How to Start

By Paula Gaikowski

As we move into the new year, I remember a resolution I made to write more for Femulate. This also helps justify the luxurious office suite that I occupy here at the sprawling Femulate World Headquarters.

It also compels me to spend less time at the water cooler sharing makeup and fashion tips. Although CEO Stana can be a taskmaster, we keep a close watch on the Dress Barn sales flyers knowing well those days are best for our long lunches.

I am often asked by transgender persons who want to start expressing their femininity, "How do I start?"

Whether you just want to experiment at home or want to go out and about as a woman, being a girl takes work and time and it truly is a lifestyle.

It will take time to find your niche or comfort zone as a woman. It truly is an evolution. It’s important to enjoy the journey, new shoes, a good hair day, perfect eye makeup or your first steps out the door.
I recommend starting with something that interests you, begin small. Maybe you want to get that first wig or start learning makeup skills.

The important part is to start, nothing will happen if you do nothing.

I’ll cover three areas where you can initiate a positive move toward your feminine core.

First is makeup. Back in 2009 I approached the cosmetics counter at Lord and Taylor trembling inside asking for a foundation to provide good coverage. The first woman I spoke with directed me to the NARS counter.

At this point I thought, “Oh no, they are freaking out,” but the young woman I met (Kasey) was polite and helpful. Over the next few months, I would come back to build my needed stock of makeup. Each time, Kasey taught me how to use the cosmetics and also encourage me. We had some in-depth conversations about transgender people and the world. During this time, she would extend the repeated offer of a makeover. I never would have dreamed of going out in public. But over that year I started to get my proverbial transgender wings and started going out regularly.

Kasey worked for NARS and has since moved onto a career in the corporate world. So I became a devoted MAC girl. I cannot recommend them more highly. Other Femulate readers will concur that the policy at MAC is highly inclusive; they have many transgender customers and will treat you with the upmost respect. If you recall, MAC sponsored Caitlyn Jenner’s “Finally Free” lipstick and donated the proceeds to transgender youth.

What you are really looking for as an emerging transgender person is to slowly open yourself up in a positive environment. You will begin to feel good about yourself and in turn, slowly build a collection of makeup and beauty products that will help you with your goals.

The guidance and support you will get from the makeup artists at MAC will surely be worth the added expense of their product.

There is nothing more liberating than telling another woman, "This makeup is for me, I am transgender."

It all flows forward from there.

Next week, we will talk about building a wardrobe.

Wearing Jovani (Source: Edressme)

Jan Cina femulates Madonna on the Czech Republic' version of television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Self-Feminization

Recently, I received an e-mail from Miss Z bemoaning the fact that her face is too masculine, so she never presents as a woman in public because she fears being ridiculed as a man in a dress.

Over the years, I have received similar complaints from other readers, for example, Miss K once wrote, "It's easy for you to go out – you are drop-dead gorgeous! But it's not so easy for the rest of us who are not born with gorgeous genes!"

Thank you, but I assure you I was not born with gorgeous genes. In boy mode, no one mistakes me for a woman. Although I don't have a craggy-face like Tommy Lee Jones, I also don't have the beautiful visage of Catherine Zeta-Jones. I just don't slip on a dress and heels and look like Stana – I have to feminize myself before I can approach drop-dead gorgeousness!

In this and near future posts, I plan to write about some of the things I have learned and used to feminize myself.

Day-to-Day Maintenance

I do not present as a female everyday, but I perform maintenance on my body everyday to enhance my female presentation on those days I do.

I shave my face and neck daily with a Philips Norelco rotary electric shaver.

When I am finished with my face and neck, I shave other parts of my body. One day, I do my legs, another day, I do my arms. My breasts, shoulders and back are also part of this daily routine. So over a four- or five-day period, I shave all the parts of my body that may be exposed depending on what I wear as a woman.

Being an Avon lady, I occasionally receive free samples. About 15 years ago, I received a free sample of a product to deal with wrinkles around the eyes. Looking in the mirror at the wrinkles developing around my eyes, I decided to try the free sample.

After a week or so, the wrinkles were less noticeable. After a few weeks, I had to examine my eyes closely to find the wrinkles. So, I was sold on the eye cream and currently use Avon Anew Clinical Eye Lift Pro Dual Eye System every morning.

I also moisturize my face and neck in the morning using Olay Complete All Day Moisturizer. After many, many years of shunning skin care, I began using a moisturizer after my success with eye cream and it made a huge difference. My skin is smoother, more supple, healthier-looking and my makeup goes on easier and looks better.

I also moisturize my feet every morning using Avon Foot Works Intensive Moisture Foot Cream. I began moisturizing my feet about 18 months ago and it has made a big difference. Before I began moisturizing, my feet were drop-dead ugly. There was no confusing my feet for a lady's. Eighteen months later, my feet are actually pretty! My thigh highs and pantyhose slip on and off easily; no longer getting hung up (and running) on a callous or other dry skin anomaly. And my high heels feel more comfortable on my silky, smooth feet.

About six months ago, I received a tube of Avon Foot Works Peppermint Reviving Leg Gel which was bundled with a purchase of the Avon foot cream. Since I was already stripped down to my panties when I moisturize my feet, I decided to try the gel on my legs. The gel's function is to refresh and soothe tired, achy legs with a "cooling gel featuring peppermint oil." I liked the way the gel feels and smells and it feel when I massage the gel into my legs, so it is now a part of my morning routine.

Until last year, I maintained my weight. For about 45 years, I kept my weight within a five-pound range. Whenever it edged up five pounds, I would take measures to bring it back down.

About a year ago, I started a diet. It was simple; nothing drastic. I just cut down on my sugar and bread intake and tried not to eat in between meals and by June, I lost 20 pounds.

I don't have to tell you how that missing 20 pounds improved my female presentation. I dropped two dress sizes, lost my back fat, dropped one shoe size, thinned my face, improved my figure and overall, felt better not to mention, more feminine.

Finally, for what it’s worth, I have never smoked in all my 66 years and I seldom drink alcoholic beverages (I probably average less than one glass of beer per month). I am sure that has contributed to my appearance and enhanced my ability to femulate.

Wearing Catherine Catherine Malandrino (Source: HauteLook)

Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis femulating in the 1959 film Some Like It Hot.

To Tuck or Not To Tuck

Reacting to this photo in yesterday's post, Paula Goodwin commented, "As something of a self confessed fashionista (although not of your standing!) I always enjoy the photos you share. Today's Femulatee picture does beg a question for me ~ To tuck or not to tuck?

"I have always felt that a jumper should be worn "out" over the waist line of the nether garment, yet I have a few skirts and trousers with lovely waist line details that then get covered up. Clearly there can be no hard and fast rule, but I am now rethinking this little problem."

It is a question that I have struggled with in the past (even in boy mode). When confronted with the tuck or no tuck question in boy mode, I will ask any handy cisgender female, "Which looks better?" and I usually go along with their advice.

In girl mode, the answer from a not-so-supportive female might be "neither," so I don't bother asking and look in the mirror for an answer.

Before I dropped 20 pounds, I usually did not tuck because my girdle did not reduce my girth enough and I ended up with a muffin-top. Down 20 pounds, the muffin-top is gone and I can tuck or not tuck with great abandon.

When I dressed for the company Christmas party, I initially tried my outfit on wearing the top untucked. The top came down to my hips and hid half of the pretty skirt I was wearing. So I tried tucking and I was much happier with the results, as you can see in the accompanying photo.

So, it depends on what you are wearing. For example, you would not tuck a top that was obviously designed to be worn untucked like a belted top, pleated top, a top with flounces, etc. Similarly, if the skirt or slacks you are wearing demands to be seen in their entirety (like my gold pleated mini-skirt), then you want to pair it with a tuckable top.

Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

Actor Ames McNamara dresses femininely in television's 2018 reboot of Roseanne.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Pixie Market (Source: Pixie Market)

Femulating soldiers entertaining the Allied troops in Palestine in 1941
(Source: Australian War Memorial)

War on Transgenders

Trump's War on Transgenders continues...

Rolling Back Transgender Inmate Protections

"The Trump administration is expected to rollback Obama-era protections for transgender inmates."

Read the whole story here.

Trump thought about the trans military ban for all of 10 minutes

"A paragraph from journalist Michael Wolff’s new expose on the Trump administration, Fire and Fury, contains a shocking detail about the president’s decision to ban transgender people from the military."

Read the whole story here.

Throw the bum out and stop the War on Transgenders.

Wearing Badgley Mischka (Source: Rent the Runway)

Femulating soldiers get ready to entertain the Allied troops in New Guinea in 1943

(Source: Australian War Memorial)

All-Woman

In light of the foot of snow that fell here yesterday, I recall another January six years ago when it snowed and snowed and snowed some more.

I have lived in the same area of Connecticut all my life and I have never seen a month of winter weather like the past 31 days! In that time, we had seven snowstorms resulting in a snowfall total of over 5 feet!

The weather has played havoc on my plans to go out. Yesterday, I cancelled my day trip to First Event because of the weather. Other plans have met similar fates.

It snowed again (10 inches) early yesterday morning, so I worked from home rather than commute to the office.

While clearing the snow from my driveway at noontime, I decided I had had enough; I made up my mind to go out en femme in the evening.

Late in the afternoon, I shaved, showered, did my makeup, and dressed to go out. I wore my Victoria's Secret green sweater dress, brown tights, open-toed snakeskin high heel pumps, and matching snakeskin patterned scarf. I also wore my white fake fur jacket and brown designer knock-off bag.

If you think wearing high heels is an adventure, try it when there is snow, slush, and ice in your path. But I toughed it out for the sake of fashion!

I drove to a nice Chinese restaurant in the next town. It was about one-quarter full of customers. No one paid me any mind (that I noticed).

My waiter was very polite and called me "Miss." I had a very pleasant dinner and at the end, the waiter presented me with a free dessert: a ball of coconut ice cream.

After dinner, I touched up my lipstick and drove to a nearby Fashion Bug. It was very quiet in the “Bug” --- only one other customer.

The sales staff was very attentive. One saleswoman tried to convince me to be measured and fitted for a pair of a figure-hugging jeans.

I was interested, but I was not sure how I could try on jeans when I was wearing a dress. I had no spare top, so I figured that I would have to strip down to my bra and body shaper. Normally, that would not bother me, but I had not removed enough body hair to strip down to that degree, so I politely turned her down.

I spent about a half hour browsing through the store. I really wasn't looking for anything in particular, but I did find some clip-on earrings that I liked and purchased.

At check-out, I used my Fashion Bug credit card. The cashier, who was the same person who tried to fit me for jeans, asked for additional identification.

I assumed the she was aware I was a male, so I thought nothing about handing her my driver's license.

She looked at it and asked, "Is this your husband?"

"Uh oh," I thought to myself.

"No, that's me," I replied.

She finally realized reality and burst out, "Oh my, God, you look fantastic!"

"Thank-you," I said.

As she was checking me out, she added, "You know, we have other male customers, who dress as women, and I spot them right away, but I never would have guessed you were a guy! You not only look like a woman – you move like a woman, you talk like a woman, you act like a woman – you’re all-woman!”

With that, my high heels never touched the slush as I walked on air out of the store and drove home.

Wearing Eloquii (Source: Eloquii)

German soldiers femulating during World War II.

Dodging Old Age and the Draft

Old ladies like me can knock 10 years off our age just by femulating. The makeup hides some of our faces' signs of old age. Girdles hide some of the pounds we put on as we mature. But I think wearing a wig makes the biggest difference. Replace thinning gray hair (or no hair) with a beautiful hairdo in a pretty color and a 60-year-old guy becomes a 50-something lady.

Some hairstyles are better than others when you step aboard the time machine and put it in reverse. And Fabulous 55 suggests 21 hairstyles that will knock 10 years off your age. (That's a total of 20 years off for a femulator wearing the right wig!)

For what it's worth, some of the suggested hairstyles are actually wigs. I recognized styles offered by Raquel Welch and Tony of Beverly, so if they are one of the hairstyles you would like to try, it is easy-peasy finding a matching wig.

Here is the link to Fabulous 55's article. Happy hairstyle shopping!

👠👠👠

At the height of the Vietnam War, my buddies were cooking up ways of avoiding the draft.

My friend Jack came up with the bright idea of showing up at the draft board dressed as a woman if he ever got drafted. It seemed like a surefire way of getting a deferment and sent back home to mother, but Jack never had to wear frillies and become Jackie because he received a high draft number.

Anyway, I find it a little ironic that 50 years later, the US military is now accepting transgender recruits (not that there is anything wrong with that).

Wearing Alex Perry (Source: Moda Operandi)

Femulator or modern male fashionista?

SaveSave

Birthday Card

I am an old fashioned girl and like my mother, I send cards to my friends and relatives for their birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, illnesses and other events.

Greeting cards are expensive, so a few years ago, I purchased software to create and print greeting cards. It paid for itself a long time ago.

My sister's birthday was last week, so I loaded the software and perused what designs were available for sister birthdays. I found the perfect card, but I did not use it because my sister is not a big fan of my femulating.

Anyway, here is the front and inside (punchline) of the card.

Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Sister and Brother

Review: Caitlyn Jenner's The Secrets of My Life

By Paula Gaikowski

Title: The Secrets of My Life
Author: Caitlyn Jenner
Genre: Memoir
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
Pages: 320

After years of intense training, Bruce Jenner won the 1976 Decathlon at the Montreal Olympic games. After winning, a fan handed him an American flag and he took a victory lap. With an American flag held proudly, a handsome and smiling Jenner rounded the field and that iconic moment was seared into a generations mind. He became the all-American hero.

Ironically, Bruce had painted himself into a corner.

I’ll start with a note: Caitlyn Jenner constantly refers to “Bruce” in her book. She states simply that “he,” “Bruce” did exist and to deny that would be disingenuous. She does this much to the chagrin of others in the transgender community where she is a controversial figure. I will follow Caitlyn’s example in this review.

Her narrative will speak directly to readers here at Femulate. Winning the Olympics brought not only jubilation, but the thought “I’ll never be a woman now.”

If you’ve perused through online profiles of other sisters, Caitlyn’s story will ring true. Always wanting to be a girl, at the earliest age, borrowing clothes and dressing up. Sneaking out in the neighborhood for nighttime strolls and praying at night to wake up as a girl.

He proved himself on the high school football field while envying the cheerleaders on the sidelines.

He hid women’s clothes in the college dorm.

In public, Jenner was the ultimate visage of American manliness — handsome, athletic, and financially successful.

In reality, she would endure decades of emotional loneliness, three failed marriages, parental shortcomings and bouts of self-loathing.

As a transgender person, reading this book at times it seemed she was writing about me. The book is oddly familiar in its writing style, a biographical timeline made up of trials and tribulations that are personally reminiscent and feel like countless transgender profiles that I’ve read online.

In the 1989, after two failed marriages, Bruce would attempt to transition. He started HRT but found little support or acceptance. Then financial reality set in. “If I lose 'Bruce,' I lose my way to make a living and so does the family that depends on me.” Twenty-five years later, there would the transgender websites, medical advances, support groups and a growing community of transgender persons to support her.

A longtime Republican, Caitlyn received a huge negative backlash from many activists in the transgender community. She's realized that as Bruce, she “ ived in a world of white male privilege” and yet was still entitled enough as Caitlyn to have voted for the Donald Trump-Mike Pence ticket. Her remarks about gay marriage on The Ellen DeGeneres Show also drew anger from the LGBT community.

She also took much criticism from the transgender community for her views on transgender women and appearance.

“I think it's much easier for a trans woman or a trans man who authentically kind of looks and plays the role. So what I call my presentation. I try to take that seriously. I think it puts people at ease. If you're out there and, to be honest with you, if you look like a man in a dress, it makes people uncomfortable. So the first thing I can do is try to present myself well. I want to dress well. I want to look good.”

She has been attacked and berated by transgender activists as being “a clueless rich white woman” and shouted at with chants of “you are an insult to trans people, you are an insult to women.”

To her credit she has raised considerable amounts of money for transgender causes. Her Finally Free lipstick with MAC cosmetics has raised over $1.3 million dollars for transgender youth. She personally has spent countless hours working with families and transgender persons. She knows she has made mistakes, “I’ve grown into Caitlyn,” she said. “It’s tough to take 65 years of being Bruce and being male, and then like, overnight, everything changes.”

It’s common to censure historical figures. We could easily condemn Thomas Jefferson as a slave owner or we can view him objectively and see the paradox of a man who wrote the Declaration of Independence and advocated for a new system of government that brought democracy to the modern world.

As a baby boomer, I see and relate to Caitlyn Jenner as a transgender woman who came of age in a time when the word “transgender” did not exist. To put it mildly, less flattering terms were used to describe us. You couldn’t even find a doctor to get treatment and therapists knew nothing about “sex changes.” You could get arrested for dressing as woman in public. In fact, crossdressers met in secret. The Tiffany Club here in New England would meet new members in cloak and dagger fashion in order to keep their meeting location a secret.

Obviously, that has changed in recent years. Transgender persons are no longer banished to tabloids at the back of the Maybrook Sweet Shop. Many have sacrificed before us and have fought for our rights. To credit any one person would be disrespectful.

It is my opinion, the night Caitlyn Jenner, the former Olympic icon, graciously walked up on stage in front of a national television audience and accepted the Arthur Ashe Award for courage was the moment when transgender persons had reached the proverbial tipping point. All of our pioneers and their sacrifices were finally brought to light in the American collective cognizance.

Our fight for acceptance and rights would be far from over. It was what I like to call our “Will and Grace moment.” It put us on the map and in the minds of America. Now it’s not unusual to see transgender high school students, while universities across the country have programs to assist transgender students. Most Fortune 100 corporations have non-discriminatory policies for transgender persons. Transgender persons are now sons, daughters, cousins, co-workers and friends.

Like any other woman, Caitlyn has been shaped by the experiences and ethos of her life and like any other women, is subject to foibles and shortcomings. In this case, she’s a transgender woman, a member of our community, who believes in us, fights for us and is one of us.

Like any other community in times of adversity, we need to put aside our differences and worked together.

Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Professional femulator Mr. Zumae, circa 1966

Happy New Year, Eve (and all the rest of you girls)!

Wearing Rachel Zoe (Source: Rachel Zoe)

This photo, taken at the Dayton Hamvention in May 2014, is my most popular photo on flickr. Why? Is it the dress, the hair, the legs, the figure? It's certainly not the surroundings. Go figure!

Covered in the Rolling Stone

The Good and the Bad

"Transgender America: 10 Best and Worst Moments of 2017" is an article that appears in the new issue of Rolling Stone.

Another article in the same issue, "Tallying the Damage of Trump's Presidency in 2017," recaps the current administration's War on Transgenders.

Better Mirror Selfies

Juan of The New Fashion fame sent along the following tip for improving mirror selfies.

About the "mirror selfies" issue you've been addressing in a couple of posts, there's still another problem which bothers me in addition to the image being flipped horizontally. Actually, it's even more annoying, I dare say, and it's the fact that the image will be distorted with the upper part of your body, which is closer to the lens, looking all blown up, while your legs come up skinny and your feet minute. You can clearly appreciate the distortion at the edges of the mirror; they don't appear to be parallel to each other, but rather crooked, converging towards the bottom.

Now, there's this app called SKRWT (which reminds me of "skirt", which is a cool thing!)​ that can easily correct the defects. It works on iPhones, iPads and Androids.

Its extremely simple to use and very practical for those of us who are neither professional photographers nor computer wizards. But, it is easy to over-do it, so you have to be careful or you will end up with enormous feet and a tiny head... LOL.

Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

A femulator performs for the Australian troops in North West Borneo in 1945 (Source: Australian War Memorial)