Stuff 6

By J.J. Atwell

Yet Again

There seems to be no end to stuff. This is the sixth installment and I’m grateful to Stana and especially those that follow her blog, for the positive feedback that I’ve received for my contributions here.  

Taking Pictures

How many of us take pictures of ourselves when presenting as female? I’d guess just about all of us do that. Just like it is hard to pass by a mirror without looking when dressed, I think we all want pictures so we can remember the occasion.  

Pictures also help us in improving our feminine presentation. We can study the pictures and see things that are a bit “off” and then work on ways to compensate. I like to keep my pictures in a special folder that I can use to look back on. Having this collection also helps me decide about what outfit to wear for different outings.  

Along that same line, I also have laid out my clothes and taken a picture of all the tops, skirts, pants/jeans, dresses and shoes. Essentially a picture inventory of my stuff. That way I can think about various outfits and how they might look together without actually having to go to the closet and pull them out.  

I’m sure that most of us take selfies. It’s always difficult to do. You can just do a regular selfie holding the phone out and pointing the camera at you. Or you might try to take a picture in a convenient mirror that way. I usually have to try several times to get it right. But the best thing I’ve found is to get a mini-tripod (AKA Gorilla Pod) and a remote Bluetooth shutter release. I can set my phone up on something convenient and pose for the picture. Once I’m ready, a click on the remote is all it takes.  

A word about backgrounds. Well, actually several words. One is you want to be the focus of the picture. Having a plain background is the easiest way to do that. If you can’t then try to put some distance between you and the background. Another consideration is to avoid having things in the background that would identify you if you’re still in the closet. Perhaps avoid having your picture taken next to your car or things like that.  

Where do I keep these pictures? I keep them in a separate hidden folder on my computer. It’s my own personal computer and it would be very unusual for anybody else to access it. Even if they did, they wouldn’t be able to access the hidden folder. Be sure you take precautions if you are concerned about pictures of your girl self being found. That could lead to a lot of other stuff. 

I’ll be back

As before, comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff!

Wearing New York & Company

Before and After: Rhonda of Rhonda’s Escape fame, circa 1983

Stana’s Way

You may have noticed I replaced the old Femulate logo with a new Stana’s Way logo. 

Why?

When I started this blog in February 2007, I considered myself to be a “plain vanilla crossdresser,” so I created the word “femulate” to reflect my persona (a male emulating a female) and name my blog. 

A lot of water has gone under the bridge since 2007 and I jettisoned the “plain vanilla crossdresser” descriptor long ago. Rather than being a male emulating a female, I realized that I was a female emulating a male. And doing a bad job of it – not because I wasn’t trying to “man up,” but because manning-up was so foreign to me.

I could have changed the name of the blog long ago, but I hesitated because the word “femulate” that I invented had become part of our language and I was proud of that fact. However, after exchanging emails with Ciara, I decided that the name change was a long time coming and “Stana’s Way” better reflected me than “Femulate.” 

I am certainly not a male according to society’s standards. I am also not a cisgender female. However, I am a woman with a male body and I am not going to let that little handicap prevent me from being the best woman I can be. That’s my way.

Also, I am not abandoning “femulate;” the blog URL remains www.femulate.org and posts about femulating will keep on coming full speed ahead.

And so it goes. 

Wearing Elisabetta Franchi

Crystal James

Reaching Out

That’s me in the photo above seated in front of a Human Sexuality class at Southern Connecticut State University where I did outreach a few years ago.

I loved doing outreach.

Outreach was like the proverbial Forrest Gump box of chocolates. Going in, you had no idea what to expect, but you could be sure it would be interesting.

What is “outreach”?

Before I go on, let me briefly explain what outreach entailed for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about.

The goal of the outreach I was involved with was to educate civilians about being trans. We accomplished this by presenting a brief trans-oriented biography and then fielding questions from the civilians. Easy-peasy! Nothing to it! And it usually worked – at least the comments (written and oral) from the civilians indicated that they got it, that is, we usually were able to leave them with the knowledge that we are not freaks. Rather, we are just like they are – human beings just trying to get along in the world.

Our biographies established our credentials. It was the questions and answers that opened the eyes/minds of the civilians. 

Here are some of the more memorable questions I have answered doing outreach.

Q: Are you married?

A: Yes.

Q: ...to a woman?

A: Yes.

Q: Do you crossdress when you have sex with your wife?

A: Never

Q: Why do you have your nails done only to go out once or twice a month?

A: I wear pre-glued, stick-on nails that take about five minutes to apply.

Q: How did you pick your female name? (This is probably the most asked question.)

A: It is a female version of my male name. (This is probably the most common answer to that question.)

Q: What do you do when someone stares at you or reacts negatively to you?

A: I try to disarm them with a smile and if they are close enough, I will say “Hello.”

Q: What do you do when you are at a bar and a guy hits on you?

A: I say I am not interested and point to my wedding ring.

Q: Which bathroom do you use?

A: I always use the ladies' room.

Q: Did you have a hard time learning to walk in heels?

A: No, I took to heels like a duck takes to water.
.
Q: Don't you worry that your voice gives you away when you are out in public?

A: Usually my voice is not an issue. (By the way, my voice is not deep and I am soft-spoken even in male mode.)

(I turned the question around and asked the class, “If you did not know I was a male, do you think my voice would give me away?” Three or four students answered and they said, “No.”)

Q: How do you hide your genitalia

A: I wear a panty girdle to keep my genitalia in check. At one time, I tried a gaff, but discovered that it was very uncomfortable and that my male parts would escape and required regaffing. The panty does a much better job keeping those parts in place and is much more comfortable.

Q: Do you do hormones or have you had surgery?

A: No. (That answer often surprises the students.)

Q: The way you move your hands and gesture is very feminine. Are you doing that intentionally?

A: It is not intentional. (I noticed that I gestured while answering the question and suddenly became aware that my hand gestures were indeed feminine, which gave me pause.)

Q: What would you do if you could do it over again?

A: I would live 24/7 as a woman without hormones and surgery, but I would have electrolysis.

Q: Do you ever feel that you are really a female?

A: Yes.

Q: Do you ever think about living full-time as a woman?

A: I think about it every day.

I don't go fishing for compliments when  I do outreach, but some come my way nonetheless.

A female student loved my hairdo and thought that my wig was my real hair. A pretty student said my makeup looked “fabulous.” Another commented that I should teach the females in the class how to apply makeup.

One female student thought I looked good enough to do female impersonation.

Another female student commented how good I looked for my age. Immediately, another female jumped in and said how well I was put together. After that comment, nearly all the females started talking at once, commenting about how nice I looked. I blushed with embarrassment and thanked them for their compliments.

One student commented that my outfit was “cute.” That made my day until another student stopped by to say, “You are so pretty!” She was very pretty herself and I was stunned by her compliment.

My most memorable outreach experience occurred about ten years ago. After the class, a female student approached me. She said that when I entered the class, she thought I was a woman, not a trans woman, but a born woman.

Thank you, I thought to myself, but then she added that besides thinking I was a born woman, I was also the most beautiful older adult woman that she had ever seen in person!

I thanked her profusely as she examined my presentation up close. She thought I was about 45 years old and she was very surprised when I revealed that I was 60 a the time. Then she told me something very personal that I will not repeat here. I thought I detected her eyes beginning to well up. The encounter became so emotional for me that I cannot remember if I gave her hug or not. (If I didn't, I should have.) Those few minutes with her were priceless to me and I will remember her forever. Can you understand why I love doing outreach!

By the way, I am available to do outreach. Contact me via e-mail at stana-stana (at-sign) sbcglobal.net

Wearing Bebe

Six young “ladies”

Someday Funnies

Wearing Ann Klein

Alex Lutz and Bruno Sanches femulating on French television’s
La revue de presse de Catherine et Liliane.

Shopping Online Again

I did some online shopping recently.

I liked two dresses from New York & Company and ordered both, an oversized blazer dress in “sapphire” blue and a belted blazer dress in green.

Perusing the Nine West website, I noticed some green heels that would go well with the green belted dress that I ordered. There was a sale. The heels I wanted were $59.99 plus shipping. However, if I ordered another pair, shipping would be free, so I ordered two pairs in green. Actually, they were different shades of green – one was green suede and the other was “Aquamarine Green.”

My wife’s birthday was coming soon, so I ordered a dress for her from Amazon. I own two similar dresses that I love, so I could not resist and ordered another one for myself, too!

Everything arrived within hours of each other. I was happy with the shoes and Amazon dress, but the New York & Company dresses were huge and looked awful on me... so awful that even in my correct size, I did not think they would look any better, so I shipped them back for a refund.

Now I have two pairs of green heels, but no green dress to were with them. I guess I will have to do some more online shopping! (Actually, I do have other green dresses, but a girl must have something new to wear with her new heels!)

Speaking of heels...

My closet was overflowing with shoes. I am embarrassed to mention how many. So I recently spent an afternoon moving all the shoes out of the closet and trying them on in order to eliminate the shoes that did not fit comfortably.

During this effort, I rediscovered two cute pairs from Payless (remember Payless?) that I had forgotten about. They are not only cute, but they are also very comfortable and I wore them during my dinner outing last Wednesday. 

Both pairs are over ten years old, so it did not surprise me that the rubber tip on one heel came loose (the glue had dried out) before I left the house and I had to switch to the other pair before heading out Wednesday afternoon. (I glued the tip back onto the heel after I returned home.)

And so it goes!

Source: Rue La La

I welcome all Femulate readers to submit Before and After photos for publication here.
Just send your photos to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net

Someday Funnies

Wearing Lizakosht

Alastair Sim femulating in the 1957 British film Blue Murder at St Trinians.

Stuff 5

By J.J. Atwell

It’s JJ again! The fact that you are reading this means that you and Stana liked my previous installments of Stuff. I hope you’ll continue to find it thought-provoking.  

Hair Part 2 – how to get it

So, before we resume, you might want to queue up the song from the musical Hair I mentioned in the previous installment.  

Today I’d like to write about getting feminine hair. I’ve got a very male haircut. Or at least what hair I have left. So to present as female, I needed a wig. But how to get one? 

There are lots of ways to go about getting a wig. You can buy them online from several sources including the wig company, on-line wig shops and, of course, Amazon.  

The really hard part is finding a wig that looks good on you. I’ve experimented a bit with various hair styles and colors by using FaceApp. It allows me quickly to see an alternate presentation and narrows down my decision-making. But what you see on screen is definitely not the same as seeing it in real life. 

In my opinion, nothing beats going to a wig shop and actually trying on several. Yes, that’s a big step for many of us. I found a place nearby that is run by a female impersonator (drag queen, if you must) that also caters to cancer patients. Of course, they are very welcoming to CDs, so I was comfortable going there even though I was nervous at first. 

It was a great experience trying on various wigs. Long. Short. In-between. I ultimately went for a shoulder length, after trying some shorter styles. For me, the longer length helped the illusion.  

But the most important factor in selecting a wig, I believe, is actually the color. I tried several different colors and ultimately settled on a darker blonde shade that you see in my headshot above. It was amazing to see the difference when trying on different colors. The shop owner was very helpful in suggesting colors and styles that would work best for me. Be sure to bring along a friend when doing this as it’s always helpful to get a third opinion.  

You’ll know when you get the right one. You’ll look in the mirror and spontaneously exclaim “that’s me,” when you see it! Yes, that’s the good stuff.  

I’ll be back

I hope you enjoyed this installment! As before, comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff!

Wearing Paige

Diether Krebs femulating on West German television’s Sketchup.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Concrete Jungle

Bradley Whitford and Jeffrey Tambor femulating in television’s Transparent.

Someday Funnies

Stanley Baxter, famed professional femulator of stage, screen and television

Living the Dream

By Ciara Cremin 

As with every reader of this website, I love wearing women’s clothes. So much so that in July 2015 I dressed openly to work for the first time as a woman. 

I know from reading the site that many of you fantasize about dressing openly as women. Some do occasionally. I fantasized about doing this for decades. That fantasy is well and truly realized. At work, when shopping, on the town, day and night – all times, without exception – I dress fully en femme. I don’t “pass.” I don’t even try. There’s nothing wrong with our bodies. The problem is with society.

Soon after coming out, I changed my name to Ciara. At first, I identified as a “cross-dresser,” a transvestite even: both terms are now well and truly redundant. I dress as a woman because I am a woman. 

I can’t express strongly enough what a thrill it is getting up every morning, selecting an outfit from the many dresses, skirts, blouses, etc. that I own, matching it with shoes or knee-length boots, various accoutrements such as jeweley, figure-hugging underwear, panties, bras, slips and most of all, pantyhose, and spending about 20 minutes in front of the mirror putting on my makeup from the assortment of lipsticks, eyeshadows and so forth overflowing my makeup drawer. It’s such a tonic to get dressed up in my style and doing so in the knowledge that this is the image I present to the world, not simply in my own private oasis in front of a mirror, an oasis I once felt imprisoned by. 

After eight years, the pleasure is undiminished. It’s so liberating being able to dress openly this way and for people to recognize and identify me as a woman. I love shopping for new dresses, shoes, handbags, everything, in fact, associated with femininity, amassing over this time, a huge collection to indulge in and experiment with daily.

I’m fortunate to have a job in academia where I’m fully accepted as a woman; to live in a country, New Zealand, in which it is relatively safe to present this way; to have friends who fully support me – those that didn’t are friends no more. I know this isn’t the case for everyone. But if you do fantasize about dressing openly, day and night, as a woman, and can, all things considered, do so without losing your job, being ostracized from friends, loved ones and family and in relative safety, why not do the same? It’ll transform your life, maybe for the better. And if like me, it becomes you, your only regret will be that you didn’t do it sooner.

The photographs I selected are typical of my daily style, some of which were taken at work before giving a lecture to hundreds of students who know me only as Ciara. You can probably tell from them that I love wearing pantyhose. My legs feel bare without them. As too my face without makeup on. The only time I don’t wear pantyhose is when going swimming at the beach or in winter, at the hot pools in my bathing suit, but still in makeup as you can see from the photo below. 

I’ve published two books reflecting on my experiences. Published in 2017, Man-Made Woman charts my transition and documents the effects, both on me and the people I encounter daily. It’s quite theoretical, so not necessarily a book I’d recommend unless you’re willing to put the work in and prepare yourself for challenging ideas on gender, sexuality and most of all, a society that casts us as freaks. 

Likewise, 2021’s The Future is Feminine, an excoriating critique of the effects of masculinization that living as a woman, it is difficult not to regard as a sickness. Living as a woman has a healing effect, a kind of therapy that addresses the damage done over the years by a self- and societally-enforced masculinization.

If you have the desire and the conditions afford it, feel the fear and do it anyway. Liberate your femininity. Become the woman you were always meant to be. It’ll change your perspective on life and, just as importantly, the world. If enough of us do so, maybe we can even change the world and make it a better, safer, less alienating place for everyone.

(Editor’s Note 1: Ciara will entertain your questions. Ask them in the Comments section below or email them to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net) 

(Editor’s Note 2: The book links in this article go to Amazon.com. The books are also available from Australian bookseller Bloomsbury.)