Transitioning

In response to my standing offer to answer anything you ask me, Julie Shaw wrote the following:

I'm getting tired of coming up with answers to “well meaning” people asking me when I’m going to start transitioning. I don’t WANT to transition. I’m a heterosexual male-to-female crossdresser and have NO desire to change that.

My question for you is “how would you communicate this to those sisters on social media who all but berate me for not being true to yourself.” I have run out of words.

It seems to me (with emphasis on “to me”) that the meaning of “transition” has changed over time.

In olden days when I still lived in a closet, transition meant that you took hormones, had surgery and did all that the law allowed to officially change your name and sex designation.

Today, the definition of “transition” is a lot looser. You don’t have to take hormones and/or you don’t have to have surgery and/or you don’t have to legally change your name or sex designation. You don’t even have to live full-time in your trans gender.

So I guess I transitioned some time ago and didn’t even know it!

At Fantasia Fair in 2014, I attended Natasha Wilkie’s presentation “Planning Your Transition.” The most important thing I took out of the presentation was that you do it at your own pace... a pace that you are comfortable with.

As the presentation ended, Natasha left us with a metaphor... Transition is like riding a train. You can get off at any stop and you can get back on the train whenever you wish and in some cases, you can go back to a previous stop.

So when quizzed about when am I going to transition, I can honestly say I have transitioned already.

Nota Bene! This post is a re-post.

Wearing Boston Proper

Alejandro de Hoyas Parera femulating in an episode of Mexican television‘s Esta Historia Me Suena.

Someday Funnies: The Emperor’s New Clothes

Wearing Ann Taylor

Working Sisters

I was a working stiff for almost 40 years. The companies I worked for employed thousands of people, yet I never encountered another trans sister among my fellow employees.

Admittedly, I kept a lid on my crossdressing the first 30 years, but outed myself with my Halloween femulations the last ten years. Yet, no one ever approached me to introduce themselves as a trans sister, which is understandable. 

Most people are more circumspect than me about our “hobby.” I was probably just as careful about my secret identity before I came out and don't know if I would have come out to a sister co-worker if the opportunity arose, which it never did.

After I retired from ARRIS in 2017, I did discover that one of my blog readers worked at a different ARRIS facility and we knew some of the same people. 

It’s a small world after all.

Wearing Jonathan Simkhai

Rodney Chester, Shaun Earl, Jazzmun and Red Savage femulating in the 2000 film Punks.

Gutsy List

Trying to come up with the most unusual thing I have ever done en femme, I revisited my bucket list to see what stood out. I discounted closeted trans items on the list, like “Go to a support group meeting.” Although they are accomplishments, there are safety nets involved and not much interaction, if any, with civilians. 

Perusing the remainder of my bucket list, I selected the items that the average person would consider to be “gutsy” (or “nutsy”):

• Attend a school reunion
• Drive cross-country
• Go to a non-transgender convention
• Live full-time for an extended period of time 
• Public speaking

Attending my law school reunion was a big deal, but previously doing the other items on my short list prepared me for attending the reunion. (And I still regret not attending my high school reunion en femme. The good news is that there is talk of another high school reunion in 2024, so I may have another opportunity to attend en femme.) 

Going to a non-transgender convention (Hamvention) involved the other items on the short list. 

Driving cross-country (750 miles) to and from Hamvention involved interacting with a lot of civilians (for example, stopping to purchase gasoline and food, checking in and out of hotels, using public ladies’ restrooms, etc.). 

Intermingling with 30,000 civilians (ham radio operators) over a long weekend at the convention, some who knew me as a “legendary” male ham radio author, was a little daunting initially, but became comfortable over time. Along with the cross-country drive, I checked off the “Live full-time for an extended period of time” item on my short list.  

Public speaking at the ham convention’s forums to audiences of civilian hams (numbering 400 to 500) was probably the most gutsy thing I ever did. It took eight previous convention visits en femme before I felt comfortable enough to do it. Now I would do it at the drop of a hat. That’s progress!

Wearing Bebe

Shemp Howard, Moe Howard and Larry Fine (The Three Stooges) femulating in the 1950 short Self Made Maids. Although this is typical Three Stooges fare filled with slapstick comedy, the boys played it straight when presenting as females. Their voices were convincing and I loved their circa 1950 outfits. You can view this femulation on YouTube. 

Someday Funnies: Your Turn

Wearing Endless Rose

Femulating in Brazil

Someday Funnies: Faux Fanny

Wearing New York & Company

Pakistani femulators

Someday Funnies: Father Knows Best

Wearing Boston Proper

A lovely group of femulators in Indonesia

Cap It Off

My New Wig
Noriko Reese Large Cap
Creamy Toffee R

Meg asked if I wear a wig cap. I answered that I do not.

As a novice femulator, I always wore a wig cap under my wig. Not sure why. Other wig wearers wore wig caps, so I assumed they knew what they were doing and I just followed their lead. I thought that maybe it helped hide your real hair (if you had any), but I was never sure.

Large cap size head that I have, most wig caps were too tight and often left red welts on my forehead. Occasionally, a tight wig cap would give me a headache, too. Also, wig caps added an extra layer underneath the wig, which cooked my head and resulted in perspiration especially in the warmer weather. Sweat running down my made-up visage did not make for a pretty picture.

The last straw was when a tight wig cap worked its way off my head and ended up all balled-up under my wig! After that, I swore off wig caps and since then, I had no more wig cap welts, headaches and perspiration. And my wigs did not notice the difference – they stayed in place and did not stray from my head.

There are some benefits to wearing a wig cap. You can read about them here, but they do not apply to me and I will remain wig capless ’til the day I dye.

Warning, Will Robinson – This post is an edited rerun!

Wearing Theory

Alexander Vlahos (right) femulating in French television’s Versailles

Forget About It

I have a gremlin. Maybe you have one, too. 

You are out en femme and everything is going well. No one has addressed you as “Sir” and the competition (cisgender females) smile at you in a pleasant manner as opposed to a smirk that says “I know what you are.” But your gremlin just won’t leave well enough alone.

My gremlin showed up at lunch on Halloween when it compelled me to ask my waitress about my Halloween costume. She was clueless and until my gremlin butted in, she thought I was a cisgender female. That satisfied my gremlin, but I was a little miffed that my gremlin outed me. Especially since I thought I looked spectacular in my new wig and dress.

There are a lot of passing deniers* out there (I’m one myself). But whether we admit it or not, passing is always on our minds to some degree, so it is nice to find out when we do pass to build our confidence. But to do so requires us to out ourselves and when we do that, we just blew our cover!

Unlike us, gender is not constantly on the minds of civilians we encounter. We present as female, they see us as female, accept us female and all is well unless we do something to change their minds (“Where’s the men’s room?”).

Our choices are to never know what civilians think or find out by outing yourself. I have been trying to control my gremlin all my femulating life – I succeed most of the time, but sometimes my gremlin overpowers me. 

On the brighter side, I usually find out that I was passing successfully when the gremlin does its thing. This should be a lesson to me: my report card usually gets a passing grade, so I should just assume that I always pass and forget about it.

* Girls like us who reject the belief that passing is important.

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

A mid-20th Century womanless beauty pageant. (Miss 14 gets my vote.)

The Day After

I woke up Halloween morning, tested my knee and all systems were go. Ate breakfast, filled the bird feeder, shaved, showered, did my makeup, did my hair, got dressed, added jewelry, did my nails, filled my handbag and left the house around noon. My uniform for the day featured a tie-neck sweater dress from Nanette by Nanette Lepore.

The weather forecast was good (partly cloudy, mid 60’s), so I went without outerwear.

Needed money, so my first stop was the bank I wrote about visiting en femme Halloween 2017. I had been a regular at this bank branch for years, but not much lately, so I had no idea if I would know any of the current staff. Any holdovers from 2017 would know me, but any newbies would not. Turned out that none of the current staff were holdovers from 2017. I did not know a soul.

There were no other customers, so I stepped right up to the only teller, who greeted me with a big smile. I don’t know if she read me or if I passed, but the jig was up when I handed her my drivers license in order to complete the withdrawal. She did not react to my decidedly male identification and completed the transaction just as it started – in a friendly and professional manner.  

Needed food, so I decided to go to Viron Rondo Osteria, an Italian restaurant in Cheshire. I’ve dined there a number of times in the past and at least once en femme, so I felt comfortable dining there again.

I arrived at the restaurant around 1 PM and was surprised how busy it was. Their large parking lot was almost full and there were lots of people entering and exiting the establishment.

“Table for one” and I was immediately seated in the busy dining room next to a couple of young women. I asked one of them to take my photo. She was happy to do so and you can see the results below. 

My waitress was pleasant, took my order and in short order, I was drinking a beverage and dining on a delicious pasta dinner. I noticed some male diners and waiters checking me out, but I just looked away... after all, I am a married woman!

Time flew by quickly and before I knew it, the waitress was packing up my leftovers and presenting me with the bill. I overheard her complimenting a couple at another table about their Halloween costume, so when she returned to collect my payment, I asked, “How do you like my Halloween costume?”

She looked at me with a blank expression and asked, “What is it?”

“I’m a guy.”

She was shocked. She had no idea and began gushing over my “costume,” loved my hairdo (wig) and thought that my nails were “cute.”

Needless to say, I drove home floating on air.

Femulating Notes

I wore a new wig: large cap “Reese” from Noriko in the shade of Creamy Toffee R. I love my new do and it will probably be my go-to wig for the foreseeable future.

I successfully wore fake eyelashes. In the past, I had trouble putting them on and ended up going without. Girls in the know say that often the lashes are too long out of the box and one needs to trim them to fit one’s eyelid. I trimmed about a quarter inch off mine and they went on easily and remained on until I removed them at the end of the day.

I wore a pair of grey Payless Karmen 3-inch heels that I bought years ago, but never wore before. The shoes are very cute with a very fine checkered gray fabric covering the shoe and a jet black 3-inch stiletto heel holding up the works. They looked great with my dress with its grey tie and cuffs. But the longer I wore the heels, the looser they became and by the time I returned home, they were falling off my feet. So I will take them to the shop and add inserts to make them fit tighter.

My knee gave me no problem all day long. No aches and pains despite walking around in heels for five hours.

I was very disappointed in a new eyeshadow that I purchased on QVC. It is a box of eight crayons in eight shades from Mally. You literally draw the eyeshadow with a crayon and you have 45 seconds to smudge the shadow around your eye to your liking. Then the shadow dries in place. I found that the shadow was too thick and the crayon too wide to apply the shadow exactly where you wanted it/didn’t want it. It was a big mess and I had to remove all my eye makeup and start all over again using more traditional (powder) eyeshadow.

Source: Rue La La

Yours truly celebrating Halloween by dining out at an Italian restaurant.