Quietly Outing Myself

Actions speak louder than words

The only time I deliberately outed myself was when I decided to attend Hamvention as a woman after becoming a “ham radio legend” as a man. As I had at past Hamventions, I would be representing two ham radio organizations (one a national organization, the other an international organization), so I felt that it was necessary to inform the leaders of each organization of my plans.

In retrospect, I should not have been surprised that they accepted the news and were extremely supportive. They had known me for many years and probably assumed that the only thing that would change would be a change of clothes.

At my day job, I showed up at work as a professional woman seven Halloweens (the last five Halloweens consecutively). Each time, I went all out and never appeared as a “man in a dress.”

First time, I assumed that my co-workers gave me the benefit of the doubt for my excellent femulation (his wife probably assisted in his transformation). The second through seventh Halloweens, I assumed that my co-workers suspected that there might be more to it than my wife’s skills. In fact, my wife never assisted in my femulations except to purchase some “girly gifts” and to offer me advice (“Your skirts too short!”)

All benefits of doubt were off when post-retirement, I was invited to my former employer’s Christmas party and showed up en femme. 

I never outed myself to any co-worker except my supervisor, manager and Human Resources and that was just to cover my derriere in case my ham radio world somehow got mixed up with my day job. 

If a co-worker ever asked me what was going on, I would have told them, but no one ever asked. Even the framed photo on my desk of me in office girl drag (photo above) did not move anyone to ask. But I think I did not give my co-workers enough credit – I believe they figured me out, but respected me and did not want to mention (the obvious?).

Post-retirement, I had a girl’s night out with my former supervisor, manager and the CEO’s executive assistant, Jackie. As I mentioned above, I had previously came out to my supervisor and manager, but not to Jackie, who was a big fan of my Halloween femulations. So while we were chatting at the restaurant, I asked Jackie if she knew I was trans and her response was “Of course!”

And so it goes.

Wearing Peter Do

Charles Hawtrey and Albert Burton femulating in the 1939 British film Jail Birds.

Someday Funnies: Double Talk

Wearing Elisabetta Franchi

Antony Sher femulating in the 1985 British film Shadey.
You can view the film on YouTube.

Coming Out Unintentionally

By Lisa

Do the people in your life know that you identify as CD or TG or something else outside the traditional binary? How do they know? Did you disclose it to them or did you unintentionally out yourself? Those questions are important if you are still partially in the closet as I am.

Coming out unintentionally came to mind when I was watching the excellent documentary Our Dad, Danielle, which played at the 2021 Vail Film Festival (23-26 September 2021). 

Danielle came out unintentionally to her daughter, Sarah, on a day when Danielle thought everyone in the family was away on a shopping trip. She decided to lounge in the family’s swimming pool in her swimsuit, but her daughter was in an upstairs bedroom with the blinds open and saw her dad and couldn’t make sense of it. 

Why would her dad wear a woman’s swimsuit? Had he simply looked for the nearest suit because his own swimsuit wasn’t available? It was confusing to her, so she asked her mother about it. Danielle’s wife, Becky, thereupon insisted to Danielle that she come clean.

That part brought back a memory when something similar happened to me. It also was very real to me because I am blessed with access to a swimming pool too and love to go there as Lisa (I also love to wear a sarong because I think it looks simply lovely).

My children are all grown and because I have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” relationship with my wife, when she is at work over the weekend, it is time for Lisa to be out. On one such a Saturday I was dressed casually with no makeup or wig making myself some lunch in the kitchen when my 28-year-old daughter walked into the room. It was her house too growing up and she was looking for something, so she thought nothing of simply walking in. She took one look at me and the only word she could utter was, “What?!” Whereupon I said, “Give me a second…” and I rushed out of the room to change into my costume (guy clothes). 

When I reappeared, I sat her down and explained that I was TG. She was gobsmacked because she had no idea that her dad identified as a woman. I told her that when she was a little over five years old, she had walked into the closet I shared with my wife and had seen me in a bra, panties and stockings. She didn’t remember that happening, which I found fascinating because it obviously meant that she had no strong feelings associated with seeing me in women’s undergarments. It was not in her long-term memory. Whereas I had very strong feelings being discovered by her and it was indelibly stamped in my own memory! 

It may be that the incident occurred prior to the point when she start noticing gender differences. In any case, as we talked I learned that the most important question for her was whether my wife knew about my gender dysphoria. I assured her that my wife knew, but only as much as my wife was willing to know. 

And my daughter wanted to know whether my sons knew. They did not and still might not know except that I felt compelled to tell them so that they had a personal stake in defending TG rights when a “bathroom bill” was introduced in our state legislature.

From the day of that outing until now, my daughter has been my staunchest ally and supporter. She allows me to share with her some of my experiences and feelings about being Lisa. She knows Lisa is fundamentally who I am. 

Kids today are so much more aware of trans issues and they fully accept that some people have gender dysphoria. Still, I have learned to keep my filters intact with her. A daughter is still a daughter, even if she is an ally. There are some things that are just too personal, particularly between a father and daughter, to be said or shared. I believe that is true for any relationship: an ally of mine (and I have some others) should only know what someone in that particular type of relationship would generally know about me.

How about you? Have you inadvertently been outed? If so, what did you do? Was it ultimately a positive or a negative experience? 

My hope is that you benefited from someone important in your life knowing, as I did – even if it was unplanned!

Wearing Elisabetta Franchi

Fernand Raynaud femulating in the 1959 French film La Marraine De Charley (another rendition of Charley’s Aunt)

Someday Funnies: Look Femme, Feel Femme, Be Femme

Wearing Chicwish

Harold Lloyd femulating in the 1918 film Kicked Out.

Get the Pointe

In Monday’s post, I wrote, “...wore my Nine West 4-inch high heel slingback pumps both days and they were comfortable from beginning to end, so I believe the foot stretching exercises that I do every morning are having an effect.”

In the comments, ikaras asked, “What foot exercises are working for you?”

To make a short story long...

In recent years, I noticed that my ability to wear high heels has diminished – I cannot wear heels for very long without pain in my foot. I was aware of various foot exercises that were supposed to help the problem, but I  never tried them.

Two summers ago, I had lower back pain and my doctor sent me for physical therapy. The therapist gave me a handful of exercises to do and I have been doing them every morning ever since. 

One of the exercises is the single leg knee-to-chest stretch. As in the photo above, with my hand behind my left knee, I pull my knee in to my chest until a comfortable stretch is felt in my lower back and buttocks. I hold that position for 30 seconds while keeping my back relaxed. Then I repeat the stretch with my right leg. Then I repeat the left and right stretches two more times.

One day, while counting down the 30 seconds, I thought about my high heels issue and wondered if I could stretch my foot while I was stretching my leg. After all, my foot was just hanging out in mid-air doing nothing! 

So I began stretching my foot during the knee-to-chest stretch. I simply swing my foot at the ankle in a tapping motion while stretching my toes like a ballet dancer performing the pointe technique, then swing my foot back to a natural standing (in mid-air) position. I repeat the foot stretch 30 times per set and use 30 foot stretches for counting down the 30 seconds of the knee-to-chest stretch set.

I have been doing my foot stretch exercise for about a year, but have not been able to see if they were doing any good because I have not worn high heels for an extended amount of time during the pandemic... until Saturday, when I wore high heels for eight hours.

My feet felt fine – no fatigue and no pain, so I assume my foot stretching had something to do with the big improvement in foot wear.

I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on television (I prefer to play a nurse), so I am in no position to recommend that you do what I do, your mileage may vary, but it seems to have worked for me.

Wearing Elisabetta Franchi

U.S. Army infantryman Tony Starr femulates a burlesque queen for American troops in Korea, January 1946. 

Someday Funnies: The Long and Short of It

Wearing Shein

Forces in Petticoats femulating on the London stage in 1952. The Forces were comprised of former British Army, Navy and R.A.F. members.

Words of Wednesday

Who Wore It Better?

No contest. The lady on the left wore it better, but the lady on the right was a close second! By the way, the ladies are wearing mock neck ribbed dresses from Venus.

Commenting Tips

I moderate all comments. Therefore, after you submit a comment, it will not appear on the blog until I give it a thumbs-up. I check my email a few times each day and if I receive an email informing me that I have a comment to moderate, I get to it right away, but that could be minutes or hours after you submit a comment. So if your comment does not appear on the blog right away, don’t resubmit the comment. The blog did not eat your original comment; I just did not moderate it yet.

Another tip: Don’t insert a less-than (<) or greater-than (>) symbol in your comment. The blog software interprets the symbols as the start and end of HTML code and when your comment appears, it will not display anything you inserted between the symbols as well as the symbols.

And yes, you can insert HTML code in a comment. It is useful if you want to insert a link to a website or webpage in your comment by entering the following code:

   <a><href="www.femulate.org">femulate</a> 

Change www.femulate.org to the URL of the website/webpage you are linking to and change femulate to the name of the website/webpage you are linking to.

Wearing Isabel Marant

Casper Castello femulates in the 2011 Danish film Ladyboy.
You can view a clip from the film on YouTube.

Someday Funnies: If the shoe fits...

Wearing Nicole Miller

Brendan Jordan femulating old school Hollywood glamour

Zooming and Squeeming

Ready to Zoom on Saturday

This past weekend was my ham radio group’s big weekend with a Zoomed board meeting on Thursday and our annual conference Zooming on Friday and Saturday. I missed most of Friday due to family commitments, but I was all in on Thursday and Saturday.

The board meeting was only three hours long, yet I dressed fully en femme even though I would only be seen from mid-torso and up. Saturday was an all-day event (10 AM to 5:30 PM) – the longest I have been fully dressed en femme in a long while.

I wore my Squeem “Perfect Waist” waist cincher both days and I was reminded how comfortable as well effective it is. I also wore my Nine West 4-inch high heel slingback pumps* both days and they were comfortable from beginning to end, so I believe the foot stretching exercises that I do every morning are having an effect.

On the non-wardrobe front, I was visible en femme via Zoom to my fellow board members during the board meeting on Thursday where I was reelected as the group’s secretary for a 19th consecutive term! The board members are used to seeing me en femme via Zoom and in person at Hamvention, so it was not a big deal.

A bigger deal was Zooming en femme to the hundred or so conference attendees, many of whom have never seen me as a woman. Some are probably familiar with my male byline writing for ham radio publications for over 30 years and some are probably familiar with the female byline that I have been using the past 10 years, but not so much my female visage. Either way they seemed very comfortable interacting with me always using the correct pronouns and my female name. So I was very happy with that!

Which reminds me the first time I made a presentation to the public en femme. It was in person at Hamvention in 2018. (Stop me if you heard this story before.) 

After the presentation, a fellow came over to talk to me. He is a member of our organization and I have probably seen him at every Hamvention I have attended during the past 10 to 15 years.

The gent asked me, “How are you related to Stan Horzepa?”

I sure did not see that coming. It was music to my ears.

* An Amazon Associate link

Wearing Jonathan Simkhai

Dick Shawn femulating in the 1984 film Angel.
You can view the film on YouTube.

Someday Funnies

Hats off to Angela for the idea for this funny!

Wearing Ulla Johnson

Femulating on a 1995 episode of Hungarian television’s Éretlenek.