Frustrated at One Big Event

Diana photographed me holding her drink at One Big Event

Shortly after my encounter with Senator Blumenthal at One Big Event, the dancing portion of the evening began.

The music was contemporary, which means I did not recognize most of the songs. I thought about requesting something from the last century, but I did not have a dance partner.

Do I ask a gay guy to dance with me?

Do I ask a straight guy to dance with me?

Do I ask one of the women who have been eyeing me all night to dance with me?

Do I wait to be asked to dance?

So many choices!

I love to dance even if I am not familiar with the music, but what is the proper etiquette in this situation?

I harken back to my days in high school and college attending dances and usually being turned down by the girls I asked to dance. Would it be a UCONN mixer all over again?

Would I appear desperate asking a guy to dance?

Would a guy reject me because in their eyes I am really a guy?

And asking a woman to dance is a conundrum I am unable to dicipher.

Being asked to dance would have been wonderful, but I would not be surprised if potential dancers were just as unsure about the proper etiquette as I was.

As I mulled this over Saturday night, I recalled that this happened every time I attended One Big Event in the past. And it always put a damper on the evening.

I hung back for about 30 minutes waiting for a Prince or Princess Charming to ask me to dance, but it did not happen. So I went home.

Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Yvonne femulated a bunny for Halloween.

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Big Night at One Big Event

Saturday evening, I attended One Big Event at the Connecticut Convention Center in Hartford. The event is a fundraiser for the Hartford Gay & Lesbian Health Collective. It is a gala affair with guys in tuxedos and gals in cocktail dresses and vice versa.

Mid-afternoon, I began my femulation and was ready to go about an hour before I had to go, so I took some photos like the one you see on the right. The dress I wore was absolutely fabulous and wearing it made me feel wonderful beyond compare. Throughout the evening, I received many compliments from friends and strangers alike. It is a dress I will have to wear again and again.

Left home at 5:15 and parked my car at the Convention Center garage 15 minutes before the start of the event, so I was able to get a strategic parking spot close to the entrance of the Convention Center rather than in the heights of the fifth or sixth level of the garage. I say "strategic" because after a long night of partying in high heels, it is nice to walk the minimum distance back to where your chariot awaits you.

I took the escalators to the top of the Convention Center and checked in to find that I was seated at table 4. Usually, I end up sitting at a table with double digits, but thanks to my friend Diana and her friend Joe, I was seated in the front row of tables. Nice!

The cocktail hour ran from 6 to 7 PM. It gave everyone an opportunity to schmooze, check out the items up for bid in the silent auction while drinking your favorite beverage. I recognized a few people and exchanged pleasantries.

After viewing all the auction items, I wanted to sit a spell, so I saw a seat available at a table where two young women were already seated. I asked if I could join them, they said yes and we exchanged introductions.

The first time I attended One Big Event, I assumed all the attendees were gay, lesbian, trans, etcetera except for the politicians and dignitaries. I since learned that a good portion of the crowd were civilians representing the various corporate sponsors of the event, as was one the women I was sitting with. She was from Travelers Insurance and the other woman was her guest. They were UCONN graduates as I am and we exchanged stories about our experience on the Storrs campus. We parted ways when the dining room opened – I to table 4 and they to a table with double digits.

Table 4 was populated by me, Diana, Joe and Joe's family. They were a friendly bunch and we got along swimmingly. Dinner was very good and in mass quantities – so much so that I did not finish a course, not even dessert.

After dinner, the folks who head the Health Collective spoke followed by two politicians, Hartford Mayor Luke Bronin and Connectuct's U.S Senator Richard Blumenthal. They both were encouraging... that despite the current occupant of the White House, the good fight will continue and we will be triumphant again. Their words pleased the crowd of 400 to no end.

At past One Big Events, the politicians speak, then get out of Dodge to attend to other matters, so I was surprised when Diana nudged me to look up and see the Senator visiting tables to shake hands and schmooze. When he came to our table, I got his attention and he came over to shake my hand. I was not going to let him getaway with just a handshake, so I told him that I liked him so much that I would vote for him twice, once in girl mode and once in boy mode. He got a big charge out of that, laughed, shook my hand again and said thank-you. Very cool!

Wearing Cushnie et Ochs jumpsuit, Perrin bag and Giuseppe Zanotti shoes (Source: Intermix)

Rachel femulates for Halloween at a sports bar.

(Send me your Halloween costume photo and see it in the Femulator spot like Rachel's photo above.)

Size 14?

A couple of weeks ago, I was bragging here that I was now a Misses Size 14. But in the back of my mind, I wondered if it was a fluke.

Sure I've lost nearly 20 pounds, but I have been fooled by clothing manufacturer's erratic sizing before... when you find a dress in a smaller than your usual size that fits perfectly and then you realize that the dress runs large (sometimes very large) and no other dress in that size fits you... kind of takes the wind out of your sail.

On Monday, I mentioned I was undecided about which dress to wear to One Big Event tonight. You all helped me make up my mind (thank-you) and I will be wearing the wine sexy slit foil midi tonight. The other dress was scheduled to be delivered Monday, so it was actually not in the running and I really had no choice.

Guess what arrived in Friday's mail? The other dress, the teal brushstroke scuba midi.

Even though I had already made up my mind about what to wear tonight, I had to try on my new purchase. This would be the moment of truth because it was also a Misses Size 14.

I stripped and then zipped up the new dress. And, voila! I pulled the zipper to the top with ease. The dress fit perfectly even without my girdle and long line bra. So I guess I really am a Size 14!

Wearing Rachel Zoe (Source: Rachel Zoe)

For Halloween, Marie Anne femulated a woman from India.

(Send your Halloween photo and I will feature it in the Femulator spot like Marie Anne above.) 

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Shopping in the Good Old Days

Back in my youth during the Mesozoic Era, buying womenswear was stressful.

As I wrote here on Wednesday, the Halloween excuse alleviated some of the stress, so I used that cover story the whole month of October and even during September.

But what did I do the other ten months of the year?

I recall shopping for a dress in a plus-size woman's store in downtown Waterbury. It was a local mom and pop shop and not a chain store like Lane Bryant. Actually, it was a mom and daughter shop; they owned the business and also served as the store's sales staff.

Anyway, I used a new cover story: that I was appearing in a contemporary version of "Charley's Aunt" at my school.

The mother and daughter were initially intrigued with my story and asked me questions about the stage production... questions that I was not prepared to answer. As a result, my cover story fell apart, but the ladies played along and helped me find a dress to wear in the "play."

When it was time to pay up, the daughter mentioned that their store had a lot of male customers and they were always welcome to shop there.

Like I said, this was back in the Mesozoic Era and I welcomed any resource that was welcoming to girls like me. So I was a return customer until sadly, the store went out of business.

Wearing Payless (Source: Payless)

Romana Pernaa's Dr. Who Halloween femulation

(Send me your Halloween costume photo and see it in the Femulator spot like Romana's photo above.)

I am my own girlfriend

This Throwback Thursday post was written over eight years ago. Revisiting it, I was surprised that what I believed is truer than ever applies today. 

I love females. Always did, always will.

When I reached dating age, I dreamed about dating the vast number of females who I found attractive. But I was very shy with the opposite sex and not at all skilled at chatting up females in order to get a date.

My attempts usually resulted in rejection. As I accumulated rejections, I became gun-shy and more reluctant to try again. As a result, I did not date very often.

On those rare occasions that I did date, it was usually of the blind variety. And there were seldom any second dates because (1) I did not find my blind date attractive or (2) if I did find my blind date to be attractive, my shyness kicked in and turned off my blind date. I was a sad sack on the dating scene.

Lacking a female companion, did I become my own girlfriend?

I studied the art of female emulation (femulation) and after years of practice, I managed to femulate myself into a female, who could look attractive under the right lighting conditions and/or from the correct viewing angle.

As I femulated more and more, dating a female became less important, but I continued to make my feeble attempts in the dating scene and accepted blind dates whenever the opportunity arose. One blind date was "love at first sight" and we dated for over two years, married, and had a child.

While I dated my future spouse, I stopped being my own girlfriend, that is, I stopped femulating all together and did not take up the cause again until we were invited to a Halloween party a month after our wedding day.

After nearly three years of not femulating, I was out of practice and having purged all my female paraphenalia before marriage, I had to borrow clothes for that Halloween outing. As a result, my femulation was just so-so in my humble opinion. Nevertheless, my skills were still good enough to fool some of the people some of the time and a female at the party asked me point blank if I was male, because she was not sure.

That outing caused me to recall how I had enjoyed femulating in the past, so I began anew, first in secret, than slowly out into the public after my spouse put two and two together and asked me if I liked to crossdress on days that weren't October 31.

I came clean about my "hobby" and she was very supportive and encouraged me to join a support group, which moved my femulation out of the closet of my home into the closet of my support group's meeting hall where I learned how to take my femulation out into public places.

Did I become my own girlfriend again?

I believe that when I was dateless and desperately seeking female companionship, I truly was my own girlfriend. But now I believe that the female I emulate is really me.

When I became my own girlfriend in the past, I was really becoming me, but did not realize it at the time. Now I realize that when I femulate I am presenting myself to society in the way I feel that best expresses me.

Wearing Veronica Beard (Source: Veronica Beard)

Michelle femulating at work on Halloween

(Send me your Halloween costume photo and see it in the Femulator spot like Michelle's photo today.)

Costuming

The first time I bought womenswear, I used the excuse that I was buying items for a Halloween costume. The excuse seemed to work, so I used it for years to expand milady's wardrobe.

In retrospect, I don't think I was fooling anyone. How many guys bother buying a bra and girdle to wear under a girly Halloween costume? Or buy an expensive wig for one night?

There was only one wig shop in my neck of the woods and I went back there three Halloweens in a row to buy expensive wigs for my "costumes." (What did I do — throw the wigs away every November 1?) It was a one-woman shop, so every year the same woman sold me my wig. I don't think I was fooling her much after my second purchase, but she never let on.

By the way, buying a girly costume off the rack is a hit or miss proposition. I found most costumes run small. Whereas XL womenswear always fits me, XL women's costumes usually don't come close. Only once did I have luck size-wise buying a woman's costume off the rack — a French Maid costume I bought at K-Mart in the early 1990's.

And so it goes.

Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

Nancy Ng femulates a lady pirate for Halloween.

(Send me your Halloween costume photo and see it in the Femulator spot like Nancy's photo today.)

Cleaving

Recently, I received the following request: While looking at your pictures, I noticed cleavage. Could you do a post on how to achieve it? I've tried but it never works for me. Thank you so much.

Up front (pun intended), I want to be clear that your mileage may vary because breast-wise I am naturally well-endowed for a male. I won't go into the reasons why I have feminine breasts because I don't know for sure myself, but I assure you that my girls fill a B-cup (and as a trans-girl, I could not be happier about those circumstances).

In the past, I used surgical tape to tape my breasts together and added makeup to create cleavage. It was very effective, but removing the tape was very painful and usually resulted in skin abrasions and minor bleeding that took days or weeks to heal.

I now use a painless method to create cleavage, which is just as effective. The key to my painless method is my bra, a Victoria's Secret Bombshell push-up bra. Victoria claims it adds two cup sizes and it is heavily padded to accomplish that feat.

The bra alone does not provide me with cleavage. I add breast forms to the mix, as follows:

I insert a breast form into a bra cup with one hand, lift my breast with the other hand and place the form under my uplifted breast. The uplifted breasts create the cleavage and the heavy padding of the Bombshell bra holds everything in place just like the surgical tape had done so in the past.

I have gone whole evenings without my breasts moving out of place, but if there ever is any slippage, I can quickly lift my breast(s) back in place when I have a private moment (like in a stall of the ladies' room).

After my breasts are in place, I add makeup, applying two shades of bronzer or powder. A dark shade adds depth to the shadows of the cleavage and a light shade enhances the front of the breasts to make them look more outstanding.

I apply the darker shade in the space between my breasts and sweep the powder upward and outward, creating a V-shape along the natural curve of the breasts, then I blend the powder until it looks like a shadow and not a strip of powder.

A little goes a long way, so don’t overdue it. You can always add more dark powder if needed; removing it is more difficult.

I apply the lighter shade to the front of my breasts and blend it back towards, but not all the way to the dark shade.

By the way, I made my own breast forms using a female impersonator's recipe: birdseed in a sock. (I actually used dried green peas instead of birdseed.)

1.  Use birdseed/dried green peas to fill a thin sock (not a thick heavy sock) to the cup size you desire.

2.  Tie off the sock as close as possible to the ball of birdseed/dried green peas.

3.  Trim off any access sock and fold the remainder over the knot. Under a bra, the knot does a good job of emulating a nipple.

By the way, I made my breast forms about 35 years ago and they are still good to go today.

If you have any questions, I will gladly try to answer them. In the meantime, practice, practice practice and your fine work will proceed you.

Need advice concerning femulating or other crossdressing-related matters, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is stana-stana at sbcglobal.net.

Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Rachel femulated Caitlyn Jenner for Halloween in 2015.

(Send me your Halloween costume photo and see it in the Femulator spot like Rachel's photo today.)

When it rains...

Saturday, I will get glammed up to attend One Big Event, the Hartford Gay & Lesbian Health Collective's annual fundraiser, which includes a cocktail hour, dinner and dancing to a live band. It is a dress-up affair; men in suits and women in party dresses.

Instead of having nothing to wear, I have two new dresses to wear and I cannot make up my mind!

Both are scuba midi sheaths that I purchased from Dress Barn.

I already mentioned one in an earlier post. Oddly, that dress, a wine "sexy slit foil midi," has yet to appear on the Dress Barn website, but I did find it on the ECI New York website.

The other dress, a teal "brushstroke scuba midi," is on the Dress Barn website and both dresses appear in the Femulatee spot below.

The wine dress may be more special occasion than the teal dress, so I am leaning towards wearing the wine, but I won't make up my mind until I compare the two side by side. I had to order the teal dress online because they did not have my size in the local Dress Barn. Ultimately, I may have no choice because I may not even have the teal dress in time for the event.

Wearing Dress Barn (Source: Dress Barn and ECI New York)

Barbra Anne Taylor femulates a nurse for Halloween.

(Send me your Halloween costume photo and see it in the Femulator spot like Barbra's photo today.)

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No Costume!

Wearing Moschino (Source: Hautelook)

Andee is bewitching this Halloween.

(Send me your Halloween costume photo and see it in the Femulator spot like Andee's photo today.)

Correcting History

I was reading the biography of a trans activist and was surprised by the statement that in 1992, she "lobbied America Online to change its policies and allow discussions on gender issues on their service. This led to the creation of the first public forum on a major online service, the Transgender Community Forum, one year later" (1993).

I majored in history and I am old enough that I was alive and kicking when some histories were made. And it bothers me when someone tries to rewrite history (like the so-called "historians" who tried to write transwomen out of the Stonewall uprising).

In this case, America Online's transgender forum was not the first public forum on a major online service... not by a long shot.

Anyone remember a transgender forum called Genderline on a major online service called Compuserve?

I recall joining Genderline in the mid-1980's. After doing some research, I found that Genderline goes back to at least 1986 when Jennifer Wells was its section leader. According to my math, that predates America Online's transgender forum by seven years!

And so it goes.

Wearing Veronica Beard (Source: Veronica Beard)

Kaitlynn femulates Black Widow for Halloween

(Send me your Halloween costume photo and I will feature it in the Femulator spot, just as I did today with Kaitlynn's costume photo.)

Halloween Plans

My Halloween costume the last five years has been some variation of businesswoman drag, that is, I would wear an outfit that was appropriate womenswear for an office setting. I chose that costume because I went to work dressed as a woman the last five Halloweens.

Now that I am retired, I no longer have an office to go to. But I plan to do businesswoman drag again this year and spend the day out among the civilians as a woman.

I plan to visit places where I usually do business as a guy, for example, my bank, my hairdresser, my gas station. I also plan to go shopping at a mall or two.

Doing businesswoman drag on Halloween is a safe way to go out among the civilians en femme. I may pass some of the time, but when I don't pass, I don't have to worry about a negative reaction because it is Halloween and I am just wearing a costume.

Some transwomen eschew going out en femme on Halloween for one reason or another. Each to her own. I have had a blast every year I have done it and I am counting on having a good time again this year.

By the way, send me your Halloween costume photo and I will feature it in the Femulator spot below, just as I did today with Marie Anne's costume photo.

Marie Anne femulates Wonder Woman on Halloween