By Michelle
In my previous articles I think I have mentioned the idea of a bucket list I have for my trans life. On that bucket list would be to go out with a group of cis females and be accepted as one of them. I had ideas of perhaps going on a hen night, which would be great thing to do, but I was offered an alternative, which I think is even better. My friend Irene turned 60 last month and she invited me to her lunch party at an Italian restaurant. That was an invitation I couldn’t refuse.
The plans developed and although some men had been invited, the date clashed with a football match and they decided to show their allegiance to their club and sent their apologies. So it was to be a women-only event and I was going.
What to wear of course was an issue – is it ever not? In the end, I decided to wear a cap-sleeved blouse and a calf-length grey skirt with my old favourite black high heel court shoes. Although I have some photos of me and the rest of the group, I don’t want to publish these without their permission and pixelating faces always looks a bit sinister to me, so I’m afraid I will have to paint a picture with words.
Irene asked if I could come already dressed and take her and another friend to the restaurant in my car. This would be relatively easy as my son was away that night so I could underdress and finish off in the car on the way. And this was my plan until the evening before the lunch when my son’s girlfriend phoned and asked if she could sleep at our home so that she didn’t’ have to drive home after going out for drinks with some friends. We had made this offer and we weren’t going to withdraw it, so this is exactly what she did. This complicated things a little as it meant that I could not apply makeup at home the following morning before I left. A minor irritant, but it just meant I had to do more on my “maintenance stop” on the way to Irene’s.
As it happened I left “underdressed” and was able to apply makeup and other finishing touches in a rest area
en route. I arrived at Irene’s a few minutes late (fashionably late I like to think) and was introduced to Irene’s friend. We spent a while talking about various things which was very pleasant and settled down any nervousness I had. Then we left for our lunch appointment in the pouring rain.
After a 30-minute journey, we arrived at the restaurant and Irene went in to meet and greet her guests whilst I parked up and joined her a minute or so later. As I walked in, I was met by the group who were to be at the lunch and was introduced to everyone. This was it! I was now accepted as my female self and I felt I was “in for the journey.” We sang “Happy Birthday” to Irene and were led to our table.
Apart from Irene, there was one other trans person there who I know quite well, but I was determined to not sit near her so that we didn’t drift into trans conversations. I managed to do this sitting between two of Irene’s cis female friends. That was good manoeuvring by myself!
The lady between Irene and myself didn’t know anyone there (apart from the birthday girl) and we soon struck up a conversation finding we had common interests; cycling, cakes, choosing the right hair colour and an inability to fully understand mobile phones.
The meal was really nice and I was accepted as female by everyone. Trans issues never came up at all in any of the conversations I had. It was also nice being within a group collectively addressed as “ladies” and one of the women, when I said I wasn’t on Facebook, said “good girl.”
If I can make a little aside here, I think we are all looking for something a little different in each other when we dress, but for most of us, I think we want to be seen as just another woman and any evidence that we are is such a nice feeling. So when this lady said those two words, seemingly very naturally, my heart gave a little jump for joy. I have written before on the joy of being addressed as “Madame” in public and this was similar.
We were at the restaurant for three hours and the time just flew by. As a group of 13 women, occasionally being quite loud, we were of some interest to other diners in the restaurant, but nothing out of the ordinary and when we left, many of them smiled nicely and said goodbye to us. I was even invited to join a walking group and a monthly brunch group by other women in the party, which again indicates I had been completely accepted as a woman.
We said our goodbyes and I took Irene and her friend home. She was overwhelmed at how nice people had been at her birthday party and was close to tears with emotion, which was nice to see because she is such a lovely person. It was then time for me to make my way home and Irene asked if I wanted to change before I left, but I refused saying I wanted to complete the whole experience as a female. I gave her a hug and I made my way home, finding a deserted car park to change in as the light faded in the sky.
Everything about the day (except the awful weather) had been marvellous; the company, the meal, the restaurant, being asked to come and then being totally accepted as female.
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| Richard O'Brien |
