Girls' Night Out

As I wrote in my previous post, my former manager (X) had promised to take me out to dinner to celebrate my retirement. She also invited another former manager of mine (Y), as well as one of the guys (Chuck) who I have worked with for 20 years. 

I had originally planned to attend the dinner as Stana (both my managers know I am trans), but when I learned that Chuck was joining us, I began reconsidering my en femme plans. Chuck did not know I was trans, although he might have suspected after having seen me en femme at work on Halloween.

With a lot of encouragement from Femulate readers, I finally decided to "damn the torpedoes" and stuck to my original plans to go to dinner en femme.

We had a dinner reservation for 5:30 PM, so I got ready and left for the restaurant at 5 because the Maps app claimed that the restaurant was 20 minutes away. Just as I was ready to go, I received an email from Chuck saying he would not be able to attend the dinner, so we were back to a girls' only night out. This was kind of a letdown because now I was prepared to dine with Chuck and introduce him to Stana. C'est la vie.

I arrived at the restaurant in 20 minutes, parked the car and went inside. I was the first to arrive and was seated at our reserved table in the bar. I ordered a drink and waited for the girls to arrive. 

About 15 minutes later, I saw them enter at the opposite end of the bar and I could see that they were looking around the room trying to find me. As they got closer, I waved and caught their attention. When they recognized who was waving, they both squealed with delight and were so happy to see me presenting as a woman. Any doubts that this was the right thing to do flew out the window.

They both complimented my presentation and admitted that if I had not waved, they would never had found me.

Y asked me if I would have presented as a woman if Chuck had not cancelled. It was kind of a silly question because we only received the news of Chuck's cancellation about an hour before our dinner reservation and there is no way I can switch from boy to presentable girl mode that quickly. As soon as Y asked the question, she realized it was a silly question and gave me a lot of credit for my willingness to meet Chuck as a woman. 

Both of my managers were absolutely wonderful and treated me like another girl and not a guy in a dress. They worked hard to get the pronouns correct and got used to calling me "Stana." There was some trans-related conversation, but it was mostly girl talk about work, marriage, fashion and even sex! 

The food and drink were excellent, but secondary to the evening. The evening was so affirming and a dream come true! I asked them if we could do it again and they both agreed that they would enjoy dining with me again.

The evening ended too quickly and after two hours, we exited to the parking lot where we said our goodbyes. They both hugged me, but as Y hugged me, she planted a real kiss (not an air kiss) on my cheek! 

It was a wonderful evening and I did not want it to end, so when I got home, I even walked the dogs en femme in broad daylight.

Street style, New York City

Alec Mapa femulating in the 1998 film Playing by Heart.

Girls' Night Out... Sort of

Wednesday was my last day at work. I thought about going to work as Stana, but I did not.

The CEO came to my cube about 10 AM to wish me well and that was my cue to get out of Dodge. I turned in my badge, keys and laptop, went around the building to say goodbye to everyone and drove home.

It was all very anti-climatic!

Anyway, my former manager had promised to take me out to dinner when she got back from vacation. I received an email from her Wednesday afternoon saying she was back and had made a reservation for us at a local restaurant for Friday evening. The original plans were to also invite another of my former managers, also female, to join us, which she did. So I was looking forward to joining my two ex-managers for a girls' night out. (Both ex-managers know I am trans.)

But my old boss threw me a curve; she also invited a guy from my workplace, a workplace friend who I have known for 20 years. He has seen Stana on Halloween and jokingly remarked that I was the best looking woman in the building, but I never came out to him like I had to my former bosses. He might have guessed I am trans, but who knows! (I lost count how many times I assumed people thought I was trans and when I came out to them, they said they were clueless.)

So now I was on the fence about going to dinner as Stana. I exchanged emails about my dilemna with Paula and she encouraged me to go as Stana. Then I read yesterday's blog post by the always insightful Joanna and the one-two punch from Paula and Joanna pushed me off the fence, so Stana will be dining this evening.

It should be interesting. The girls have no idea who will show up, but I know Stana's appearance will not surprise them. I am sure that the guy will be very surprised, just as I am sure that everyone in the company will have their suspicions confirmed Monday morning when the story about our dinner gets out.

Who says I lead a boring life!

Wearing Emilia Wickstead (Source: Moda Operandi)

Paolo Ballesteros (left) femulating in the 2016 Filipino film Die Beautiful.

Civilian or Not? Revisited

By Paula Gaikowski, Femulate Contributing Editor

Paula Gaikowski

Yesterday’s post got my attention. I have to admit I too am intrigued by the non-civilians in these Halloween and womanless contests.

Ms. Caulfield, does appear to be a member of our club. First off, it's Halloween and not a womanless pageant, so we know right off the bat that this was a choice of hers. Add to that the attention to detail that only a non-civilian would be aware of. You mentioned the eyebrows, yes, definitely a clue, the dainty necklace and blouse, a well-styled wig and perfect make-up. The clincher though is the smile ‒ we all know that feeling of true happiness.

As for Mr. /Ms. Waugh, well, the shaved legs, c’mon??? Oh yeah, you’re a swimmer or oh, a bicyclist, oh yeah that’s it. Also, who has a pair of sling back pumps in your male size hanging around that by the way, matches the stylish suit that likewise just happens to be in your size. Judging from her petite image, I’m guessing that Mrs. Waugh doesn’t wear a size 11 shoe nor a size 16W suit.

As for Matt Garber, he’s not even trying to feign civilian status, I am guessing Matt is more likely gay and not transgender and making a statement... just a hunch.

One thing I also noticed about these more recent womanless pageants, they seem to be attracting more realistic versions of womanhood than the caricatures of women in the past. By posing a comical exaggeration, the message was sent that the contestant has no interest in being or looking like a feminine woman, thus preserving their masculinity.

In the past, there seemed to be a denigration of femininity. Today, there appears to be more a celebration with contestants trying to actually femulate the best they can.

Perhaps now young persons who are questioning aren’t quite as hesitant to demonstrate an interest in showing this side of themselves in today’s less judgmental environment.

Who knows us better than our parents, especially Moms, who we see are willing collaborators in these most accomplished femulations.

What better way to for a young transgender person to not only have an opportunity to finally dress as a girl, but to send out a test message and judge the response to coming out.

“Hey, Mom, this might be fun. Can you help me?”

“Sure, sweetheart, let’s start by trying-on some of my dresses.”

“Maybe we need to do a little shopping this weekend. We’ll find you the perfect dress and you’ll be the prettiest one there.

“Oh Mom! Stop, okay let’s go!”

“I’ll have to confess, Mom, dress-shopping was kind of fun and I can’t wait to see myself all made up”

“Wow, I can’t believe I won! Everybody said how good I looked and how pretty I was!”

“I had fun too sweetheart and I was so proud of how well you did. You seem to be a natural?”

“Remember, the makeup, wig and your new wardrobe are yours to keep, I want you to know that you don’t need a pageant to express this side of yourself.”

“You will always be beautiful to me whether this side of you grows or not and please don’t ever be afraid to talk to me.”

Oh, in a more perfect world, one more perfect than the 1960’s and 70’s when I was coming of age... I guess that why I am so captivated by these stories. I truly envy their opportunities and see myself in their shoes grabbing and reaching for that brass ring.

Wearing Tadashi Shoji (Source: Macy's)

2017 Cinderfella pageant contestants in Cleveland, Oklahoma

Civilian or Not?

Whenever Starla sends me a new batch of femulator images that she culled from online school yearbooks, I try to pick out the femulators who are not civilians, that is, girls like us and not one-time femulators dressing up for their school's womanless event.

It may be due to all those years operating the trans radar, but there is something about certain womanless participants who give off vibes that they are in it for the long run. And sometimes, there are other clues that confirm those suspicions.

Such is the case with Sean Caufield, whose image (above) was in the latest batch that Starla sent me. She is exquisite! Her hair, makeup and jewelry are perfect. And the extra clues move her out of the civilian realm. The clues I am referring to are her thin eyebrows en femme and en homme and the fact that dressing as a female is her choice for a Halloween costume and is not a femulation for a womanless event. And she is not alone.

I always suspect that something is up when a faculty member femulates along with the students like the student-teacher above, who "shows off his feminine side on Halloween." Does Miss Waugh's perfect wig, cleanly shaved legs, tailored skirt suit or slingback pumps hint that she shows off her feminine side on other occasions? Just wondering.

I was also wondering about Coach Ed (above), who goes by "Edwina" during her frequent forays in frocks, when she successfully passes among her students.

And then there is Matt Garber (above), who "was the only male student to wear make-up to the junior-senior prom," which begs the question: Did other male students attend the prom wearing prom dresses, but without makeup?

Wearing Madeleine (Source: Madeleine)

In honor of my last day at work, here I am the first day I went to work en femme (Halloween 2000).

Got Happy Day!

DressBarn texted me that they were having a sale. Buy two things and the less expensive thing costs 40% off the list price.

Since I was all caught up with my work, I decided to take an early morning break (instead of cleaning out my cubicle) and I moseyed on down to my favorite DressBarn.

There were a lot of other women in the store, but that did not stop me from browsing the racks and taking my finds to the dressing room to try them on. If any of the other women were paying attention (I noticed a few that were), I gave them a story to tell their friends at their Memorial Day picnics about the "male" trying on dresses at DressBarn.

Anyway, I found a dress on the DressBarn website that I had to have and "happy day!," I found it (above left) in my size in the store. I took it to the dressing room, tried it on, but I was not sold on how it looked on me. I was wearing boy lingerie at the time and figured that the dress would look fine when I was properly foundationed, so I put it on my to-buy rack and browsed some more.

I found six more dresses to try on. Some fit, some did not, but one that did fit (above right) looked fab on me even in boy lingerie, so I had my second "thing," cashed out and talked to the manager about employment at DressBarn (see my previous post to read what I have to say about that).

After I arrived home Friday evening, I put on a bra and girdle and tried on my purchases. The "fab" find looked fantastic and really showed off my new figure and its new weight (or lack thereof). The "happy day!" find was a disappointment; it looked no better in girl undies than it did in boy undies, so I planned to return it.

After I shaved and showered Sunday morning, I decided to give "happy day!" one more chance. So I slipped on my bra and girdle, but this time, I added my wig and a pair of heels.

Wow! I was surprised by the difference that the wig and heels made! The "happy day!" dress became a keeper!

Wearing ALC top, Helmut Lang skirt and Valentino clutch (Source: Intermix)

The always lovely Zachary Drucker

Working Woman

Working as a woman has always been one of my dreams.

My bosses and Human Resources encouraged me to come to work as a woman, but except for a half dozen Halloweens, I did not take advantage of the opportunity. Wednesday is my last day at work, so unless I want to go out with a bang, why start now?

In semi-retirement, I'd like to find a part-time job working as a woman. Dress Barn said they would hire me, if they were hiring. I have not looked for other opportunities because I want to enjoy June and July before I begin working again. But as things ramp up for the fall, I will begin looking and hopefully land a position, paid or voluntary, somewhere... as a woman.

UPDATE: I visited Dress Barn this morning to do some shopping. I mentioned to the store manager that I was retiring and she asked what were my retirement plans. I told her that on a previous visit, I inquired about working as a saleslady and the sales rep I spoke with said they would hire me, but they were not hiring at that time.

Today, the store manager indicated that now they were hiring for part-time help and she encouraged me to fill out their online job application. She said to let her know when I complete the application so that she could hire me.

👠 👠 👠

Amanda Hawkins' latest caption motivated me to write today's post. Of course, I could not leave well enough alone and I modified it slightly as you can see below.

Amanda is a girl after my own heart. I enjoy all her captions and I think you will too, so I encourage you to view them in her Reading Room.

Wearing Madeleine (Source: Madeleine)

B. Scott

Summertime, and femulatin' is easy

Summer was my favorite season until I began going out en femme in the late 1980s.

Back then, going out en femme meant attending support group meetings. However, there were no meetings during the summer because the meeting hall was not air-conditioned and the fear was that the average femulator in wig, makeup, and foundation garments, would melt away without air-conditioning.

I bought into the summer meltdown theory and did not femulate beyond my air-conditioned abode during the summer. As a result, I could not wait for summer to end so that I could start going out again as a woman in the fall. So I began to hate summers.

In the ensuing years, I had a occasions to go out en femme on hot days and lo and behold, I discovered that I did not melt away like the Wicked Witch of the West. I did glisten, but the heat was never a deal-breaker. So my attitude changed and now I no longer shun summer forays en femme.

After all, cisgender women can not pick and choose which days to be women; they are women in all kinds of weather. So, if I am truly the woman, I must be that woman in rain, snow, sleet, hail, and heat, as well as on nice mild sunny days.

Wearing Cinq a Sept dress, Alexandre Birman sandals and Elizabeth Cole earrings (Source: Intermix)

Three cans of Regal and one femulator, San Francisco, circa 1960

Halloween Plans

Will they let her in the building?

Yesterday, 30 of my co-workers took me out to lunch to celebrate my upcoming semi-retirement. A good time was had by all and I will dearly miss my workplace family.

The majority of my co-workers are male and that was reflected in the number of females (three) who attended the lunch.

While people were telling tales about me, asking questions about my career and what I plan to do in the future, one of the women at lunch asked, "Are you going to come back on Halloween dressed as a woman?"

After the laughter subsided, I replied, "If a strange woman shows up on Halloween, I hope you will let her in the building!"

Wearing Veronica Beard (Source: Veronica Beard)

Femulating on Halloween.

Older and Occasionally Wiser

I'd wear this if I was 29-years-old

I am getting older all the time, but I still think and act like a kid.

In that regard, being a femulator is a blessing. If you are adept at applying makeup, you can look younger than your actual age.

Wigs help a lot, too. A nice wig can subtract a decade from your real age especially if your hair is gray, thinning or gone.

You can try dressing younger, too, but I think you can only go so far with that. For example, let’s say that you are a 45-year-old femulator. With the proper wig and makeup, you may be able to look like a 35-year-old woman, but don’t think that dressing like a 20-year-old will make you look like a 20-year-old woman. Instead, you will look like a 35-year-old woman trying to dress like a 20-year-old.

If you are successful in knocking off a decade with the proper wig and makeup, be satisfied and dress appropriately for your new age, i.e., if you look like a 35-year-old woman, then dress like a 35-year-old woman.

My problem is that when I look in the mirror, I see a young woman, who can wear anything and get away with it. The proof is in my photos – I can fool myself when I look in the mirror, but I am not so fooled when I look at my photos. So I often snap a photo or two before I go out wearing a new outfit to make sure I can get away with it.

Thought for the Day

My mind is blank!

Tadashi Shoji (Source: Macy's)

Dave Castiblanco (Source: New Male Fashion)

Opportunity Missed

A brief glimpse of me (far right) at last year's Hamvention

I did not go to Hamvention this year. I apologize to those who expected to see me there, but the decision not to go was last minute and as a result, I did not post the news about my change of plans until Friday.

Good news is that I missed the 2-hour wait in traffic trying to get to the new site in Xenia and I missed the swamp, which is what the flea market became after 3 inches of rain fell Friday and Saturday.

Bad news is that I missed a lot of potential video presence over the weekend. A few booths down the aisle from my group's booth was a camera that streamed live video from the Hamvention throughout the weekend. Quite often, the camera was pointed down the aisle at my group's booth, so if I had been present, you would have been able to clearly see me live and in person just as I was able to see all my ham radio friends who were staffing our booth.

Wait 'til next year!

Wearing Venus (Source: Venus)

A contestant in a recent Indian womanless beauty pageant