My size doesn’t make me genderless

Game of Thrones' Gwendoline Christie says she still loves wearing heels despite being 6'3". Christie hopes her stature breaks the mold of traditional beauty standards in Hollywood.

“I hope it helps change people’s perceptions of what beauty is,” she tells People in this week’s issue. “I think my size, or the roles that I’ve been lucky enough to play, have helped people see a broader definition of femininity. It’s important that all kinds of people are represented onscreen.”

Height is “not something I think too much about” and says she loves wearing heels and embracing her femininity. “My size doesn’t make me genderless.”

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I am over six feet tall, so I am a tall woman.

About the time I started femulating in my early teens, I became interested in tall women because they affirmed my existence as a tall woman, i.e., I was not the only tall woman out and about in society. Few were as tall as me, but maybe there were enough out there so that I could blend in more easily as just another tall woman.

In the past, tall women tried to blend in with their shorter sisters, so they dressed down (pun intended); instead of celebrating their height, they tried to hide it (to appear less intimidating to men).

Also, tall women did not have a lot to choose from clothes-wise. Few clothiers catered to tall women, so tall women had to make do with what was available, which typically did not celebrate tall women's height.

Today, tall women are out and proud and celebrate their height. They have more clothing to choose from now that more clothiers recognize their potential as customers. They no longer dress down to hide their height. They wear high heels and leg baring skirts and dresses. They don't care if
they are intimidating. They've come a long way!

It is a great time to be a tall woman, or a tall femulator.

(Visit my list of Famous Females of Height to see who else is tall.)

Wearing Diane von Furstenberg (Source: ShopBop)

Grzegorz Wilk femulates Amanda Lear on Polish television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Boxboro Daze

Last weekend, I attended a ham radio convention in Boxboro, Massachusetts. Continuing from where I left off in my previous post, after breakfast I returned to my room to freshen up, finish a cup of coffee and wait for the show to start at 9 AM.

I have attended the Hamvention in Ohio seven times as a woman, whereas Boxboro was the first "local" ham radio event I have attended as a woman. As a result, I was likely to meet more local hams in Boxboro than I meet in Ohio.

In the past, I was very active in ham radio on the local level as a man, so most of the locals know me as Stan, not Stana. So I was a little nervous about meeting up with folks who knew Stan and might react negatively to meeting Stana.

Saturday, I had numerous encounters with those folks and had no reaction, good or bad, discovering that Stan was now Stana. It was very weird and totally unexpected.

For example, I was in the flea market looking at used radio equipment when somebody tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Hi Stan." It was a fellow and his wife who I had not seen in over 35 years. They both worked with me at the headquarters of the national ham radio organization (ARRL) circa 1978. We chatted about old times and new times. My gender change did not come up in the conversation and did not phase them in the least.

That encounter was typical. It was as if I had always presented as a woman. Perhaps the word about Stana was out among some of the locals, so they were not surprised. Or gender change has become old hat – everyone knows one, so it is no big deal. In either case, I was relieved.

There is not much more to say about Boxboro except that the civilians I dealt with treated me like a lady. That included the hotel staff, the dealers in the showroom, the folks selling in the flea market and the various hams I encountered, who did not know me from Eve.

It was all good.

Wearing Cashmere Addiction (Source: MyHabit)

Mariusz Ostrowski femulates on Polish television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Boxboro Days

After reading the email, I went to bed at 11 PM hoping to get seven hours of sleep before the big day on Saturday. Usually, I don't have a problem sleeping in beds that are not mine, but Friday, I was tossing and turning all night. I probably got two or three hours of sleep. I blame the pillows; they were too soft.

I reluctantly got out of bed at 6 AM, shaved, showered, did my makeup and hair, then checked the weather to help me decide how to dress. The forecast was sunny with temps in the low 70's – a perfect late summer New England day – so I decided to wear shorts (JCPenney), short-sleeve top (Dress Barn), a new pair of wedges (Payless) and silver earrings and watch.

The show opened at 9 AM, so I had plenty of time to breakfast and go over the show itinerary to decide which presentations or workshops to take in. I grabbed my bag and walked down to the atrium where there was a spread of breakfast food. I chose yogurt, bagel and coffee, sat down at a table and read the convention program while I had my breakfast.

As I was finishing, I noticed an old friend sitting down at a table at the opposite end of the breakfast area. We became friends when we both worked in the same department at the headquarters of the national ham radio organization (ARRL) circa 1978. He went on to become a director of the ARRL, while I became one of its most prolific writers, so we have crossed paths at other ham events and he is familiar with Stana.

After depositing my breakfast crumbs in a garbage bin, I sat down with him to chat for awhile. We caught up with each other's lives and the lives of our mutual friends. Then I excused myself to go back to my room to freshen up. As I departed, he remarked that I had gotten thin since the last time we had met and I thanked him for noticing.

That was a nice way to start the day!

Wearing Victoria Beckham skirt, Tibi skirt, A.L.C. bag and Giuseppe Zenetti shoes (Source: Intermix)

Mariusz Ostrowski femulates on Polish television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Boxboro Nights

I attended a ham radio convention in Boxboro, Massachusetts, this past weekend. It is the "New England Division" convention of the ARRL, so it is well-attended and is the "big" ham radio show in this area.

After two hours on the interstates early Friday afternoon, I was at the host hotel checking into my room at 3 PM.

I had nothing to do until 6 PM, so I took my time doing my hair and makeup and trying on different outfits. I finally chose my last purchase from Dress Barn, a belted cold-shoulder geometric knit dress. I accessorized with my nude high heel pumps from Payless, nude satchel bag from Christian Siriano via Payless, silver earrings, necklace and watch. I also wore my ham radio callsign badge, which in addition to my callsign includes my legal male name and a line stating that I am "Contributing Editor" for the leading ham radio magazine.

I would be lying if I did not admit I was a little scared about leaving my room and mixing with the civilians, who are like neighbors and more likely to know me than the Midwest civilians I usually mix with at Hamvention. After hemming and hawing for 10 minutes, I kicked my dupa into gear and went downstairs to the pre-dinner cocktail party.

As I expected, the room was full of guys. I could count the women on one hand. And I did not recognize anyone. So I walked up to the bar, ordered a drink and took it all in.

I noticed a 50-something woman giving me the once-over and she was not smiling. I paid her no mind and after about five minutes, I was bored, exited the bar and found a comfy armchair in the hallway outside the bar hoping to see someone I knew.

In the chair next to me was a 50-something gent, who seemed to be solo like me. After awhile, I asked him to take an iPhone photo of me. He happily agreed and the result is above. We exchanged small talk and while doing so, I saw an old ham radio friend enter the bar. I excused myself to meet up with my friend.

As I was walking to the bar, the woman who had given me the once-over was exiting the bar and heading my way. As she got closer, she smiled and said, "I love your dress!"

"Thank-you," I replied.

I found my friend, who is blind, so I had to tell her who I was and she was happy to meet up with me. We go back a long time and worked together when I was Section Manager of Connecticut and she was one of my appointees. After a few war stories, I said I had a surprise for her and mentioned that I was wearing a dress instead of trousers. She was very surprised, but she got it and we continued chatting.

The doors opened to the dining room and I hoped to sit with my friend. But she already had four people in tow and the tables were set up to seat five, so I was even girl out. The next table was empty except for one older gent named Ed. So I asked if I could join him and he welcomed me. A few minutes later, the fellow who took my photo joined us (his name was Mike) and we three got to know each other ham radio-wise.

Ed noticed my callsign badge and realized who I was (a "ham radio legend" as someone once called me). Mike realized he knew me, too. And the discussion switched gears to my personal ham radio wars as a professional writer in the hobby. The time flew by, the food was incidental and then we sat through an interesting, but too long after dinner speech about one ham's adventure operating ham radio in Yemen.

The dinner broke up after the prize drawing (I won nothing) and as I said goodbye to my dinner guests, Ed commented that it was nice to put a face to all my writings that he had read over the years and Mike agreed.

I thanked them for the kind words and turned in for the night and a busy day to follow.

Wearing Eloquii (Source: Eloquii)

Danial DeCo femulating on Italian television's Forte Forte Forte.

Boxboro Meetup

Yesterday, at the Boxboro ham radio convention, I met up with a long-time Femulate reader, correspondent and ham radio sister, Alison.

I also met up with a lot of civilians, who knew me in one way or another and it could not have gone better. I will have a full report real soon now.

Wearing 3.1 Phillip Lim (Source: Intermix)

Valentina Sampaio femulating on the cover of Vogue Paris (March 2017).

Why do you wear high heels?

The truth is that wearing high heels can be an adventure.

Walking gracefully in high heels is a learning experience. Once you learn how, usually after a lot of missteps, you still have to deal with the potential pain.

At the end of a high heel session, your feet often hurt. And depending on your feet and your shoes, the pain may begin after eight hours or after one hour. Yet, many of us will continue to wear high heels no matter how much pain we may experience.

Some wise man once defined insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

So are high heel wearers insane?

I will admit that when I slip on a pair of heels, I hope the experience will be pain-free. And sometimes it is, yet at the end of the day, I am still happy to remove my heels!

Abby of Vivian Lou fame mentioned that the former editor-in-chief of British Vogue Alexandra Shulman said, "Wearing a heel gives you a completely different feel about your body. In my case, it makes me feel in control."

Abby added, "Dolly Parton has said she wears heels to lift her spirits, shoe designer Charlotte Olympia Dellal wears heels to feel taller, sexier, more confident, powerful, and glamorous, Harper's Bazaar global fashion director Carine Roitfeld wears heels to move, sit and speak differently, fashion designer Monique Lhuillier wears heels to feel empowered and rocker Lita Ford wears heels for attitude."

Like they said and I wear heels because my mother was my role model. Whenever Mommy dressed up, she wore heels. So whenever I dress up, I wear heels ("like mother, like daughter").

What's your excuse? Why do you wear high heels?

Wearing Nine West (Source: Nine West)

Veit Alex, male womenswear model

Wear a Man Dress

Wearing H&M skirt (Source: Harper's Bazaar)

Yasumasa Morimura

The Great Purge of 1983

In yesterday's post, I mentioned The Great Purge of 1983. I received some inquiries about that purge, for example, this comment from Connie, "I am really curious now. What happened that caused the Purge?"

I have been femulating for over half a century and I only purged once, so that is why I call it "The Great Purge of 1983."

In the trans timeline, 1983 was Mesozoic. There was no Internet and there was very little published information on the subject. We were flying in the dark and grasped any bit of information we could find.

One legend was that you would stop femulating when you fell in love and got married. I bought into that legend because I stopped femulating after meeting my future wife and did not femulate for over two years while we dated and became engaged.

About a week before our wedding, I purged everything because I assumed I was done with femulating. Like I wrote yesterday, "not only did I discard replaceable items like clothing, wigs, makeup, etc., I also discarded irreplaceable items, primarily my collection of self-taken photographs. As a result, I no longer own a single photo of myself en femme prior to age 32."

Our wedding was in late September. One month later, we were invited to a Halloween party and I dressed as a woman.

And so it goes.

Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Harvey Korman femulates in the 1979 film Americathon.

My Quest

In 1983, I purged everything related to femulating.

Not only did I discard replaceable items like clothing, wigs, makeup, etc., I also discarded irreplaceable items, primarily my collection of self-taken photographs. As a result, I no longer own a single photo of myself en femme prior to age 32.

Starla has been scouring the Internet searching online high school yearbooks for photos of high school femulations. She has sent me her findings and I have posted some of them here in the past.

Last week, it occurred to me that there were yearbook photos of me en femme (at the ripe old age of 25) attending my law school's Halloween party. I lost the yearbook (it went out with everything else in the great purge of 1983), but I wondered if Starla could find it online.

I asked her, but after searching her resources, she responded that she could not find it. She explained that the majority of online yearbooks are of the high school variety; only a few college and graduate school yearbooks are online. She suggested contacting my law school.

I phoned the law school library and asked if they had the yearbook in their stacks. They checked and as it turned out, they had it! They welcomed me to visit the library to view it and photocopy anything I wanted.

Wednesday, I dressed en femme. I wore the black dress with the sequins pattern at the neckline that I bought from Ideeli, nude pantyhose, my new Nine West patent red and black Mary Janes, a new matching red bag from ShoeDazzle, earrings, bracelet, and watch. I topped everything off with my white fake fur coat and was off to Springfield to visit my alma mater.

(I might mention here that although I graduated from law school, I never practiced in the profession — not for one second. My first love was writing and while I waited for the results of the bar exam, I got a job as a writer and never looked back.)

An hour later, I arrived at the law school, parked the Subaru, and walked to the school entrance.

There was a security guard station at the entrance. The library is not open to the general public; only students, alumni, faculty, and attorneys can gain admittance. I explained to the guard that I was an alumnus and she asked me for a photo ID. As I extracted my driver's license from my purse, I told the guard that I was trans and that I looked a little different than the photo on the ID.

She said, "You're not the first."

(Years later, I became acquainted with a prominent transman who graduated from my law school long after I graduated.)

After she logged me in, I walked down the hall to the library. It was deserted. Final exams were underway and I assume most of the students were in the classrooms filling up blue books. (Do they still use blue books?)

The library staff had set the yearbook aside for me, so they did not have to search the stacks again. I just had to fill out a simple form to borrow the book.

I found a comfy chair in the library lounge to cuddle up with the book and recall the past. I was sure that there were two candid photos of me attending that Halloween party 35 years ago en femme and I was a correct.

I wish I had my computer scanner to copy the photos, but all I had access to was a copying machine. I did my best adjusting the darkness to capture the best image and the results accompany this post.

By the way, you find me in the photos wearing my first wig (purchased at a local Frederick's of Hollywood store), my mother's skirt, my own boy mode sweater, a blouse of unknown origin, and my first pair of Mary Janes.

And I was so young — so young that it brings tears to my eyes!

Caveat Emptor! This post is a rerun from December 2011.

Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

Sylvester (right) portrays a female impersonator in the 1979 film The Rose.

Number 4

Last month, my blog was selected by Feedspot as one of the Top 100 Transgender Blogs on the web. When I checked the Top 100 list, I discovered that Femulate was in the number 20 slot!

Earlier today, Feedspot informed me that Femulate is also one of the Top 50 Trans Woman Blogs on the web. Specifically, they rank Femulate number 4 on their list!

Wow!

Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Daniel Bilić femulates on Crotian television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Coming Out When Going Out

Next weekend, I will attend a ham radio convention in central Massachusetts. I plan to arrive mid-afternoon Friday and attend a ham radio dinner Friday evening (hams will be served, but ham is not on the menu). Saturday, I will take in the workshops and presentations of interest and peruse the flea market and exhibitor booths, then drive home Saturday evening.

Personally, I will be breaking some new ground. Although, I have attended the Hamvention in Ohio a half dozen times as a woman, I have never attended a local ham event as Stana. As a result, I am likely to run into local radio friends and acquaintances who don't go to Hamvention and may not know about my preferred gender. 

So I may be coming out to a few folks next weekend, which is always a dicey proposition. Over the years, I have come out to a lot of people at Hamvention and there was only one occasion where it did not go smoothly. At the time, I thought the fellow, who I had known professionally for years, was not too thrilled with my change. But in retrospect, I think he was just very surprised and taken aback when I sprung Stana on him. I hope to run into him next weekend to smooth things out.

And so it goes.

Wearing IRO dress and jacket, Maison Bonet belt and Jimmy Choo boots (Source: Intermix)

Duke Looks Like a Lady: Duke of Windsor (seated left) femulating in 1925.