Susan: Out, However Briefly

Susan e-mailed me about her recent jaunt in Los Angeles – her first as a woman. Here is her story.

Last night, I went out among civilians, as you say, for the first time. I'm writing to tell you about it because you were my inspiration for making the move.

So with a professional manicure and a beautiful new boiled wool coat (an absolute steal of a Elie Tahari) to deal with a slight cold snap here in Los Angeles, I set out for a makeover at standalone MAC store some distance from my home.

Given the nature of my neighborhood, I had to leave in mostly covered up guy mode (essentially sans wig) and do some quick change in the dark side of the parking lot. Some jewelry, a bit of lipstick and off to the store. I was amazed at how clandestine I was throughout. I was not happy with the state of my hair which is so important in a presentation. I don't want to have to keep sneaking about changing and applying makeup in parking lots.

As I was driving along at 60 miles an hour, I was sure everyone passing by was noticing my painted nails – how silly!

I had great luck parking right in front of the store. The makeup artist was sweet and professional. She did what I asked – natural, light, age-appropriate. I was not overwhelmed, but it was all that I asked for. I would have preferred pinker lips, but I was so nervous I just wanted to get out of there.

I decided to stop by a women's store on the way home – a place I have visited in guy mode. The saleswomen have always been so helpful and sweet and I just wanted to interact with them en femme.

One recognized me pretty quickly and she was so nice. She loved my coat and said I looked so pretty. I browsed for a very short time. We took each other's hand, said goodbye and off I went into the brrr (LA brrr that is), but so warm in all respects in my new coat. It was dark enough that I drove through my neighborhood right into my garage en femme.

I surprised myself by not taking any pictures to commemorate the event. Surprised too that I was nonplussed by my image. I was just Susan. I was extremely tired – more from the planning, anticipation, etc. So I took off the makeup and relaxed. Glowing, but recognizing that it's hard to live in the dark as I do. I wonder how long I can go without coming out to my spouse. We'll see, as they say.

My point in writing to you is to again acknowledge and thank you for being the inspiration for the event. Thank you, Stana.

Wearing New York & Company (Source: New York & Company)

Rick Hammerly,  Zack Powell and Dezi Bing femulating in a stage production of The Legend of Georgia McBride.

Someday Funnies

Wearing New York & Company (Source: New York & Company)

Bob Gunton femulates on stage in Roza in 1987.
(Bob played the corrupt prison warden in The Shawshank Redemption)

Noted on Tuesday

Here are some follow-up notes regarding my day out at the mall on Tuesday.

Fashion Success Dept.

I was very pleased with my makeup Tuesday. I am finally getting the hang of liquid eyeliner using Avon's True Color SuperExtend liquid pen.

Fashion Failure Dept.

Awhile ago, I stocked up on Kiss stick-on nails that were leftover stock from an affiliated store on Amazon.

I had no problem with the nails until Tuesday morning when a couple of nails popped off shortly after I put them on. I opened a second box of nails to replace the popped nails and the replacements popped off, too. I think the glue on the nails dries out after awhile and lose their holding power. The third box of nails I tried were fine and held on all day long.

After I did my hair Tuesday, I noticed that my eyebrows looked gray, so I had to redo my eyebrows with a darker shade. For years, I used a blond shade of eyebrow pencil. That worked fine when I had blond hair, but now that I am a redhead, the blond eyebrow pencil does not cut it.

These Boots Are Made For Walking Dept.

When I checked my iPhone's Health app, I was surprised that I walked 1.9 miles on Tuesday. Most of that 1.9 miles was at the mall because I did not do much walking otherwise on Tuesday.

My new Christian Siriano Payless "Veronica" kitten-heel boots were very comfortable and served me well walking around the mall, as well as driving to and from the mall. They are one of the most comfortable footwear I own and I highly recommend them, but sadly they are no longer available. (I searched the Internet for other sources and all I could find were black pairs in size 8M on Amazon.)

Wearing Jonathan Simkhai dress and Tibi booties (Source: Intermix)

Nina Chareese, professional femulator

And Ann Taylor

And so I continue from where I left off yesterday entering the Ann Taylor store at the mall, which has been a fashion failure for me in the past. After Katy, the sales rep greeted me, I began perusing the racks looking for the dress that a manikin was modeling. I gave up and asked Katy for help and she said that all they had left was one sized Large.

I thought that it might work, so I took it to the dressing room which Katy had started for me and tried it on. It fit! And it was gorgeous. I stepped out of the dressing room to model it to Katy and she said that the dress went well with my white booties.

I decided to purchase it and since it was long sleeved, I decided to wear it out of the store instead of wearing the short sleeve dress I arrived in; after all it was mid-winter and I had miles to go before I sleep.

There was a 15% discount if you used your Ann Taylor credit card. I did not have an Ann Taylor credit card, but it I signed up for one, I would receive an additional 15% discount. And so I did and that's when I let cat out off the bag.

During the process of signing up for a store credit card, you give them your phone number and Social Security number so they can check your credit and inevitably, your identity is revealed. I assumed this was going to happen, but I did not care that Katy found out that the woman she was waiting on was named "Stan." I only mention this in case you are in the same situation and do care about revealing your identity; in that case, don't sign up for a card.

After Katy bagged my Simply Be dress, I asked her to take my photo in my new dress to feed my blog. She agreed to take my photo and asked me the name of the blog. I told her the name and that it was intended for girls like me. She got it, so here is a shout-out to Katy in case she decided to visit Femulate.org!

I walked the rest of the mall, did some window-shopping, but did not make another purchase. I was getting hungry, so I walked to my favorite restaurant in the mall, Brio Tuscan Grille. Unlike some other restaurants I frequent, I never had a bad or mediocre meal at Brio and my winning streak continued with the chicken marsala I ordered on Tuesday.

My waitress was as charming as can be and another waitress stopped by to say that she loved my "go-go boots." After finishing half my meal, I was full, so I asked the waitress to wrap the remainder, then I paid for my meal and exited the restaurant and the mall.

I arrived home mid-afternoon after thoroughly enjoying my day out.

UPDATE: No Mail

My e-mail service is down. I cannot send or receive e-mails, so if you are waiting for a reply from me, I promise to respond to your e-mails as soon as the service is fixed.

UPDATE: No Mail Workaround

My e-mail service is still down, but I now have a workaround.

Love the coat! (Source: Pinterest)

The boys in the band go girly.

Simply Be Me

I had been waiting for the right day to wear my new Simply Be ribbed knitted dress. It is a short sleeve dress, so I was waiting for a winter day that was not too wintry. The weather forecast looked good for Tuesday, so I decided to go to the mall for a little shopping and a little eating.

My femulation began at 9 AM and by 10:30, I was ready to go in my new Simply Be dress, new Payless white kitten heel booties, new Jessica Simpson bag and my relatively new hairdo.

I arrived at the mall at 11 AM and it was so warm outdoors (65℉) that I left my overcoat in my car. I entered through the Macy's entrance, browsed the their dress racks, but nothing interested me enough to try on.

I proceeded into the mall and window-shopped until I arrived at Ann Taylor. I find their clothing attractive, but the last time I entered their store (over 25 pounds ago), everything I tried on was too small. I was hoping to be more successful now that I was a little lighter.

As I entered the store, a sales representative greeted me and said that she loved the colorful stripes of the dress I was wearing. Her remark made me wonder why I was bothering to shop for another dress!

Wearing Diane von Furstenberg (Source: DVF)

Carlos Marco femulates Soraya Arnelas on Spain's version of television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

I Blend

You may recall that three weeks ago, I had a free dinner date courtesy of Prudential Financial. Stanley was invited and she attended dressed appropriately for a woman her age.

At the banquet hall, each attendee was assigned to a specific table and each table had a Prudential representative seated with the guests. The rep introduced himself and was available to field questions, if any. It was all very laid-back and there was no high pressure sales.

A week later, I received a call on my iPhone. I did not recognize the number, so I did not answer it. I received a second call from the same number a week later and another on Friday.

Over the weekend, I finally noticed that there were two voicemails left after the last two calls. I listened to the voicemails and they were from the Prudential rep seated at our table offering his financial services if I was interested.

He did mention in passing that either I was a no-show at the dinner or I ended up sitting at the wrong table!

There were three couples and two solos (me and a guy) seated at our table. Perhaps the rep thought I was with the wife or girlfriend of the solo guy even though we were not seated together. I also assume he was looking for a male Stanley at his table, not the lady Stanley, who was present.

I guess I blend in better than I thought.

Wearing Derek Lam 10 Crosby sweater, Rejina Pyo skirt, Tibi boots and Yuzefi bag (Source: Intermix)

John Crawford femulating in the 1961 British film The Impersonator.

First I look at the purse

I admit to being a shoe whore, but now I am becoming a bag hag, too.

Purses/pocketbooks/handbags were those things that clearly separated the boys from the girls. Slip on your high heels, grab your purse and you are out the door as a woman, not some boy pretending to be a man.

I had a small collection of bags. Most were inexpensive bags that I purchased at JCPenney, Payless, Fashion Bug, etc. The only designer bag I owned was a B. Makowsky satchel that I bought for $80 at a consignment shop (it cost $250 new).

Then my daughter Christmas-gifted me a Kate Spade bag. And when she moved to an apartment last month, she gave me two Coach bags and two Jessica Simpson bags that she never used and did not want to take along to her new digs.

Since then, I acquired two more Coach bags!

Not only have I become a bag hag, but I am also a bag snob, because when I go out now, I will only wear a designer bag!

I call that "progress." LOL

Wearing Moda  Operandi (Source: Moda Operandi)

Womanless pageant contestant before and after (Source: Pinterest)

Someday Funnies

Wearing Diane von Furstenberg (Source: DVF) 

Ian Saunders femulates Vivian Cupcake on television's Bill Nye, The Science Guy

Not Very Ladylike

I live on a dead end off of another dead end. Our dead end has underground utilities. Beyond our dead end are utility poles.

During the 25 years I have lived here, we have never had a power outage originating on our dead end. Any outages have always originated on the portion of the system with utility poles.

Two Sundays ago, we had snow, freezing rain and high winds. Monday morning, we lost power, which meant no electricity, no water, no heat, no landline, no Internet, etc. My iPhone was the only thing that worked and when I checked the electric company's outage map on the Internet, I was surprised that only my dead end, the underground portion of the system was out. The portion of the system on the poles still had power.

I phoned in our outage and the trucks showed up mid-morning Monday, left an hour later, showed up again at noon and again left an hour later. The electric company had no estimate when we'd get our power back.

I began feeding our wood stove to provide some warmth to keep the pipes from freezing and managed to keep the indoor temperature around 50℉. But at sunset, we decided to spend the night at my sister's house rather than try to sleep in our icebox.

Tuesday morning, I received a robot call from the electric company that we would have power by 1 PM, so after coffee and, we thanked my sister for her hospitality, drove back home and found that we already had power (Yay!). However, I did notice that down at the end of our dead end, there were about ten vehicles, ten hardhats and a payloader digging on the side of the road. I don't know what was wrong, but they did not finish digging until late Wednesday afternoon.

Anyway, by the time we got back home, I did not feel very ladylike. I had not shaved, showered or moisturized in days. I was wearing my girl jeans, but nothing else from milady's wardrobe. So when we lose power, it means no electricity, no water, no heat, no landline, no Internet and no femulating!

Wearing Tahari (Source: Us)

Bert Savoy, early 20th Century professional femulator

Observed

While taking inventory earlier this week, I made the following observations.

Bad Sizes

Sizes are all over the map. Not only are dress sizes inconsistent between labels, the sizes of dresses from the same label are inconsistent, too. I knew this before, but doing inventory affirmed what I already knew.

I bought a black sequins cocktail dress from a consignment shop a few years ago. The label was Dress Barn; the size was 14. I was wearing a size 16 or 18 back then and I was surprised that the size 14 Dress Barn confection was actually a little big on me (go figure), but I purchased it anyway because it was only $5. Needless to say, I was swimming in the dress when I tried it on this week and it ended up in the discard pile.

And although I am usually a size 12 these days, some of my old size 14's and 16's fit fine and were keepers.

Dead Brands

I own many nice dresses from labels that no longer exist: Newport News, Spiegel, Fashion Bug.

Back when I did all my womenswear shopping online, Newport News and Spiegel were my best friends. When I finally started shopping in person (in girl and boy mode), Fashion Bug became my new friend.

I miss my old friends.

Wearing Unique Vintage (Source: Unique Vintage)

Enrie Scielzo, male womenswear model

Taking Inventory

I just did something that I have been meaning to do for a long time: try on everything in my closet to see what fits and what doesn't.

Why? Two reasons:

1.  I have so much clothing hanging in my closet that everything is very tightly packed. Removing or adding anything is difficult. The clothing has no room to breathe (!) and whatever hanging there is becoming permanently pressed in whatever configuration it was hung.

2.  Having lost 25 pounds and keeping that weight off during the holidays has assured me that I will be able to maintain that weight. So I can free up closet space by removing the size 14's, 16's and 18's that are too big for me now.

Mid-morning Monday, I slipped into my bra, girdle and Spanx and began trying on the contents of my closet. I underestimated how long the process would take and after two hours, I was not even half way through, but I did have a pile of discards, so that was progress.

I broke for lunch and returned to the task in the evening, put in another two hours and clocked out at 8 PM. Another two hours Tuesday afternoon finished the the job.

While I was trying on clothing, I became ruthless on what I discarded. Initially, I only discarded clothing that was too big. And then I encountered some dresses that were too small in the bust — they did fit me at one time, but evidently my breasts have gotten a little larger as I have gotten older, so those dresses had to go, too.

Then there were those dresses that fit perfectly, but I did not like the way they looked on me. I wondered why I had purchased those items in the first place! They ended up in the discard pile, too.

On the flipside, there were dresses that I had not worn in a long time that now look amazing on my thinner body. It's as if I had just acquired new wardrobe to wear!

What am I going to do with the discards?

I will donate most of the dresses to the donation center in town that distributes clothing and household items to the needy in our area. The cocktail dresses and evening gowns are not donation center-worthy and may be eBay-bound.

Now my closet is so empty, I think it's time to go shopping!

Wearing Balmain (Source: Intermix)

Dad or Mom and sons dressed for Halloween. (Source: Pinterest)