License to Femulate
By Paula Gaikowski
Still exiled to the front desk at Femulate headquarters, I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm not doing my nails, online shopping or taking two-hour lunches. I’ve recently began toying with the idea of a vanity plate for my car. So, I went to the Maine DMV website to see what was available. Now, I just must make a decision!
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| Wearing Boston Proper |
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| Nándor Bihary femulating in the 1943 Hungarian film Csalódás. You can view the film on YouTube. |
One friend, who I had known for over 35 years was pleased to see me once he recognized me en femme.
He listened attentively to my story. Then he asked some questions, which I answered.
Finally he said to me, “Why would anyone want to be a woman?”
My jaw dropped. I felt like everything I had said to him had gone in one ear and out the other.
It was not a choice. I didn’t decide one day that I needed a change of pace and would become a woman. I didn’t decide to become a woman to spice up my life.
Life would be so much easier if I was not a woman who found herself in a male body.
Like author Joy Ladin wrote, “There’s nothing so bad about being a man... as long as you’re a man.”
I'm certainly not a man. Never was. That explains why I feel uncomfortable when en homme, but at ease when en femme.
Anyway, I did not unfriend my old friend for asking that question. I look forward to seeing him and we still interact with each other the same way we did before my coming out.
And so it goes.
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| Wearing Guilty of Glam |
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| Christian De Sica femulating in the 2018 Italian film Amici Come Prima (Friends Like Before). If you search YouTube for Amici Come Prima, you will find a number of film clips from the movie. |
Wearing a Wig
Not too much to say about wearing a wig.
If it is the right size for your head, it should stay on your head. All those tales about the wind blowing a wig off some poor femulator’s head are mostly just tales. I recall walking around the UCONN campus on a very windy day – so windy that it blew off one of my clip-on earrings, but it did not bother my wig. It did mess up my coiffure, but ny wig stayed in place.
Swimming is another matter. I recall a friend, who shall remain nameless, losing her wig while swimming in the ocean.
Like real hair, you can use hair spray on your wig to keep every hair in place. But unless you have a real human hair wig, do not use human hair spray – it can ruin a synthetic wig. Instead, use a hair spray made for synthetic wigs.
Put a Cap Under It
As a novice femulator, I always wore a wig cap under my wig. Not sure why. Other wig wearers wore wig caps, so I assumed they knew what they were doing and I just followed their lead. I thought that maybe it helped hide your real hair (if you had any), but I was never sure.
Large cap size head that I have, most wig caps were too tight and left red welts on my forehead. Occasionally, a tight wig cap would give me a headache, too. Also, wig caps added an extra layer underneath the wig, which cooked my head and resulted in perspiration especially in the warmer weather. Sweat running down loads of makeup did not make for a pretty picture.
The last straw was when a tight wig cap worked its way off my head and ended up all balled-up under my wig! After that, I swore off wig caps and since then, I had no more wig cap welts, headaches and perspiration. And my wigs did not notice the difference – they stayed in place and did not stray from my head.
There are some benefits to wearing a wig cap. You can read about them here, but they do not apply to me and I will remain wig capless ’til the day I dye.
Caring for Your Wig
Like real hair, a wig gets dirty and should be shampooed after a few wearings. I usually clean my wigs after three or four wearings – sooner if I used hair spray.
And like hair spray, don’t use human hair shampoo to clean a synthetic wig. Use a synthetic wig shampoo. In a pinch, I have also used liquid Woolite® to shampoo my wigs.
Detangle the wig with a wide tooth comb before shampooing it. Then fill a sink basin with cold water, add the shampoo, add the wig and swish it around in the basin for a few minutes, then let it be for a few more minutes.
Drain the basin, refill it with cold water and swish the wig around in the cold water to remove the soapy water (three to five minutes should do the trick unless it’s a long wig). Drain the water, lift the wig out of the basin and hold it over the basin to let the excess water drip off. Wrap a towel around the wig to sop up more water, but don’t wring out the towel/wig to remove more water and don’t use a hair dryer on a synthetic wig (you’ll melt it).
Don’t take a comb to a wet wig. Instead, hang the wig somewhere to dry – like on a wig stand (I usually hang it on my shower head) – and it will dry overnight or sooner. When dry, just shake it out and it should return to its original shape if it’s a synthetic wig. Only then, use a wide tooth comb to neaten it up if necessary.
When your wig is not on your head, you should store it carefully. A wig stand is the perfect way to store your wig. But I own own lots of wigs and just don’t have the room for a wig stand for each of my wigs. So I resorted to storing my wigs in a dresser drawer. I simply lay the wigs flat in the drawer, usually on top of other wigs that are laying flat in the drawer.
Some say to turn the wig inside-out when storing it this way, but I don’t see any advantage to that. It just means more work styling the wig when you are ready to wear it. So I just lay the wigs flat in the drawer au natural and they seem to get along fine.
That’s All, Folks
That covers it as far as what I know about wigs. If you have any questions, I will gladly answer them; just e-mail your questions to stana-stana at-sign sbcglobal.net
Warning: I have no formal training in the femulating arts. However, I do have over 50 years experience practicing those arts and have become so adept at them that I pass more often than not.
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| Wearing Rue La La |
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| Michael Cavadias femulating in the 2000 film Wonder Boys. |
Old ladies like me can knock ten years off our age just by femulating. Makeup hides some of our faces’ signs of old age. Girdles hide some of the pounds we put on as we mature. But I think wearing a wig makes the biggest difference. Replace thinning gray hair (or no hair) with a beautiful hairdo in a pretty color and a 60-year-old guy becomes a 50-something lady.
I bought my first wig in 1970, have purchased probably 50 more since then and have learned a lot about wigs in the process. I will relate to you everything I know.
Wig Shopping
Inexpensive wigs are attractive to femulators because they are inexpensive. Their attractiveness ends there because a cheap wig by any other name is still a cheap wig.
When you wear a cheap wig, there is no fooling anyone that the hair on your head is fake. And when people see that you are wearing a wig, they might examine you more closely and find other clues that give away your natal gender.
I have owned a few cheap wigs in my time and my photos wearing those cheap wigs convinced me to go upscale in the wig department. “Upscale” meant spending $99 rather than $49 for a wig. That was an improvement, but not good enough. A $99 wig was still relatively inexpensive for a wig (it was just a more expensive “cheap” wig).
Also, starting out, I did not know what wig was best for me. I tried different styles, different lengths and different colors, but always avoided blond shades because I thought that blond was oh so drag. All the boys who wanted to be girls wanted to be blond girls. Also, I avoided short lengths because I thought my head was too big to be properly covered with a short wig.
A trip to a wig shop convinced me otherwise. I told the wig seller to have her way with me. So she sat me down at a mirror and went to the back room to fetch a wig she thought would be perfect for me. A few minutes later, she returned with a short blond wig.
I thought to myself, “Oh no, she's is making a mistake.”
She pulled the wig over my head, finger-combed it a bit and then let me look in the mirror.
In a very soft voice, I said, “Oh, my god!”
The wig looked absolutely fabulous on me and I did not think twice about purchasing it. That wig (“Ryan” by Noriko) was not cheap by any means ($342 is its current list price), but it was worth every penny. It pushed my femulation skills up a few notches. (That’s me wearing Ryan in the photo above.)
Wearing that wig, I lost count how many times people complimented me about my hair. (I never received such reactions wearing my $99 and $49 wigs.)
The bottom line is (1) seek out a professional wig seller for advice concerning the best wig color, style and length for you and (2) be willing to spend much more than $99 for a wig.
And don’t be afraid of shopping in person at a wig store. En femme or en homme, I assure you that you will not be the first male customer at the wig store.
Shopping en femme is better than shopping en homme because you are all made up and dressed up, so as you try on various wigs, you will know exactly how they look on you when you femulate.
So go for it. I am sure the store will welcome your business. If not, there are plenty of other wig stores that will.
However, if you prefer to shop online, there are plenty of online wig stores. Many offer assistance as to what wigs are more suitable for you, but they can only offer general advice, nothing like the advice you will receive in person from the staff at a wig store.
And choosing colors online is an inexact science. Sometimes the color you order is different than the color you receive. The wig store is not trying to pull a fast one – it’s just that colors often appear different on your computer/tablet/smartphone screen than they do in person. Some stores will loan you a color ring that has a sample of all the available colors, but some don’t. And some stores will let you return a wig if you don’t like the color, but some don’t, so caveat emptor.
Large Caps
In general, ladies like us have bigger heads than civilian girls. So it behooves us ladies to adorn our heads with bigger wigs (also known as “large caps”).
In my youth, I did not pay attention to wig sizes – I assumed that wigs trying to escape from my head was par for the course in WigLand. Then I bought a large-sized wig and happily discovered that it did not try to runaway from me like my average-sized wigs!
Here are some signs your wig is too small (according to wigs.com):
👠If the wig slides back on your head and reveals your scalp or hairline, it’s too small.
👠If the wig has a lace front, check it out. If it’s rolling under instead of lying flat, you need a bigger wig.
👠Likewise, if your wig has a monofilament top, it should lay flat too. If the monofilament cap sticks up like a point on the top of your head, that’s a symptom of a wig that’s too small.
👠Lastly, if it’s too tight, it’s obviously too small. If it squeezes your temples or pulls your biological hair, it’s too tight. (It may also give you a splitting headache.)
I learned my lesson and now I only buy large-sized wigs. They not only fit better, but they look better because they are properly proportioned for my large head.
The only problem (and it is a big problem) is that the selection of wigs in large sizes is limited. For example, I searched one online wig retailer (wigs.com) and found 28 large-sized wigs, while that same retailer had over 825 average-sized wigs! So I am always on the lookout for new large caps.
My Prefs
I favor the monofilament wigs from Noriko, specifically the models that are available in gradient dark-rooted colors. The dark roots add authenticity to the wigs.
Since I began wearing the Noriko brand, I have been told countless times that my wigs look like real hair. Some people were very surprised when I told them I was wearing a wig.
In the next installment of “Everything I Know About Wigs,” I will write about wearing and maintaining wigs. So, stay tuned.
Warning: I have no formal training in the femulating arts. However, I do have over 50 years experience practicing those arts and have become so adept at them that I pass more often than not.
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| Wearing Venus |
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| Jimmy Eagles femulating (to Bing Crosby's surprise) in the 1933 film short Billboard Girl. You can view the film on YouTube. |
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| Wearing Paige |
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| Piotr Gawron-Jedlikowski femulated Jessie J on Polish television's Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo. You can view the femulation on YouTube. |
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| Wearing Madeleine |
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| Jack Haley (right) femulated in a lost scene from the 1945 film George White Scandals. |
It was different when I was a kid. My family were practicing Catholics, so it was a big holiday for us back then.
Our usual Easter routine was Mass on Sunday morning, dinner with the whole family at my aunt’s house Sunday afternoon and an egg hunt for the kids after dinner.
In preparation for Easter, Mom would sew new Easter outfits for herself and my sister. My Dad and I wore whatever suit was the most recent addition to our wardrobes.
I was jealous of my sister. She usually wore a new dress, new shoes and a new hat for Easter. My female cousins got dolled up for Easter, too, meanwhile, I was stuck in a boring suit.
I wonder how many Femulate readers also experienced “Easter envy?”
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| Wearing Venus (a recent Stana purchase) |
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| British femulators in the 1920's |
So, to get back in the good graces of senior management, I’ve decided to take some initiative and find some positive transgender television advertisements. Too often in the past, transgender persons are depicted as the butt of a joke or incorrectly as a drag queen.
The first two commercials I found very positive because they take a real issue that we all have dealt with and treats it respectfully. While out and about as Paula, I’ve often been treated as a woman until I hand over my male credit card and hear “Thank you, sir” or “Thank you Mr. Gaikowski.” In this commercial, Mastercard does a great job showing how it feels and how you can now have your true name put on your card. Citibank does the same.
The next commercial runs a bit deeper and takes a while to watch. It features a social experiment about people working together and one of those persons is transgender. It’s sponsored by Heineken and involves building a bar complete with beer so, of course, I loved it!
The next commercial was so relatable. If you remember the first time you were out in public, you will appreciate this commercial. It features a beautiful nervous transgender woman out in public for the first time. It’s an ad for Secret Deodorant and it touched my heart.
Every time I am addressed as Paula or Ma’am, I feel a pinch of joy. Starbucks' commercial does a great job showing that joy.
The last commercial for Holiday Inn ran in the 90’s for the Super Bowl. Back then, it was pulled because some people objected to the topic. Today, some transgender persons don’t like it because of the unrealistic standard of beauty that it demands for transgender woman. I have to say I loved it. I thought it was funny, cute and saw myself in the starring role going to my class reunion.
Interesting to note that back in the 90’s people complained to Holiday Inn that they were “offended” by a transgender person. Times have changed thank goodness.
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| Wearing Rue La La |
Transgender Day of Visibility (Today)
A reader sent me the news that Coca-Cola has a drag artist as a spokesperson for their products.
“I’d call that a big step forward,” said the reader who sent me that news.
Yes – a big step forward for drag queens, but I'm not a drag queen! Doesn't do much for me or my trans sisters.
The new Coke queen is not the first. For the past year or so, drag queens have been appearing in television commercials here and there. The queens are all over-the-top and have no relation to femulators like me.
The only transwomen I’ve seen on television are in ads for AIDS-related medicines. I applaud the pharmaceutical companies for that, but it would be nice to see a transwoman in an ad for a more generic product like Pepsi or Ford or Walmart where the crossdresser is just another consumer and not the butt of a joke.
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| Wearing Paige |
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| Peter Outerbridge in the 1999 Canadian film Better Than Chocolate |
If you live in Connecticut and are 18 or over, please take the 30 minute survey here… https://bit.ly/3siusqC
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| Wearing Bebe |
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| Anthony Tyler Quinn femulating in television’s Ask Harriet |
