have ventured out to get a makeover at Sephora. Some months our group meeting is a Girls Night Out at a local restaurant, where we might be seated with the general population.  I guess that would qualify as a bigger closet. I’d love to hear your thoughts about being in the closet and just how big is your closet.  

I’ll be back

Yes, there will be more Stuff. In the meantime, comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff, so if there is something you would like to read about, please let me know!

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Noah Schnapp

Time to Fold

Wearing ModCloth

Got Pride

By Tami Knight

I love a Gil Elvgren pinup. He was a famous illustrator who depicted women at their most feminine and attractive moments. Hair, makeup, outfits and figures were all depicted so well and idolized by many. Elvgren’s were, in my opinion, at their best in the 50’s, a golden age in so many ways. I have lived vicariously through his images for many years.

If you too are a fan, you may have also seen photos of Elvgren with his model(s), posed for the fictional setting he was to create. Those models were attractive as well. 

The modern woman I emulate as Tami, has much more in common with the woman of the 50’s or 60’s than the 2020’s. Not that I have a 1950’s vintage wardrobe! I appreciate the woman who makes an effort to do her hair, wear appropriate makeup and dress to make a nice impression with her weight in control. Pride! Any of us walking through a mall or airport today can see that too many women are not trying and seem to have given up.

We have to dress to blend in, but if that means wearing ripped open jeans down the front of my legs, count me out. If it means showing a muffin top, wearing overly tight and revealing Lulu Lemons, forget it. I have standards. I prefer being one of the better dressed women in the room, concerned about first impressions and showing respect for myself and my friends.

My female friends and I have talked about this often and they agree that standards have fallen far. High value men and/or friends are not attracted to women who neglect setting standards for themselves and others. I prefer to be seen as high value. If women don’t hold themselves to a high standard, they won’t hold others to one either. One reaps what one sows. Having standards in my experience, has much to do with passing easily as well.

This image above has always been one of my favorites. What a great image illustrating joy and fun. And in case you just have to have a vintage dress, stop by Fashion by Robert Black in Scottsdale. It is the most amazing vintage clothing store. I bought one super cute dress from the 60's!

Wearing Boston Proper

Bryce Anderson, male womenswear model

Hallmark Styling

By Paula Gaikowski

I just can’t watch the news anymore with the constant stream of war and political distress. Considering that, it’s not surprising to me how my wife's recent choice of watching Hallmark Christmas movies has become a comfort. While I'll admit they may appear hokey and predictable, there is an undeniable charm to them that pulls me in. Their simplicity and predictability that is often criticized, offer a sense of peace. 

Amid the chaos of the world, these movies transport us to a holiday setting, a small town where all problems find resolution and the spirit of Christmas prevails. The crafted settings and characters make these movies not just enjoyable, but an escape from the overwhelming headlines that dominate our lives.

As a transgender woman, they also have a certain appeal to me. The protagonist is not only someone relatable, but also a person whom I might aspire to be like — an attractive and accomplished businesswoman. She returns to her hometown, no longer the ugly duckling of youth, but a triumphant figure of success. She carries herself with poise, dressed in elegant, well-tailored outfits that effortlessly complement her figure. Her fashion choices, whether it be a power suit or a chic dress, show a keen sense of style that commands attention. Her radiant and well-groomed appearance, from her meticulously manicured nails to her polished hair, adds to her overall charm. It is not just her physical beauty, but also her intelligence, professionalism and the impression of capability she projects.

Although she has lost the meaning of Christmas, she now has some type of special gift or skill that will save the town’s festival or solve some other impending disaster. In a word, she has undergone a remarkable transition, a metamorphosis that doesn’t fail to captivate and inspire. Once disregarded and underestimated by her peers, she is now accepted as the accomplished and beautiful woman that she has become. Now, tell me, Femulate readers, how can this not resonate with us?

The movies atmosphere is infused with a palpable aura of femininity, from the snug and inviting sweaters, stylish business clothes and the most cute and cozy pajamas that the ladies elegantly lounge in while sipping cocoa. There is always a Christmas dance or special dinner, where every woman wears the most exquisite and stylish gowns or dresses. 

The end of these movies always features that classic, heartwarming kiss — you know, the one that is everyone’s not-so-secret guilty pleasure. I mean, come on, Femulators! You're all dolled up in your most glamorous gown, rocking those fabulous shoes, nails, hair, your best lingerie and makeup on point. It is a slightly chilly evening and a charming gentleman offers you his coat and pulls you closer. I won't name names, but there might be a few of you out there who secretly dream of a swoon-worthy smooch at this moment, even if you won’t admit it. 

What happens here stays here.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Bretman Rock

Sisters

Growing up, when I wanted to look like an adult woman, I raided Mom’s closet and when I wanted to look like a teenager, I raided my sister’s closet. 

I am sure that Mom knew and I am just as sure that Sis did not. I say that because when I finally came out to my sister, she was clueless and shocked by my revelation. That reveal upset her apple cart and she was not a supporter. She never tried to upset my apple cart, but she was disinterested, never talked about it and never wanted to see me en femme.

Fast forward to the present.

My sister, daughter and I exchange texts between us all day long. My sister and daughter text a lot; me, not so much, but I am aware of their exchanges. A few days ago, my sister texted the following:

“I dreamed we were driving home and a car was following us and we thought it was Stan but I couldn’t see whose car it was but we figured out it wasn’t Stan and... I stopped the car and a woman was driving and I started yelling at her about following us.”

I don’t know if my sister put two and two together, but it was obvious to me that the woman following her was me.

Wearing Self Portrait

Professional femulators of Club 82, New York City, circa 1975

Stuff 20: What to Wear?

By J.J. Atwell

Hello All

JJ is back with more stuff!

This being Stuff #20 I thought it might be time to say again that I’m simply writing about things from my perspective. I don’t claim to be an expert in the subjects and I’m sure people will find things they agree or disagree with. I only hope reading my Stuff gives you something to think about. I’d be happy to read all of your thoughts. My contact info is at the end.

Dressing for the Occasion

We crossdressers often face the same dilemma that genetic girls face: what to wear. To some extent, our decision is easier since most of us have a smaller selection of clothes in our closet than most women. And maybe having more stuff just makes the decision harder because there are more choices.  

It’s probably obvious to all of us that deciding what to wear depends on where we are going. If we are staying home, our clothing choice isn’t that difficult. Whatever is clean and comfortable will do. Perhaps, just a pair of leggings, a loose top and sandals or slippers would be perfect for a stay-at-home day.  

Things get a bit more complicated when going out. Especially for crossdressers who want to dress to “blend in” with the general female population.  Just like a genetic girl, a crossdresser should think about where they will be. Is it a place where women typically get more dressed up? Or is it just a trip to the supermarket?  

Going to a special occasion? Maybe a holiday party? I’m currently thinking about what to wear to my group’s holiday girls’ night out in a couple of weeks. I know from past meets that the members will be dressed in a range of outfits from simple holiday tops to fancy dresses.  My closet is a bit lacking in both choices, so I’m doing a bit of online shopping right now.  The meeting is at a local restaurant that I have been to before and know it’s not really a dressy kind of place. So I narrowed my search down to nice holiday tops that I can wear over skinny jeans. I’ll accessorize with some holiday jewelry borrowed from my wife. Stuff like that should work for this venue.

I’ll be back

Hope you have fun thinking about what to wear. Until then, I’d welcome comments here on the blog or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. 

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Poodle skirted!

An Alternative

Wearing Balmain

Patty informed me about a video that documents the photoshoot for the cover of the wedding issue of Pittsburgh’s City Paper. Kevin Nelson, a “drag artist,” is both the bride (above) and the groom for the photoshoot. Click here to view the video on YouTube.