Someday Funnies

Five-foot-ten Savannah Guthrie 

 

She wears the pants

What’s Up, Patient?

I shave everything I can reach from the neck down. 

In the past, I did not shave if I had an upcoming doctor’s appointment because I did not want a doctor asking me about my shaved body parts.

Some time ago, I stopped worrying and now I see my doctors in a shaved body. No one in the doctor’s office ever questioned me about it. Even when I had varicose vein surgery and had to display my shaved legs to the doctor, nurses and technicians on the day of surgery and during three follow-up visits, no one said a word about my shaved legs. 

Who knows what was said, if anything, behind my back? 

But after all my recent doctor visits, it dawned on me that no one has ever broached the subject. Maybe the Hippocratic Oath precludes it – I dunno, but it has never been an issue.

For that matter, few civilians have ever mentioned my hairlessness. I only recall it happening when I dressed for Halloween en femme and someone remarked that I shaved my legs!

And so it goes.

Wearing Giambattista Valli

Grayson Perry (left)

Someday Funnies

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Bobby Kimber, professional femulator and ventriloquist

Sports Bra

By Paula Gaikowski

There’s a scenic road here in New England that I take frequent walks on. It has views of the White Mountains, bucolic fields and stone walls. It’s a popular route and I often meet up or pass others. Most of the ladies’ wear sports bras and I often thought how nice it would be to have my A cup girls held high and tight just like those ladies.

The other day, I was in a thrift shop and came across and beautiful XL Nike sports bra for a bargain price. I couldn’t wait for my morning walk, a pair of black nylon women’s running shorts with small pink logo, a pair of cotton peds with pink trim, light control panty, my brand-new sports bra, and a breast cancer logo baseball cap. I was blurring gender lines just a little bit. 

My sports bra felt wonderful going on. I was amazed how everything felt so snug. I felt like all was right in the world. Off I went and enjoyed a beautiful walk.

When I got home, I was a bit sweaty and decided to change and shower. That’s when things got funny. How do I get this thing off? I tries pulling it over my head, but it wouldn’t stretch and the materiel is super strong. I tried to get an arm through, but no luck. Down on my knees bent this way, bent that way, pull here. Oh, now it’s stuck. I can’t move my arm. Ouch, I just punched myself in the face! It’s stuck –what do I do? Call the fire department! Scissors? Ask my wife for help? It took another exhausating 15 minutes, but finally I was free!

Curious if this was my own incompetence in the feminine arts or was this a common problem. I Googled “can’t get off my sports bra” and low and behold, I find a plethora of narratives, videos, memes and jokes about sports bras after a workout. It seems if you want a sports bra that works well, it tends to be one that comes off with great difficulty. 

Another rite of passage that I feel honored to have experienced. Guess I’ll watch some more videos and read some tips and tricks, but I am will not give up my sports bra until the fire department has to pry it off my twisted and bent body!

Wearing Retrofete

Femulator and friend

Someday Funnies

Wearing PatBO

Marcie, just another pretty femulator

Bras and Girdles

Wearing Rago Styles 2202 and 6201

It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind and when it comes to my unmentionables, I am doing my womanly best. I experiment a lot trying different combinations of foundation garments in order to achieve a shapely figure. As a result, my unmentionables du jour often varies.

These days, I wear three unmentionable. A long line bra, a long line girdle and a padded panty.

All my current unmentionables are Rago products.

Rago Style 2202 Long Line “Expandable Cup” Bra, one in white and one in black.

Rago Style 6201 Extra Firm Zippered High Waist Long Leg Shaper

Rago Style 915 High Waist Padded Panty

The long line bra is a size 40B. Its cups are a perfect fit for my breasts. And its long line flattens my tummy and help to shape my waistline.

The long line shaper (I call it a “girdle”) also shapes my waistline and flattens my tummy. It also does a good job of keeping my tucked friends tucked.

I have a flat derriere, so I wear the padded panty over my girdle to unflatten my derriere.

The three unmentionable combo is also very comfortable. In the past (30 pounds ago), I used to say, “My girdle is killing!” just like in the old Playtex ads, but that is no longer the case. My shapewear is doing its job painlessly.

Wearing Bebe

Yet another beautiful Femulator

Someday Funnies: Get Used To It!

Wearing SWF

 

Youth in dresses

Happiness Without Transitioning?

By Paula Gaikowski

As you may know, the transgender community is rife with politics and political correctness. 

Many years back, I was shopping at Vernon’s Boutique in Waltham, Massachusetts – truly a refuge for me at the time. For those who may not remember, Vernon’s was a store that accommodated the transgender community before Internet shopping. Here was a place you could buy wigs, size 12 shoes and women’s clothing without having to say it was a gift for your aunt. I was enamored by the selection of girly clothes. Anyway, I was looking at maid outfits and frilly sissy dresses, when a transgender woman I was chatting with started to criticize me for being a “fetishist crossdresser” and not a “true transexual” like herself. 

Another time I went to a transgender support group meeting in Denver. It was early in my going out and I was very fragile. I got all dressed up in my new business suit, nails, new shoes, good hair day and drove two hours through rush hour traffic to get there. 

It was a group therapy type set-up where we all sat in a circle and shared our thoughts and experiences. At one point I used the term transgendered instead of transgender and they condemned me calling me transphobic, and then criticizing me for the way I was dressed because I conformed to a patriarchal archetype of femininity. 

Both incidents hurt me, and I started to doubt that I was transgender and that my lifelong desire to be female and a woman was misplaced. If being transgender meant being like these persons maybe I wasn’t a “true transexual.”

A popular narrative in the transgender community is that “a transgender person must transition – that it is matter of life and death. If you don’t agree, then you are less than…”

So, if I am transgender, can I live a happy life if I don’t transition?

Being transgender is like having a pebble in your shoe. It takes away some of the joy, it causes some pain, however, there still is meaning and even happiness. 

For some, the pebble may cause too much pain, causes blisters and then an infection that becomes life-threatening. The pebble must be removed. In other words, the person must transition. Some of us just keep hiking with the pebble in our shoe, although we may opt for a cuter and prettier shoe.

Wearing Joie

Just another beautiful Femulator

Wear a Bra!

Jenn wrote, “My wife and many close female friends are known to comment about how they can’t wait to take off their bra. Of course, as a crossdresser I can’t wait to put one on! What do you think about your bra?”

Whereas fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg once proclaimed, “Feel like a woman. Wear a dress!” I say, “Feel like a woman, Wear a bra!”

Is there any garment that defines womanhood more than a bra? Fashion forward fellows may dress like women from head to toe, but they don’t wear bras. Only women and femulators wear bras.

On occasion, I have femulated without wearing a bra because I did not have the correct style bra to go with a particular dress or top I was wearing and since I am already well-endowed for a guy, going bra-less was not a deal breaker. However, I prefer to wear a bra when I femulate.

Early on, I wore some ill-fitting bras. The band was too small and/or the shoulder straps too short and like Jenn’s lady friends, I could not wait to take off my bra.

After too many misfits, I decided that the only way to get a bra that fits is to get a professional bra-fitting at an intimate apparel shop or in the lingerie department of a department store.

Your mileage may vary, but I have been fitted for bras in both girl mode and boy mode in both venues and have never been turned away. In fact, the women performing the fittings were very helpful and seemed pleased to have a male join their bra-wearing sorority.

If you are unsure about which bra-selling venue to seek out for a fitting, you can always call ahead and ask. My niece worked at Victoria's Secret and she said that the saleswomen were used to fitting both men and women, so don't be shy – go for it, girl!

And if your bra is the correct fit, you won't even know you are wearing one!

Wearing Venus

Greg Maraio femulating on stage in Casa Valentina

Someday Funnies

Rachel Reynolds (hostess on televisions’s The Price Is Right)

John Carroll Lynch femulating on television’s The Drew Carey Show.