My Guilt

JJ’s Stuff about guilt got me thinking about my own guilt.

I was raised as a Roman Catholic. (I was even an altar boy – loved the uniforms). 

No one ever told me that crossdressing was a sin, but our circa-1960 encyclopedia did not speak highly of transvestism and none of the guys I knew crossdressed, so I put two and two together (came up with 5) and figured that crossdressing was a sin. 

That did not stop me from dressing in my mother’s and sister’s wardrobes when I was home alone. I just kept a lid on it because I did not want anyone to know I was sinning. If someone did find out, I would feel shame not guilt.

But people did find out. My Halloween forays en femme during my teens and twenties were revealing, but I told myself they were just innocent Halloween costumes and nobody would suspect I was truly a crossdresser. So I did not feel shame, however, I did feel guilt because it was a big lie.

But people did think I was a crossdresser. For example, my five consecutive office girl Halloween costumes worn at work convinced all doubters about my en femme proclivities. However, none of my co-workers ever confronted me about it, so I assumed that they just thought I was a very good Halloween costumer. 

Wrong! Eventually I discovered that everyone thought I was a crossdresser and I confirmed their thoughts when I showed up en femme at the company Christmas party. So I was no longer a big liar at work and my guilt was gone, at least regarding my co-workers.

And over the years, I gradually reduced my guilt to near zero by coming out to most of my friends, relatives and acquaintances. And it did not hurt a bit. (I can count on one finger the number of friends I lost when they learned about my crossdressing and that loss was due to that friend’s religious beliefs!)

And so goes my guilt.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Singer Jack Vidgen

Tuesday’s Toon

Wearing New York & Company

Alena, a Russian femulator

Stuff 11

By J.J. Atwell

Hello again

It’s JJ again! Yes, there is more Stuff. I’m happy you continue to find this column thought-provoking. Let's get on with it today by talking about guilt and overcoming it.

Do We Have Guilt?

I suspect we (the CD community) have some amount of guilt. What we do is not understood by society in general and that makes us targets. On some level, we know that what we are doing is frowned upon by many. On top of that, we are afraid that if our loved ones find out, they will react badly. So yes, we have guilt. Unless we’ve dealt with it.    

Dealing With Guilt

The only way for us to deal with guilt is to accept ourselves. Yes, that easy. No, actually it’s not that easy. We are talking about years of guilt feelings. They don’t just go away quickly.  

Let’s start by looking at ourselves and why we feel that guilt. Perhaps it’s from childhood or early teen experiences. Maybe that’s the root of our guilt as that’s when our desire to dress in female clothes started to surface. Along with that comes the realization that it is something that is just not done.

Guilt can have real impacts on our health. Guilt causes stress which can affect any and all parts of your body. It can present as weight issues, hypertension, persistent headache, skin rash, sleep problems, digestion and many other things.  

In the end, we have to find a way to convince ourselves that we are not hurting anybody. Once we do that we can lead a healthy life, no matter how we are dressed. As for how do convince ourself of that, sorry, I’m not a medical professional so I’ve got nothing. 

I’ll be back

OK, so I think I’ve given you enough stuff to think about. I hope this installment hasn’t actually increased your stress levels. 

As before, comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff!

Wearing JustFab

Clément Sibony femulating in the 2014 French film Les Nuits d'été (Summer Nights)

Someday Funnies

 

Wearing Anna Kay

Danny Aiello femulating in the 1994 film Pret a Porter.

My Nursing Life

Wife has been home from hospital/rehab for almost two weeks and I have become a nurse taking care of her needs. It is hard work, but I like the uniform! 

Seriously, she is improving daily with the physical and occupational therapy she is receiving as well as the exercises she is doing, but it will take some time before things return to “normal.” In the meantime, I am spending a lot of time taking care of her as well as doing most of the household tasks that she performs. (I like my French maid’s uniform, too.)

I’m not complaining, but just want to let you all know that the blog may suffer and answering emails may be slow in deference to my nursing life

Happy Autumn!

Wearing Roller Rabbit

Australian reader and femulator Caty

Being Grateful

By Tami Knight

As I sat with several women in the salon waiting area for my blowout, I could not help but notice the woman to my left. She was likely in her late 60’s, very fit, gray hair with a cheerful face that invites one to say good morning. I told her that her “hair looked great as is, so what are you doing here?” She quickly sensed both the compliment and the humor and we were off chatting about being high maintenance.

One topic led to another and I added that I choose to enjoy the high maintenance! She agreed with a chuckle, so much like other wise and good-humored seniors. 

The subject changed to other matters of daily life. I shared a quote I love and often use it with young people, “You can’t be happy unless you are grateful.”

Claire came to fetch me as she was ready for me. As I stood up, my senior friend told me how nice it was to talk and I wished it didn’t have to end. Another woman seated close by who had listened smiled approvingly. I was so grateful to meet her, to give a compliment and get a pleasant conversation started. 

At 11 AM, I was off to Floras for lunch with my newest friend, Rebecca. A beautiful day, a stylish outfit for lunch out and a busy afternoon ahead of me. Life is good.

Amanda Uprichard

Rishi Kapoor femulating in the film Rafoo Chakkar, a version of Some Like It Hot from India.

Have a nice trip?

 

Wearing Bebe

Steve Buscemi femulating in the 1994 film Somebody To Love.

Three, Six, Nine

Before and After Not Dept.

Got to love this email ad that I received from clothier Club Monaco last week! The male and female models sure look alike. Is a crossdresser doing the modeling?

One-Track Mind Dept.

Only someone like me (or you) with a one-track mind would have noticed the crossdressing angle of the ad above!

One, Two, Three Dept.

One, Two, Three... I bet you never heard of that film by Billy Wilder, the director of Some Like It Hot. It is one of those films I saw as a youngster when it was first shown on broadcast television in the early or mid-1960’s that left a lasting impression on my crossdressing mind.

The film is funny, but the short crossdressing scene was worth the price of admission. I won’t give away what happens, but the femulation was impressive, at least to this tween because it was the first I witnessed where the femulator was dressed in contemporary clothing as compared to the guys in Some Like It Hot, who were dressed in 1930’s drag.

One, Two, Three Again Dept.

You know how certain songs remind you of certain things in your life. 1-2-3 by Len Barry does it for me. That song always reminds me of New York City rock radio with Cousin Bruce Morrow spinning the discs at WABC. (77 WABC was my favorite radio station back then.)

One, Two, Three Yet Again Dept.

What is your favorite version of the film The Taking of the Pelham One Two Three (or 123)? I prefer the 1974 version with Walter Matthau and Robert Shaw. The 2009 version with Denzel Washington and John Travolta is my second choice. Don’t care much for the 1998 television version.

Wearing Bebe

Dee, Before and After
Click here to read Dee’s frequent and entertaining missives.

Someday Funnies

 

The Someday Funnies logo above is based on the logo of Famous Funnies, which is “considered by popular culture historians as the first true American comic book” (source: Wikipedia). Famous Funnies was published by Eastern Color Printing Company, where my father worked as a printing pressman all his working days and I worked summers at various jobs.  

Wearing Staud

Roger Taylor, Peter Straker and Freddie Mercury femulating in The Great Pretender music video. Click here to view the video on YouTube.

Stuff 10

By J.J. Atwell

Hello All

JJ is back with more stuff! This is my 10th installment of this little corner of Stana’s Way. Many thanks to her and all you faithful readers for following along with my Stuff.  

Bra Size Again

In episode nine, I introduced the subject of boobs.  I’m back with more stuff about boobs. We talked about finding the right band size and experimenting with cup size for the most pleasing presentation. Before moving on, I’d like to also caution you that no matter what bra size you settled on, that doesn’t mean you can just buy any bra in that size.  

Yes, that’s right. The same way clothing sizes vary by manufacturer, so do bras. So don’t just buy a bunch of bras online simply because they are “your size.” Once you find a good fit, stick with the same brand. But even then, don’t be surprised if there is a difference between different models by the same brand. If you talk with your SO or an understanding GG about it, you’ll find they have experienced the same issue.   

If that’s not enough to think about, let's consider what happens when we go on a diet or perhaps, wind up putting on an extra 10 pounds over the winter. Yes, that changes your bra size. Those bras that originally fit you so well, now don’t. Time to go up/down a size?  

But that presents us with another issue: how does our weight change affect our cup size? When GGs gain/lose weight, it's likely that both their band size and cup size change, usually proportionally. On the other hand, a CD’s breast forms don’t change sizes when we gain or lose weight. To confuse the situation further, cup volume changes according to band size.  That’s right, the cup of a 38C bra is larger than it would be in a 36C bra. So basically, it’s time to start all over finding the right size bra.

I hope all this talk about bra sizes hasn’t confused you. I’ll just remind you that it's probably a good idea to check your bra size every year, just like GGs should do. There sure is a lot of stuff to consider when selecting the right bra!  

I’ll be back

That’s it for today. I hope my stuff gives you something to think about. In the meantime, I’d welcome comments here on the blog or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com.

Wearing New York & Company

Arshia