Lynn Jones of Yet Another Transgender Blog fame sent me a link all about Australian singer Troye Sivan’s new song, “One Of Your Girls” and accompanying video. The song, about a boy who has a crush on another boy and offers to be one of the other boy’s girls, is provocative enough, but the accompanying video is absolutely amazing – the femulation of the year in my opinion.
Below are screen captures from the video and you can see the video yourself by clicking here.
My earliest memories take me back to kindergarten, a time when boys and girls were neatly separated. I recall being drawn to the girls’ side with an almost magnetic force. The desire to belong, to dress and act like them, consumed my young heart. Yet, even in those tender years, the world made it abundantly clear that such desires were not just unconventional – they were deemed unacceptable.
Thus began my lifelong dance with repression – a relentless effort to suppress my feminine self and conform to the societal expectations of masculinity. It wasn't all gloom and doom, but I always sensed that I was out of step with my male peers. I adapted, doing my best to fit the mold of what society deemed appropriate.
In the year 1975, at the age of 16, I found myself grappling with thoughts about my future. The idea of joining the military to fund the gender transformation I yearned for seemed like a viable solution. Looking back, it’s amazing how such thoughts consumed the mind of a 16-year-old boy. It’s a testament to the depth of my struggle with gender identity.
My stint in the Air Force passed, but the dream of saving enough money for my desired transformation didn’t materialize. “Look everyone, I’m in the military and successful; everything is normal.”
Upon my separation, I was faced with the uncertainty of life beyond the military, unsure of where my path would lead. I took to drinking with friends and pursuing hunting and fishing in the outdoors. “See everyone, I’m manly?”
However, a turning point in my journey arrived when I ventured into the world of business. There, amidst the hustle and bustle of corporate life, I encountered a sea of women – elegant, stylish and undeniably feminine. This was a stark departure from my military experience, where masculinity dominated. The contrast was striking.
In the office, the women donned dresses, pantyhose, makeup and high heels, radiating an unapologetic femininity. Their presence mesmerized me, awakening a profound desire to embody that same grace and charm.
One specific day, following the receipt of my first paycheck, I made a key decision. With determination, I headed to the Willowbrook Mall and scanned racks of dresses, selecting one that mirrored the outfit of a particular colleague. Pantyhose, a brassiere and panties followed. When I returned home and donned these items, the reflection in the mirror didnt quite align with the image in my mind. Disheartened, I purged my newly acquired wardrobe, discarding it in panic and with hopelessness.
Yet, deep within, I clung to an unwavering belief that I couldn’t abandon my quest for self-discovery. I knew that someday, when I gazed into the mirror, I would see the beautiful woman I had always felt I was meant to be staring back at me. Deep down I knew my journey wasn’t over and my resolve remained steadfast.
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| Wearing Bebe |
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| Girls’ Night Out in Washington, D.C. |
By Cathy Peterson
Now that we’re into October I thought I’d share a very profound “a ha moment” I had in my counseling therapy session last Thursday. Dr. Jill and I were almost finished with our weekly 50 minutes when she made a quick reference to Halloween coming up later this month. She asked if I was going to do a costume for any parties or events. I said I didn't have anything planned as yet. Then she said something that really made me think.
"With so much acceptance of your being out all year long as Cathy and you being so comfortable in public, seems to me that Halloween is no longer that special one day of the year it used to be where you could feign your dressing up as a woman simply as a ‘costume’ for fun or to get a laugh. In fact, you don’t want to get any laughs, you want to be seen, treated and accepted as a woman all year long when you’re out, so you no longer need a costumed-Halloween to give you license to dress as a woman.”
Wow! She was so right. Back in the 1980s and 1990s, maybe even the early 2000s, Halloween was my big chance I waited for all year, where I could be out in public dressed entirely as a woman and be able to hide behind it as a costume for fun.
Just as Stana has told those wonderful stories of going to her office on Halloween in the same “full female mode” and sitting in her cubicle as people came by to see how amazing she looked, I also got “those looks” that what I was wearing and how I was presenting myself was not a costume; something much deeper was going on!
Think of how far our society has come with so many popular TG women celebs all the way through to TG staff at the hotel front desk, Macy's makeup counter, hostess seating us at the restaurant, receptionist at the day spa, sales clerk at Kohl’s, barista at coffee shop and even the cute reference librarian at LA Public Library.
I quickly agreed with Dr. Jill and she hit it right on point with, "Cathy, why not find a really great costume that any woman would be likely to wear for a Halloween party or event. Then you’re out and seen as a woman who’s having fun for Halloween. In fact, why not shop the thrift stores or costume shops as Cathy, a mid-60s woman out to find a great costume for her office party?”
So simple, but so profound as my “a ha moment.” This past Saturday, I went as Cathy to Adele’s of Hollywood and Sylvia’s (also in Hollywood), Happy Halloween and the Spirit Halloween shops on both Wilshire and La Brea. I was a woman out shopping for my costume. The sales gals who helped me look treated me every bit aa a woman and we looked at costumes “appropriate for a mid-60s woman.”
My three favorites were: go as witch in black gossamer and lace with black stockings, hat and broom or a classic 1920s flapper in silky crepe dress, long satin gloves to my elbows, stockings, straw hat with flower, fluffy boa and faux cigarette holder à la Some Like It Hot or medieval queen in gown with flowing headdress or Cleopatra in a flowing gold gown and crown with heavy eye make-up.
About 15 to 20 years ago, dressed up in my full female attire, looking like a typical business woman in an office, folks realized that was my costume, so they knew right away I was not a woman and was dressing up (but going waaaaaay too far with it all).
Now, I can show up at the Medieval Faire as a 16th Century European queen. Or I can be a witch while working the ticket entryway for the “live” haunted house. Or be a ’20s flapper taking bids at the Halloween silent auction fundraiser. Or be the queen of Egypt while doing kids’ face painting for the local elementary school community Halloween party. And I will volunteer myself as Cathy Peterson, mid-60s woman, happy to volunteer and help out and with a great “female” costume that any woman would probably wear, that is, not a costume of being a “female.”
I am so excited to see which opportunity I will do on the night of October 31!
(Editrix’s Note: Reminds me of my old Halloween routine… I would go to work and out among the civilians in office girl drag, but when I attended my support group’s Halloween party, my costume was a typical woman’s costume… schoolgirl, cheer leader, Playboy bunny, etc.)
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| Wearing Lilly Pulitzer |
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| Michael Caine encounters a femulator in the 1966 film Funeral in Berlin. |
Yet More About Boobs
In episode nine, I introduced the subject of boobs for CDs. I talked more about them in subsequent installments. After that blog post, I got a very nice email from a GG, whom I’ll refer to as GiGi, with some interesting comments.
We’ve exchanged several emails and one thing GiGi mentioned was that some of us carry our boobs a bit too high on the torso. I know that’s true for JJ. Part of that is simply because we don’t let the bra straps out far enough. Either that or the bras we buy don’t have straps that are long enough for our torso.
If your bras don’t have straps that are long enough and the bra has detachable straps, you can buy strap extenders for them. The goal is to have the boobs hang naturally.
Where should a CD’s breasts hang on her torso? Let's discreetly look at the GGs around us and observe how their breasts hang. Remember, this is research! Other than teenagers whose breasts have only recently developed, you likely see that the apex of the breast (where the nipple would be) tend to fall about mid-way or lower between your armpit and the crook of your elbow. And as a woman ages, they can be lower.
If you’re looking to blend in, think a bit about your silhouette. It’s more than just the size of the breast, it’s where they sit, their shape and how they move. I’ll cover some of those things in a future blog.
Of course, all this advice is just for those of us who use some type of breast form in our bras, not for those who have grown their own. So much stuff to consider and I thank GiGi for the fodder for today’s blog post.
I’ll be back
That’s it for today. I hope you spend a little time looking in a mirror critically the next time you get dressed. I also should mention that my comments here are mostly directed at CDs who are attempting to blend in with the other women out there.
In the meantime, I’d welcome comments here on the blog or by email at Jenn6nov at sign gmail dot com.
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| Wearing Boston Proper |
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| Timothy Bottoms femulating in the 1980 television movie Escape. Zoe, thank you for the information about this film. |
