You should have been a girl!

“You should have been a girl!” is a statement my mother made to me a number of times while I was growing up. Usually she made it after complementing my shapely girlish legs. Or on other occasions, when she mentioned that I “walked like a girl” (on my tiptoes).

To compound my gender confusion, whenever she took my sister and I out on her shopping trips, she insisted that I use the ladies’ room when nature called. I don’t recall if I stood or sat to pee, but I used the ladies’ room until I was 10 or 11 years old.

Then there was my introduction to makeup.

I was probably between the ages of 7 and 10 and for a day or two, I got the notion that I wanted to be a circus clown when I grew up. I remember I was home with my mother and I covered my face with my mother’s cold cream to simulate a clown’s white face. Then I added lipstick. What a mess!

I showed my handiwork to my mother and she volunteered to do a better job. She removed my handiwork and started anew applying various cosmetics to my face.

When she was done, I looked in the mirror and was shocked. Instead of looking like a clown, I looked like a girl!

In retrospect, I am not sure if she realized what I was trying to do. I do not recall if I was clear about trying to be a circus clown. She may have thought I was trying to be a girl and acted accordingly.

I suspect that later, when I began exploring femininity, she would have been very willing to assist me, but I never asked for her help or revealed my desires even when she prompted me with, “Is there anything you want to tell me?”’

In retrospect, I realize she knew (mothers always know) after finding my hidden stash of girly things and learning about my Halloween excursions en femme, but I was too closeted to tell her the truth that I really was her daughter, not her son.

Anyway, Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

Wearing Ramy Brook

Katherine Cummings femulating at Casa Susanna in the 1960’s

Someday Funnies: Dressing with Winnie Winkle

“Winnie Winkle is an American comic strip published during a 76-year span (1920–1996). Its premise was conceived by Joseph Medill Patterson, but the stories and artwork were by Martin Branner, who wrote the strip for over 40 years. It was one of the first comic strips about working women. The main character was a young woman who had to support her parents and adopted brother, serving as a reflection of the changing role of women in society.” (Source: Wikipedia)

I am a fan of classic comic strips and comic books and own a large collection of books on the subject including one that has a selection of strips from Winnie Winkle’s run. 

Revisiting the book, I found a series of Winnie Winkle strips from April 1933 in which Winnie causes a commotion by purchasing and wearing a woman’s trouser suit. I offer the April 3rd and 6th strips from that series for your enjoyment.

Wearing New York & Company

Candy Darling, femulator extraordinaire, with And Wahol and Ultra Violet

Hope for the best

Go out en femme and hope for the best. That is my attitude. Pass or not, I just want to go out and be the best woman I can be. I cannot control how people will react, so forget about it and just enjoy and embrace being out and about en femme. And let the chips fall where they may.

But, sometimes people react in ways that affirm your womanhood and your “hope for the best” becomes reality.

One of those realities occurred over dinner when I attended Fantasia Fair. I was chatting with two new trans friends and we were discussing passing.

During our discussion, I mentioned how I always thought my voice gave me away. They retorted that my voice was perfect. And then they added that at the orientation brunch where they saw me for the first time, they thought I was the spouse of another attendee, that is, they thought I was a cisgender female!

Convincing another transwoman that you are cisgender female is remarkable, but convincing two transwomen simultaneously is even better! 

Convincing a cisgender female is affirming, too.

Out shopping one day, I was wearing white shorts, a multi-colored top, pink scarf, black bag and white wedges (see photo). As I was looking through the racks at JCPenney, a middle-aged woman (probably younger than me) approached me and asked, “Can I ask you a question?”

I had no idea what she was going to ask (“What time is it?” “Where did you buy your shoes?” “Are you a man?”). I girded my loins, smiled and agreed to answer her question.

“You're dressed fashionably, so I'd like your opinion about a pair of slacks I was thinking about buying.”

Wow! I certainly did not see that coming!

We discussed the merits of the slacks. I did not like what she had picked out and suggested something with a bolder pattern. She admitted that she really did not like what she had picked out and liked my suggestion better.

I pointed out a skirt with a pattern similar to what I had in mind and her eyes lit up as she said, “I saw slacks with that pattern. Now I just have to find them again! Thank-you for your help.”

“Good luck,” I said.

Then I took a deep breath.

“Oh, my God!” I screamed to myself. 

Wearing Cult Gaia

Darrell Raynor was the author of A Year Among the Girls, which documented the weekend femulators who gathered in an upstate New York B&B to be girls unimpeded by mid-20th Century society. Published in 1968, it opened my eyes to the world of femulating (that I was not alone) and revealed to me its possibilities. 

Someday Funnies

Wearing Alice + Olivia

Femulating in Soho London

Progress

Saturday, I had about ten attendees for my presentation at the virtual Transgender Lives Conference. 

It was such a beautiful spring day that is was a shame that the conference wasn’t live on the beautiful grounds of the UConn Health Center, its normal live venue, But wait ’til next year – the conference will be live in 2023 as long as the plague doesn’t get out of hand again.

Naturally, I got dressed up for the conference. I just wore a little old something from Calvin Klein that I found in my closet. The good news is that I wore 3.5-inch heels throughout the day and I was none the worse for wear. Therapy, exercise, cherry juice and glucosamine seem to be working and I am now painless most of the time.

I am very happy with my recovery so far. A month ago, I never thought I would walk in heels again. It has been a long road back and now I am looking forward to getting out again and again. 

I am surrounded by museums and art galleries, so I am considering volunteering at one of these venues if they’ll have me. A regular gig en femme would be a dream come true and a great way to do something during my retirement besides hanging  around the house watching Let’s Make a Deal, The Price is Right and reruns of The Office.

Wearing New York & Company

Audrius Janonis (center) femulates Irūna Puzaraitė on Lithuanian television’s Muzikinė kaukė.
You can view this femulation on YouTube.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Lilla P

Femulating in Clothestime television commercial (see it for yourself on YouTube)

Out!

Wednesday, I went out en femme for the first time since the pandemic disrupted our lives.

My health issues have improved so much that I did not think twice about going out. The only thing I conceded to my achy left leg was to wear kitten heels instead of my usual high heels. (Walking after getting up from the seated position is shaky no matter what I wear on my feet, but once I take a few steps, I am good to go. High heels worsen the problem, while the kitten heels do not.)

I finally wore my Boston Proper vegan leather dress out for the first time. I purchased the dress in the fall of 2019, but it was too small. I could not return or exchange it because it was a “final sale” that I was unaware of until I tried to make the return/exchange. 

I was stuck with the dress. I thought that maybe if I lost some weight, it would fit, but I did not expect that to happen real soon now. But guess what? During the past two months, I lost ten pounds fretting over my osteoarthritis and now the dress fits perfectly. (That’s a total of 35 pounds lost since 2019 for those of you who are keeping track.)

I accessorized with silver jewelry and a black bag. I was ready to exit to my Subaru in the garage when my wife appeared to check me out. She hated my black bag and insisted that I add some color to my outfit. After trying different accessories, we settled on a red bag and a red floral scarf that you see in the accompanying photo. 

My wife was so helpful – it was as if she was helping out a girlfriend rather than a girly husband! She is a treasure!

The 20-minute drive to the Victoria House Restaurant and Tavern in Cheshire was uneventful and I soon found myself seated in the dining room with four lady friends who I have known like forever: Lisa, Sylvia, Diana and blurred Lee Anne, who had to attend in boy mode because he had a boy mode engagement following out luncheon. (I listed the ladies‘s names, left to right, as they are seated in the photo below.)

Food was secondary to the conversations as we were all getting caught up on what we were doing during the pandemic. By the way, we practically had the dining room to ourselves; there were only two women seated at another table, so some of the trans topics we discussed did not cause a commotion.

I did manage to bring attention to myself exiting the restaurant. To leave the restaurant, I had to go through the tavern, where there were about a dozen civilian patrons. One door in the tavern led to the actual exit and the other door led to the rooftop patio. Of course, I chose the wrong door and the waitress shouted to inform me that I was going the wrong way. Meanwhile, all the patrons looked up to see who was the lost soul! (I was not embarrassed – rather I was happy to show off my female presentation to the civilians.)

I drove home exhilarated to be back in my heels again and looking forward to the next opportunity to go out en femme. I was also happy that I was healthy enough to do so.

Update: Transgender Lives Conference

This just in: I will be presenting at the Transgender Lives Conference at 10 AM EDT on Saturday, April 30. My topic is “Confidence: A Crossdresser’s Best Friend.”

Wearing New York & Company

Young femulators performing in UK The Beacon School’s production of Bugsy Malone. (Thank you, Zoe, for the heads-up about this femulation.)

Someday Funnies

Wearing Boston Proper

Professional femulator Minouche, circa 1955

Mainstream Feminization

Yesterday morning, while I was washing the breakfast dishes, my spouse was watching Drew Barrymore’s daytime television show. My spouse was interested in the cake that Drew and guests were decorating, while I was interested in the male guest who was wearing a flowing purple halter-top dress (above left). 

The male guest was Jonathan Van Ness, who is well-known for his feminine wardrobe. I have seen Jonathan in the past, typically on some cable channel late at night, so I was surprised to see him on a major network’s (ABC) daytime television show.

In the afternoon, while I was doing the laundry, “All Access” was playing on our television and the topic of conversation was the growing popularity of men’s lingerie. They were talking about all sorts of lingerie for men, including bras! They even showed a photo of the host Mario Lopez, in lingerie for an episode of Nip/Tuck (above right).

And so it goes!

Wearing Yves Saint Laurent

“Mrs.” Jimmy Fallon on television’s Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Someday Funnies

Wearing StyleWe

Filipe Duarte femulating in the 2007 Portuguese film A Outra Margem