Someday Funnies

Wearing London Times

Jeff Kurysz, Nate Santana and Sean Blake femulating in the Chicago stage production of
The Legend of Georgia Brown McBride.

We Wear Short Shorts

👠 👠 👠 I appreciate all who critiqued my recent wardrobe additions. And I was not offended by any of your candid solicited comments. Thank-you!

👠 👠 👠 Grocery shopping today, a middle-aged woman complimented the new top I was wearing.

👠 👠 👠 Loving the new underwear I am wearing. Unlike tidy-whities, wearing panties are a constant reminder that I am a lady even in boy mode.

👠 👠 👠 During a recent visit to Fictionmania, I got a kick out of Aunt Hildie's A Guide to the Proper Lady Lifestyle, tongue-in-cheek instructions on “how to be a proper lady.” I love the Guide’s line “while a male can never become a woman, he can become a lady.”

👠 👠 👠 A number of readers informed me that Payless shoe stores will return after shutting down last year. According to the Daily News, “The footwear company launched its website Tuesday, but brick-and-mortar stores will take a little longer... Over the next five years, Payless plans to open between 300 and 500 stores across the continent.”

👠 👠 👠 Long-time Femulate fan from France, Virginia, wanted to know what color is my hair. I told her and am telling you, too, in case you want to femulate moi! (LOL) Nutmeg-F is the color of all my blond wigs from Noriko.

Wearing Estate Destinations

A ladies’ room in California circa 1960

Pain-Demic

The daily pain-demic routine is getting to me. I almost look forward to my weekly grocery run!

Last week’s grocery run was special. The grocery store is hiring and when I arrived at the store Thursday morning, there was a line of people waiting to be interviewed. All the ladies in line were dressed appropriately – skirts, dresses, hosiery, heels, makeup, etc. I have not seen such a feminine display since the last time I dressed up and looked in the mirror!

Speaking of which... I have been dressing up to participate in a monthly Zoom board of directors meeting of my ham radio group. I am a director, secretary and the only attendee who presents as a lady. When I zoomed in last Friday afternoon, another director complimented me on how I looked.

I will have to consult with Miss Manners on this: Is it proper for a male to compliment how another male looks when he is presenting as a woman? Probably not, but I needed that and graciously thanked him for the compliment.

After the board meeting, I usually take some photos because I am already made-up, bewigged and have some new outfits to model, as was the case this past Friday. Three new dresses and a new pair of shoes arrived since the last board meeting – two dresses from Venus, one from Haband and a new pair of heels from Nine West. The Femulator photo below shows moi in one of the Venus dresses and the Nine West heels. My previous two posts show me in the Haband dress and other Venus dress.

I love the Nine West heels, but I have to break them in before I wear them out. Maybe all they need is Insolia inserts. I’ll try that before I wear them again.

The Venus cold shoulder shirt dress has two problems:

1. The surplice style V-neck plunges too low and reveals my bra. A safety pin or velcro will fix that easily.

2. The style of the dress may be too young for an old lady like me. I will wear it around the house, but am a little hesitant about wearing it out. (Comments?)

The Venus twofer trim detail dress is just my style. Figure-hugging and very classy – I can’t wait to wear it out.

The Haband layered-look rib-knit dress only cost $12.97. I have purchased Haband shorts, tops and sneakers in the past, but never a dress because I usually don’t find their dresses that attractive. However, this Haband offering caught my eye and will be perfect accessorized with boots when the cooler weather arrives.

That’s all, folks.

Wearing Unique Vintage

Wearing Venus dress and Nine West heels

10 Films To Watch After Watching Netflix's Trans Film Documentary

Romain Duris femulating in The New Girlfriend

ScreenRant recommended 10 films to view after watching Netflix’s eye-opening documentary about the depiction of trans people in film and TV.

According to ScreenRant, “Netflix's latest documentary, Disclosure: Trans Lives On Screen, is an in-depth look at how the lives and personalities of transgender people are depicted in films and television. While a tad divisive in its opinions (Is Tootsie offensive? Is there anything wrong with the film Boys Don't Cry? Should Silence of the Lambs be taken so seriously?) the film has its heart in the right place and it is sobering to hear the voices who, for decades, weren't allowed to be heard.”

ScreenRant lists ten films that “show the transgender community in a positive light... where filmmakers got it right.”

I have seen five of the recommended ten and don’t agree with all of their selections, but that’s just my humble opinion. I would add these five films in addition to ScreenRant’s suggestions: Better Than Chocolate, Breakfast on Pluto, Bruno, Just Like A Woman and my current favorite, The New Girlfriend.

Wearing New York & Company

Wearing Haband

Too Tall? No Way!

By Carollyn Olson

For many crossdressers, being tall is a major concern and problem. But it shouldn’t be.

I’ve stopped counting the number of times I’ve been told, by those reading my series of Tricks of the Trade crossdressing advice books, that “I can't crossdress because I'm too tall.”

My response, to put it bluntly, is (fill in the blank)!!!

Height has very little to do with crossdressing! Just look around! How can you miss seeing tall, beautiful women? They are everywhere! And you can be a tall and beautiful woman as well with a little confidence and the complementing wardrobe.

Women are as pretty as ever. They’re also taller and their shoe, dress, skirt and jeans sizes are bigger. The average height and weight for a woman has increased by one inch to 5’4” and has gone from 150 to 166 pounds in the last 20 years.

When I started crossdressing almost 40 years ago, the Internet did not exist. In the department stores, I could not find decent fashions, let alone shoes that fit. Women’s dress sizes seemed to stop at size 12 to 14 before one had to go in to the large woman or maternity section. Nice heels over size 10 were nearly impossible to find. I somehow managed, but girls today are so fortunate with almost all their needs available in the stores and on the Internet.

I stand close to 6’3” in heels, weigh about 175 pounds and I have never heard a negative comment regarding my height or my body shape. Why? It’s probably due to my “learned” feminine style and fashion sense, body language and mannerisms. If you carry yourself properly, nobody will even think of you as anything other than a woman.

Recently, I was standing in a crowded concessions line at a public event and one of the most beautiful ladies I have ever set eyes upon walked up behind me. She had shoulder length blonde hair and was wearing a lovely long sweater and skinny jeans tucked inside her 4-inch heel boots. She stood at least 6’7”, maybe 6’8”.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a few people “gawk” at us as we chatted (maybe they thought we were basketball players or at least she was), but nobody made a disparaging comment. Why would they? We were just two tall women chatting while awaiting our order. What may have been “rare or abnormal” in the past is now “the norm.”

I have a number of crossdressing friends, among them Jamie Grae and Jennifer Williams, who are from three to five inches taller than me. Height has never stopped any of them from being out-and-about any time they wish.

Confidence is the key to cross-dressing, no matter how tall you are. Locking yourself in the closet because you are “too tall” is a huge mistake. The fear of being too tall can be overcome by going out and having the right clothes, too.

Wearing Ollalaa

Wearing Venus dress and Nine West heels

Someday Funnies

Wearing Balmain

Allison

My story is like so many other girls, starting with mom's clothes, shoes, hiding for years, purging, swearing you'll never crossdress again. Then one day, something happens and you just can't hide anymore. For me it was a heart attack. I knew unless something changed, I would die either from another heart attack or by taking my own life. That's when the long journey began to accept myself as a crossdresser and as a person. It hasn't been easy, but was easier with my wife of 40 years now accepting the whole me, Allison and all. 

She is not enthusiastic about seeing or helping Allison, but it's beyond my wildest dreams that she is still here! Lots of uncomfortable conversations and crying, but something had to change. I always thought suicide was the cowards way out, but found out the hard way that that's not so. I've been at that place, a dark and lonely place. I would say to all the girls CD, trans or otherwise: please seek help, you have done nothing wrong and it doesn't go away. It's made worse by not addressing it somehow. 

I think we can agree, we are all real people and deserve love and respect no matter what side of the closet you get your clothes from or your chromosomes. LGBTQ is real and not a choice. All the politicians have failed us dramatically, not only in this aspect, but in a host of others.

I so enjoy Femulate; thanks for being here for us! Please continue! 

Hugs, Allison!! 

What the Tuck

By Paula Gaikowski

The one thing great about Femulate is that it has built a community where we all feel understood, safe and valued – a place where we can discuss things that our relevant to our needs and lifestyle without judgement and prejudice. Just like ladies elsewhere, however, we do have certain matters that can only be addressed amongst us Femulators. (Throughout this article I’ve used euphemisms in order to be sensitive and to add a bit of humor to an awkward discussion.)

The topic at hand would be the storage and handling of surplus equipment that being, how can I phrase this …ahem Peter, Paul and Mary? …the family jewels? All of which when not stored properly can very much ruin the look of an otherwise very feminine outfit.

Today, I would like to discuss the business of tucking and creating a feminine silhouette when putting our best foot forward. There are three basic methods or schools of thought on how to go about this.

Many prescribe to the taping technique which involves pushing things up into the inguinal canal, wrapping up Frank like a hot dog and securing it all in place with tape. The result, if successful, allows bathroom breaks and an authenticity that will fool your gynecologist.

I’ve watched a bunch of YouTubes on this method and was intrigued to give it a go. Things never seem to go as planned and the hot dog never seems to fit in the bun. Tape always grabs on all the wrong spots pulling and stretching areas that should not be pulled and stretched. You’ll find tons written on this method, but it seems to be a holy grail that I, nor any of my sisters have found. Gosh! There is even one lady who uses crazy glue, Owww!

Less time-consuming and much less painful is the gaff. You find these at any of the stores that cater to our community. There are all different types and they range in price from a few dollars up to hundreds. At the low end, there are the cloth gaffs made to pull back and hide all that is not feminine. They are very simple, but I find them to be uncomfortable and unnecessary. Midway you’ll find control garments that add a camel toe for those who want to add a touch of realism. The top end at hundreds of dollars are the silicon second skins that make me just a bit uncomfortable for some reason.

Finally, a technique perfected at Femulate Laboratories in New England and used by Stana and many sisters globally and will guarantee a look sure to pass the Crocodile Dundee Test. The control panty, whether it be light control or firm, works well for me to put things in perspective. A little push, a little shove, up and over, there you go SRS on a low budget. I typically finish off my silhouette with a Spanx-like garment with all the needed hip pads to add those curves as seen in the accompanying photo.

I’d like to finish up with just one note that’s bit personal. So just between us girls, if you lean forward over our cups of tea, I’ll whisper. Sometimes when getting out of the shower, I wonder how things might look down there if the universe hadn’t taken a wrong turn. A quick and easy system made to produce the look of XX is to take a light-weight sock and place it midway over Mary and her two sisters and pull back until they are out of sight. The sock then goes cheek to cheek where it keeps things in the feminine perspective. For me, it’s powerful and validating to see things just this way and for a few minutes, I can walk around the room and be free.

Wearing Boston Proper

RuPaul femulating in the 1995 film The Brady Bunch Movie.
Click here to view a clip..

Fooling with FICA

FICA is the acronym for “Federal Insurance Contributions Act.” FICA tax is the money that is taken out of workers' paychecks to fund Social Security and Medicare. It is a mandatory payroll deduction.

Saturday evening, the impeached president (IMPOTUS) announced that he wants to defer FICA payments for the rest of the year and suggested that if he is re-elected, he would forgive the deferred FICA payments owed and permanently eliminate the FICA tax.

I was employed for over 50 years paying my fare share of FICA tax with every paycheck. And now IMPOTUS wants to defund and thus, bankrupt Social Security and Medicare!*

I urge you to do all you can to stop IMPOTUS from wrecking Social Security and Medicare. My wife and I, along with millions of other senior citizens (like many of this blog’s readers), will be bankrupted if IMPOTUS gets his way.

So complain to your congressperson and senators and vote early to kick IMPOTUS out of the White House.

* IMPOTUS claimed that his plan to eliminate the FICA tax would not affect Social Security and Medicare. If you believe that, there is a bridge spanning the East River that I would like to sell you.

Wearing Venus

Kamil Bijos femulates Sylwia Grzeszczak on Polish television’s Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo

Sew What?

By Paula Gaikowski

If you’re a reader of my Femulate articles, you may remember that my Mom and Aunt were both accomplished seamstresses. Both went to a technical high school for dressmaking and worked for various 7th Ave fashion houses in Manhattan during the 40’s.

I’ll digress from my main point to swoon a bit over the fashion and glamour of the 1940’s. The debut of nylon stockings, tailored skirt suits, A-line dresses, peep-toe pumps, high-waisted slacks and red lipstick. (sigh)

Okay. Sorry, I’m back. My parents withdrew to the suburbs and my Mom went to work in a factory. However, she never gave up her dressmaking and our basement became her sewing room. She made all of her and my sister’s dresses and until I entered my teens, she made me shorts in summer out of leftover materiel. Some of these shorts had a less than masculine print. These didn’t play well in the neighborhood and just confirmed the feeling deep down that I should have been a girl.

The sewing room was a tornado of gowns, dresses, piles of materiel and closets filled with previous creations. I wasn’t athletic and happily gave up my baseball glove to play fashion model in front of the three-sided mirror.

Often losing track of time, when shortly after five my Dad would rumbled through the back door. I could change out of a full-length gown complete with foundation garments, hose and heels, into jeans and t-shirt in about 60 seconds. If that had been a track and field event, I surely would have been All-American!

With his brow furled, my father would ask suspiciously, “What are you doing down there?”

My stock answer, “Playing ping-pong.”

So where am I going with all this? This sounds like the lead in to a Sandy Thomas novelette. It’s not, although my Mom did coax into wearing some of the gowns she made, while she hemmed or fitted them. However, that happened only a handful of times and it wasn’t very exciting. By the way, as you may have guessed, didn’t take a lot of coaxing.

What I did learn was how to run a sewing machine. I could sew zippers, buttons, buttonholes and hems. My Mom would put me to work during the spring season when she would make dresses for bridesmaids and proms. At 25 cents per button and buttonhole and $1 for zippers and hems, I was happy in more way than one way.

It didn’t take me long to put my new skills to work for myself. All the girls in my 8th grade class were wearing these above the knee mini dresses with either black or white fishnet stockings. I decided to make my own and went to work after school in the basement, cutting the pattern, sewing the facing and darts, then the zipper and finally the hem. A simple black shift, I wore it with pride and spent hours after school wearing it around the empty house.

Years later, I would save the day at my wife’s college roommate’s wedding. The bridesmaid dresses were all homemade. The night before the wedding, one of the other bridesmaids could not fit into her dress.

Panic ensued and the search for a seamstress or another dress began. Another dress similar in style and similar in color was found, it was expensive, and not quite matching.

I stepped forward and with nothing to lose, three skeptical women surrendered the aqua, satin, A-line to my supposed dressmaking skills. Making my mother proud, I tore out the seams to muffled gasps then re-stitched them gaining a ½ inch on both sides.

Soon after, happy laughter from the other room confirmed that the dressed zipped up with room to spare. Everyone was thrilled and the bride thanked me for saving the day.

There was a flurry of questions about how, when and where I learned to do this and one the girls declared, “When I get married, I want you as one of my bridesmaids.”

Later at the reception, with the wine flowing freely, the same bridesmaid continued to gush about the dress, “I never knew a man who knew so much about dresses, she laughed nervously. Maybe there’s a girl trapped inside of you?”

Maybe?

Wearing Boston Proper

Linus Rosenauer, model

Someday Funnies

Wearing Venus

A trio of femulators line up on television’s America’s Next Top Model (2013)