My Magic Skirt

By Penny from Edinburgh

I have a magic skirt.

I found her in the wonderfully named Mary’s Living and Giving Shop, a boutique charity shop, a sort of thrift, in Stockbridge on the edge of Edinburgh’s historic New Town. As soon as I tried her on, I just knew that she was meant for me.

She’s a lined tartan pencil skirt in a pattern of shocking pink and mid-green on a black background. She sits perfectly just below the knee at the narrow point of my legs.

Part of her secret is that her three main colours: pink, green and black mean that she goes well with a wide variety of tops. I have had her on with, for example, a black crew neck cardigan, a green long sleeved T and a pink sleeveless polo neck top. She can be dressed up or down according to my mood or the occasion.

I don’t normally wear pencil skirts. Other profiles usually work better for me: A-line skirts give the illusion of a smaller waist, while mermaid or trumpet midi skirts give the impression of curves. However, my magic skirt makes my hips look bigger. I think that this is because being a tartan skirt, she is made with much thicker material, so she has body and doesn’t just hang limply.

Also, her style is smart and conservative, but is colourful, and suits Penny, my femme self, perfectly.

But her real magic is not in the fit, the style or the colours; it is that when I put her on she gives me that extra confidence. Wearing my magic skirt, whatever I do, wherever I go, I simply am Penny.

Wearing Boston Proper

Zack Powell and Rick Hammerly femulating on stage in The Legend of Georgia McBride.

Josephine, Daphne and Me

At the end of my previous post about my first crossdressing sightings on TV, I wrote, “Then there was the first television broadcast of Some Like It Hot and all hell broke loose in my little world!”

I’m not sure which came first, my viewing of the first television broadcast of Some Like It Hot or the revelation that the glamorous women appearing in nightclub advertisements in the Daily News were no ladies.

The Daily News was one of the newspapers that showed up in our house on a routine basis. In the mid-60’s, a New York City nightclub called Club 82 began advertising in the News with thumbnail-sized ads displaying glamorous showgirls with an intriguing caption that revealed that the showgirl “Is No Lady!” Rather, the showgirl was “a femme impersonator.”

My previous crossdressing sightings were all of the men-in-dresses variety. They were not trying to convince anyone that they were real women.

On the other hand, viewing the Club 82 ads and the Some Like It Hot femulations of Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon showed me that some of the men in dresses were in fact trying to be convincing women!

If they could do it, maybe I could do it, too!

Wearing Venus

Professional femulators performing at Club 82 circa 1965.

TV TV

My previous post about Jerry Seinfeld’s fear of trying on a dress got me thinking about TV on TV and me. Whereas crossdressing is very common on TV these days, during my formative years, TV on TV was rare and I tried to recall my first encounter with crossdressing on the boob tube.

I came up with three suspects. I viewed these TV on TV encounters when I still measured my age with a single digit, so forgive me for not remembering which came first. 

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The People’s Choice was a situation comedy starring Jackie Cooper and a basset hound named Cleo. The show ran from 1955 through 1958.

As a youngster, I saw many episodes in rerun, but only recall one. In that episode, titled “The Male Ego,” Sock, a realtor, played by Jackie Cooper, loses the sale of a house because the prospective buyer's wife dislikes a minor detail.

Convinced that women are beginning to take over the world, Sock goes to sleep and dreams about a future in which the women are taking over and are in the process of acclimating men to their rule. All the women wear pantsuits and are shown forcing reluctant men to enter a transformation booth, which “refines” their personalities and attire. When they exit the booth, the men act in a feminine manner and wear miniskirts.

As Sock enters the booth, he seeks help from Cleo, but she refuses to help him because Cleo is female and loyal to the distaff side of civilization rather than her owner. The dream ends as Sock exits the booth as a girly-guy in a girly outfit.

That is all I remember, but it left an indelible impression on my impressionable mind back then.

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I was a big fan of the Our Gang comedies. One silent Our Gang film, titled Crazy House, left a big impression on me.

In that film, Jean Darling is a rich girl who invites the gang to her elegant home for a party. The gang is allowed to go anywhere in the mansion since her parents and servants are not home and things get a little out of hand.

One of those little things is when the little rich girl convinces one of the male gang members, played by Harry Spear, to switch places with her. After they switch clothes, the girl became aggressive and fights with the boy in the dress and tries to start a fight with other gang members to prove her masculinity.

Needless to say, seeing the boy in the little girl's dress is something I will never forget.

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Our Miss Brooks was a situation comedy about high school teachers. Eve Arden played English teacher Miss Brooks and in one episode, she volunteered to help her boyfriend/biology teacher Mr. Boynton (played by Robert Rockwell) to dress as a woman for Halloween or some other costumed affair.

There was no actual crossdressing shown on TV, but just the discussion of dressing a man as a woman stuck in my memory. 

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Then there was the first television broadcast of Some Like It Hot and all hell broke loose in my little world!

And so it went.

Wearing Brahmin

Harry Spear switched clothes with Jean Darling in the Our Gang film Crazy House.

yadda yadda yadda

I use "yadda yadda yadda” as a placeholder for the blog’s text when I am putting the blog together, but I am still lacking the text.

When I start a new blog post, I often have images already in mind for the Femulate Her and Femulator slots before I have written the text of the blog. So I slip in a “yadda yadda yadda” for the text, insert the images and then I work out the blog’s text in my head and on my keyboard.

And oftentimes, the title of a blog post is the last thing I compose, so I insert a “yadda yadda yadda” in the title slot until I come up with something.

Big time Seinfeld fan that I am, I often recall the episode where Jerry is in a dress department of a clothing store and he remarks how he gets a little nervous being surrounded by so many dresses because he fears he might want to try one on. (Been there, done that!)

By the way, isn’t that a great image in the Femulate Her slot below? I love the composition of the photo, as well as the model’s outfit.

Regarding the Femulator image, I am still amazed at all the female impersonation that occurred in prisoner of war camps during the two World Wars.

One thing I learned after researching and reading articles and books related to the POW environment, some of the soldiers who femulated on stage to entertain their fellow POWs were not civilians, if you know what I mean. A few even femulated when they were not performing on stage, not that there is anything wrong with that.

Wearing Venus

Pinky Smith, World War II French prisoner of war, femulating to entertain his fellow POWs

Worn-Out Workshops

2013 True Colors Conference presenter

A friend returned from Fantasia Fair and reported that her workshop had only two attendees. Been there, done that.

Over the years, I’ve conducted about 25 workshops and a few times, only a couple of people showed up. On the other hand, a few times the attendance was standing room only.

Usually, the attendance is somewhere in between. Oddly, the topics of my workshops don’t vary much, so attendance (or lack thereof) must be due to other factors. 

I am sure that the description of the workshop appearing in the event’s program makes a difference.

One time, the description I provided was something like “how to femulate successfully.” The intended audience were students and attendance was poor. After all, how many kids read a blog written by an old white lady – so they were clueless as to what “femulate” meant? Next time, the description I provided was something like “how to crossdress successfully.” Same intended audience, but attendance was SRO. 

Another factor is the competition.

Are there a lot of workshops in your time slot, thus your potential audience has too many to choose from. Or are the workshops in your time slot sexier than your workshop and likely to attract a bigger crowd than yours?

I think my friend at Fantasia Fair had too much competition. There was a potential audience of about 100 attendees, while there were four workshops scheduled in her time slot. In addition to the competition from three other workshops, her workshop had to compete with all the extracurricular activities that Cape Cod has to offer. Unless you are Caitlyn Jenner, you have to work hard to attract a crowd in that situation.

My best showing at Fantasia Fair was when I had the “Femulate Blog Party.” I advertised it here in the blog everyday for weeks beforehand and as a result, about 15 people showed up. (My other Fantasia Fair presentations were less successful attendance-wise.) 

My friend added, “I don't think workshops are that important now. Not sure what is.”

She has a point. You can find lots of the topics covered by workshops on the Internet for free, so who needs to slog to a trans convention.

Are events like Fantasia Fair, First Event, Keystone Conference, Southern Comfort, etc. becoming more social events and less venues where you can learn something. Who needs another “how to crossdress successfully” workshop?

I guess I have been around the block a few times too many and I don’t need no stinkin’ workshops. But I still attend workshops – more to socialize than to learn. Afterall, I am at a trans conference, so I might as well fill the time by attending a few workshops.

On the other hand, novices will probably get more by attending live workshops than by viewing the same on the Internet. It is one thing to view “how to crossdress successfully” from the safety of your closet. It is another thing to get all dressed up and attend the same workshop in person en femme.

Until I attended my first convention, I was pretty much closeted only going out en femme to attend my support group’s bi-monthly meetings. By attending conventions in hotels filled with civilians, I slowly built up my confidence and eventually I was able to go anywhere I desired without a net. Not sure how much the workshops helped, but attending conventions sure made a difference.

By the way, it is that time of year when I can submit workshop proposals for two local conferences that occur early next year: True Colors and Transgender Lives. Not sure I want to do “how to crossdress successfully” again. Not sure there is even a need for “how to crossdress successfully.”

Let me ask you: If you were attending a conference, what would you like to hear me workshop about?

Wearing Veronica Beard

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka femulate the Olsen twins at Heidi Klum's 2019 Halloween party

Someday Funnies

Wearing ModCloth

Benito Skinner and Terrence O'Connor femulate Kylie and Kendell Jenner at Heid Klum’s 2019 Halloween party.

Halloween Washout

(Updated Below) I had no plans for Halloween.

Nothing was going on at my former workplace, so there was no reason to go there. And the weather was supposed to be lousy ("Chance of precipitation is 90%”). I did not feel like going out just to be out and have to dodge rain showers while dressed pretty. So my only Halloween plans were to distribute candy to the trick or treaters. (Last year, only two trick or treaters showed up and as luck would have it, they were crossdressed!)

I did have one non-Halloween task to complete from my list of housewife chores: grocery shopping. While I was perusing the shopping list that my spouse had composed, it occurred to me that I could do my grocery shopping as a housewife dressed appropriately for Aldi and Stop & Shop.

The weather forecast sounded better for the morning, than the afternoon, so I planned to get up early and get out of the house as early as possible. To make that possible, I prepared as much as possible Wednesday evening, but it was all a waste of time.

The weather forecast did not do the weather justice. It was so bad that I considered not shopping for groceries at all. But mid-morning, there was a calm period and I made the grocery run in boy mode. The break in the storm was very brief and I was very damp by the time I returned home 90 minutes later.

By the way, I saw only one person in costume (a female employee at Stop & Shop), so I think the weather put a real damper on Halloween and I don’t expect a big turnout of trick or treaters this evening.

UPDATE: The bad weather persisted throughout the day and night. As a result, not a living soul showed up to collect candy, but some non-living souls may have showed up after we went to bed because some of the candy was missing Friday morning!

Wearing Veronica Beard

Dave Foley plays Dave Nelson on television’s NewsRadio attending the office Halloween party en femme.

Blast from the Past

Halloween 2012 was the first of five-in-a-row appearances at work en femme and it almost did not happen. Hurricane Sandy hit the Northeast the day before. As a result, we lost power and I shelved my plans to go to work en femme because of the issues that a lack of electricity can cause. For example, how could I make up my face in the dark?

Needless to say, I was very disappointed, but shortly before bedtime, power was restored and I realized that I could do it after all. And it was probably my best Halloween en femme at work experience because no one was expecting it and I fooled most of my co-workers with my femulation.

For example, when my boss arrived at work that day, I made a bee-line to her cubicle, saying "Happy Halloween" as I entered.

She looked up with a confused expression and it took about a half minute before she recognized me. She was ecstatic. She checked me out and gushed over my appearance.

"He shaved his legs."

"He even did his nails."

"I hate him – he looks better than me."

She took my photo (the photo above) and e-mailed it to some of our colleagues in our other facility. Throughout the morning, she brought people to my cubicle to show me off.

I never saw her act like this before. She was enjoying my femulation as much as I was.

My boss also suggested I play a trick on our president's administrative assistant, so when she showed up, I went into her office and said, "I am the new receptionist and you are supposed to train me."

She was completely fooled. She said that no one had informed her of my training, but she was ready to have at it.

Before it went any farther, I asked, "Do you know who I am?"

She shook her head "no," so I confessed and she was absolutely floored! She confessed that she really had no idea who I was nor that I was a male.

Returning to my cubicle, I heard the voice of a female co-worker who I have known for 16 years, so I paid her a visit.

"Happy Halloween," I said as she looked up without any sign of recognition, then she recognized me. After she stopped gushing over me, she said that when she first saw me, she thought I was a former co-worker woman. She said the resemblance was striking.

At 10 AM, I had to attend a meeting (a "gemba") concerning a new product. I walked into the middle of ten engineers standing in a circular fashion for the gemba, said "Happy Halloween" and they all smiled and took my appearance in stride. A couple of the guys admitted afterword that until they heard my voice, they had no idea who I was.

Another friend asked if he could take my photo sitting in his cubicle. I gladly agreed, he took it with his smart phone, and sent it to his wife claiming I was his new administrator.

After his wife learned the truth, she replied, "“OMG!!!!!!! That is soooooo funny! He looks really good as a woman. I don't want her sitting in your cubicle.“

Five co-workers took my photo throughout the day and graciously e-mailed me copies.

One co-worker said he was "speechless," then added, "You missed your calling... you should have been a female impersonator."

During lunch, I drove to the nearby Lowe's home improvement store to get a replacement part for a piece of plumbing that failed after the storm. I had no trepidation about going to Lowe's and I found my trip very revealing.

Whenever I go to Lowe's or Home Depot in male mode, I have to find and ask a store employee when I need help. Today, I had a male Lowe's employee practically at my beck and call. When he saw me looking lost in the plumbing department, he asked what I needed and directed me to the exact location where the part was displayed. After I found what I needed, he came over and compared it to the old part I had brought along to make sure I got the right part.

That's the power of a short skirt and high heels!  

Speaking of high heels, I wore them all day long (over 9 hours) and my feet felt fine. I guess sitting about two-thirds of the day helped. I did bring flats just in case, but I only put them on when I drove home.

I returned to work, ate lunch and felt tired; the 4:15 AM wakeup was beginning to take its toll.

I visited the two women in Human Resources who knew that I am transgender. The HR woman, who is approximately my age, was enthusiastic and said I looked "great," while the 30-something HR woman acted as if nothing was unusual and said nothing about my appearance.

Another female co-worker I have known forever stopped by my cubicle in the afternoon and said I looked "sparkling." She also commented that I looked better than she ever did even when she went to the prom. She wondered if anyone at work had busted "my chops" and I happily admitted that no one had.

Except for folks stopping by to look and/or take photos, the afternoon was quieter than the morning.

Overall, I had a great day at work en femme. Not a discouraging word was heard; instead, I received a lot of compliments.

Next morning, my boss saw me and remarked, "Thank, God, you're dressed normal today."

I responded, "What's normal?"

Wearing Macy's

Halloween at work en femme 2014

The Non-Civilians

In my previous post, the Femulator slot featured Mr. Phillips, a Colorado Springs high school teacher, who showed up at a school Halloween function dressed to pass. He looked very convincing, perhaps too convincing and my trans-radar screamed “not a civilian.” (Reminded me of a guy who showed up at work every Halloween in very convincing office girl drag!)

Mr. Phillips’ image reminded me of a post I wrote a few years ago about guys showing up for school dressed as gals, who also looked too good to be civilians. Since we are on the cusp of Halloween, I updated and added to that post and present it to you today for your enjoyment.

Whenever Starla sends me a new batch of femulator images that she culled from online school yearbooks, I try to pick out the femulators who are not civilians, that is, girls like us and not one-time femulators dressing up for their school's womanless event.

It may be due to all those years operating the trans radar, but there is something about certain womanless participants who give off vibes that they are in it for the long run. And sometimes, there are other clues that confirm those suspicions.

Such is the case with Sean Caufield (above). She is exquisite! Her hair, makeup and jewelry are perfect. And the extra clues move her out of the civilian realm. For example, her thin eyebrows en femme and en homme and the fact that dressing as a female is her choice for a Halloween costume and is not a femulation for a womanless event. 

And she is not alone.

I always suspect that something is up when a faculty member femulates along with the students like the student-teacher (above), who “shows off his feminine side on Halloween.” Does Miss Waugh's perfect wig, cleanly shaved legs, tailored skirt suit or slingback pumps hint that she shows off her feminine side on other occasions? Just wondering.

I was also wondering about Coach Ed (above), who goes by "Edwina" during her frequent forays in frocks, when she successfully passes among her students.

Then there is Matt Garber (above), who "was the only male student to wear make-up to the junior-senior prom," which begs the question: Did other male students attend the prom wearing prom dresses, but without makeup? (How gauche!)

Finally, there is lovely Phillip Sacks (above), who dared to be different, but my guess is that she is different more often than one day.

Mr. Wallace donned a French maid costume to fool his drama class students at Eisenhower High in Rialto, California. 

Knowing Smiles

By Paula Gaikowski, Contributing Editor

One of the good things about being 60 years old is that you have an overabundance of life experiences to draw on for self-counseling and for writing in Femulate. I’ve been meaning to write another article for the blog that we all call home, but have been coming up dry. Last night, I remembered an incident from my youth that I think might be of interest.

In 1979, I was stationed at Ramstien Air Base in Germany. Having a week off at Christmas, I took a USO bus tour to Barcelona. These trips are a mix of active military and their dependent families. They are always fun and you make friends quickly while enjoying the tour.

I made friends with an American family and their teenaged son who was only a year or two younger than I at the time. He was a bit of a rock ’n' roller with long hair and we spent an afternoon together perusing record shops in Barcelona looking for rare vinyl records.

On the way back, our tour guide announced a “Topsy Turvy” contest to be held that evening. (We would call it a “womanless beauty pageant” today.) This set off a purr of laughter and a buzz amongst all of us.

One of the ladies riding with us asked me if I’d like to borrow somethings for the contest and I regretfully declined. I would have preferred to dress up nicely and not present a caricature as many would that evening.

The turn out for the event was overwhelming with over 20 taking the challenge and appearing in the contest. Looking back through my eyes as a now experienced femulator, I can see that about a half-dozen of these ladies were ready for the event and had planned ahead.

How do I know they weren’t civilians? The ladies who were pretty and passable had wigs and wore shoes and dresses that fit. The spur of the moment gals presented your typical guy in a dress – look at me and laugh. The non-civilians shaved their legs – it was not their first rodeo.

The three runners-up were really into it and the crowd, especially the married ladies, enthusiastically applauded and appreciated them. Most memorable was my teenaged friend, who turned out to be every bit the glamour girl. In a black, long sleeved, sequined gown wearing black pumps, his long hair was coiffed and teased and his makeup was perfect with what looked like false eyelashes. I just remember how stunning her eyes were.

We found out that his Mom was a beautician and had competed in pageants when she was younger. She was quite proud of her creation, but it was definitely a team effort with a very willing accomplice. I have no doubt he was a budding femulator as it takes one to know one.

I ended the evening at the bar and after midnight saw him come in with a group of young people who had gone out to the local night clubs. I waved to him and gave him the thumbs up. He gave me a knowing smile and I smiled back – words weren’t necessary, we both understood each other.

This photo, which appeared in Colorado Springs' Wasson High School 2001 yearbook, so screams, “Not a civilian!” (Source: Starla).