Someday Funnies

Wearing New York and Company

Alice Sometimes

Switching Teams

Women are taking over.

My editor was a woman.* My supervisor was a woman.* My manager was a woman.* My Vice President is a woman.

In the not-too-distant past, men filled those positions. Now women are filling those roles and obsolescencing the men.

And it is happening everywhere in both the private and public sectors. Women are breaking through the glass ceiling and erecting new ceilings to keep men in a newfound place, i.e., reporting to women.

The women’s team is on a roll and is winning big time in the war between the sexes. If you don’t want to face the future as a second-class citizen, join the other team before it’s too late.

Crossdressing is one way to switch teams and begin fitting into the new woman’s world. And you don’t have to go full femme glam from the get-go. Instead, you can ease yourself into playing for the other team.

Start with a little makeup (lip gloss and mascara) and have your hair permed and highlighted.

Replace your T-shirt and boxers with sports bras and figure-shaping panties.

Buy a couple of pantsuits and maybe a pearl set. (While you are at the mall shopping for your new wardrobe, get your ears pierced, too.)

Knee-highs will do for now, but you must buy a pair of killer power pumps to show that you really mean business. Three-inch heels or higher will show the women that you are serious about playing on their team.

If you don’t have a manbag already, buy a designer pocketbook to carry your wallet, keys. cell phone, compact, makeup, etc. because women’s pants usually have no pockets, in case you didn’t know. (There are a lot more things you will learn playing on the women’s team.)

To show solidarity with your teammates, consider a name change. At a minimum, drop your “maiden name” and depending on whether you are married or single, use your wife or mother’s surname in its place. Also, again depending on whether you are married or single, start using “Mrs.” or “Ms.” as your courtesy title instead of “Mr.” You might even subtly feminize your first name, for example, change Rick to Ricki, Donald to Donni, Chris to Chrissy, etc.

Nothing will get you kicked off the team faster than bad bathroom etiquette, so be sure to put the toilet seat down after you use the lady’s room. Even better, get used to urinating in the seated position and give your feet a rest from wearing those killer pumps all day.

Those are the minimum requirements for playing successfully on women’s team. But be alert. If you see your old golfing buddy down the street going to work in a dress, then it is time to step it up, shave your legs and visit Lane Bryant for some additional wardrobe adjustments.

* - Before I retired.

Wearing Zuhair Murad

Femulate reader Mikki with a new “Baltimore Big” hairdo after seeing the Trocaderos,

Someday Funnies: An Easy Fix

Wearing ModCloth

Actor Jerry O'Connell femulating at DragCon 2017.

Flirting

In my book, if a guy flirts with you, then you are doing something right and are probably passing. It does not matter whether the flirter knows that you are cisgender or transgender, in the eyes of the flirter, you are good enough to eat and that’s all that counts.

Over the years, I have encountered a lot of flirters. They probably think that I am a penis-teaser because I never flirt back in response. After all I am married and faithful to my spouse. I am not looking for a romantic relationship outside my marriage, so, although I appreciate the occasional flirt (affirming my femininity), don’t thread on me because this girl is spoken for.

Wearing Rue La La

Femulating on the catwalk in the 1963 Austrian film Unsere Tollen Nichten (Our Amazing Nieces). You can view the film’s trailer on YouTube.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Boston Proper

I am a big fan of the original Law & Order television series, so I was thrilled that on February 24, new episodes began being broadcast after a 12-year hiatus. Most of the 2022 cast were new including Jeffrey Donovan, who plays Detective Frank Cosgrove. I enjoyed the reboot and about halfway through, I recognized Donovan, who femulated so spectacularly in the 1997 film Catherine’s Grove (photo above).

Eureka Drag!

In my late teens and early twenties, I would occasionally take the train into Manhattan and explore The City. During one of my explorations, I was taking in the huge display of magazines and newspapers on sale at the newsstand in Grand Central Terminal, when what to my wandering eyes should appear, but a magazine titled Drag.

Now, this was not the typical drag magazine I was used to seeing back home ― magazines that featured hemis, gassers, headers, blowers, mag wheels, Garlits, funny cars, Moon parts, etc. No, this drag magazine featured guys in gowns, boys in bras, men in minis, fellows in fishnets, males in marabou, etc.

Wow! I had found a magazine just for me!

I looked around me to see if anyone was looking at me looking at the magazine sitting on the rack. The coast was clear, so I reached for the magazine and flipped through it quickly to make sure it really was a magazine about trannies and not trannies. Satisfied, I handed it to the newsdealer and paid the exorbitant (for circa 1970) cover price of $3 (that's almost $22 in 2022 money).

As the newsdealer put the magazine in a brown paper bag and handed it to me, he gave me a dirty look. No fan of drag was he, but I did not care because I had in my hands something I hoped would expand my knowledge of the world that I seemed to be part of.

Drag never showed up on the local magazine racks, so I did not buy the magazine unless I was in NYC and could do so surreptitiously if I happened to have any company on those trips. As a result, I only acquired two or three issues of the magazine and cherished them until “The Great Purge of 1983,” when they went out to the trash with all my other girly paraphernalia.

Over the years, I saw clippings from Drag on various Internet places and I even saw complete issues for sale on eBay at exorbitant prices that I was unwilling to pay. But last week, Diana of Little Corner of the Nutmeg State fame, e-mailed me with some good news: complete issues of Drag were now available for downloading from Internet Archive.

So I plan to reverse “The Great Purge of 1983” and rebuild my collection of Drag.

Wearing Missoni

Femulators on stage in a 1984 Italian film titled Delitto al Blue Gay also known as Cop in Drag. Delitto al Blue Gay is jam-packed with femulators. You can view the film in its entirety on YouTube.

Someday Funnies: Shopping for “Her”

Wearing Bebe

Three’s Company all-male-cast, on stage circa 2016

Battle of the Bulge

Too often, I am surprised to see a photo of a lovely trans lady spoiled by an unsightly bulge below the waistline.

I am sure that sometimes a visible bulge is intentional, that is, for whatever reason, the “lady” wants viewers to know that she is really a he. On the other hand, most trans ladies prefer that the bulge be invisible.

If you wear a garment with a pleated or flouncy skirt, then hiding your boy parts is usually not a concern. Pleats and flounces hide the bulge, but nearly all other womenswear require that you attend to the bulge.

The ultimate solution is to have those parts surgically removed. But if you are not ready for the ultimate solution, there are other ways that involve tucking those parts out of sight and maintaining the tuck. There is no need to reinvent the wheel, so I point you to wikiHow's tucking instructions.

Personally, I have never used tape to maintain a tuck. For my preferred method of staying tucked, scroll down the wikiHow page to “Trying Alternatives to Tape.”

The tape-free method works as long as the garment you use to maintain the tuck is tight enough. Surprisingly, I found that a gaff performs a poor job. I bought a gaff in the last century and was unimpressed with its staying power. Maybe 21st Century gaffs are better ― I dunno.

On the other hand, I have had a lot of success staying tucked by wearing panty girdles and spandex bikini-style panties (not at the same time, and the tighter, the better).

And so it goes (and hopefully, doesn't show).

Wearing StyleWe

Grayson Perry, one of my heroines

Someday Funnies: Househusbands’ Day Out

Wearing Le Redoute

John Ritter femulating again on television’s Three’s Company. John was a frequent femulator on television and in film. There are many images of his femulations throughout the Internet, but his best femulation (in my opinion) is no where to be found. It occurred on his detective television series Hooperman. In a 1988 episode titled ”In Search of Bijoux,” Hooperman goes undercover as a transvestite to nab a slasher. I saw the episode when it originally aired and was impressed by John’s presentation, but I never saw it again and never found any images from that episode. And so it goes.

Catch Up

I took a 10-day break from blog writing, although I did keep the blog rolling with daily Someday Funnies. The break was health-related. Diagnosed with osteoarthritis, I was (and still am) exhausted from dealing with its symptoms.

During the break, I received some emails that have gone unanswered, but I promise to catch up and answer them this week.

On Thursday, I was evaluated for physical therapy and will begin sessions twice a week starting tomorrow. 

During the evaluation, I asked the therapist if I will be able to wear high heels again and she laughed at my “joke.”

When I indicated that my question was serious, she was noncommittal replying that it depends on how well my therapy goes. Then she asked if I really wear high heels?

I opened my iPhone and showed her a photo of me in heels. She was amazed and said that I will have to visit the office in heels after my therapy is over. 

Wearing Khaite

Actor Randy Thompson

Someday Funnies: The Future is Female

Wearing Selfie Leslie

A ladies’ room mirror selfie taken during my annual trip to Hamvention in 2010 – the first year I attended the event presenting as a woman. Click here to read about that adventure.