Got T-Dar?

Do you have T-Dar? I do and if you are reading this blog, you probably have T-Dar, too.

T-Dar, short for trans-radar, is the ability to detect a trans-person when they are presenting in their non-birth gender. For example, you see a tall woman walking through the mall. Suddenly, your T-Dar kicks in and you begin looking for clues that the woman is actually a natal male presenting as a female.

No matter how good you think your T-Dar may be, you seldom have an opportunity to determine whether your T-Dar is working correctly.

You can confront a suspected trans-person, but that can be disastrous, especially if you are wrong. Recently, I read about a transwoman who encountered two tall women while shopping. Her T-Dar told her that the two women were trans and she confronted them by introducing herself as trans and saying something to the effect, "You're trans, too, aren't you?"

The two women reacted as if the trans-woman had just gotten off a spaceship from Uranus. They had no idea what she was talking about and when it became apparent to the transwoman that she had erred, she wished that she was on Uranus.

And even if your T-Dar is correct confronting a suspected trans-person can be a sensitive matter.

One time when I was attending First Event, I arrived at the hotel in boy mode and took the elevator to the floor where I could register for the event. The elevator stopped before reaching my destination and a transwoman got on. I was 101% positive that she was trans and without thinking, I asked her if she was enjoying First Event.

She was taken aback by my query and seemed very uncomfortable. I immediately realized the error of my ways and explained to her that I was trans, but having just arrived at the hotel, had not changed into girl mode yet. She seemed a little relieved, but I learned a lesson and would never do that again.

So it is probably best to use your T-Dar in a solitary manner. Keep your T-Dar findings to yourself unless, of course, you write a trans-blog, then you can publicize your T-Dar results. (“Yesterday, I saw a trans-woman in ladies' shoes at Macy’s.”)

I believe that most trans-people have T-Dar. It almost comes naturally because trans-people look for affirmation that there are other trans-people out there. What better way to affirm that then to actually see another trans-person in person? Seeking that affirmation, trans-people check out potential suspects wherever they go (at least, I do).

Even when my T-Dar determines that the six-foot woman walking through the mall is, in fact, a genetic female, it provides a different kind of affirmation. It affirms that there are genuine tall women out there and as a six-foot-plus transwoman, it gives me encouragement to go out en femme and join the other tall women out there because I am not alone.

(Danger, Danger, Will Robinson! This post is a rerun!)

Wearing Bebe

Enrico Lo Verso femulating in the 1997 Italian film As You Want Me (Come Mi Vuoi). See the trailer here.

Throwback Thursday

Femulate was not my first blog. Before Femulate, there was A Passing Interest and before that, NFem.

Those blogs had nowhere near the following that Femulate has. In my opinion, some of the posts on those earlier blogs deserved wider readership. So occasionally I will dig up a worthy post from A Passing Interest or NFem and repost it here, which is exactly what I am doing today.

I hope you enjoy this post from November 2003 all about the second time I went to work on Halloween en femme.

At Work En Femme Again

Two weeks before Halloween, Human Resources announced that there would be Halloween festivities at work including a costume contest. Naturally, I was overjoyed at the opportunity to dress at work as my gender of choice again.

I say “again” because three years ago, the company-sponsored Halloween festivities included a costume contest. I dressed in fairly convincing office-girl drag and won the contest hands down.

After this year’s announcement, a few people who were familiar with my award-winning costume asked me if I was getting dressed again this Halloween. The women who asked actually were encouraging me to do so.

I played coy saying that it didn’t seem that anyone else in our building was dressing; I didn’t want to be the only one in costume. In reality, I did not care if I was the only one in the state in costume; if the company said it was ok to appear in costume, then I was not going to miss the opportunity to do so.

I started shopping for a new outfit and found something darling on the Jessica London web site. It was described as a “Helen Blake mock two-piece dress. White collar, long sleeves and three rhinestone buttons. Polyester. Dry clean. Made in USA from imported fabric.” It had no waist, so I thought I would be able to wear it without foundation garments and not have folks wondering if I was wearing foundation garments. The dress was on clearance, so I ordered it and it arrived four days before Halloween.

The Mrs. said it looked like “a schoolmarm dress.” I didn’t mind that, but when I tried it on, it was too big. Not only did I look like a schoolmarm, but I looked like a schoolmarm in a muumuu.

I should have ordered it one size smaller, but it was too late to send it back and get a smaller size in time for Halloween. So, three nights before Halloween, I had to find an outfit to wear that would fit the office girl drag category. Note that in addition to spending the day at work en femme, I planned to go to the mall during lunch, so I did not want something too outrageous and that would eliminate my real short skirt outfits.

After trying on a half-dozen outfits, I decided to wear my navy blue pinstriped suit. I always looked good in it and even though its skirt is short, the outfit is so office girl drag that I could get away with it. With the suit, I planned to wear a black lace blouse, black 3.5-inch stiletto pumps, black pantyhose, and my blue faux pearl necklace, earrings, and bracelet set.

Halloween eve, I Naired my legs, arms, and chest, packed my purse, and organized everything I needed Halloween morning so that I could get ready as fast as possible and get to work between 7:30 and 8 AM.

Halloween morning, I was up at 4:45 AM. I showered and shaved with a brand new razor blade and then began doing my makeup. It takes me about an hour to do my makeup and Halloween was typical.

I was dressed by 6:30 AM. I took the dog out to do her morning duty and retrieved the newspaper. Back in the house, I fed the cats and the puppy and did my nails. I used Revlon’s self-adhesive nails. They are pricey, but they are great. No glue, no sticky tabs, and they stay on tight. I have never lost one.

I was just about ready to go, when a minor disaster occurred. As I was adjusting the pantyhose on my left leg, I caught a point of my faux gem ring on the pantyhose on my right leg and it started to run. The run was on my upper inner thigh, so I figured it would not be noticeable and I used the old trick of applying some clear nail polish to the run to make it stop running.

I grabbed my purse, got in my car, and drove to work with Shania singing Man, I Feel Like A Woman blasting on the CD player (to put me in the mood). Thirty minutes later, I parked my car in my usual parking spot at work and got ready to exit my car. I noticed that a fellow who sits three cubicles from me was just getting out of his car and heading my way to get inside the building (my car was parked near the entrance).

I said to myself, “Well, here goes,” and I got out of my car just as he was passing. I said hello in my normal voice and he returned a hello without any sign of recognition.

I know he knows my car. We are usually among the first people at work and just the day before, he mentioned something about my car, but he had no clue who I was. I thought, “This was going to be good” and it was.

People who saw my costume three years earlier, recognized me right away, but the folks who had not seen me en femme before had no clue. It was very humorous when they learned who I was. The majority had to be told who I was; very few figured out whom I was.

The costume contest was a flop. Only three other people showed up in costume. Morale has been poor for a while. We have had some lay-offs and the folks in the factory were working three- and four-day weeks for a while, so there are not a lot of happy campers around that felt like participating in a company-sponsored costume contest.

Despite the low participation, the contest went on. We each received numbers to wear and we were escorted around the company for all to view. After folks saw us, they were supposed to vote using the numbers we wore. The categories were scariest, funniest, and most original, so there were four contestants vying for three prizes.

After we began our tour, one of the other contestants suggested that I say “hello” in a butch voice as we walked around because she thought the folks might think I was just another girl from HR escorting the contestants. And so I did.

When the votes were totaled, I received the most votes, but HR decided to give all four of us prizes, which was real nice of them to do. One of the women who encouraged me to dress joked that I probably won the “scariest” category. I asked why and she said that although the women thought it was great that I dressed like a woman, a lot of guys probably thought it was scary because they found me attractive. I never thought of it that way!

I had a great experience. I got a few “you look too good” comments, but I just took them in stride. The most attractive woman in our company, a tall “to die for” blond, visited my cubicle and wanted to check out my makeup job. She was surprised that I did my own makeup.

For some reason, I mentioned the run in my stocking and how I stopped it with the nail polish trick. She asked me how I knew to do that and I told her the truth, that is, I had read it somewhere. As soon as I said that I realized she would wonder what I was reading, obviously not Mechanics Illustrated! She just said, “Uh huh,” and then she said I looked “hot!” I think she suspects I do this a lot. A couple of other women mentioned that I had “great legs.”

During lunch, I drove to the mall. As I sat in the car fixing my makeup, I noticed all the women entering and exiting Filene’s. What a bunch of slobs! Most of them looked liked they were doing the laundry at home and suddenly discovered that they had to go to Filene’s and buy some detergent! I could not believe how poorly most of them were dressed. I did not see one skirt or dress. I did see some women dressed nicely in slacks or pants, but they were in the minority.

I was way overdressed, but I said, “what the heck” and entered Filene’s. By now, the balls of my feet were screaming because of the high heels I had worn all morning, so I switched to a different pair of shoes with a lower chunky heel. They were a lot more comfortable, but were actually a little loose and the right shoe slipped off my foot a couple of times while I walked around Filene’s. That sure made it difficult to walk gracefully!

A lot of people read me, but no one confronted me. I ended up at the M·A·C makeup counter. The saleswoman was very helpful and I bought two items that I needed. Then, I left the store and went back to work.

It was an interesting day, but I don’t think I will do it again. One of the female contestants suggested we attend next year as bride and groom (her the groom and me the bride), but I think I will pass. If I showed up in drag again, I think people will really start to wonder about how I dress on weekends, so next year, I think I will attend dressed in a male costume. Something macho like a hairdresser or fashion designer!

Wearing Venus

Kenneth Williams and Charles Hawtrey femulating in the 1969 British film Carry On Constable. See the video here.

A Crossdresser’s Best Friend

“Confidence: A Crossdresser’s Best Friend” is the title of the workshop I will present at two local conferences this spring, the True Colors Conference and the Transgender Lives Conference.

When I started going out among the civilians, I was confident that I would be read by everyone because of my size (6 foot 5 in heels and 200 pounds plus). In fact, I was so confident that I would not pass that it preventing me from even trying. I lost count how many times I drove to the mall en femme, then drove home without ever getting out of the car.

But I was determined and after making another drive to the mall en femme and sitting in my car for 20 minutes, I finally got up the courage to get out of the car and enter the mall.

Talk about anti-climatic! Instead of all hell breaking loose, I hardly garnered any attention at all. A few women smiled at me, a few even said “hello” and one or two smirked, but most of the time I was as invisible as a cisgender middle-aged woman.

My confidence performed an about-face that day and each time I went out thereafter, my confidence just increased to the point that today, I don’t think about it.

Wearing Rebecca Taylor

Patrick Walshe McBride femulating for a 2018 episode of
UK television’s Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators

Chivalry Lives Again

The day my car battery died!

Velma’s story, posted here on Monday, reminded me of one of my encounters with chivalry.

On my way home after doing outreach at a Human Sexuality class at Southern Connecticut State University, I stopped at Dress Barn. After shopping, I returned to my car and it won't start! The dashboard lit up, the radio played, but when I turn the key, all I get is a loud ticking noise.

I had AAA, but I was a little concerned about dealing with AAA en femme.

As I sat in my car contemplating my next move and occasionally turning the ignition key to no avail, a small red pickup truck parked next to me just as I am cranked the ignition for the umpteenth time.

Two young fellows got out of the truck. They do not ask me if I needed help. Instead the driver walked to the front of my car and signaled to me to pop open the hood.

I gladly did so and the two of them poked around the engine compartment, but did not find anything amiss.

I had a set of jumper cables, so we tried jump starting the car, but that did not work.

Since my car had a manual transmission, they suggested rolling the car and popping the clutch to start it. (I had not done that in years and had completely forgotten that trick.)

So they gave my car a little push. The car started rolling across the parking lot and I am trying to pop the clutch, but I am not getting the job done.

Just as I am about to run out of parking lot, I remembered that I have to pop it into second gear, not first gear, and as soon as I did, the car started.

I waved my hand out the window to my two "good Samaritans" and headed straight home with my fingers crossed that nothing else would go wrong with my car.

I made it home without issue. Next morning, I popped the clutch again to start the car and drove it to my dealer to get it fixed (my car needed a new battery).

I always worried about having car problems when en femme. I thought it could be the worst thing that could happen. Now I am not so sure.

Maybe it is better to be a woman than a man when car problems strike. Would those two fellows be so quick to come to the rescue of a tall middle-aged guy as they were to come to the rescue of a leggy middle-aged blond?

I don't know and I am not anxious to find out again.

Wearing Unique Vintage

Chris Rock femulating on a 1995 episode of television’s The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. See the video here.

Chivalry Lives

By Velma

Sunday is Velmas’ day of freedom. The weather was unusually cold here in Podunk, so I dressed in blue, wide-leg, low-rise gurl jeans, pantyhose, black ankle boots with 3-inch heels (total height 6’ 3”!), somewhat oversized and comfy white and pink banded stripe cable-knit turtleneck sweater (insulated by a silk tee undershirt) along with a short length, brassy blonde wig.

Usually I take care of fueling and oil check whilst en homme. I forgotten about the need for fuel until my truck did the ding thing and the fuel pump light showed.

This was the first time I have ever fueled en femme and then thought about the logistics of leaving purse and keys securely in car while handling Visa and affinity card in a secure theft-resistant manner because gurl jeans have lousy, shallow, almost useless pockets.

I pulled into my regular Speedway station, pulled the hood release and proceeded to check the oil. The hood is slightly mis-aligned, so I have to give it a slight tug. And along comes Sir Lancelot to the rescue from the adjacent fueling bay.

Lancelot must have noticed the 42DD's.
 
“Hey, Lady, you need some help?”

I avoided eye contact and gave him a broad, somewhat toothy from the side smile, while merely mouthing, “Thank you,” through my ruby red lips.

My next moves should demonstrate to Lancelot that I am no virgin to the mechanisms under the hood. With used oil towel in my left hand and oversized, gaudy gold and pearl ring on my left ring finger, I draw the oil dip stick from the rear of the engine compartment with the right hand and deftly  wipe the stick, re-dip and pull the stick to check the oil level.

I note the oil is a quart low, but decide that since the engine is a 6-quart system and the trip is short, the top off of the oil will safely wait. And besides, I need to finish ASAP to end this errand and avoid Sir.....

 “Hey, Lady, you need some oil? A quart of oil? I got a quart of oil!”

(It has to be the double D’s.)

I offer a big side smile and a slow but sure head shake ‘No’ with absolutely no eye contact and quickly slam the hood with a firm, hard, man-sized slam.

The tank is full – it’s time to bug out.

Wearing Yumi Kim

Antti Vare femulating on a 2018 episode of Finnish television’s A New Day. See the video here.

Someday Funnies

Paris street style

Dmitry Bikbaev femulates Natasha Koroleva on Russian television’s One to One. See the video here.

Fry Day

This is why you feel discouraged when you try on clothes

By Ginger Burr at Total Image Consultants



Here's the free webinar link mentioned at the end of the video: https://totalimageconsultants.com/web

👠 👠 👠

Laser Hair Removal: Everything You Need to Know

By Jenna Rennert for Vogue.com

“While laser hair removal has been around since the ’90s, it’s more popular than ever. And for good reason: it’s an effective and safe way to get rid of facial and body hair that requires virtually no upkeep. And while we might be seeing the return of the full bush, the laser hair removal market continues to climb.”

Read the rest of this excellent article here.

👠 👠 👠

When I was a kid, I thought Friday was so-called because that was the day of the week that Catholic kids like me had fried fish for supper.

Wearing JustFab

Male and female patrons at Eldorado in Berlin, circa 1930

Rago Girl

I’m a Rago girl.

Rago bras and girdles are my favorite foundation garments. I have tried other brands, but always go back to Rago for the best hourglass figure that a boy can ask for.

On top, I wear Rago’s Long Line “Expandable Cup” Bra. It supports my girls, trims my midriff and is pretty, too. Also, it has a textured 2-inch elastic bottom to prevent the garment from rolling up.

Below, I wear Rago’s Extra Firm Zippered High Waist Long Leg Shaper or as I prefer to call it “girdle.” It fits tightly to give you the shape you desire, but it is still very comfortable – I can wear it all day (and I have). The girdle has a split crotch so that you don’t have to remove it when you use the little girl’s room, yet it is tight enough so that you can tuck those unsightly parts out of sight.

Fashionista that I am, I own a Rago bra and girdle set in both black and white.

The accompanying video will show you what Rago’s bra and girdle can do for you. I just wish they had used a girl like us to demonstrate the garments.

C’est la vie.

Wearing Tahari ASL

Professional femulator Sone Teal, circa 1960

Patterns

Saturday morning, I stopped by my sister's apartment to drop off her Avon order and found her going through a box of stuff from my mother's apartment. (Mom died years ago, but only recently has my sister begun going through Mom's stuff.)

"Here – this is yours," my sister said to me and handed me a stuffed manilla envelope.

"What is it?" I asked.

I opened the envelope and withdrew its contents: five old dress patterns for styles from the mid- to late-1960s.

"What do you mean these are mine?" I asked.

"Mommy bought them to make dresses for you," she explained.

"Huh!"

"She even made one dress for you – this one," she said, as she pointed to one of the patterns I held in my hands.

"She was going to give it to you as a birthday gift. But then she changed her mind because she didn't want to embarrass you."

(Note that although my sister and I are very close, she does not support me much on the trans front.)

"So, she knew," I replied.

"Dad knew, too, and he talked her out of giving the dress to you."

I always suspected that my parents knew and now my suspicions were confirmed.

"Wow! What happened to the dress?" I asked.

"I have no idea," my sister replied, "Let's change the subject."

I don't know what was the next subject because my mind was still on the dress my mother made for me and how my life might have been different if I had only confided in her.

(Caveat Emptor. This is a rerun of an old Femulate post about an event I had completely forgotten about in my old age.)

Wearing Eloquii

Rob Stone femulating in a 1989 episode of television’s Mr. Belvedere. Watch it here.

Short Shorts

Good News About Shoes Dept.

A number of readers relayed the following news to me. (Thank-you, all.)

“Payless said in a news release on Thursday that it has emerged from Chapter 11 bankruptcy with a plan to re-enter the shoe market in the United States. That reportedly includes relaunching an e-commerce site and opening some physical stores.

“Payless did not have any immediate details to share about a timeline or where the new stores would be located.”

Blushing Boy Bride Dept.

Typically, when I watch a film on television, I read the trivia about that film on IMDB. So while watching Saturday Night Fever this past Saturday night, I found this tidbit, “Letting off steam at the end of the shoot, John Travolta and members of the crew filmed a mock wedding at the disco, for laughs, with John dressed as the bride and one of the grips appearing as the groom.”

Mystery TV TV Dept.

Last Wednesday, I asked if anyone knew the source of a photo I found depicting a femulation from an unknown (by me) television show. A number of readers responded and as Julie succinctly put it, “The picture is from an NBC television program California Dreams, an episode titled ‘Wooing Woo,’ season 2, episode 4, first broadcast on September 25, 1993. You can watch the full episode on YouTube.”

Wearing Nine West

Diego Serrano femulating in the 1999 film The 24 Hour Woman, The plot of the film involves a daytime talk show with female and male (Serrano) co-hosts. Serrano crossdresses because for one airing of the talk show, the cast and crew swap genders.

Aaron Hernandez

Friday night, I watched all three episodes of Killer Inside: The Mind of Aaron Hernandez, a Netflix documentary that examines how Aaron Hernandez went from a pro football star to a convicted killer. (I started the evening off watching The Hustle, a comedy starring Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson, but it was so bad that I switched to Netflix after watching about 30 minutes of the Hathaway-Wilson stinker.)

I don't usually watch documentaries or news stories about murderers, but I have some personal connections to the the Hernandez story.

Besides Hernandez being a New England Patriot and me being a Patriots fan, he lived just down the road from me, so his old stomping grounds were my stomping grounds. A friend of mine was his Little League coach and the son of another acquaintance was one of his best friends. The Hernandez family doesn't know me from Eve, but I used to encounter his brother grocery shopping of all places! That's why I watched the program.

I enjoyed seeing nearby places in the film including the grocery store where I used to run into Hernandez's brother, but otherwise, the film presented a very sad story. Besides being beaten by his abusive father, Aaron had to hide deep in the closet because he was a homosexual.

How many of us experienced life in the closet? My parents were far from abusive and never beat me, but I hid in the closet because I thought that coming out to them as trans would disappoint them to say the least.

Older and a little wiser now, I realize that my parents loved me unconditionally and that they would have been ok with my big secret. In fact, I am sure my mother knew about it and tried to meet me half way to talk about it to the day she died.

I so regret not accepting her invitation, but it was only after she passed that I realized what she was trying to do. What a dumbbell I was!

Wearing Chelsea and Walker

Femulating Paolo Ballesteros, Christian Bables and Martin del Rosario in the 2019 Filipino film The Panti Sisters