Someday Funnies

Wearing Theory

My Costume

By Lisa

I am wearing a costume today and I am not pretending to be my friend Kandi (the actress!) either! I am telling the truth, however, because I have been wearing a costume almost every day of my life. It is wonderful on those extended hours, days and weeks where I don’t have to put it on, but most of the time it is required for the “role” I play of being husband, father, grandfather, colleague and all around “good guy.” How about you? Are you wearing a costume today?

The problem with my costume is that it doesn’t enliven my senses. There is a reason our community has nicknamed this type of costume “drab” – compared to who we are, it is dull and boring and it robs us of choice. Even the choice to be drab is denied to us (thank you, Ralph Lauren for your attempt to be boring).

So what drab thing will you wear today: the black, brown or blue pants? What else: the blue shirt with black stripes, the blue shirt with red stripes or the blue shirt with no stripes? How about your shoes: brown loafers, gray tennis shoes or black oxfords? Will you have a tie with that order: maybe a red one with blue stripes or a blue one with red stripes or the solid red one? Are you looking for variety in your underwear today: you can change from boxers to briefs as long as they are dark colored or white and have a pouch at the front to give your mechanical gear extra room. Maybe top it all off with a dark hat and dark belt. Pretty boring stuff unless you cock your hat just right!

One of my theories is that I realized I was transgender at eight years old because that is when I understood just how boring my “whitey-tighty” world had become in terms of clothing (see drab examples above), emotions (best to have none), activities (relating to sports, technology or cars only, please), etc. I internalized a lot of my unhappiness with that box, but I also tentatively pushed back when I thought it was safe to do so by asking for more: more colors, more hand and facial expressions, more interests (including art, music and dance), more feelings and more intuition.

One way I have gotten more is to come up with some actual Halloween-style costumes (although I created them for myself just for fun and not for a specific event). In one, I decided I wanted to recreate a 1950’s “sock hop” theme; in the other, the look and feel of a flight attendant. The latter was fun because folks seemed to accept me as a recently arriving flight attendant!

Today, I push back big time. I want it all because being feminine makes me feel so gloriously and fully alive (like sunlight hitting water droplets after a rainfall and separating me into a brilliant display of color...)  

I must face certain facts, however, when it comes to wanting it all.  Even if I transitioned, I wouldn’t actually have it all. I would still need to be costumed in some ways. 

For example, I was blessed (or cursed, depending on one’s perspective) with a deep bass voice. Lisa doesn’t want that voice, so I must consciously employ my Lisa voice every time I speak as Lisa. Occasionally, I will slip up (especially when I need to shout, clear my voice or cough involuntarily); and when that happens, it feels (and sounds) ugly. There is a surgery to change one’s vocal cords, but I love to sing, and I just couldn’t bear to risk having to give that up. Doing that would make “me” a lesser me, not more.

Another example is my flat chest and built-in plumbing. I could have surgery to take care of both of those things and simulate the look that I crave, but my breasts still largely would be made of silicone – inside instead of outside (a hidden part of the costume wardrobe, but part of the costume nonetheless) and my plumbing would look, but not work like it should. Not to mention the fact that I only want to make love to one person: my wife, who doesn’t want to deal with any plumbing other than the type she is attracted to and fits with her plumbing (i.e., she is a straight cis-gender woman).

I hope I am not stepping on anyone else’s toes here or giving “too much information.” Please take the above comments as my own feelings – this stuff is pretty darn personal and many will feel differently. On the other hand, you may have some examples of your own of costumes or parts of costumes that must continue to be worn by those who have transitioned. 

I don’t want to belabor the point, however, as everyone wears some sort of mask every day, even cisgender folks. The sort of mask I am talking about is not the sort we have all been required to wear recently to keep each other safe, like the one I wore for my dress fitting...

No, I am talking about the part of themselves that every human being hides from view.

The conclusion for me is that there is no way for me to avoid being costumed for the rest of my life. Born to be an actor, I was made for this drama. At least, as Mr. Shakespeare reminds us, “All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players.”

I plan to continue to revel in the smell of my stage makeup, even if I never experience total acceptance by my audience. I will be the best me I can be in whatever role I play, whether on stage or off stage. Someday the curtain will come down and my roleplaying will cease for good. At that point, the costume won’t matter to anyone, including me.

Wearing New York & Company

Curt Bois (left) femulating in the 1928 German film The Masked Mannequin. 

A Man-to-Man Talk

My 12-year-old son Cameron found me in the kitchen washing the breakfast dishes and began complaining, “Daddy, look how Mommy had me dress today!”

I looked up from the sink full of dishes to see how my spouse had outfitted our son. 

A short sleeveless white skater dress adorned his body and white patent Mary-Janes adorned his feet. Nude pantyhose encased his legs and a white purse, slung over his shoulder, completed the outfit. 

His eyes were lightly made up – just a touch of liner and mascara and a smudge of eyeshadow. Pink lip gloss highlighted his lips and he might have had a light touch of blush, too, but I was not sure. Either way, his makeup, as well as his whole presentation was befitting his age.

“What's the matter, Cammi? You look very pretty,” I replied.

“I can't go to school dressed like this,” he whined.

“Why not?’ I asked.

“The other boys will make fun of me,” he replied.

“I don't understand why they would,” was my perplexed retort.

“White – after Labor Day!” was his anxious reply.

“Of course, now I understand,” I replied. “Let's go upstairs, my little fashionista, and dress you properly for the season.”

“Thank you, Daddy,” my son beamed. Then he hurried over to me and gave me a hug. 

I bent over to kiss him on the forehead. As I did, my breasts brushed his face and he remarked, “Oh, Daddy, I can't wait until I'm old enough to wear a bra like you.”

“You know, you're just about old enough to start wearing a training bra.” I remarked. “Maybe Saturday, I will take you shopping and buy you a trainer.”

“That would be awesome!”

Then I patted him on his pantied rear and said, “Let's get going. We have to get you dressed up all over again before the school bus arrives.”

“OK, Daddy,” and with that Cameron ran ahead of me. As he reached the foot of the stairs, he looked back to see me lagging behind.

“Hurry up, Daddy.”

“I’m moving as fast as I can, but I can’t keep up with you in this tight skirt and high heels!”  

Wearing Natori

Gene Hackman dons drag in the 1996 film The Birdcage.

Lots of Lady Shoppers

Out and About and Happy!

As you know, I am a big advocate of getting out there among the civilians and experiencing the world as a woman. Freeing yourself from the closet and breathing in the fresh air is an exhilarating experience. Satisfaction guaranteed – you will love it!

It does my heart good when I see girls like us out and about. So I was very happy when I discovered Janetdarling’s Transhopping Pinterest page with over a thousand photos of us ladies shopping in public and smiling while doing it! 

Sure there is some duplication and there probably are a few cisgender ladies that slipped into Janetdarling’s collection, but discounting those, the quantity of girls out and about is very impressive!

Wearing Zuhair Murad

Benjamin Koldyke and Amaury Nolasco femulating in television’s Work It.

Someday Funnies

Hats off to Velma for providing the inspiration for this funny!

Wearing Self Portrait

Vinicio Diamanti femulating in the 1984 Italian film Delitto al Blue Gay AKA Cop in Drag.

What a case!

Years ago, the cosmetics began accumulating as my femulating progressed, so I bought a small Caboodle makeup case* to store my makeup.

I became an Avon lady and my makeup collection expanded rapidly. Soon I outgrew the small Caboodle case, so I purchased a larger Caboodle makeup case.

That worked for awhile, but I eventually outgrew the larger Caboodle case, too. Since my local boutique (Walmart) did not offer a larger makeup case, I got the bright idea of buying the biggest tackle box* my boutique sold and use it to store my makeup. 

The tackle box did the trick for 10 years. I still accumulated makeup, but whenever the contents of the tackle box approached maximum capacity, I got rid of stuff I wasn’t using, as well as old makeup that was no longer healthy to use (see below).

The tackle box worked out great, but it was too manly. Pandemicly-bored last summer, I decided to buy something more appropriate, i.e., more girly, so I purchased a makeup train case*. 

The train case is big – a piece of luggage, more than double the capacity of the tackle box! 

All was well until I did my makeup Friday morning in preparation for a Zoom meeting. The train case was overflowing. I could not find stuff that I knew was buried somewhere in the case and I had a hard time closing the case when I was done. So after Zooming, I cleaned house again and reorganized what I did not throw out. 

The Zoom meeting was for my ham radio group’s preparations for our annual conference later this month. Naturally, I did my face and hair because they would be visible during the Zoom meeting. I could have worn a woman’s top to complete the picture, but not me. Instead, I went all out and wore a new dress over a full array of foundation garments, thigh high hosiery, jewelry and even high heels (see photo).

Overdressing is my middle name!

* An Amazon Associate link

Source: Rue La La

Chris Lemmon and Philip Charles MacKenzie join Alison La Placa as Vegas showgirls in a 1989 episode of television's Open House. I saw this episode when it was originally televised and in my opinion, Chris looks a lot better than the photo's depiction. In fact, he looked so hot that his TV wife got very excited about his appearance, started making out with him/her and suggested that he dress as a woman more often!

Someday Funnies

Wearing JustFab

Grayson Perry

What’s in your lingerie drawer?

Ladies like us wear some kind of foundation garment to help us achieve a more feminine figure. We have a lot of choices including various types of girdles, cinchers, corsets, bras, all-in-ones, shapers, as well as garments that have padding to give us the girlish hips and/or butts that we lack and desire.

During six decades of femulating, I have tried just about all of the shapewear options. Some were better than others and the best was an all-in-one I purchased in the fall of 1974. 

I was quite closeted back then and used the Halloween girl costume excuse for most of my in-person purchases. With Halloween approaching, I decided to purchase an all-in-one using that excuse. 

I visited an old school lingerie store to make my purchase. A middle-aged woman greeted me as I entered the store. I told her my Halloween story and added that I wanted an all-in-one.

That probably tipped my hand immediately; how many guys know what’s an “all-in-one.”

The woman used a tape measure to take my measurements. Then she went in the back room and returned a few minutes later with two all-in-ones.

“Take these to the dressing room, try them on and call me so I can see if they fit properly.”

I did not expect such a hands-on sale, but was glad to have it. I quickly stripped down to my briefs, zipped myself into my all-in-one and called for the saleswoman and by doing so, I tipped my hand again.

“Wow - that was quick,” she remarked. (I assumed that her other male customers were not as fast as I when trying on their “first” all-in-one.)

She checked me out and gushed over my girlish figure. I tipped my hand again when my face turned beet red in embarrassment. I could not pay for my purchase fast enough and get out Dodge.

I loved that all-in-one. It was constructed with spring-like metal stays and it gave me a figure like no other. It was my go-to foundation garment for years; I repaired it as needed and I wore it until it fell apart. I wish I could find one like it today! But as far as I know, no one produces anything like it. 

I approximate that all-in-one with a Rago style 2202* longline bra combined with a Rago style 6207* high-waist long-leg panty girdle. I add butt padding to pad my butt.

So what’s in your lingerie drawer? What is your favorite shapewear and why? Let me know by commenting below or via email. 

* An Amazon Associate link

Wearing Boston Proper

Esme Percy femulating in the 1930 Hitchcock film Murder!

Someday Funnies

Wearing Venus

James Spader femulating on television's Boston Legal.