Sitting to Pee: Here, There and Everywhere

By Starla Renee Trimm

Reading Stana’s discussion of her travels and the inevitable topic of restroom use when on the road in feminine garb (no one thinks about or discusses bathrooms more than T-girls) brought some memories into focus.

Back in the day, in my healthy years when I had a life and actually went places, I took quite a few road trips en femme. As I passed most of the time, I never had any serious problem using the ladies’ room pretty much anywhere. (And we didn't yet have reactionary politicians trying to pass laws making it a capital offense to simply pee in an appropriate facility.) Nevertheless, when travelling in unfamiliar places (especially here in the South), better safe than sorry.

What I would do when my bladder was crying uncle was to seek out a gas station/convenience store — not the large 7-11 type enterprises, but the smaller businesses that only had a small kiosk type island housing cashiers and a limited array of junk food and beer. Why? Because such facilities usually had small bathrooms that required key access. Besides the fact that they could only be used by one customer at a time eliminating the possibility of a negative encounter in the restroom itself, there still remained the remote chance that someone might see me entering or exiting the thing, have doubts as to my gender status and make a fuss.

Having to request the key gave me an "excuse" in the event of a confrontation. If they handed me the key to the little girls' potty (as was the case almost 100% of the time), I figured I was passing well and pretty safe inasmuch as I could always protest that, hey, that was the key the clerk gave me, so I assumed that was the bathroom I was directed to use.

And since even in male mode in such situations, I was sometimes given the ladies' room key simply because the boys' room was (a) out of order, (b) on the verge of being declared a toxic waste cleanup site or (c) occupied by a leisurely squatter who was taking his dear time while, as my Momma used to say, "my back teeth are floating" — the notion of being perceived as male, yet directed verbally or tacitly to the ladies' loo was not inconceivable. Maybe I was overthinking things by coming up with such complex planning, but you never know.

In any case, my confidence in such a scheme was bolstered and solidified on one road trip when my gas tank was on "close to fumes" and my bladder on "dam about to burst" as I entered the little hamlet of Waynesboro, Georgia ("The Bird Dog Capital of the World"). My only option for topping one tank off and emptying the other was the rather shabby looking enterprise at the center of town, manned by several bearded good ol’ boys in overalls, chawin’ tabaccy and generally perpetuating the “seedy side of Mayberry” stereotype.

Well, between having that brassy boldness that prior positive encounters produced, as well as the point of no return risk of an impending flood under my denim skirt, I did not even hesitate to stride into the place, flash a sweet smile at the Head Bubba and ask for the bathroom key. Whatever tiny residual concern remained that had not yet been overridden by urological distress was quickly dispelled as the dude handed me the ladies’ room key with a wink and a smile (and, I think, a bit of a leer), drawling “There ya go, darlin’.”

For once, I was far more comforted than offended by such sexist behavior!

Wearing Veronica Beard

Jerick Hoffer (aka Jinkx Monsoon) femulating in television's Capitol Hill.

Someday Funnies

Gorgeous! (Source: Harper's Bazaar)

Harvey Korman femulates in 📺 "Both Father and Mother," the situation comedy embedded in the 1979 film Americathon.

On the Road Again

This is the only photo I have of me and my Subaru. I must get more photos with the most favorite car I ever owned.

I have driven my Subaru thousands of miles cross-country cross-dressed and I will do so again next week when I drive from Connecticut to Ohio and back. My experiences as a woman driver were revealing to me.

(Funny story: After I purchased my Subaru back in 2007, a lesbian friend remarked, "How appropriate," because Subaru's are reputed to be the vehicle of choice among lesbians. I had no idea!)

👠 If I wear shorts or a short skirt or short dress when I drive, tractor trailer drivers will occasionally honk in appreciation of the view. Even though I am an old lady, I have had this experience more than once.

👠 No surprise here, but male drivers will take advantage of woman drivers. Men drive more aggressively when they cross paths with me. They assume that I will back off and give them the right of way, which I usually do, not because I am meek and mild, but because I am crossdressed. I do not want to get into an accident, then have to deal with civilians and police as an outed crossdresser, which showing my driver's license will clearly reveal.

👠 Following up on the previous point, I drive legal as a woman driver. I closely follow all the rules of the road because I don't want to deal with police as a crossdresser. My understanding is that in my neck of the woods, dealing with the police is not an issue because they have been trained to deal respectfully with our kind. Beyond my neck of the woods, who knows? In any case, who wants to deal with the police respectfully or not?

👠 Car trouble as a woman driver is a piece of cake. You won't break a nail or get a smudge of car grease on your skirt fixing the problem. Being an AAA member is one solution, but instead of waiting for AAA to show up, just look helpless and soon a gentleman will stop by and do the dirty work. It happened to me once while shopping at a strip mall. When I returned to my car with my purchases, my car would not start, so I opened the hood to see if that would help. It did! Within minutes, two gents in a pickup truck pulled up, assessed the situation and determined that my battery was dead. They carefully explained to me how to start the car by popping the clutch and I was quickly on my way.

👠 Passing is easy as a woman driver. Just use your turn signal to indicate what you are doing and when the passing lane is clear, speed up to enter the passing lane. After you passed, use your turn signal again and return to the travel lane. Seriously, passing as a woman is easier sitting inside your car. Tinted glass and reflections off the glass camouflage your appearance so you are less likely to be read sitting in your Subaru. Waiting at a traffic light one night, a guy in the lane next to me rolled down the window on the passenger side of his car and tried earnestly to engage me in conversation. I ignored him, but I assumed that I passed especially since it was dark.

👠 During long roadtrips, you are likely to need to use a restroom. I have no fear about using the ladies' room in Connecticut because I know the state laws protect me, but I feel less comfortable using the ladies' rooms in other states because their state laws may not protect me. However, I will feel even more uncomfortable if I don't use the ladies' room, so I do what I have to do and have never had a problem. For what it's worth, I have successfully relieved myself in ladies' rooms in the following states: Connecticut, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Rhode Island and West Virginia.

And so I go.

Wearing Bebe

Womanless fashion show (circa 1970)

Peer Appearance

Karen Bigelow: A Peer

What do celebrities Kirstie Alley, Jane Seymour, Kathryn Bigelow, Lynda Carter, Angelica Huston, Cheryl Ladd, Pam Dawber, Karen Allen and Patricia Wettig have in common?

They were all born in 1951, so they will all be 68 years old by the end of this year, just like me.

Cool cats occasionally scold me that I dress too young. My hair is too long, my skirts too short, my heels too high and my makeup too too for a 68-year-old woman. They whine that I should "dress my age!"

OK — so how do I dress my age?

I know how my grandmothers dressed when they were in their 60s (back in the 1960s coincidentally), but no one of any age dresses like that today.

Looking around to see how my peers dress does not work because I am bad at guessing peoples' ages, so I am never sure who are my peers age-wise.

So I resorted to the Internet.

I searched "women born 1951" and Google came back with a variety of lists of famous people born that year. After checking to see if I made the list (I did not), I checked to see who did.

I culled the females from the top of the lists, searched the Internet for any of their photos taken during the past 12 months and I found recent photos of the females mentioned above. (By the way, four of them also appear on my Famous Females of Height List: 5'8" Kirstie Alley, 5'9" Lynda Carter, 5'10" Angelica Huston and 6' Kathryn Bigelow.)

First I looked at the hair. None had hairdos shorter than mine. Two wore pageboys and the rest wore shoulder-length or longer hairdos. Therefore, based on my peers, my hair is too short for a 68-year-old woman!

Next I looked at the shoes. All wore heels of various heights. Hard to be exact, but I estimate that the average heel height was in the 3 to 4 inch range. (Hands down, the tallest female, Kathryn Bigelow, wore the highest heels.) So I conclude that my choice in footwear, that is, heels in the 2 to 5 inch range fit right in with my peers.

To determine how much makeup a person wears, you need a photo of that person without makeup to compare it with a photo of that person with makeup. I had no photos without makeup, so determining how much makeup my peers wear was difficult.

Nearly all of them wear eye makeup, probably no more or less than I do. Nearly all also wear lip color, but here is where I need to make an adjustment. No dark reds, so if I want my lip coloring to match my peers, a more natural lip color should be my goal.

I knew going in that skirt length might be my downfall and I was correct. Most of the hemlines were in the neighborhood of the knee, either at the knee or slightly above or below the knee. None wore a thigh-high hemline like I occasionally find myself wearing.

In conclusion, all I have to do is wear a more natural lip color and lower my hemlines, then I will be dressing my age. On the other hand, life is too short, so maybe I will wear whatever I damn well please!

Wearing Wholesale 7

Carollyn Olson wearing Venus

Wednesday Wanderings

Actresses Portraying Transwomen: Counterpoint

My post yesterday suggested that male actors should portray transwomen in films and on television. My friend Diana suggested something different and you can read here post on this topic here.

Second Planet from the Sun

Monday, I wrote about my discovery of clothing from online seller Venus. It's not like I just discovered Venus a week ago; I have been aware of Venus for years, but I thought that in general, their clothing was too sexy and I held off buying their clothing... because I didn't want to look too sexy???

I Love the Smell of Ohio in the Morning

Did I mention that I will be living as a woman 24/7 for 5 days the weekend after Mother's Day? I'm so looking forward to my annual trip to Ohio for Hamvention! I hope to see some ham radio sisters there.

Wearing Etienne Aigner (Source: Etienne Aigner)

Bill Kaulitz

Actresses Portraying Transwomen

I have a pet peeve: actresses portraying transwomen.

Here are two portrayals that come to mind that are so unrealistic: Rebecca Romijn on Ugly Betty and Famke Jannsen on Nip/Tuck.

Both are television portrayals, but the film industry is just as guilty using actresses to portray trans-woman, for example, Raquel Welch in Myra Breckenridge and Felicity Huffman in Transamerica.

Male actors should portray transwoman. Such portrayals would be more realistic if men filled the T-girl roles. Few actresses are the right size to realistically portray a male-to-female transperson. Their voices are not convincing and in boy mode, their mannerisms are not convincing.



When male actors do portray transwoman, the portrayals are very realistic. Cillian Murphy in Breakfast on Pluto, Lee Pace in Soldier's Girl and Johnny Depp in Ed Wood are examples of successful portrayals of actors portraying transwomen.

Can you imagine someone like Drew Barrymore portraying Ed Wood? I think not.

Wearing Venus (Source: Venus)

Ed Wood femulating in the 1953 film 📺 Glen or Glenda.

Transwomen are from Venus

Venus "Neck Detail" jumpsuit

I have been shopping for a new outfit to wear when I make my presentation at Hamvention next week. As a presenter, I thought something "business casual" would be appropriate (like the jumpsuit I wore last year).

Not finding anything I liked in the brick and mortar stores around here, I began looking at the usual suspects online. Nothing caught my eye, so I began exploring online stores that I have never purchased from before. Doing so is a little unpredictable because I have no purchase history and don't know if a store's clothing runs small, large or true-to-size. I also don't know anything about the quality of the clothing.

Despite those reservations, I visited Venus and among their large selection of jumpsuits, I found one that screamed "business casual;" I thought it would be perfect for making my presentation. They had my size and I put it in my shopping cart ($49).

I also was on the lookout for a second new outfit to wear during my roadtrip. So I poked around the Venus website and found a romper – an item of clothing that I have considered purchasing in the past, but never did because I thought the styles were too young for me.

The romper I found is unlike most romper styles I have seen in the past. It is called a "tailored romper" and looks so business-like that some women might not think twice about wearing one to work. It certainly would be appropriate to wear on my trip, so I added it to my shopping cart ($29) and checked out.

I placed my order on Sunday and began worrying if the clothing fit? Was it cheaply made? I soon received an email that Venus shipped my order and tracking it indicated it would arrive on Friday.

It arrived on time and I opened the package soon after the mailman dropped it off on the front porch. My first impression was that the quality of the clothing was very good, but my second impression was that the jumpsuit looked too small for me and I was disappointed.

Looks can be deceiving and in the past, clothing that I think looks too small fits fine when I try it on, so I slipped into my shapewear, tried on the jumpsuit and discovered it was a perfect fit as was the romper.

I was so impressed with my purchase from Venus that I plan to revisit their website real soon now.

Venus "Tailored Romper"

Bert Errol, early 20th Century professional femulator (Source: Queer Music Heritage)

Someday Funnies

Wearing Veronica Beard (Source: Intermix)

Andreo Ermel femulates Amanda Lear on Spain's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

15 or 18, Give or Take 3 Million

Working on the blog!

I am well into Year 12 of writing Femulate and this weekend, the Statcounter near the bottom of the left column will increment past 15,000,000 hits!

15 freaking million!

On the other hand, Blogger, which hosts this blog claims that the "Pageviews all time history" for Femulate is over 18 million! '

18 freaking million!

Either way, I am proud of those figures and want to thank you readers for your loyalty. I couldn't have done it without you!

To keep you coming back, I am constantly tweaking the blog, trying to improve the your blog experience. For example, I recently started using the video screen icon 📺 to indicate that there is an internet video associated with whatever I happen to be writing about. Just click the icon 📺 and you will be transported to that video.

Not a big deal, but I think it is "neat" to quote Annie Hall.

Over the years, some of the blog's improvements were the results of suggestions from readers, so if you have an idea to improve the blog, please e-mail me with your suggestion.

And so it goes.

UPDATE: Statcounter hit 15,000,000 on Sunday at 10:24 EDT.

Wearing Unique Vintage (Source: Unique Vintage)

📺 Dan Quagmire en femme in a 2010 episode of Family Guy.

A Moot Point

Almost nobody gives a damn about your life but you and there's a good chance you don't give as much of a damn as you think. If you did, you'd already have done the hard work necessary to change yourself to match your idealized image. Most people aren't capable of that. It's too hard, we're too lazy as a species, and life is just too long and too filled with problems that need immediate solving. And then, at some point, you're not in the picture anymore, and it's all a moot point, for you anyway. — Matt Zoller Seitz & Alan Sepinwall, The Sopranos Sessions

Wearing Michelle Maso top, Ganni skirt and Alexandre Birman sandals (Source: Intermix)

Femulator, circa 1930